Iowahawk posts excerpts from his unauthorized screenplay for a dramatization of the year’s biggest Nutroots event: Viva Kos Vegas.

Fade In Scene 1: Security monitor room, Swami Oasis Casino, Las Vegas

Casino Security Agent
Joe, can you come here a sec? Possible security breach on blackjack table number 36.

Supervisor
Whatta ya have?

Casino Security Agent
Facial biometrics shows that player #3 is a positive match with Frankie Kos, reality-based high roller and known associate of the Townhouse Organization. Or, possibly an overgrown weasel.

Supervisor
Kos, the lounge crooner-turned-international heist mastermind? Smells like he and his boys might be cooking up another casino caper. Keep your eye on him.

Cut to table; Kos, in sunglasses, fake mustache and sharkskin suit, fiddles with chips.

Kos
Hit me.

Dealer
Uh, sir, you’re showing 18. Are you really sure you want to take another card?

Kos
You heard me card jockey! Now can the wisecracks and paint me with a hard 3 before I call the pit boss!

In a secret high tech van along the Strip, Jerry Armstrong is feeding Kos tips via a tiny earpiece.

Armstrong
Oi goi yeah, that’s telling him Frankie. Ixion and Quaoar are in the house of SAGGITARIUS! Goybles. That’s definitely a three. Definitely. Definitely. He’s only got a 16, and he wants that 3 all for himself. GLAAAVIN!

Dealer
Jack of clubs, player busts.

Kos
(grabbing dealer’s arm) Not so fast, pal! I’m doubling down on that 28. Come on, negative 7!

Pit Boss
Sir, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave. Nevada law prohibits serving players who are on drugs.