Iowahawk’s been dumpster-diving again (again!? yes, again!), this time in the bin out behind the Well of the 12th Imam in Qom, and he struggled to the surface clutching the first draft of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s letter to President Bush: You’ve Got Mail.

Mr George Bush, President of the United States of America:

For sometime now I have been thinking, how one can justify the undeniable contradictions that exist in the international steel cage octagon of idea-thinkings? Here in which are being constantly debated, specially in political forums and amongst university students. Many questions remain unanswered, and there are many important midterms coming up! These thinkings and contradictions and debations have given me many important headaches. I am telling you this the hopes that it might bring about an opportunity to redress them, and in hopes that you have some Tylenol II.

Can one be a follower of Jesus Christ (PBUH), the great Messenger of God,

Feel obliged to go to the pancake breakfast at the Jesus (PBUH) mosque,

And also Bingo Nites,

Announce one’s opposition to the proliferation of nuclear weapons and WMDs,

Make “War and Terror” into catchy advertising jingle,

And finally, Work towards the establishment of a unified international community – a community which will be governed by Christ and the virtuous Hidden 11th Imam, but only after they recombine as MegaMessenger to do final battle with the diabolical MechaJew.

But at the same time, make crusader attackings on countries; taking their lives and going into villages and homes and mosques to steal cherished family collections of IEDs?

Do not answer! This is a rhetorical question, and I am not finished.

At what price this crusade? Hundreds of billions of dollars spent from the treasury of one country, that could be used to fund totally underfunded muppet program on PBS. Also tens of thousands of young men and women – as occupation crusaders – put in harms way, go crazy with their hands stained with the blood of others, go to infidel M*A*S*H* for craziness problem, and comical villain doctor Frank Burns tries to stop BJ and Hawkeye from sending them back home to their grieving families.

Of course Saddam was a murderous dictator. Hey nobody is perfect. But the war was not waged to topple him, the announced goal of the war was to find and destroy weapons of mass destruction, but the unfound weapons of destruction that did not exist were never found, or destroyed. This is when the you said war was about “democracy” and started silencing dissident comical man Steven Colbert. NO BLOOD FOR OIL!

Read the whole thing…

UPDATE at 5/10/06 3:44:34 pm:

It’s an Iowahawk/Lileks cage death match! LILEKS (James) Screedblog. (Hat tip: Occasional Reader.)

Dear Infidel Crusader Zionist sock-puppet Saudi-lackey depoiler of Mesopotamia woman-touching pigdog fiendish (293 words excised) Shah-licking son of a toad’s offal: I trust this finds you well. I have much on my mind, and have taken the pen to unburden my breast. I have enclosed a self-addressed stamped envelope should you wish to reply.

(429 words concerning Jewish penetration of the Postal System excised)

… Do you not realize you are beaten, as a donkey is beaten, but knoweth not his donkeyhood is cursed?  Your comics have turned against you in your own lair, and mock you without mercy. We have seen the videos of the Meal of the Correspondents, and we know how your left regards the men of the laugh as prophets and seers. It is only a matter of time before Johnny Carson (applause be upon him) returns from occlusion to request that you, Mr. President, take the Slauson cutoff, get out of your car, and cut off your Slauson, Hi-yo, salaam.   And a third part of the Slauson shall be stained with the tears of the womenfolk, and (9323 words excised)