Onion Uncovers Kos Suicide Pact

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Political Blogger Mass Suicide To Be Discovered In Several Weeks.

BOSTON—By examining web-traffic data for left-leaning DailyKos.com, researchers have predicted that the mass suicide of 14 political bloggers will likely be discovered sometime in mid-December. “After months of doing nothing but sit alone in our rooms at our computers, trying to get our message to the people, we lost the election anyway,” read the still-unread suicide pact posted Nov. 3. “We’d rather be dead than live in a country as f-cked up as this one.” The bodies will most likely be found by property managers, long-estranged parents, or neighbors returning copies of Joe Trippi’s The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.

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Last updated: 2023-04-04 11:11 am PDT
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