Dear Friends,

It is with this letter that we, the Fans Of Real Music (FORM), officially denounce and protest the selection of Steely Dan “Two Against Nature” as the Grammy Award’s Record Of The Year.

We, the loving fans of Eminem, Madonna, Brittany Spears, Coolio, N’sync, Christina Aguilara, The Backstreet Boys, Dr. Dre, Metallica, Limp Biscuit, Snoop Doggy Dog and The Deftones urge you to boycott ALL music that utilizes ANY of the following musical elements:

Melody, harmony, phrasing, dynamics, arrangement, good intonation, tonality, modulation, improvisation, real instrumentation, more than two sections and lyrics we don’t understand.

We also ask you not to listen to any music that DOES NOT contain acceptable subject matter. Acceptable subject matter would include ONLY the following:

Death, gang rape, mayhem, gender changing, bigotry, masturbation, public defecation, penile implants, John Rocker, and school bombings.

We are profoundly convinced that Mr. Dan is either a communist or an agent of Napster as his covert actions against the Great Recording Industry are obviously an attempt to take food out of the mouths of our country’s most loved artists.

We urge you to not purchase or see any music that is “jazz based” or has “jazz influence” as it undermines the purpose of music in America. We ask you to write your local representative as Steely Dan’s attempts to destroy the Great Recording Industry cannot go unnoticed.

Now for the good stuff.

Please forward this email to 15 of your closest friends and you will receive:

A) A $20 gift certificate to Tower Records will pop up on your screen!

B) A FREE automatic Napster download of Milli Vannelli singing “My Funny Valentine”

C) Advance jpeg files from Hustler’s upcoming spread on “The Dixie Chicks”

Sincerely,

Cire Nivlob
President and co-founder, Fans Of Great Music