Rove’s Brilliant Plan
Charles Johnson
Wed Feb 23, 2005 at 10:39 am PST • Views: 262
Tim Blair is trying to give Iowahawk a run for his money with this hilarious account of a clandestine meeting of the right-wing attack dog elite:
Using contemporaneous reports and several eye-witness sources, this site is able to reconstruct the events of last August at Evil Rove Headquarters, located many miles beneath the earth’s surface:
(Rove enters the Chamber of Destruction and greets his assembled operatives)
Rove: Gentlemen. Ladies. Mr. Gannon. Mr. Murdoch.
(Various responses: “Hiya!” “Howdy.” “G’day.”)
Rove: People, you have done good work. You have tirelessly attempted to undermine John Kerry’s bid for the presidency. And yet the latest polling shows that Kerry may still win.
(Murmured complaints: “Dang!” “This is soooo not happening.” “Can’t compete with a Magic Hat.”)
Rove: Silence! I cannot tell you how much this disappoints and angers me.
(An assistant appears at Rove’s side with a baseball bat. He is waved away)
Rove: But now is not the time for fault-finding, or skull-crushing. Now is the time for action. Serious action. In fact, the most serious action it is possible for us to undertake.
Murdoch: You don’t mean … ?
Rove: Yes. It is time for us to deploy the Doomsday Device.
(Several reel from the table in shock; two are ill)
Rove: Mr. Gannon, please fetch the Device. And put some pants on, for God’s sake.
Gannon: Y-yes sir. Right away, Mr. Karl, sir.
Frank says: