LGF

The Breasts and Thighs of the Black-Eyed Virgins of Paradise

Thu, Apr 17, 2008 at 9:54:47 am PDT

Here’s Saudi cleric Omar Al-Sweilem, from a low quality video posted on the internet, having a rapturous fantasy about sex after death. (Courtesy of MEMRI TV.)

Click picture to play video. Requires Windows Media Player; Mac users should install Flip4Mac.

Omar Al-Sweilem: Harith Ibn Al-Muhasibi told us what would happen when we meet the black-eyed virgin with her black hair and white face – praised be He who created night and day. What hair! What a chest! What a mouth! What cheeks! What a figure! What breasts! What thighs! What legs! What whiteness! What softness! Without any creams – no Nivea, no vaseline. No nothing! He said that faces would be soft that day. Even your own face will be soft without any powder or makeup. You yourself will be soflt, so how soft will a black-eyed virgin be, when she comes to you so tall and with her beautiful face, her black hair and white face - praised be He who created night and day. Just feel her palm, Sheik! He said: How soft will a fingertip be, after being softened in paradise for thousands of years! There is no god but Allah. He told us that if you entered one of the palaces, you would find ten black-eyed virgins sprawled on musk cushions. Where is Abu Khaled? Here, he has arrived! When they see you, they will get up and run to you. Lucky is the one who gets to put her thumb in your hand. When they get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions. They will push you onto your back, Jamal! Allah Akbar! I wish this on all people present here. He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want. Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn. There is no god but Allah. He told us that one black-eyed virgin would give you a glass of wine. Wine in Paradise is a reward for your good deeds. The wine of this world is destructive, but not the wine of the world to come.

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266 comments

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1 zombie  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:55:26am

Black-Eyed Peas? Fergie's no virgin.

2 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:56:06am
Lucky is the one who gets to put her thumb in your hand.

Rotating title, please?

3 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:56:21am

What's with the pink getup? He's obviously not in Iran, since they don't have any...

/you know

4 Lawrence Schmerel  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:56:28am

No Vasaline?

5 Honorary Yooper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:56:29am

Sure those aren't virgin white raisins, pal?

6 zombie  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:56:32am

See, Islam is a sexy religion after all.

This guy obviously masturbates as he dreams of martyrdom.

7 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:56:39am

re: #1 zombie

Black-Eyed Peas? Fergie's no virgin.

But, she does have lovely lady lumps.

8 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:56:43am

re: #2 MandyManners

Rotating title, please?

I second!

9 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:57:24am

The Muslim Danielle Steele.

10 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:57:38am
He told us that if you entered one of the palaces, you would find ten black-eyed virgins sprawled on musk cushions.

WTH? I thought there were 72.

11 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:57:51am

re: #8 Ward Cleaver

Is "thumb" a Koranic code word?

12 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:58:05am

re: #9 MandyManners

The Muslim Danielle Steele.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

13 zombie  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:58:11am
He told us that if you entered one of the palaces, you would find ten black-eyed virgins sprawled on musk cushions.

I think the entire thing is one solid rotating title.

I can see it now, at the top of the window:

lgf: sprawled on musk cushions

14 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:58:25am
you would find ten black-eyed virgins sprawled on musk cushions.

Just 10?

Damn, the recession is making everyone cut back.

15 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:58:34am

re: #11 MandyManners

Is "thumb" a Koranic code word?

Maybe it's an indication of size.

16 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:58:34am

re: #10 Sharmuta

WTH? I thought there were 72.

BIG OMAR'S RIPPING US OFF!

17 ploome hineni[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:58:43am
18 rabidsquirrel  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:58:49am
black-eyed virgin with her black hair and white face

White face? No dark-skinned Arab women to pleasure the Shahids?

Racist!

19 Lucius Septimius  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:08am

re: #1 zombie

Black-Eyed Peas? Fergie's no virgin.

Heh.

20 Sloatsburgh  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:09am

Is this a letter to Penthouse Forum?

21 LanceKates  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:11am

white face... black eyes...

he's describing a goat.

22 Honorary Yooper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:18am

re: #15 Ward Cleaver

Maybe it's an indication of size.

His nickname must be stubby.

23 tfc3rid  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:21am

Nivea?

Guess Bath and Body Works isn't out there...

24 gop_patriot  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:27am
Lucky is the one who gets to put her thumb in your hand.

OK, that's just... weird. LOL!
Is there some sort of double meaning here that I'm missing?

25 maddogg  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:39am

I expect this guy likes boobs too well to do with just two, and he likes his thighs with a coat of hair.

26 Lucius Septimius  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:42am

re: #11 MandyManners

Is "thumb" a Koranic code word?

I was wondering the same thing.

27 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:44am

re: #15 Ward Cleaver

Maybe it's an indication of size.

The thumb belongs to the virgin.

BTW, I got this urge to post that video. I won't, though.

28 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:59:49am

re: #20 Sloatsburgh

Is this a letter to Penthouse Forum?

A continuation from the last thread?

29 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:00am
30 all else failed  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:08am

I can only hope those virgins are all smelly hairy males in their 50's.

31 chinesearithmetic  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:08am

When they get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions.

References to the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition sketch will be tolerated on the provision that the whole thing is not posted.

32 ploome hineni[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:17am
33 zombie  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:17am

re: #17 ploome hineni

regarding islam being a non racist, anti racist religion...

how often does this moron say "white" to describe the most desireable?

Don't tell Edward Said, but the Arabs practically invented the whole "the paler the skin, the more attractive you are" worldview.

They are intensely anti-black, and racist.

34 JamesTKirk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:45am

"black-eyed virgins"?

How did they get black eyes, before the big manly muslim martyr got there to beat them?

35 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:51am

re: #31 chinesearithmetic

When they get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions.

References to the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition sketch will be tolerated on the provision that the whole thing is not posted.

Spoilsport.

I SENTENCE YOU TO THE COMFY CHAIR!

36 Bubblehead II  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:54am

Lucky is the one who gets to put her thumb in your hand eye.

There, fixed it for him.

37 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:00:56am

Maybe if they didn't shove their women in burqas garbage bags, they might realize they had lovely women on earth to do these things with.

38 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:01:25am
39 JamesTKirk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:01:30am

re: #17 ploome hineni

regarding islam being a non racist, anti racist religion...

how often does this moron say "white" to describe the most desireable?

If only he'd said "green", I might have been interested.

40 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:01:32am

re: #30 all else failed

I can only hope those virgins are all smelly hairy males in their 50's.

Let's hope they all look like KSM.

41 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:01:43am

Or Yassin.

42 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:01:50am

re: #37 Sharmuta

Maybe if they didn't shove their women in burqas garbage bags, they might realize they had lovely women on earth to do these things with.

The teenage boys would certainly appreciate being given a break.

43 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:01:53am

Or Rantisi.

44 JamesTKirk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:02:15am

re: #33 zombie

Don't tell Edward Said, but the Arabs practically invented the whole "the paler the skin, the more attractive you are" worldview.

They are intensely anti-black, and racist.

Except for Whitney Houston.

45 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:02:15am

re: #42 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

The teenage boys would certainly appreciate being given a break.

Not to mention the goats.

46 rabidsquirrel  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:02:55am

black-eyed virgin with her black hair and white face?

Well, I can't confirm she's a virgin...

47 TxMarko  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:03:03am

The total number of virgins is irrelevant.

Either way it wont be enough to satisfy for all of eternity.

This "religion" is not very well thought-through.

48 coquimbojoe  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:03:35am

re: #1 zombie

Black-Eyed Peas? Fergie's no virgin.

What? I thought she was saving her humps, her lovely lady lumps, for me...

49 ploome hineni[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:03:49am
50 lawhawk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:03:56am

Two humor spots in a row Charles? Are you trying to increase your stupid/evil ratio?

51 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:04:00am

re: #42 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

The teenage boys would certainly appreciate being given a break.

They get boys in paradise, too.

52 JamesTKirk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:04:12am

re: #48 coquimbojoe

What? I thought she was saving her humps, her lovely lady lumps, for me...

Her humps? There you go! Muslims will love it, because they'll think she's singing about sexy camels...

53 experiencedtraveller  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:04:16am

I searched wine.com for "Wine in Paradise" but no details.

THIS GUY IS JUST MAKING STUFF UP!

54 DougS  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:04:23am

Sorry Omar Al-Sweilem, but Paradise does not include the objectification of women. Try again.

55 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:04:29am

re: #48 coquimbojoe

What? I thought she was saving her humps, her lovely lady lumps, for me...

The hump of islam?

56 Sloatsburgh  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:04:32am

re: #18 rabidsquirrel

White face? No dark-skinned Arab women to pleasure the Shahids?

Reading how white he described the women had me humming Vanilla Ice Cream by Stephen Lynch, who is purposely inappropriate and sarcastic. This guy is an honest racist.

57 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:04:39am

re: #40 Ward Cleaver

Let's hope they all look like KSM.

Or, Rosie.

58 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:05:19am

re: #54 DougS

Sorry Omar Al-Sweilem, but Paradise does not include the objectification of women. Try again.

islam- the original penthouse forum.

59 bulwrk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:05:28am

I guess jihadies can't even have wet dreams on their own they need some horny mullah instruct them

60 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:05:39am

re: #47 TxMarko

The total number of virgins is irrelevant.

Either way it wont be enough to satisfy for all of eternity.

This "religion" is not very well thought-through.

Somehow or another, the virgins are continuously revirginized.

61 chicagodudewhotrades  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:05:56am

actaully, I thought it was 72 virgens in each room of a palace that had 72 rooms, and each martyr had 72 palaces, so each single martyr gets like 370,000 virgens. that's a lot of virgens

62 JammieWearingFool  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:06:05am

How about this gem where the guy wishes he were shi*.

Too funny.

63 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:06:05am

Comment #2 needs more dings!

64 maddogg  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:06:06am

So whats Paradise like for Muslim women? The beatings stop and they get out of the towsack?

65 pope insouciance iv  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:06:11am
What breasts! What thighs! What legs! What whiteness! What softness!

Sounds like a trip to KFC is all he really wants.
Don't forget the biscuits.

66 coquimbojoe  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:06:25am

re: #49 ploome hineni

and how do we get the world to recognize this?

HOw have these muslims managed to shut out any real analysis and discussion?

/rhetorical questions

'Cause they blow you up if you question.

67 realwest  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:06:31am

re: #10 Sharmuta Lots of Muslims get that wrong - it's not 72 virgins, it's a 72 year old virgin!

68 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:06:55am

re: #60 MandyManners

Somehow or another, the virgins are continuously revirginized.

They have a "Reset to factory defaults" button?

69 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:07:01am

re: #48 coquimbojoe

What? I thought she was saving her humps, her lovely lady lumps, for me...

She is!

70 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:07:06am

re: #67 realwest

Lots of Muslims get that wrong - it's not 72 virgins, it's a 72 year old virgin!

I thought it was raisins.

71 mfarmer1  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:07:25am

I don't know what's more disturbing, this video or the fact that frustrated Muslim males saw this posted on the internet and were choking their chickens.

And what's with the constant mention of "white faces?" Never mind.

72 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:07:40am

re: #68 Ward Cleaver

They have a "Reset to factory defaults" button?

Uh- women have all kinds of buttons...

73 JamesTKirk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:07:44am

re: #58 Sharmuta

islam- the original penthouse forum.

Dear Allah - I never thought this would happen to me, but...

74 Tumulus11  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:07:44am

. Omar is waging jihad under his robe.

75 ynkedoodl2  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:07:54am

Wasn't it Adam Smith who wrote the following:

“In the seventh century of the Christian era, a wandering Arab of the lineage of Hagar [i.e., Muhammad], the Egyptian, combining the powers of transcendent genius, with the preternatural energy of a fanatic, and the fraudulent spirit of an impostor, proclaimed himself as a messenger from Heaven, and spread desolation and delusion over an extensive portion of the earth... Adopting from the new Revelation of Jesus, the faith and hope of immortal life, and of future retribution, he humbled it to the dust by adapting all the rewards and sanctions of his religion to the gratification of the sexual passion. THE ESSENCE OF HIS DOCTRINE WAS VIOLENCE AND LUST: TO EXALT THE BRUTAL OVER THE SPIRITUAL PART OF HUMAN NATURE..."

76 TxMarko  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:08:02am

Why virgins and not porn stars?

It's supposed to be paradise, after all...

77 Honorary Yooper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:08:17am

re: #70 Sharmuta

I thought it was raisins.

OK, a 72 year old virgin raisin.

78 IPLaw  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:08:20am

First, this proves, yet again, that Islam is a big joke.

As an astute person once said, the problem with big jokes is that people believe them.

Second, as said by Keanu Reeves in The Devils Advocate, "You're going to have to do a little better than that."

79 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:09:01am

re: #59 bulwrk

I guess jihadies can't even have wet dreams on their own they need some horny mullah instruct them

Islam forbids independent thought. Why do you think that place was a shit-hole before oil was discovered? (Well, it's a shit-hole in most of the area still._

80 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:09:01am

Ask the Imam Question time

I'm wondering if it would be possible to trade in the 72 virgins for 2-3 girls who know what the hell they're doing?

81 ynkedoodl2  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:09:06am

It's all petard and penis.

82 garycooper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:09:32am

SCHWINGG!

"Awesome, Achmed...no sand in the Vaseline, for once! What a relief."

83 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:09:59am

re: #65 pope insouciance iv

Sounds like a trip to KFC is all he really wants.
Don't forget the biscuits.

And extra mashed taters!

84 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:10:03am
85 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:10:29am

re: #68 Ward Cleaver

They have a "Reset to factory defaults" button?

Yep. Don't ask me to speculate where it is.

86 ynkedoodl2  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:10:37am

Sheikh looks a little like a FEIGALACH with that pink doily on his head.

87 rabidsquirrel  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:11:11am

re: #72 Sharmuta

Uh- women have all kinds of buttons...

If only they came with a manual...

88 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:11:15am

re: #71 mfarmer1

I don't know what's more disturbing, this video or the fact that frustrated Muslim males saw this posted on the internet and were choking their chickens.

And what's with the constant mention of "white faces?" Never mind.

Camels, goats and chickens.

89 realwest  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:11:25am

re: #70 Sharmuta Yeah, me too, but you used virgin in your post so I figured I'd play along with it! LOL!
Virgins, raisins, goats, camels - it doesn't matter to the true Jihadist - just as long as they are sexually inexperienced and have nothing to compare the Jihadist's, ah, performance too!

90 Maximu§  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:11:47am

F**king Pervert!

91 JamesTKirk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:11:47am

He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want. Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn.

That's it? Mouth, cheek, and chest?

92 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:11:50am

re: #67 realwest

Lots of Muslims get that wrong - it's not 72 virgins, it's a 72 year old virgin!

I wish National Lampoon hadn't taken their virgins story off their site. They musta got nervous. One of their virgins was Edna "Hellcat" Broom, a snaggle-toothed old battleaxe. Priceless!

93 garycooper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:12:17am

re: #87 rabidsquirrel

If only they came with a manual...

Some of them do. :)

94 zombie  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:12:21am

In case not everyone remembers the origin of the whole "raisins" thing:

Several years ago a scholar of ancient Middle Eastern languages demonstrated pretty conclusively that the words for "virgins" or "maidens" in the Koran ("houri" if I remember right) is actually a mistransliteration of an earlier pre-Islamic document which said their would be "white raisins" (what we nowadays call "golden raisins," made from white grapes instead of purple grapes) in paradise -- the word being something like "hour" -- but in a different language, which the Arabic-speakers who put together the Koran mistranslated or misread somehow.

Wish I had the link -- it's pretty interesting.

Anyway, the upshot is that the whole scenario of there being young women waiting for you in Muslim paradise is a complete mistake, a mistranslation.

Hence, our mocking references to raisins.

95 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:12:31am

re: #87 rabidsquirrel

If only they came with a manual...

Aww- that would ruin half the fun. ;)

96 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:13:00am

re: #91 JamesTKirk

He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want. Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn.

That's it? Mouth, cheek, and chest?

Which is Koranic Code for "penis"?

97 paxnhymn  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:13:40am

re: #74 Tumulus11

. Omar is waging jihad under his robe.

is that with or without Nivea?

:-P

98 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:13:46am
I wish this on all people present here.

Imam, or pimp? You decide.

99 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:14:09am

re: #63 Ward Cleaver

Comment #2 needs more dings!

It needs still more!

100 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:14:20am

re: #94 zombie

In case not everyone remembers the origin of the whole "raisins" thing:

Several years ago a scholar of ancient Middle Eastern languages demonstrated pretty conclusively that the words for "virgins" or "maidens" in the Koran ("houri" if I remember right) is actually a mistransliteration of an earlier pre-Islamic document which said their would be "white raisins" (what we nowadays call "golden raisins," made from white grapes instead of purple grapes) in paradise -- the word being something like "hour" -- but in a different language, which the Arabic-speakers who put together the Koran mistranslated or misread somehow.

Wish I had the link -- it's pretty interesting.

Anyway, the upshot is that the whole scenario of there being young women waiting for you in Muslim paradise is a complete mistake, a mistranslation.

Hence, our mocking references to raisins.

You mean those splodey-dopes are gonna' get real raisins and not a single virgin?!

101 Ringo the Gringo  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:14:57am

The more I see this kind of lunacy, the more I believe sexual repression in Islam is the true "root cause" of terrorism.

These people have litterally driven themselves insane.

102 coquimbojoe  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:14:58am

re: #94 zombie

In case not everyone remembers the origin of the whole "raisins" thing:

Several years ago a scholar of ancient Middle Eastern languages demonstrated pretty conclusively that the words for "virgins" or "maidens" in the Koran ("houri" if I remember right) is actually a mistransliteration of an earlier pre-Islamic document which said their would be "white raisins" (what we nowadays call "golden raisins," made from white grapes instead of purple grapes) in paradise -- the word being something like "hour" -- but in a different language, which the Arabic-speakers who put together the Koran mistranslated or misread somehow.

Wish I had the link -- it's pretty interesting.

Anyway, the upshot is that the whole scenario of there being young women waiting for you in Muslim paradise is a complete mistake, a mistranslation.

Hence, our mocking references to raisins.

As a kid when those dancing raisins came on tv singing, 'I heard it through the grapevine', I did find it a bit, uh, stirring

/Just sayin'...

103 Honorary Yooper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:15:10am

re: #98 Sharmuta

Imam, or pimp? You decide.

Sounds like an episode of Geraldo.

104 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:15:15am

re: #98 Sharmuta

Imam, or pimp? You decide.

Is there a difference?

105 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:15:30am

A lady walks into the drug store and asks a clerk where the batteries were.

The clerks waggles his finger at her and says "Come this way".

"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the batteries."

/rimshot

106 XMarine  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:15:31am

Wow! Talk about pie in the sky!

You can only get your ashes hauled and get drunk after you die, huh? Advancing such an idea is a practical joke. Getting others to believe it is an atrocity.

What a bunch of maroons.

107 realwest  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:15:51am

re: #46 rabidsquirrel
What's worse is that it is a he not a she - not that that would particularly matter to a true Jihadist!

108 unrealizedviewpoint  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:15:57am

It's no wonder the folks, the average Joe turns away and doesn't hear Islams rants & beliefs, it's just too crazy. one needs look away to retain ones own sanity. It's like turning and looking away from a crazy man soiling himself on a street corner.

109 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:16:13am

re: #103 Honorary Yooper

Sounds like an episode of Geraldo.

Ever see Real Sex on HBO?

110 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:16:20am

re: #101 Ringo the Gringo

The more I see this kind of lunacy, the more I believe sexual repression in Islam is the true "root cause" of terrorism.

These people have litterally driven themselves insane.

I don't think it's the cause but, the energy from a severly repressed libido can fuel all kinds of hatred.

111 Honorary Yooper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:16:33am

re: #109 Sharmuta

Ever see Real Sex on HBO?

No, why, was it that bad?

112 zombie  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:17:20am

One of the best things ever to appear in the Guardian, not long after 9/11:

Modern apologists of Islam try to downplay the evident materialism and sexual implications of such descriptions, but, as the Encyclopaedia of Islam says, even orthodox Muslim theologians such as al Ghazali (died 1111 CE) and Al-Ash'ari (died 935 CE) have "admitted sensual pleasures into paradise". The sensual pleasures are graphically elaborated by Al-Suyuti (died 1505 ), Koranic commentator and polymath. He wrote: "Each time we sleep with a houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [ie Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetising vaginas."

One of the reasons Nietzsche hated Christianity was that it "made something unclean out of sexuality", whereas Islam, many would argue, was sex-positive. One cannot imagine any of the Church fathers writing ecstatically of heavenly sex as al-Suyuti did, with the possible exception of St Augustine before his conversion. But surely to call Islam sex-positive is to insult all Muslim women, for sex is seen entirely from the male point of view; women's sexuality is admitt

A little detail modern commenters like to gloss over: not only are there 72 virgins, but you'll have an eternal hard-on!

113 Roentgen  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:17:24am

I think the paradise we will experience after we complete our reverse jihad (esrever dahij), will be way more awesomer than theirs, where some girl puts her thumb on you, and you get some no name wine we can't even find on the internet.

114 coquimbojoe  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:17:26am

re: #111 Honorary Yooper

No, why, was it that bad?

Ugly people doing weirod stuff to each other.

115 rabidsquirrel  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:17:57am
When they get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions.

Evidently, Paradise is just role reversal for muslim men. Rape in this life, get 'raped' in the afterlife.

116 Killgore Trout  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:18:03am

re: #94 zombie


Virgins? What virgins?

Luxenberg 's new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields "white raisins" of "crystal clarity" rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins - the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offerred, and not unsullied maidens or houris.

117 izzy dunne  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:18:17am

re: #32 ploome hineni

what does this mean?

some sort of kinky stuff I don;t know?

:P

I think they're referring to a (USB) thumb drive, with lots of pictures on it, wink, wink, know whatta mean, know whatta mean?

118 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:18:33am

re: #111 Honorary Yooper

I probably really should not go there.

119 coquimbojoe  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:18:52am

re: #112 zombie

So, Bill Clinton is of the elected?

120 chicagodudewhotrades  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:19:00am

re: #105 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

A lady walks into a drugstore and asks the clerk if they stock extra-large condoms. The clerk says yes. The women says 'can I hang out here untill I see a guy buy some'?


Thanks folks. You have been great. remember to tip your waiters. I'll be here all week.

121 MandyManners  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:19:04am

re: #112 zombie

One of the best things ever to appear in the Guardian, not long after 9/11:


A little detail modern commenters like to gloss over: not only are there 72 virgins, but you'll have an eternal hard-on!

Islam: the Religion of Priapism.

122 JamesTKirk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:19:20am

re: #112 zombie

One of the best things ever to appear in the Guardian, not long after 9/11:

A little detail modern commenters like to gloss over: not only are there 72 virgins, but you'll have an eternal hard-on!

Yeah, that's comfortable.

/

123 zombie  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:19:34am

Here's the crucial part from my comment #112 link:

This naturally leads to the most fascinating book ever written on the language of the Koran, and if proved to be correct in its main thesis, probably the most important book ever written on the Koran. Christoph Luxenberg's book, Die Syro-Aramaische Lesart des Koran, available only in German, came out just over a year ago, but has already had an enthusiastic reception, particularly among those scholars with a knowledge of several Semitic languages at Princeton, Yale, Berlin, Potsdam, Erlangen, Aix-en-Provence, and the Oriental Institute in Beirut.

Luxenberg tries to show that many obscurities of the Koran disappear if we read certain words as being Syriac and not Arabic. We cannot go into the technical details of his methodology but it allows Luxenberg, to the probable horror of all Muslim males dreaming of sexual bliss in the Muslim hereafter, to conjure away the wide-eyed houris promised to the faithful in suras XLIV.54; LII.20, LV.72, and LVI.22. Luxenberg 's new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields "white raisins" of "crystal clarity" rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins - the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offerred, and not unsullied maidens or houris.

In Syriac, the word hur is a feminine plural adjective meaning white, with the word "raisin" understood implicitly. Similarly, the immortal, pearl-like ephebes or youths of suras such as LXXVI.19 are really a misreading of a Syriac expression meaning chilled raisins (or drinks) that the just will have the pleasure of tasting in contrast to the boiling drinks promised the unfaithful and damned.

124 paxnhymn  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:20:13am

re: #112 zombie

One of the best things ever to appear in the Guardian, not long after 9/11:


A little detail modern commenters like to gloss over: not only are there 72 virgins, but you'll have an eternal hard-on!


yuch! Who the hell wants that?! What about the nap afterwards? Besides, I gave up camping when my kids grew up!

:-D

125 rabidsquirrel  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:20:13am

re: #107 realwest

What's worse is that it is a he not a she - not that that would particularly matter to a true Jihadist!

I noticed the, uhhh, plumbing about two seconds after I posted it. But then - as you alluded to - a warm animal is a warm animal to a Jihadist.

126 Ringo the Gringo  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:20:50am

re: #110 MandyManners

I don't think it's the cause but, the energy from a severely repressed libido can fuel all kinds of hatred.

You're right. It's not the only cause, but it is a big part of the equation.

127 unrealizedviewpoint  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:21:04am

One can easily assume who the audience was for this sick rant. All 14 to 16 year old males just reaching puberty, who in the normal world be pulling their puds to a penthouse magazine centerfold. Instead this sick f*ck hands them a Koran where the centerfold is promised in paradise.

128 ROPMA  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:21:20am

I hope they use these with their goat before going to paradise.

129 Peacekeeper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:22:28am

Is the Islamic boob thread?

130 Maximu§  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:23:00am

Harith Ibn Al-Muhasibi told us what would happen when we meet the black-eyed Goats with their white fur – praised be He who created night and day. What fur! What a chest! What a mouth! What cheeks! What a figure! What breasts! What thighs! What Hooves! What whiteness! What softness! Without any creams – no Nivea, no vaseline. No nothing! He said that faces would be soft that day. Even your own face will be soft without any powder or makeup. You yourself will be soft, so how soft that Goat will be, when it comes to you so short and with its beautiful face, its soft fur and white face - praised be He who created night and day. Just feel its Hooves Sheik! He said: How soft will a hoove be, after being softened in paradise for thousands of years! There is no god but Allah. He told us that if you entered one of the palaces, you would find ten Goats sprawled on musk cushions. Where is Abu Khaled? Here, he has arrived! When they see you, they will get up and run to you. Lucky is the Goat who gets to put its Hoove in your hand. When those Goats get hold of you, they will push you onto your back, on the musk cushions. They will push you onto your back, Jamal! Allah Akbar! I wish this on all people present here. He said that one of those Goats would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want. Another Goat would press her cheek against yours, yet another Goat would press her chest against yours, and the other Goats would await their turn. There is no god but Allah. He told us that one Goat would pee in your face. Getting Pee'd on in Paradise is a reward for your FK'd up deeds. The Goats of this world are destructive, but not the Goats of the world to come.

131 snoozealarm  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:23:27am

The thing I never understood about the 72 virgin reward is once you've had sex with them once, they're no longer virgins. So that's a pretty short-lived reward. I wonder if Islamic theology addresses this problem. I'm also curious what the original source of the 72 virgins is: is it in the Quran?

132 Roentgen  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:23:28am

re: #113 Roentgen

I think the paradise we will experience after we complete our reverse jihad (esrever dahij), will be way more awesomer than theirs, where some girl puts her thumb on you, and you get some no name wine we can't even find on the internet.

Or maybe the eternal hard-on is better. Whatever. We got a job to do.

133 Peacekeeper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:23:57am

re: #123 zombie

Maybe it's 72 california Raisins? I heard it through the grapevine...

134 bulwrk  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:24:06am

re: #112 zombie

Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal

hopefully the blue balls are eternal also.

135 realwest  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:24:39am

re: #118 Sharmuta Oh, go, go! I don't get HBO and I'm genuinely curious!

136 Neo Con since 9-11  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:24:41am

re: #112 zombie

One of the best things ever to appear in the Guardian, not long after 9/11:

A little detail modern commenters like to gloss over: not only are there 72 virgins, but you'll have an eternal hard-on!

I thought if it lasted more than 4 hours I was supposed to consult a physician.

137 Peacekeeper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:25:20am

When i was 16 i had hard ons practically all the time, and it was hell...

138 opinionated  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:26:11am

Are you horny Hamid?

Use Vaseline much? (Vaseline?)

We have the cure Hamid.

Sex after you're dead.

If you call 1-800-GOJIHAD in the next 20 minutes you get your suicide vest in your choice of colors.

Call now, the virgins can't wait to meet you. All thousands of pieces that remain of you.

Allah Akbar and Mohammad is his pimp.

139 Peacekeeper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:26:13am

I also note that Allah makes evrything soft. Which is it?

140 Ward Cleaver  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:26:20am

re: #121 MandyManners

Islam: the Religion of Priapism.

Yes, RoP.

Indeed.*

* - That one's for you, Roy Edroso.

141 Roentgen  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:26:27am

re: #137 Peacekeeper

When i was 16 i had hard ons practically all the time, and it was hell...

Mazel tov.

142 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:27:11am

re: #135 realwest

Oh, go, go! I don't get HBO and I'm genuinely curious!

You're BAD, realwest! LOL!

143 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:27:58am

re: #131 snoozealarm

The thing I never understood about the 72 virgin reward is once you've had sex with them once, they're no longer virgins. So that's a pretty short-lived reward. I wonder if Islamic theology addresses this problem. I'm also curious what the original source of the 72 virgins is: is it in the Quran?

They're renewing virgins- allah ackbar!

144 ploome hineni[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:28:44am
145 Right Brain  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:29:04am

"Without any creams – no Nivea, no vaseline"

You can tell how interested his wife(s) is/are in him by this one.

How about trying a little forplay Jamal.

146 janir  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:29:45am

Is this supposed to be islamic porn?

147 Just_A_Grunt  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:30:34am

That guy is dying to get laid.
You know I think I will enjoy the pleasures of the flesh here on earth. That whole blowing yourself up to get some woman in the sack just doesn't appeal to me.
Tell sheikh whatever that in Muslim heaven there is no Viagra, so when he is talking about soft skin well...it pretty much says it all and you can't kill yourself again. Sucker!

148 Peacekeeper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:31:24am

Just imagine what the donuts must be like...

149 itsajeepthing  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:31:25am

I wonder if this guy really believes this, or is he just so tired of inflating his girlfriend everyday that he'll grasp at any fantasy out of desperation.

150 Peacekeeper  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:32:37am

What do you get if you cross Pat Robertson with Larry Flynnt? This guy.

151 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:32:46am

re: #149 itsajeepthing

It's the koran- the literal word of allah, so yeah- they believe this sh*t.

152 BabbaZee  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:34:16am

The Soft White Black Eyed Whores of Hell's Caliphate?

They will push you onto your back, Jamal!
Allah Akbar!

153 BabbaZee  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:35:25am

The Priapisms of Allah Can Not Be Mass Abated!

154 Opinionated  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:37:19am
You yourself will be soft

Allah we've got a problem.

155 Occasional Reader  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:37:39am
Just feel her palm, Sheik!

The less said about this particular line, the better.

156 realwest  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:38:30am

re: #142 Sharmuta
Well, when I was younger I was - now I almost qualify as a dirty old man! LOL!

157 Old Tanker  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:38:51am
He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want. Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn.


Guys, you don't have to blow yourselves up, just go rent a porno for chrissakes...or just blow yourselves!

158 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:39:20am

1 real woman in the hand is worth more than 72 fantasy women in death.

159 Occasional Reader  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:39:23am

By the way... seems there's to be a neo-Nazi rally in Washington, DC this Saturday. Oh, joy.

(The last time they tried this, I think about a half dozen of them showed up, and were too afraid to even get off their bus, since they were outnumbered by counter-protesters by roughly 50,000:1)

160 BabbaZee  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:40:20am

re: #159 Occasional Reader

I heard about that one, posted on it earlier in the week
You got it about right

161 Eagle  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:40:41am

re: #20 Sloatsburgh

I think that guy writes for Penthouse Forum.

162 useless  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:40:54am

re: #6 zombie

See, Islam is a sexy religion after all.

This guy obviously masturbates as he dreams of martyrdom.

I know that was supposed to be a joke, but somehow I think that is just what they do. It's not funny if it's true.

It also makes me wonder what they are doing when they watch infidels get their heads sawn off. Probably the same thing liberals do every time Obamasiah says the word "Change".

163 Eowyn2  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:41:41am

Dear Penthouse:

Yesterday I was blowing myself up and last night I arrived in heaven. I had the most amazing night with 10 virgins...

165 cartoonboy  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:44:11am

My jihad-on wants to sexy time.

166 Old Tanker  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:45:01am

re: #159 Occasional Reader

By the way... seems there's to be a neo-Nazi rally in Washington, DC this Saturday. Oh, joy.

(The last time they tried this, I think about a half dozen of them showed up, and were too afraid to even get off their bus, since they were outnumbered by counter-protesters by roughly 50,000:1)

Where are the Blues Brothers when you need them...

167 beholden  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:47:03am
Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours, and the others would await their turn.

Sounds like too much freaking work. I'd say no thanks, but that's just me. Silly lover of life that I am.

168 mjazzguitar  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:47:16am

What happens if you squeeze her thumb?

169 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:48:13am
170 useless  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:48:58am

Hey, so what happens -5 min + eternity(ummm, if you know what I mean) for these goons with their virgins? Heaven forbid that these animals might actually have to carry on a conversation with them, much less the 30 mandantory cuddle time.

171 Pass The Moonbaticide  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:48:58am
What Whiteness ! What softness !

I thought whiteness was something to be ashamed of these days .

172 Just_A_Grunt  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:49:04am

Well they do wrap their privates up as part of the ritual before going on homicide bombing mission, so it ain't important what we think of this crap, the fact is they believe it.
I guess if our preachers had told us these kind of stories for 12 centuries we would believe them too.
Funny that a religion that imposes such harsh restrictions on the living regarding lascivious behavior apparently have no problems with it in the afterlife. I guess when you think about it, it is a good propaganda effort. That which is denied you in life will be given in death. Life sucks, lets get on with it.

173 joncelli  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:49:08am

re: #80 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

You owe my employers a new monitor.

174 MES41067  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:50:04am

Thats it how does one convert this Mutt of a so called Religion just sounds way to good to pass on.I just can't wait I'm pissing myself with excitement .

175 cartoonboy  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:50:18am

Palaces, black-eyed virgins and musk cushions. Another b-film from Hamawood

176 brent  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:50:56am
Without any creams – no Nivea, no vaseline. No nothing! He said that faces would be soft that day. Even your own face will be soft without any powder or makeup. You yourself will be soflt, so how soft will a black-eyed virgin be

Ok, that's more than just a little gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

What's next, you won't have to shave your legs before the big jihads, and your man-boobs will never droop?

177 Eagle  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:54:21am

re: #164 BabbaZee

Yes!

178 cartoonboy  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:56:28am

"How soft will a fingertip be, after being softened in paradise for thousands of years!"

Mine is pretty soft right now contemplating the bearded one with his pink head towel.

179 godfrey  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:57:41am

All you have to do to motivate young Muslim men to kill is to have them memorize the Koran and then intersperse soft-porn scenes of heaven with "Allahu Akbar"?

What's amazing is that this actually works. It indicates the level of stupefied credulity we're dealing with here, along with the level of sexual repression, and how all this produces stupid and repressed imams to keep the feedback loop going.

How to intervene? Put the Koran's unquestioned status out of commission. Then maybe Muslim societies will have a chance at sublimating all this repression into something actually productive.

180 useless  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:58:28am

#176 Brent,

I am also curious if this guy also talked about the teams of eunichs, who were once infidels, who's sole job in the afterlife is to wax those 72 black eyed chickas...

Or don't they do that...

Just wondering

181 Maine's Michael  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:58:29am

There was this story last week about a pissed off wannabe suicide bomber who's detonation was imperfect. He survived, following a near death experience.

When he came back, he told the Iraqi physicians that there were only 13 virgins, and they were chubby, blond, tattooed, wearing overly tight tank sweat pants, and drinking miller lite.

182 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:59:10am
183 varmint  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:59:23am

at least he kept both hands where i could see.

184 BabbaZee  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:59:50am

re: #179 godfrey

How to intervene? Put the Koran's unquestioned status out of commission. Then maybe Muslim societies will have a chance at sublimating all this repression into something actually productive.



we. don't. have. that. kind. of. time.

185 Vergeltung  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 10:59:50am

re: #158 Sharmuta

1 real woman in the hand is worth more than 72 fantasy women in death.

now das what I'm talkin' 'bout!

186 joncelli  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:00:40am

re: #134 bulwrk

It actually sounds like a bad side-effect from an anti-depressant ("If you should suffer the Penis of the Elect for more than 4 hours, seek medical assistance as soon as possible.")

187 Sunlight  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:02:34am

They've made their world so strange. A friend of mine knew a guy from Iran who moved to the U.S. And that's what he said...sex has been made so weird and the guys (and you'd guess the women too) are so frustrated that it is warping whole societies.

And the result, according to the TV guy:

...You yourself will be soft...

That's probably what's wrong with the crazy bombers.

188 Clutch  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:02:59am

Boy, wait till these 'splodeydopes find out that all that they are gonna get in Paradise is a dumb-a$$ fruitplate and then there really will be whine in Paradise!

"Omar, Omar, Achmed is stealin' my last raisin! Make him stop! Make him stop NOW! Spit it out, Achmed you poopy-head! Mo is gonna be mad for stealin'! Waaa..."

189 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:03:43am
190 saberry0530  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:03:50am

re: #90 Maximu§

F**king Pervert!

Nahh! He's a prevert. He always comes first.

191 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:04:22am
He said that one of them would place her mouth on yours. Do whatever you want. Another one would press her cheek against yours, yet another would press her chest against yours...

Pfffttt! Amateurs.

192 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:06:56am
193 Dad O' Blondes  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:07:17am

This guy's a "cleric?"

Sounds like he's directing some b-movie porn.

.

194 steve  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:08:28am

Saudi cleric Omar Al-Sweilem says:
You yourself will be soflt,

Ain't gonna have much sex in this condition!

195 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:08:40am
196 Maine's Michael  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:09:24am

This is actually quite interesting, and explains these Islamic clerics obsession with complaining about western pronography.

When we flood the arab world with pron, it shows the explosive young men that there are people who are having orgies in the here and now, and may diminish theri desire to die for 'maybe' orgies in the hereafter.

I believe we have only scratched the surface as regards using the 'pron weapon' in this civilizational struggle.

/only 2/3 kidding.

197 ploome hineni[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:09:24am
198 Ben Hur  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:09:53am

Little Achmed is pitching a tent.

199 buzzsawmonkey[deleted]  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:10:18am
200 steve  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:10:54am

re: #95 Sharmuta

Aww- that would ruin half the fun. ;)

Real men never read manuals anyway!

201 nyc redneck  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:13:26am

what is so outrageous and insane is that an imbecile like this maniac has any followers at all in the modern world. that he can talk like this and inspire others to murder should be a joke. but these savages are growing in power and flourishing around the world while many people want to ignore them or pretend there is a why to handle them w/ understanding and negotiation. how is that an option? just imagine what kind of understanding you could reach w/ the barbarian in this video, if you met w/ him. and this assh*le is considered a human being. and he is sucking air in this day and age, NOT the 7th century. he needs to be put in a cage in the monkey house. this is what islam creates. animals.

202 WalterMitty  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:13:43am

re: #192 buzzsawmonkey

"You can get anything you want" is classic whorehouse advertising.

Just think of it. A "great world religion" promises its adherents exactly what a cathouse in Chicago's First Ward would have promised customers in 1902.

For the price I think I'd have to keep shopping...

Even atheists have a better set of goals: complete and eternal peace and quiet.

203 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:14:21am

re: #200 steve

Real men never read manuals anyway!

Well then- thank goodness for simple...pleasures.

204 Vergeltung  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:15:03am

this type of thing, as well as the inability to disconnect Islam from inherent violence, is what the Pope has been talking about (especially in the Regensburg speech). That Judaism and Christianity absorbed the best of critical thinking and reasoning from the ancient world, and those 2 faiths have always undergone formation through reason.

Daniel Johnson has a great piece on this in the NY Sun today. An excerpt of which states quite nicely:

So the stakes are very high, and Benedict knows it. His speech at Regensburg in 2006 sent shock waves through the Muslim world: not just because the pope quoted a medieval Byzantine emperor insulting Mohammed, but because he put his finger on Islam’s most vulnerable point. If God is above reason, then men may invoke God to justify the irrational. And that is exactly what Islamist terrorists and the imams who brainwash them do.

Benedict showed how the Jews and Christians incorporated the rationalism of Greek thought into the heart of their faiths, but Islam turned its back on the legacy of the ancient world. From this divergence, much blood has flowed. If there is to be a lasting rapprochement between Islam and the West, it must be on the basis of reason and faith finding a new modus vivendi.

If the West is to survive, however, it must rediscover the spiritual sources of its own civilization.

the entire article can be found at:

[Link: www.nysun.com...]

205 jcbunga  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:15:59am

This sounds suspiciously like the process for getting a zoning variance in "the tribal regions" of Pakistan. He may be confused.

206 Steve  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:17:21am

re: #203 Sharmuta

Well then- thank goodness for simple...pleasures.

Manuals take the fun out of doing things and stops exploring new and uncharted areas...snicker, snicker.

207 Ojoe  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:19:18am

I'll take mine here on earth

208 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:20:14am

re: #207 Ojoe

I'll take mine here on earth

One real woman on earth is more than capable of taking a man to paradise.

209 Steve  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:22:42am

Sorry all, I have to leave. My wife is practicing her 'shimmy' and I want to watch!

211 Is it me?  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:24:07am

hahahahahaha
Too funny, but I don't get the thumb in the hand thing - maybe I missed something. Swirling the tip of the tongue in the center of the palm then going on to gently suck the tops of the fingers and using tongue at the same time is a bit more like it.
Someone needs to send him the Joy of Sex or something.
Weird people...

212 Just_A_Grunt  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:26:03am

Now you know what appealed to Adam Gadahn, the CA fat slob sissy who became the Al Queda mouthpiece. Except I don;t think they make bomb vest in his size or else they don't enough explosives to fill it.

213 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:29:53am

re: #210 Ojoe

There is a goddess in every woman. Too bad islam shoves theirs in garbage bags.

214 Cygnus  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:31:03am

re: #2 MandyManners

Rotating title, please?

"I wanna hold your thuuumb
I wanna hold your thu-u-u-umb
I wanna hold your thumb."

215 Cygnus  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:35:13am

re: #128 ROPMA

I hope they use these with their goat before going to paradise.

Wingardium Leviosa!

216 bj  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:39:41am

I thought pink was harem. Oy! Those adventuresome Saudis.

217 Ojoe  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:42:04am

re: #213 Sharmuta

It is an insult to God and woman, that.

218 Fat Jolly Penguin  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:48:05am

re: #30 all else failed

I can only hope those virgins are all smelly hairy males in their 50's.

I'm sorry -- I know I've done it before, but I can't resist. These are his virgins.

219 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:50:30am

re: #217 Ojoe

It is an insult to God and woman, that.

True, but the worst crime of islam against women is to deny them, through mutilation, the very ability to receive pleasure... How can either man or woman be pleasured when one is denied in a mutual act? Sad.

220 Guy_Philly  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:51:25am

ya know ... I just can't understand describing such images with such an angry voice. I think if I were to try the same speech, I'd use a 70's sleezy lounge-lizard (no offence) voice. Who knows, with the right delivery, I might even get lucky with 72 raisins!

221 cartoonboy  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:52:21am

Mr Sexy with the pink head towel's got mad skilz

222 Israel4ever  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:52:33am

That's it? That's eternal paradise? A fucking whorehouse?

And what about the rest of us who aren't men? We just get to be eternal sex slaves to our husbands forever and ever amen?

I can't believe this shit is taken seriously.

223 sojerofgod  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:54:06am

This is all so sad...
Item one, repressing the sexuality of men and transforming them into warped, frustrated young men (Quick! that's a trivia reference!)
Two, treating women as if they were toilet paper (which incidentally, they DON'T use) I suppose you could say they treat the paper better, actually.

224 kirche  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:56:10am

so allah's nothing more than a pimp.

225 Guy_Philly  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:56:13am

re: #222 Israel4ever

That's it? That's eternal paradise? A fucking whorehouse?

And what about the rest of us who aren't men? We just get to be eternal sex slaves to our husbands forever and ever amen?

I can't believe this shit is taken seriously.


I think they are accurate with their description of their afterlife. Self-indulgence, hatefulness, slavery sure sounds a lot like Hell. (Read C. S. Lewis's The Great Divorce).

226 sojerofgod  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:59:12am

re: #222 Israel4ever

WEll in this guy's way of thinking, you suck to begin with so you should be happy to live an eternity of service servicing the bright-eyed martyrs who blow their way into paradise!

227 littleben  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 11:59:47am

How sad. How perverted.This "great religion" promises eternal pimping and prostitution for the Shahids.
The only reason you don't see more of them joining the ranks of the suicidal - homicidal "militants" is that they probably figured out that these gorgeous babes will have no benefit to them in heaven with their vitals rotting away in their shallow graves.

228 kirche  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 12:01:30pm

#222 israelforever

"And what about the rest of us who aren't men?"

i think this is where the endless supply of whores must come from...

thankfully, allah is a false god.

229 Fat Jolly Penguin  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 12:02:50pm

re: #228 kirche

#222 israelforever

thankfully, allah is a false god.

Does that make him a Goa'uld or an Ori?

/I'll stop now, I have homework to do...

230 bovious  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 12:06:15pm

"Sweilem" Get it? Eh? Eh? EH?

231 Israel4ever  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 12:10:46pm

re: #228 kirche

#222 israelforever

"And what about the rest of us who aren't men?"

i think this is where the endless supply of whores must come from...

*shudder*

Great. At least I will get a new body and a tight new twat, for all the eternal sex I'm going to be having.
*need mind bleach*

232 Robert Schwartz  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 12:11:56pm

In case you were wondering what really happens to Islamo-nazi splodydopes after they acheive there life's goal, here is an account fresh from you know where:

Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell
'We Expected Eternal Paradise For This,' Say Suicide Bombers

JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS—The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar, Islam's Hell.

"I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers," said Mohammed Atta, one of the hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. "But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?"

The rest of Atta's words turned to raw-throated shrieks, as a tusked, asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down his face.

According to Hell sources, the 19 eternally damned terrorists have struggled to understand why they have been subjected to soul-withering, infernal torture ever since their Sept. 11 arrival.

"There was a tumultuous conflagration of burning steel and fuel at our gates, and from it stepped forth these hijackers, the blessed name of the Lord already turning to molten brass on their accursed lips," said Iblis The Thrice-Damned, the cacodemon charged with conscripting new arrivals into the ranks of the forgotten. "Indeed, I do not know what they were expecting, but they certainly didn't seem prepared to be skewered from eye socket to bunghole and then placed on a spit so that their flesh could be roasted by the searing gale of flatus which issues forth from the haunches of Asmoday."

Attack On America Icon

"Which is strange when you consider the evil with which they ended their lives and those of so many others," added Iblis, absentmindedly twisting the limbs of hijacker Abdul Aziz Alomari into unspeakably obscene shapes.

"I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion, and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi. "But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistake."

Exacerbating the terrorists' tortures, which include being hollowed out and used as prophylactics by thorn-cocked Gulbuth The Rampant, is the fact that they will be forced to endure such suffering in sight of the Paradise they were expecting.

"It might actually be the most painful thing we can do, to show these murderers the untold pleasures that would have awaited them in Paradise, if only they had lived pious lives," said Praxitas, Duke of Those Willingly Led Astray. "I mean, it's tough enough being forced through a wire screen by the callused palms of Halcorym and then having your entrails wound onto a stick and fed to the toothless, foul-breathed swine of Gehenna. But to endure that while watching the righteous drink from a river of wine? That can't be fun."

Underworld officials said they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of th

233 sojerofgod  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 12:14:08pm

re: #231 Israel4ever
External? what does that mean?

234 uptight  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 12:38:25pm

I have this theory that Islamic terrorism - indeed Islam itself, would collapse if Muslims got laid more. I think the whole, uptight, weird, deranged doctrine rests on a bed of intense teenage frustration.

235 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 12:40:39pm

re: #234 uptight

I have this theory that Islamic terrorism - indeed Islam itself, would collapse if Muslims got laid more. I think the whole, uptight, weird, deranged doctrine rests on a bed of intense teenage frustration.

Peace through sex...interesting theory.

236 markie  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:06:28pm

What makes this guy an authority on virgins is his experience with underaged females and members of the even-toed ungulate family.

237 Sharmuta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:15:45pm

re: #234 uptight

So what you're saying is they need Breasts Not Bombs?

238 Hooray for Captain Spaulding  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:17:55pm

re: #65 pope insouciance iv

Sounds like a trip to KFC is all he really wants.
Don't forget the biscuits.

I must say, old man, that is one of the funniest comments so far.

239 Conspirator  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:34:34pm

re: #65 pope insouciance iv

Sounds like a trip to KFC is all he really wants.
Don't forget the biscuits.

I was going to say that, but you beat me to it.

Not long after 9/11, I remember seeing a picture of the virgins awaiting the terrorists. They were all nuns. The description ended with "Enjoy eternity, suckers!"

240 Sabnen  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:34:42pm

Omar is way too funny! But he's so earnest, watch out!

I agree with Ringore: #101 Ringo the Gringo

The more I see this kind of lunacy, the more I believe sexual repression in Islam is the true "root cause" of terrorism.

These people have literally driven themselves insane.

re: #235 Sharmuta

Peace through sex...interesting theory.

This might or might not work.
These guys remind me of my brother-in-law . . . he has to be better than somebody else and nothing has been easier for him than to think he's better than all women. He's a jerk, a$$ wipe, idiot (oh! just like Omar and all his brethren).

So I guess what I'm getting at is even if these guys bonk there way to sexual satiation they'd still have this dominating ego need.

241 godfrey  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:35:21pm

re: #184 BabbaZee

I loves ya, babe. I'm thinking of parallel processes: 1) kick their ass, 2) kick their book's ass.

242 CLLRusso  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:38:10pm

These are the horniest men in creation. You'd think they never progress from their 16th birthday. Judging by how they were in college when I was, they haven't! Nothin` but animals. We stayed far away!

243 wiley  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:40:12pm

actually, it is not virgins, it is versions, as in 72 versions of the koran

wilet

244 J. Lichty  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 1:41:03pm

It's the Islamic "The Robin Byrd Show"

245 daveperkins  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 2:12:18pm

I wonder why Omar All Swollen hasn't gone and yanked the cord himself. He was so breathless with this pornographic tale here, you'd think he couldn't wait to go and see those dull sounding girls.
But no. He's still here, trying to get more suckers signed up for the passage. Like real estate shows on the radio-- if they already know how to get rich, why are they asking you for money to teach you how to do it? Something rotten in Denmark, so to speak.

246 JWM  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 2:30:36pm

re: #192 buzzsawmonkey

"You can get anything you want" is classic whorehouse advertising.

Just think of it. A "great world religion" promises its adherents exactly what a cathouse in Chicago's First Ward would have promised customers in 1902.


You can get anything you want at alah's houris ta rant.

JWM

247 BabbaZee  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:02:05pm

re: #241 godfrey

the first resolves the second

248 wanumba  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:14:54pm

re: #234 uptight

I have this theory that Islamic terrorism - indeed Islam itself, would collapse if Muslims got laid more. I think the whole, uptight, weird, deranged doctrine rests on a bed of intense teenage frustration.


It's polygamous - so all the old farts collect the marriageable girls first and none are left for the young guys. Frustration is DEFINITELY one component of the toxic mix.

249 Joel  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:19:10pm

That guy is seriously sexually frustrated!

250 eaglewingz08  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:29:07pm

So let's get this straight. We have about a dozen female virgins, undisclosed age, sitting around a palace with no male relative around, who then see a stranger walk through the door to whom they aren't married and proceed to do unmentionable things without benefit of marriage, and in violation of muslim sexual morality laws. And after this tete a tete (or thumb a tete) no religious morality police come out of the woodwork to whip the lucky fellow or to stone the virgins to death? So the only way lucky women get to be happy sluts, in Islam is to die and go to heaven. Amazing what Islam will tolerate in the hereafter what it would never tolerate in the physical world.

251 erisldysnomia  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:34:52pm
Omar Al-Sweilem: Harith Ibn Al-Muhasibi told us what would happen when we meet the black-eyed virgin with her black hair and white face – praised be He who created night and day.

I prefer blondes, myself.

252 t2139dldps  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:44:46pm

this sounds like an a-rab wet dream to me! but i guess it would be better than camel's vagina, which is probably what those folks are more accustomed to...

253 t2139dldps  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:46:01pm

re:251

red-heads are my choice!

254 t2139dldps  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:50:25pm

squeeze her thumb all you want akmed...just don't pull her finger!

255 alias  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 3:59:08pm

re: #131 snoozealarm

The thing I never understood about the 72 virgin reward is once you've had sex with them once, they're no longer virgins. So that's a pretty short-lived reward. I wonder if Islamic theology addresses this problem.

Maybe not the theology, but one possibility...

Women get 'virginity fix' NHS operations in Muslim-driven trend

256 Ceemack  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 4:14:56pm

re: #112 zombie

One of the best things ever to appear in the Guardian, not long after 9/11:


A little detail modern commenters like to gloss over: not only are there 72 virgins, but you'll have an eternal hard-on!

Well, here's hoping you never have to take a leak in the afterlife...otherwise, you'd better learn to stand on your head before you get there.

257 LeonidasOfSparta  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 6:12:42pm

re: #245 daveperkins

LMAO Omar All Swollen indeed. I think it's all smoke and mirrors (and visions of sugarplums and breasts) just like a desperate salesman.
If it's so great, GO MAN GO. Don't stop now. Just go. And take the rest of the desperate, violent, terrorist jihadists with you. Rent a huge plane, load it up with horny terrorists fly WAAAY out over the ocean and blow yourselves up-- no civilians required. go man go. Allah loves a cheerful giver.

258 AbuHoul  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 7:47:19pm

I am like 12 hours too late to comment on this post but for the love of Allah, I have no choice but to comment.

Holy Sh*t they never cease to amaze...

259 norar  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:07:56pm
What whiteness!

.. but, but, but don't they say that Islam is not racist?

260 UncleSam  Thu, Apr 17, 2008 9:38:36pm

This kind of insanity comes straight from Hell itself...
This is what Islam does to people's minds.
Turns them to shredded cabbage.

261 burnt toast  Fri, Apr 18, 2008 3:16:24am

re: #18 rabidsquirrel

White is the new brown.

And since Nivea and Vaseline are out, try Renew Placenta Cream, it's halal!

262 BarackObama  Fri, Apr 18, 2008 7:47:16am

Is this a Jihad video? I thought he was auditioning for a KFC commercial.

What thighs, what legs, what breasts... :)

263 Ezekiel2517  Fri, Apr 18, 2008 9:21:50am

Go on Achmed, enough about virgins..tell us about the goats!

264 Perf  Fri, Apr 18, 2008 9:27:39am

I have a theory - correct me if I'm wrong...


Perhaps the virgins in paradise are sourced from the people the jihadi has beat, killed, etc. And that is why they attack women and children.

265 BIGDUKE 6  Fri, Apr 18, 2008 9:54:02am

re: #204 Vergeltung

Well Played !

266 NCusTranshumanist  Tue, Apr 22, 2008 9:48:36am
but you'll have an eternal hard-on!

Consult your doctor...


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