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Abbas Gets a Catheter

Thu, May 1, 2008 at 6:24:02 pm PDT

Being the head of a terrorist organization that’s trying to keep up a front of not being a terrorist organization is evidently very stressful: Erekat: Abbas ‘doing very, very well’ after heart procedure.

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas underwent an unannounced heart procedure at a Jordanian hospital on Thursday, adding new uncertainty to already troubled peace talks.

Aides to Abbas, 73, said he was doing well after a catheterization procedure they described as successful, and that he was expected to leave Jordan Hospital later in the day.

Abbas is due to return to the West Bank on Friday, they said, adding that they expect him to return to work immediately after his arrival. Spokesman Nabil Abu Rdeneh said a doctor recommended Abbas undergo the procedure during a routine medical examination Thursday.

Saeb Erekat, a top aide to Abbas, said he spoke to the Palestinian leader from the West Bank on Thursday afternoon. “He’s doing very, very well. He’s in very high spirits. He even joked to me,” Erekat said.

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1 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:25:17pm

He has a heart?

2 rawmuse  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:25:28pm

Getting a catheter is not difficult. Unless you have no penis.

3 Dianna  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:26:40pm

Oh, well. Maybe he'll start exercising and go on a diet.

But the quickest way to lower his stress level is to stop hating Israel.

4 Seraphym  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:26:41pm

I hope it was about the size of a Qassam.

~S~

5 Dianna  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:27:10pm

re: #2 rawmuse

I have heard it's something like traumatic if you're female.

6 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:28:11pm

why didn't he get his procedure in pali land? does he see the irony there, at all? they are helpless and worthless.

7 rawmuse  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:28:22pm

re: #5 Dianna

I have heard it's something like traumatic if you're female.

Females don't have prostate glands. I think. Maybe some Code Pinkers do.

8 Dianna  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:28:38pm

How come we all immediately assumed it was a urethral catheter? I did, and was wondering why this was something that would be in the news, until I read the article.

9 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:29:19pm

It's not that kind of catheter! This one goes in a few inches more to the side, and ends up in your heart, if you have one.

10 Bacchus's daddy  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:29:22pm

Prior to the operation, he no doubt wished he was flying to Israel rather than Jordan for the procedure.

11 jcm  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:29:40pm

re: #5 Dianna

I have heard it's something like traumatic if you're female.

It's easier to administer one on female, less plumbing to contend with. As to the experience, I could not comment.

12 Ma Sands  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:29:53pm

73! I did not realize he was that old. Hmmm.....

13 Dianna  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:30:14pm

re: #7 rawmuse

Catheters are used for both sexes; I think the prostate might add to the discomfort, but someone mentioned that it was extremely unpleasant.

14 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:30:22pm
15 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:30:30pm

re: #11 jcm

Yes, but the orifice is usually harder to find.

16 Opinionated  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:30:34pm
He even joked to me,” Erekat said.

He told him the good one about a President of the United States who believes the Arabs want to live in peace with Israel.

That one always cracks me up too.

17 snowcrash  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:30:38pm

re: #8 Dianna
I think because the thread headline says gets a catheter vs, gets a catheterization.

18 jcm  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:31:08pm

re: #9 Last Mohican

It's not that kind of catheter! This one goes in a few inches more to the side, and ends up in your heart, if you have one.

This coronary cath normally is feed in to the femoral artery in the groin. Big fat artery straight to the heart close to the surface.

19 Dianna  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:31:14pm

re: #11 jcm

I have been told, but (thankfully) have no experience.

20 bosforus  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:31:28pm

I wonder which country did the research for that heart procedure.

21 Seraphym  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:31:56pm

re: #1 Racer X

He has a heart?

Looks like the IDF Sayeret Duvdevan missed a chance to fix that.

~S~

22 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:32:15pm

More hummus, Abbas?

23 Dianna  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:32:35pm

re: #17 snowcrash

That might explain it.

Mostly, I think it's because it's the end of Thursday, and we've all about had it with anything even vaguely serious.

24 yochanan  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:33:16pm

die terrorist die

25 rawmuse  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:34:13pm

Sorry, when I hear the word "catheter", my legs cross.

26 snowcrash  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:34:57pm

re: #24 yochanan
Not from a medical procedure! Besides no one dies in the Cath Lab.(get put on a pump and sent to the OR)

27 NoSubmission  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:35:26pm
“He’s doing very, very well. He’s in very high spirits. He even joked to me,” Erekat said.


Was it a knock-knock joke?

Knock knock.
Who's there.
Terrorists.
Terrorists who?
BOOM!

28 NoSubmission  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:35:52pm

re: #25 rawmuse

Sorry, when I hear the word "catheter", my legs cross.


Weren't they made of glass originally?

29 Seraphym  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:35:58pm

Now that's funny!

30 jcm  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:36:08pm

re: #14 song_and_dance_man

If Arafish were alive he'd want one.

Through the back door please.

Arafish preferred the old style ridgid sigmoidoscope, know by it's nic....
The Silver Stallion.

31 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:38:15pm

He has a heart? Who knew?

32 hayseed  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:38:39pm

OT...they hate Chuck Norris over at kos

/who would have thunk

33 EE  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:38:52pm

Abbas is a passing shadow. Abbas wants to live long enough to get some concessions from Israel that will threaten Israel's security and go against Israel's vital interests, as well as make Judea and Samaria Judenrein, and get Israel to make a promise that would open the door in the future to having millions of Arabs who were not born in Israel flowing into Israel to end the existence of the Jewish state. At some point Abbas will be gone, and Hamas will take over the West Bank and pocket the concessions that Israel makes.

The Olmert government needs to understand that any concession it makes to Abbas is a concession that eventually will be pocketed by Hamas.

34 snowcrash  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:39:10pm

re: #31 NY Nana
But it is a diseased one. Now we know for sure.

35 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:40:03pm
36 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:41:41pm

re: #28 NoSubmission

Weren't they made of glass originally?

His legs? :O

37 jcm  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:43:23pm

re: #32 hayseed

OT...they hate Chuck Norris over at kos

/who would have thunk

One would think that before Norris started proposing "final solutions" to "problems" of people who "aren't like us," he would have realized that the Nazis, through the experiences of their mobile killing units, the einsatzgruppen, discovered that shooting wasn't a very efficient way of killing large numbers of people. How long until Norris or one of his buddies takes the next step, and advocates gas chambers?

Just how the [deleted] do the kostards make the jump from drawing a line that says "do not cross or else" to rounding up and exterminating people?

Maybe we should have one of 'em cross the "authorization" line around Air Force one to demonstrate the difference.

38 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:43:45pm

re: #32 hayseed

OT...they hate Chuck Norris over at kos

/who would have thunk

Some people have an organ donor card. Chuck Norris' card includes his mustache.

39 Reno911  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:43:48pm

He's probably already dead.

40 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:45:02pm

re: #38 Racer X

Chuck Norris' organs donate you

41 offendi  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:45:34pm

No doubt Abbas has returned to the important business of using the dumb European's money, and sadly, the U.S.A's to add more terrorist goodies for the Al Aksa scum, and keep those good old Swiss bank accounts full.

"Partner for peace", indeed.

42 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:46:59pm

re: #40 jaunte

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

43 offendi  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:47:03pm

When he does go will Abbas be buried on top or underneath Arafat?
I think that's a damn good question, you know.

44 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:48:02pm

Just a catheter? Would be a lot more fun if he got an enema... By means of JDAM...

45 Killgore Trout  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:48:10pm
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas underwent an unannounced heart procedure at a Jordanian hospital on Thursday


Non-Jewish doctor? Blasphemy!

46 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:49:45pm

I love Chuck Norris-isms.

47 Alouette  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:51:01pm

re: #42 Racer X

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Jack Bauer wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

48 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:53:30pm

re: #47 Alouette

When children go to sleep they wear Superman pajamas. When Superman goes to sleep he wears Chuck Norris ones.

49 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:53:58pm

OK a few more:

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

50 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:54:04pm

Why do I get the feeling that the Lizards care more about Chuck Norris than Mahmoud Abbas? I mean, the poor corrupt self-aggrandizing two-faced genocidal mass-murdering terrorist son of a bitch just had a cardiac cath, shouldn't we show a little love?

51 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:54:25pm

Hey Abbas, I hear there's a great heart center in Ashkelon.

52 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:55:30pm

When Chuck Norris does push-ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the Earth down.

53 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:56:06pm

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

54 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:57:08pm

To watch Chuck Norris read some Chuck-Norrisisms:

Youtube Video

55 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:57:33pm

I hear that the Aztecs run a cheap heart clinic at their Temple of the Sun.

Maybe Abbas should get a second opinion.

56 Dianna  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:57:38pm

re: #50 Last Mohican

Ah, no.

I'm enjoying this.

57 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:57:43pm

re: #50 Last Mohican

Why do I get the feeling that the Lizards care more about Chuck Norris than Mahmoud Abbas? I mean, the poor corrupt self-aggrandizing two-faced genocidal mass-murdering terrorist son of a bitch just had a cardiac cath, shouldn't we show a little love?

Hell no! Duh......

58 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:57:47pm

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

59 shibumi  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:58:09pm

re: #50 Last Mohican

I mean, the poor corrupt self-aggrandizing two-faced genocidal mass-murdering terrorist son of a bitch just had a cardiac cath, shouldn't we show a little love?

This is the best I can muster: as a human being, I feel for anyone who has to have any kind of heart surgery.

As for this human being in particular, I personally hope his doctor is Jewish. You know, for irony. In an Archie Bunker kind of way.

60 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:59:15pm

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

61 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:59:21pm

re: #59 shibumi

Heart procedures can be life changing. While I do hope he recovers, I don't hold a lot of "hope" for "change".

sad really.

62 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:59:25pm

re: #50 Last Mohican

Why do I get the feeling that the Lizards care more about Chuck Norris than Mahmoud Abbas?

Heh. Chuck Norris is so much more fun.

63 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 6:59:50pm

re: #60 Racer X

LOL!

64 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:00:04pm

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

65 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:00:49pm

chuck norris doesn't read, he doesn't have to, he just stares a book down until it gives up the information.

66 David IV of Georgia  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:00:54pm

IIRC, "Catheter" comes from a Greek word meaning "to cleanse". So his heart still works, but the catheter was a failure...

67 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:01:01pm

OK I'm crackin up. Stop or keep going?

68 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:01:30pm

re: #67 Racer X

Keep going. Can't type..

69 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:01:36pm

re: #67 Racer X

Yes

70 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:01:47pm

re: #67 Racer X

OK I'm crackin up. Stop or keep going?


Keep going!

71 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:02:13pm

chuck norris went into a burger king and ordered a big mac. and he got it.

72 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:02:14pm

keep going!

73 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:02:41pm

re: #71 nyc redneck

chuck norris went into a burger king and ordered a big mac. and he got it.


Love it!

74 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:02:52pm

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name that he uses for the world.

75 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:03:00pm

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

76 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:03:54pm

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

77 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:04:29pm

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

78 DesertSage  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:04:39pm

re: #75 Racer X

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

So Chuck Norris is the creator?

/don't tell Killgore

79 x-wing  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:05:24pm

Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by just staring at her..He can also do the same to men.

80 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:05:55pm

re: #34 snowcrash

But it is a diseased one. Now we know for sure.

Indeed it must be spewing a poisonous substance.

This is a cardiac catheterization, which is what he had, not a urinary catheterization, Lizards!

Any comment that I am sooooo tempted to make would be [deleted]!

May he need a urinary catheterization that will cause a very fatal infection, given to him by a nurse that looks like this.

81 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:05:58pm

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

82 snowcrash  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:06:08pm

Chuck Norris won’t ever get a heart attack, because a heart knows better than to attack Chuck Norris.

83 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:06:33pm

re: #77 jaunte

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

lol but sick! :)

84 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:07:11pm
85 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:07:17pm

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

86 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:07:17pm

re: #83 beachkatie

Evolution theme!

87 BBev  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:07:28pm

re: #60 Racer X

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

How many more of these do you have, If I missed any I give you a plus one from them also,

88 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:07:40pm

chuck norris doesn't go to a barber.
he just says 'at ease' to his hair.

89 shibumi  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:07:43pm

re: #82 snowcrash

Chuck Norris won’t ever get a heart attack, because a heart knows better than to attack Chuck Norris.

my favorite so far!

90 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:07:44pm

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.

91 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:07:59pm

I know who Chuck Norris is but I never really watched any of his movies. Still, the jokes are making me laugh.

92 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:08:29pm

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor.
...
Never slap Chuck Norris.

93 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:08:40pm

The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

94 rawmuse  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:09:00pm

re: #91 Natasha

I know who Chuck Norris is but I never really watched any of his movies. Still, the jokes are making me laugh.

Your process of Naturalization is incomplete!

95 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:09:01pm

Chuck Norris took a vacation to the Virgin Islands recently. Now they're just known as The Islands.

96 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:09:12pm

re: #92 jaunte

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor.
...
Never slap Chuck Norris.

excellent.

97 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:09:36pm

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

98 x-wing  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:10:15pm

Objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are. If that objecy is Chuck Norris, it's to late ,you're already dead.

99 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:10:15pm

re: #92 jaunte

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor.
...
Never slap Chuck Norris.

Winner!

100 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:10:48pm

rawmuse:

Your process of Naturalization is incomplete!

I will remedy that as soon as finals are over.

101 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:10:52pm

Lightning never strikes twice in one place...
...
because lightning knows Chuck Norris is looking for it.

102 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:10:58pm

NGrove, where are you!?!?! I know you have some good ones to share!

103 profitsbeard  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:11:09pm

Carter Gets An Enema.

104 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:12:11pm

re: #33 EE

Take a look at where our tax $$$$$'s are going.

/Should buy some gasoline.

105 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:12:26pm

re: #103 profitsbeard

Buzz kill.

106 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:13:00pm

re: #91 Natasha

Chuck's movies are very enjoyable -- not Academy Award productions.

But then I think it was Chuck who created Oscar, no? Why would he want his own award.

/I'm not coming up with them on my own tonite.

107 bosforus  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:13:22pm

Wouldn't be surprised if trying to click on that kos article resulted in a 'file not found' pretty soon.

108 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:13:30pm

Koskids must be so jealous.

While they try to make fun of Chuck, we're crackin up over here.

Chuck is the man.

109 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:14:18pm

re: #78 DesertSage

Yoo, hoo, Killgore, Sage needs you to read this post! ;) Honest.

110 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:14:20pm

ggt:

Chuck's movies are very enjoyable -- not Academy Award productions.

Considering the source of the award, that only means his movies are probably worth watching.

111 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:15:14pm

This is now officially my favorite thread in weeks! Screw Abbas. More Chuck Norris! More Chuck Norris!

112 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:15:38pm

Abbas who?

113 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:15:47pm

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

114 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:16:06pm

re: #102 Sarge1984

NGrove, where are you!?!?! I know you have some good ones to share!

I don't feel like tempting fate... Chuck could be lurking.

115 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:16:12pm

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

116 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:16:13pm

re: #55 Syrah

I hear that the Aztecs run a cheap heart clinic at their Temple of the Sun.

Maybe Abbas should get a second opinion.

BEST!


so far

117 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:16:25pm

chuck norris' tears can cure cancer.
too bad he has never cried.

118 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:16:44pm

In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"

119 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:17:52pm

The only one I can remember is:

Chuck Norris isn't addicted to Heroin, Heroin is addicted to Chuck Norris.

120 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:18:15pm

I haven't seen it yet, so I'm going with a Golden Oldie:

Chuck Norris doesn't get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

121 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:18:15pm

re: #103 profitsbeard

Carter Gets An Enema.

Please, no! He is so full of it, that it would stink up our country...better to leave him verrrrry constipated, with no medical assistance, so he would splode in the Grand Canyon during the night.

122 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:18:31pm

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

123 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:18:48pm

Einstein was going to have Chuck Norris demonstrate that Light could be bent, but he was afraid that he would break it.

124 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:19:21pm

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris,
don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

125 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:19:27pm

NY Nana:

Please, no! He is so full of it, that it would stink up our country...better to leave him verrrrry constipated, with no medical assistance, so he would splode in the Grand Canyon during the night

.

Would be better if he 'sploded while visiting with terrorist buddies.

126 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:19:52pm

re: #124 jaunte

Even office weenies can get in on the Norris-isms!

127 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:20:01pm

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

128 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:20:08pm

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

129 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:20:28pm

ahahahahahahah

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99cents everytime he listens to a song.

130 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:20:52pm

re: #129 ggt

ggt! You're cheating!

131 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:21:00pm

re: #126 Sarge1984
Chuck Norris goes anywhere Chuck Norris wants. To a restaurant:

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant.
The steak did what it was told.

132 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:21:33pm

They started bottling Chuck Norris' urine. It is called Red Bull.

133 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:22:29pm

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

134 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:22:45pm

re: #125 Natasha

Would be better if he 'sploded while visiting with terrorist buddies.

I agree. Maybe next time?

135 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:22:50pm

Chuck Norris put the laughter in manslaughter.

136 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:23:03pm

re: #130 Sarge1984

Oh, Like I"m the ooooonnnnllllly one!

137 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:23:14pm

Chuck Norris is the only WMD found in Iraq.

138 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:23:42pm

Ok Sarge one...
When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

139 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:23:59pm

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

140 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:24:17pm

If you're next clothing purchase will be paid for in Marlboro Miles...

Then you might be a ... oh, oops. Wrong thread.

141 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:24:31pm

Chuck Norris once ate three 72-ounce steaks in an hour.
He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

142 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:24:53pm

re: #140 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

If you're next clothing purchase will be paid for in Marlboro Miles...

Then you might be a ... oh, oops. Wrong thread.

PIMF! your

143 bosforus  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:25:05pm

Chuck Norris was once in danger pinned under a train car and sent morse code for help by biting into the railroad track. That story is a boldfaced lie, Chuck Norris has been in danger, nor has he ever needed help.

144 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:25:11pm

re: #139 NY Nana

heh. stupid, but got a chuckle :)

145 bosforus  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:25:56pm

re: #143 bosforus

Chuck Norris was once in danger pinned under a train car and sent morse code for help by biting into the railroad track. That story is a boldfaced lie, Chuck Norris has NEVER been in danger, nor has he ever needed help.


PIMF

146 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:26:05pm

re: #136 ggt

LOL

/here's a fresh cuppa joe for ya!

147 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:26:19pm

The dinosaurs once borrowed money from Chuck Norris and never paid him back...

148 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:26:33pm

re: #146 Sarge1984


gee wiz, thanks!

149 Dianna  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:26:51pm

I loved the Chuck Norris!

My Male is home and is offering a foot rub, so I leave you to your evening.

Take good care and keep laughing!

150 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:26:56pm

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

151 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:27:22pm

re: #149 Dianna

I loved the Chuck Norris!

My Male is home and is offering a foot rub, so I leave you to your evening.

Take good care and keep laughing!

Careful. It is NOT just a foot rub.

152 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:27:54pm

re: #150 Racer X

along those same lines:

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

153 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:27:56pm

Chuck Norris' watch doesn't have any numbers on it...
it just reads, "Time to kick ass".

154 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:28:01pm

while Jean-Claude is no match for Chuck, he is yummy looking. And I am not thinking with my stomach.

155 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:28:05pm

I bet Microsoft Vista works flawlessly on Chuck Norris's laptop.

156 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:28:09pm

re: #151 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Careful. It is NOT just a foot rub.

Obviously, your Male is NOT Chuck Norris.

157 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:28:38pm

re: #155 NGrove

I bet Microsoft Vista works flawlessly on Chuck Norris's laptop.

Original? Nice.

158 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:28:48pm

Chuck Norris doesn't have any pick-up lines, he just says "Now."

159 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:29:16pm

re: #155 NGrove

Even geeks got Norris-isms!

/broke the meter with that one... ;)

160 bosforus  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:29:41pm

Chuck Norris slammed his finger in his car door and broke the door.

161 snowcrash  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:29:44pm

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. ...

162 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:30:37pm

I keep hitting new comments, nothing is happening. C'mon dammit!

163 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:30:46pm

This is a good thread to...
DRINK!

164 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:31:06pm
165 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:31:17pm

Since the comments are kinda slow, I'll take a sip of my beer every time one is posted.

166 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:31:19pm

re: #163 Natasha

This is a good thread to...
DRINK!

The thread about not drinking is a good thread to....
DRINK!

167 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:31:30pm

re: #157 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Original? Nice.

Been helping coworkers troubleshoot Vista problems all week. Where is Chuck Norris when I need him?

168 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:32:05pm

re: #163 Natasha

A shot for each Norris-ism?

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

169 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:32:08pm

Chuck Norris' Ipod spontaneously capitalized.

170 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:32:24pm

Chuck Norris parted the Red Sea. Moses merely told him when.

171 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:32:25pm

re: #159 Sarge1984

Even geeks got Norris-isms!

/broke the meter with that one... ;)

Who you callin Geek trivia boy?

172 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:32:59pm

re: #167 NGrove

Been helping coworkers troubleshoot Vista problems all week. Where is Chuck Norris when I need him?

Giving a roundhouse kick to...oh, I got nuthin.

173 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:33:18pm

Fat Bastard Vegetarian:

The thread about not drinking is a good thread to....
DRINK!

Any thread on a Thursday (for me) is potentially a drinking thread. Thursdays are my Fridays.

174 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:33:50pm

are we still evolving?

175 bosforus  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:33:54pm

Chuck Norris chewed Fruit Stripe gum and a zebra died.

176 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:34:01pm

re: #173 Natasha

Fat Bastard Vegetarian:


Any thread on a Thursday (for me) is potentially a drinking thread. Thursdays are my Fridays.

Just don't quit. Quitting is for losers.

177 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:34:30pm

Yishai:

A shot for each Norris-ism?

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist

.

Sounds like a plan. But all I have is beer. And wine for Saturday.

178 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:34:38pm

re: #172 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Giving a roundhouse kick to...oh, I got nuthin.

Maybe depriving potential Jihadis of their virgins?

179 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:34:53pm

Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it too.

180 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:35:10pm

re: #176 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Just don't quit. Quitting is for losers.

Just don't quilt.Quilting is for losers.

181 SummerSong  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:35:20pm

re: #40 jaunte

Chuck Norris' organs donate you

Hahahahaha! Best laugh I have had all week!

Thank you! Hahaha, too cute.

182 BBev  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:35:20pm

re: #167 NGrove

Been helping coworkers troubleshoot Vista problems all week. Where is Chuck Norris when I need him?


I don't know why everyone has problems with Vista I use it at work and I like it.

183 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:35:48pm

re: #178 NGrove

Maybe depriving potential Jihadis of their virgins?

One only hopes.

184 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:36:12pm

FBV:

Just don't quit.


I can't. I am in the military AND in college. Beer is my remedy for this "Campus Commie Allergy" I have developed.

185 LoFlyer  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:36:14pm

Isn't Chuck Norris retired?

186 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:36:17pm

re: #177 Natasha

Heh. :) I'd love too, but I gotta work tomorrow, and I'm running low of whiskey!

187 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:36:28pm

re: #179 Yishai

They can be abstract and surreal?

How about Chuck Norris can fool all of the people, all of the time.

(I'm new to this)

188 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:36:46pm

re: #186 Yishai

Heh. :) I'd love too, but I gotta work tomorrow, and I'm running low of whiskey!


Sip!

189 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:36:50pm

re: #181 SummerSong

Thanks, that one was my only spontaneous invention.

190 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:37:06pm

re: #180 joecitizen

Hey, I resemble that remark! Bet you don't say that on cold winter nights when you have a quilt someone made .. . . .

191 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:37:16pm

re: #185 LoFlyer

Isn't Chuck Norris retired?

Cuck Norris can't retire. He's never tired in the first place.

192 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:37:24pm

re: #184 Natasha

FBV:

I can't. I am in the military AND in college. Beer is my remedy for this "Campus Commie Allergy" I have developed.

My son made it all of the way of college completely and totally "straight edge". No drinking at all.
.
.
.
.
.
What a loser.

193 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:37:38pm

re: #185 LoFlyer

Chuck Norris doesn't retire. He is always awake, waiting . . . .

194 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:37:54pm

re: #187 Last Mohican

You're feeling it. Keep going!

195 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:38:16pm

re: #193 ggt

GMTA!

196 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:38:25pm

re: #187 Last Mohican

Very Good.

Humor is a hobby of mine.

197 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:38:29pm

chuck norris doesn't sleep.
he waits.

198 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:38:34pm

re: #185 LoFlyer

Isn't Chuck Norris retired?

Chuck Norris was never tired in the first place

199 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:38:38pm
200 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:38:41pm

re: #185 LoFlyer

Isn't Chuck Norris retired?

Chuck Norris doesn't retire, he just waits for his next victim...

201 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:38:42pm

re: #190 ggt

Hey, I resemble that remark! Bet you don't say that on cold winter nights when you have a quilt someone made .. . . .


thankfully,I have my wife,who I admit enjoys a great yarn,for that..

202 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:39:12pm

re: #198 NGrove

Heh.

203 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:39:13pm

re: #187 Last Mohican

oooh, nice.

204 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:39:31pm

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

205 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:39:54pm

re: #197 nyc redneck

chuck norris doesn't sleep.
he waits.

DAMN!

206 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:40:10pm

re: #191 Sarge1984

Damn you beat me to it!

207 snowcrash  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:40:20pm

From my 16 year old son
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

208 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:40:53pm

re: #207 snowcrash

I love that one.

209 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:40:59pm

re: #207 snowcrash

Nice Teeny!

210 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:41:01pm

re: #207 snowcrash

From my 16 year old son
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Hey i like that one!

211 DesertSage  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:41:15pm

re: #207 snowcrash

Tell your son that that was a good one.

212 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:41:25pm

re: #207 snowcrash

Amen. Sign that kid up as a lizard.

213 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:41:48pm

re: #205 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

DAMN!

it was worth repeating.

214 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:41:50pm
215 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:41:52pm

Chuck Norris can turn the world on with a smile...

Oops. Mary Tyler Moore. Sorry.

216 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:42:20pm

re: #212 Yishai

Amen. Sign that kid up as a lizard.


hey a newbie lizzard!

217 snowcrash  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:42:41pm

Thanks guys I'll pass it on.

218 tokyobk  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:42:45pm

Journalist Jack Sheehan discovers free speech!

In the United States, you can say anything you want about Islam and Arabs and get away with it. In other words, as someone said, 'You can hit an Arab free'," said Shaheen -- also author of "Reel Bad Arabs -- How Hollywood Vilifies a People".

In his next brilliant expose he will contrast that with free speech in the Arab-Muslim world such as In Saudi where a Turkish man is about to be beheaded for insulting Islam.

By the way, I know it is much easier and has less consequences, but why harangue Western Liberals (besides the fact that they have consciouses and actually care)? Would it not be much more beneficial to world peace to convince Arab Muslim terrorists that their religion does not actually jsutify their actions.

I mean what is a Kuffir supposed to believe, Jack Sheehan or his or her own lying eyes and ears?

219 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:43:05pm

re: #215 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Chuck Norris can turn the world on with a smile...

Oops. Mary Tyler Moore. Sorry.

He was standing behind her. The world had no choice.

220 LoFlyer  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:43:27pm

re: #200 Yishai

Chuck Norris doesn't retire, he just waits for his next victim...

Is alcohol a antidote?

221 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:43:31pm

re: #219 NGrove

Perfect.

222 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:43:59pm

The Sensei Speaks.

223 tokyobk  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:44:12pm

By the Way,

Alexsey Veyner invented Chuck Norris

224 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:45:01pm
225 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:45:45pm

re: #222 Sarge1984

The Sensei Speaks.

And they're really good ones, too!

226 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:46:47pm

Dawn was intact until Chuck Norris broke it.

227 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:46:47pm

re: #220 LoFlyer

Is alcohol a antidote?

Yup. Chuck Norris has never been arrested for DUI. His breath destroys the breathalizers.

228 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:47:43pm

re: #223 tokyobk

By the Way,

Alexsey Veyner invented Chuck Norris

By the way, Chuck Norris invented pizza.

229 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:47:46pm

OK, gonna try an original, be nice...


The Soviet Union tried to make the first hybrid cars, using the power of Chuck Norris' testicles. You may heard of the car...The Chernobyl?

230 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:48:12pm

...They wanted to put Chuck Norris' face on Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough...

231 Natasha  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:49:02pm

FBV:

The Soviet Union tried to make the first hybrid cars, using the power of Chuck Norris' testicles. You may heard of the car...The Chernobyl?

Oh, man! Wrong but funny!

232 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:49:25pm

re: #229 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

uhh, almost. How about:

Chuck Norris once sneezed on Three Mile Island.

233 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:50:02pm

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

234 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:50:13pm

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

235 barere  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:50:52pm

Chuck Norris sucked knocked the life out of Mike Huckabees campaign, that's for sure.

Apologies in advance to all Huckabee fans out there....McCainiac here.

236 BBev  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:51:27pm

Hurricane Katrina was caused by Chuck Norris after eating a bean burrito

237 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:51:49pm

re: #235 barere

Heh. Chuck Norris doesn't vote. He allows a candidate to be President.

238 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:51:59pm

Before Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick was square.

239 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:52:14pm

re: #236 BBev

Chuck Norris invented the bean burrito.

240 BBev  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:52:28pm

re: #233 Sarge1984

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

That was good

241 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:52:41pm

re: #238 jaunte

Before Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick was square.

and just a hut.

242 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:53:06pm

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

243 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:53:21pm

re: #228 Yishai

By the way, Chuck Norris invented pizza.

And the waffle.

244 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:53:38pm

Dang, I thought mine was hysterical.

I must be on the reefer.

245 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:53:38pm

re: #144 Yishai

Here is the real Chuck Norris!

And as a diabetic, this had me ROTFL!

I did a lot of checking, but could not find anything about his actually being a diabetic.

246 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:54:42pm

re: #245 NY Nana

Here is the real Chuck Norris!

And as a diabetic, this had me ROTFL!

I did a lot of checking, but could not find anything about his actually being a diabetic.

Chuck Norris gives diabetes sugar problems.

247 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:54:48pm

Natasha, you drunk yet?

Chuck Norris' temperature is 98.6 degrees - Celsius.

248 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:54:53pm

Oh Crap!

[Link: www.chuckynorris.com...]

249 BBev  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:54:59pm

re: #244 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Dang, I thought mine was hysterical.

I must be on the reefer.


Dude they are all good. Chuck told me they were.

250 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:55:03pm

re: #243 Cartman

And the waffle.

and apple pie.

251 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:55:15pm

If you don't leave Chuck Norris alone to eat his waffle, you're toast.

252 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:56:28pm

re: #251 jaunte

he(freakin')h

253 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:56:30pm

re: #245 NY Nana

LOL!

Splenda sales are up because Chuck Norris has no Equal.

254 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:56:38pm

Chuck Norris swims out after troop ships.

And catches them.

255 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:57:25pm

This has been the greatest 30 minutes of my life.

Now, I shall go exterminate myself.


G'night Lizards!

G'night Elizabeth.

256 ggt  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:57:28pm

It's an early night for me, Lizards!

Have fun and weet dreams!

257 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:57:44pm

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

258 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:58:08pm

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

259 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:58:27pm

re: #257 Racer X

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.


and sandpaper in the loo..

260 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:58:30pm

re: #256 ggt

It's an early night for me, Lizards!

Have fun and weet dreams!

I do believe that 'weet dreams" is here to stay.

261 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:58:30pm

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

262 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:58:55pm

Weet dreams, ggt!

263 stevieray  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:59:12pm

Love the Norris-isms!

Should we try to merge them with lolcats, or would that bring about Armageddon?

264 Fat Bastard Vegetarian  Thu, May 1, 2008 7:59:17pm

re: #262 Sarge1984

Weet dreams, ggt!

Brown Chicken, Brown Cow.

265 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:00:03pm

Chuk Nors can haz armageddin jus bai raisin arm.

266 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:00:19pm

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter, he punches a cow and butter comes out.

267 BBev  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:00:39pm

When the military says and Army of one they are talking about Chuck Norris.

268 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:01:26pm

re: #256 ggt

It's an early night for me, Lizards!

Have fun and weet dreams!

Same to you ggt! WEET DREAMS!

269 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:01:39pm

Chuck Norris chugs Drano to cleanse his colon.

270 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:02:12pm

The second law of thermodynamics:

Matter becomes more disordered over time, unless Chuck Norris stares it down.

271 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:02:30pm

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

272 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:02:46pm

re: #255 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

This has been the greatest 30 minutes of my life.

Now, I shall go exterminate myself.


G'night Lizards!

G'night Elizabeth.


Weetdreams to yaaaaa! THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS!

273 BBev  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:03:13pm

Good night all 4 am comes way to fast.

274 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:03:18pm

Chuck Norris tells Godzilla to go piss up a rope.

275 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:03:42pm

Ai iz not hairless cat, befor Chuk Nors sneezed

276 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:03:56pm

The third law of thermodynamics:

There is nothing colder than absolute zero. Except for Chuck Norris' squinting glare.

277 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:04:14pm

re: #273 BBev

Good night all 4 am comes way to fast.


WEETDREAMS to ya! SEE YA tomorrow!?

278 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:04:27pm

And on the 7th day, Chuck Norris sat down and had a beer.

279 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:05:00pm

re: #246 joecitizen

Chuck Norris gives diabetes sugar problems.

ROTFL! ;)

280 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:05:16pm

re: #271 Racer X

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

:)

Chuck Norris is the stunt double for his stunt double.

281 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:05:30pm

re: #278 Racer X

And on the 7th day, Chuck Norris sat down and had a beer.


After all that i would too!

282 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:05:32pm

re: #269 Cartman

Chuck Norris chugs Drano to cleanse his colon.

When Chuck Norris goes in for a colonoscopy, there is always an aura of fear in the room. No one wants to perform the procedure.

283 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:05:35pm

Im in ur drier hidin frm Chuk Nors

284 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:05:51pm
285 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:06:40pm

re: #279 NY Nana

ROTFL! ;)


no one rolled on the floor laughing until Chuck Norris came along.

286 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:07:04pm

re: #283 NGrove

Im in ur drier hidin frm Chuk Nors


LOL>!Lmao!

287 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:07:17pm

Chuk Nors nventid bukkit

288 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:07:24pm
289 Yishai  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:07:40pm

G'nite y'all. I'm gonna go put on my Chuck Norris pajamas.

I've had fun!

290 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:07:45pm

re: #287 jaunte

Chuk Nors nventid bukkit


?

291 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:07:52pm

re: #269 Cartman

Chuck Norris chugs Drano to cleanse his colon.

Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!

292 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:07:59pm

re: #277 beachkatie


How about 'wheat' dreams? Think of all the money you'd make....in your sleep!

Sweet dreams....

293 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:08:18pm

re: #289 Yishai

G'nite y'all. I'm gonna go put on my Chuck Norris pajamas.

I've had fun!


WEETDREAMS TO YA! :)

294 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:08:35pm

Chuck Norris recently flew solo over the Atlantic. Upon landing, he declared that his arms weren't even tired.

295 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:09:19pm

re: #292 NY Nana

How about 'wheat' dreams? Think of all the money you'd make....in your sleep!

Sweet dreams....


weetdreams to ya too! SEEE ya tomorrow girl!:)

296 little boomer  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:09:28pm

i think this thread has been hijacked.

297 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:09:28pm

re: #290 beachkatie

Nobuddy kwestyons Chuk Nors!

298 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:09:33pm

re: #293 beachkatie

WEETDREAMS TO YA! :)


nobody had weet dreams till beachkatie came around.

299 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:09:33pm

re: #285 joecitizen

no one rolled on the floor laughing until Chuck Norris came along.

So shoot me! I am old..../I forgot! ;)

300 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:09:48pm

Chuck Norris tugs on Superman's cape.

301 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:10:07pm

re: #297 jaunte

Nobuddy kwestyons Chuk Nors!


HEHEHE !LOL!

302 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:10:20pm

re: #288 song_and_dance_man

Are you guys here all week?

Try the veal!

303 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:10:20pm

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

304 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:10:43pm

George Walker Bush, ex-owner of the Texas Rangers. hmm.

305 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:10:48pm

michelle o. can bench press barrack

306 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:10:55pm

re: #295 beachkatie

It is almost tomorrow here...taking a nap?;)

Sweet dreams...

307 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:11:03pm

re: #275 jaunte

Ai iz not hairless cat, befor Chuk Nors sneezed

That is too funny!

308 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:11:10pm

Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.

309 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:11:35pm

re: #289 Yishai

G'nite y'all. I'm gonna go put on my Chuck Norris pajamas.

I've had fun!


WEETDREams toya!:)

310 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:11:37pm

re: #302 Sarge1984

Try the veal!

And don't forget to tip your waitress!

311 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:11:42pm

Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."

312 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:12:20pm

re: #305 nyc redneck

michelle o. can bench press barrack

So can my 20-month old grandson..

313 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:12:26pm

Chuk Nors can haz cheezburger at vegan restrunt.

314 barere  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:12:48pm

#313: HAHAHA

315 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:12:49pm

Chuck Norris is not afraid of scientists.

316 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:12:54pm

Chuck Norris' hair plugs jumped onto his head of their own accord.

317 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:14:42pm

E=MC2 unless Chuck Norris doesn't want it to.

318 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:14:42pm

re: #275 jaunte

Wow! You are on a roll tonight! I just can't decide it it's plain or seeded.

319 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:16:52pm

re: #318 NY Nana

Wow! You are on a roll tonight! I just can't decide it it's plain or seeded.

SEEDED!LOL!

320 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:17:07pm

Chuk Nors can haz cheezburger in Peta hedqwarters

321 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:17:17pm

This one's too wrong:

Chuck Norris is actually just Bob Saget in his invincible mech suit.

322 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:17:21pm

Paul Harvey's "The rest of the story.." yesterday was about a young boy named Carlos who got beat up every day after school by a bigger kid named Billy until an old neighbor man convinced young Carlos that he should quit running from the bully and stand up for himself. The kid did take on the bully that very day and beat him up, ending the reighn of Billy the Bully. Anyways, I thought for sure young Carlos would turn out to have been Charles Bronson, but it turned out to be none other than Chuck Norris.

So he wasn't always a badass.

323 pingjockey  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:17:24pm

Chucj Norris dyes his hair. On topic, too bad abbass didn't just do us a favor and shuffle of this mortal coil and go see his buddy stan.

324 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:19:00pm

re: #322 mich-again

So he wasn't always a badass.

OK. You tell him.

325 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:19:02pm

re: #322 mich-again

I'm sure gonna miss you when Chuck reads that, Mich...

326 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:19:58pm

re: #322 mich-again

Paul Harvey's "The rest of the story.." yesterday was about a young boy named Carlos who got beat up every day after school by a bigger kid named Billy until an old neighbor man convinced young Carlos that he should quit running from the bully and stand up for himself. The kid did take on the bully that very day and beat him up, ending the reighn of Billy the Bully. Anyways, I thought for sure young Carlos would turn out to have been Charles Bronson, but it turned out to be none other than Chuck Norris.

So he wasn't always a badass.

i heard that too. i figured out it was chuck norris just because of the karate lessons. it was a cute story, wasn't it?

327 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:21:39pm

re: #325 Sarge1984

I'm sure gonna miss you when Chuck reads that, Mich...

Weet dreams to you sarge! LOVE ya mean it -after 3 glass of merlow---HEHEHE LOL! I kidding , Sweetdream to ya from Lejeuene!

328 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:22:01pm

Chuck Norris can hear one hand clapping.

329 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:22:03pm

Chuck Norris gives milk a mustache.

330 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:22:10pm

Chuk Nors killt kyuriossiteh.

331 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:23:16pm

re: #325 Sarge1984

I'm sure gonna miss you when Chuck reads that, Mich...

the guy substituting for paul harvey is in hiding as we speak

332 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:23:22pm

re: #327 beachkatie

Weet dreams to you sarge! LOVE ya mean it -after 3 glass of merlow---HEHEHE LOL! I kidding , Sweetdream to ya from Lejeuene!

Keep Jacksonville safe for us, Katie!

333 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:23:31pm

re: #328 Cartman

Chuck Norris can hear one hand clapping.


Weet dreams to you cartman!:)See you tomorrow!

334 NGrove  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:24:02pm

Well enough LMAO for me. Time to join Sgt Mike for a beer and some tv before bed. Night all.

335 snowcrash  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:24:11pm

Fatal hilarity is real. Goodnight.

336 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:24:36pm

re: #334 NGrove

Weet dreams, NGrove!

337 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:25:06pm

re: #332 Sarge1984

Keep Jacksonville safe for us, Katie!

I'll try SIR!

338 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:25:26pm

re: #328 Cartman

Chuck Norris can hear one hand clapping.

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

339 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:25:30pm

re: #337 beachkatie

And Harker's Island, too! They need all the help they can get!

340 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:25:36pm

re: #324 solomonpanting


So he wasn't always a badass.

OK. You tell him.

I met Chuck and hung out with him in Al Copeland's tour bus back in the day when he raced offshore boats for Popeye's Chicken. He was a cool guy.

341 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:25:41pm

re: #333 beachkatie

And weet dreams to you as well, beachkatie. ;)

342 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:25:50pm

re: #338 MandyManners

Go Mandy!

343 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:26:23pm

Chuck Norris doesn't need a jack to change a tire.

344 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:26:32pm

re: #335 snowcrash

Fatal hilarity is real. Goodnight.


Weet dreams snow crash!See ya tomorrow!:)

345 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:27:54pm

Not even Chuck Norris could help the Colorado Avalanche tonight.

346 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:27:59pm

re: #339 Sarge1984

And Harker's Island, too! They need all the help they can get!

Heh i like the suv's on the beach during the cold weather!:)

347 Shr_Nfr  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:28:32pm

You do not do a cardiac cath (aka shootingdye in the dark) unless you have serious concerns about the narrowing of one or more cardiac arteries. While it is a fairly safe procedure, it has non trivial mortality and morbidity. Depending on what they found, you can expect further news that he underwent bypass surgery or similar. A roto rooter job (angioplasty) with a stent may be in his future too. Too much goat there buddy. The transfat will get you every time. Of course he might just up and kick the bucket and that would be the end of it.

348 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:28:52pm

Chuck Norris could shove ShortShit into his back pocket.

349 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:29:41pm

re: #340 mich-again

I met Chuck and hung out with him in Al Copeland's tour bus back in the day when he raced offshore boats for Popeye's Chicken. He was a cool guy.


I'm sure he was/is. And, I'm guessing, a gracious fellow at that.

350 joecitizen  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:29:57pm

goodnight

351 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:30:35pm

re: #326 nyc redneck

i heard that too. i figured out it was chuck norris just because of the karate lessons. it was a cute story, wasn't it?

Yes it was heartwarming. Everyone loves the story about the bully getting his arrse handed to him. Like Ralphie and Scott Farkas in The Christmas Story.

352 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:30:41pm

Ahhh. Now I know why the koskiddies hate Chuck:
Chuck Norris In Iraq

353 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:31:55pm

re: #349 solomonpanting

a gracious fellow at that.

A common trait of the genuine badass is that they never act the part.

354 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:35:28pm

re: #352 Racer X

I love the part where the soldiers tell their favorite Chuck Norris facts.

355 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:35:35pm

Chuck Norris has left the building...

356 nyc redneck  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:36:07pm

re: #352 Racer X

Ahhh. Now I know why the koskiddies hate Chuck:
Chuck Norris In Iraq

chuck norris doesn't wear a watch. he tells time.

357 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:36:23pm

Bai Chuk Nors. He tells dreams to be weet or not.

358 Killgore Trout  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:38:53pm

Fish!

359 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:40:29pm

REd Wings pouring it on now. 7-1 in the 2nd period. Another big win for the Norris Division!

360 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:41:00pm

“Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move Chuck Norris.”

A very naive Archimedes

361 stevieray  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:42:18pm

re: #359 mich-again

REd Wings pouring it on now. 7-1 in the 2nd period. Another big win for the Norris Division!

They've gotta bring back those names... they were part of the charm of hockey.

362 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:43:09pm

re: #319 beachkatie

SEEDED!LOL!

Me, too!

363 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:45:47pm

Chuck Norris doesn't have to have a sense of humor.

Humor has to have a sense of Norris.

364 Timbre  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:46:10pm

There's a certain flag company here in the United States that makes all kinds of flags--countries, of course. They have regional strings of flags, too. The "Middle East" has no Israeli flag. Of course, there is a disclaimer which says that not every country is represented in their regional strings, but it sure seemed to have every Muslim, Arabic, and Persian country there. I'll bet they even had the "Palestinian" flag.

365 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:47:50pm
366 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:48:31pm

Saeb Erekat, a top aide to Abbas, said he spoke to the Palestinian leader from the West Bank on Thursday afternoon. “He’s doing very, very well. He’s in very high spirits. He even joked to me,” Erekat said.

Abbas to Saeb Erekat: "What do you call 50 innocent jews killed by a retarded suicide bomber?"

Erekat: "I don't know, what?"

Abbas: "A good start!"

Erekat: "You're so funny, Mr. President!"

/

367 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:48:43pm

re: #361 stevieray

They've gotta bring back those names... they were part of the charm of hockey.

I agree. But if it were a perfect world there would be an Original Six division. Boston, NY Rangers, Detroit, Chicago, Toronto and Montreal.

368 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:48:49pm

I have discovered that whiskey and lemonade are tasty together.

369 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:48:58pm

I wonder if the guy asked for small bills.

370 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:49:38pm

re: #368 Racer X

Lynchburg Lemonade!

371 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:50:24pm

re: #366 Bob in Breckenridge

And he's sitting in his hospital bed smoking a Marlboro.

372 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:51:11pm

re: #355 Cartman

Chuck Norris has left the building...

Oh noes! But I has a THIS!

373 Killgore Trout  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:51:34pm

re: #365 song_and_dance_man

That's an impressive fish.

374 hermeneutics  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:52:44pm

Hi Everyone,
What are we talking about? Anything exciting?

375 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:52:56pm

re: #369 solomonpanting

I wonder if the guy asked for small bills.

I don't know who the bigger fool is.

The mother of this clod's girlfriend.

The girlfriend of this clod.

Or the clod himself

This story makes them all look bad.

376 hayseed  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:53:23pm

a real oh shit moment..............

A Royal Air Force top gun crash-landed a new $136.3 million Typhoon fighter — apparently after forgetting to put the wheels down during a training exercise in California.

377 Sarge1984  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:53:54pm

re: #374 hermeneutics

It's Chuck Norris Facts Night on LGF!

Take a few minutes to read some of them!

378 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:54:20pm

re: #374 hermeneutics

Hi Everyone,
What are we talking about? Anything exciting?

Chuck Norris, catheters, fish, and Abbas.

379 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:54:37pm
380 Killgore Trout  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:54:40pm

Instaglenn....

DONATIONS: I don't mention the tipjar much -- I prefer to encourage donations to folks like Michael Totten or Michael Yon, or embattled Canadian bloggers -- but I just checked the balance and for some reason a lot of people have donated. So I used the money to order a new blogging tool that I'll review. Everyone wins!


Help a brother out.

381 OldLineTexan  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:55:11pm

re: #374 hermeneutics

I sent your son's file last night. Did you get it?

382 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:55:40pm

re: #376 hayseed

Jeesh. And somewhere there is a manager asking a controls engineer if he could error-proof the plane so that can't happen again.

383 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:56:38pm

Hey good evening y'all - what have I missed (besides some jokes about Chuck Norris, I mean)?

384 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:56:41pm

re: #371 mich-again

And he's sitting in his hospital bed smoking a Marlboro.

Abu Mazen Says..."Fire me up a 'Boro, Erekat!"

385 Killgore Trout  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:56:52pm

re: #379 song_and_dance_man

I'm moving to an area that has Halibut. I have no idea hot to catch them (yet).

386 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:56:58pm

re: #375 Syrah

That's what happens when three people share one IQ.

387 hermeneutics  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:57:03pm

re: #378 wolfie

Hi Wolfie! How art thou? It is good to see your nic.
(Don't know anything about Norris, cathaters or fish. Sorry.)

388 mich-again  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:57:41pm

re: #384 Cartman

Fetch me a Cowboy Killer!

389 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:57:57pm

re: #369 solomonpanting

I wonder if the guy asked for small bills.

He'll be in the running for the Darwin Award one day.

390 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:58:04pm

re: #384 Cartman

Abu Mazen Says..."Fire me up a 'Boro, Erekat!"

What's up with his 2 names?

391 hermeneutics  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:58:14pm

re: #381 OldLineTexan

Old Line -- YES, I got it. Thank you so much. He's actually in his room with your responses, thinking and tapping on the keys. You must have written good stuff!

Thanks again.
Seriously.

392 rawmuse  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:58:36pm

re: #376 hayseed

a real oh shit moment..............

A Royal Air Force top gun crash-landed a new $136.3 million Typhoon fighter — apparently after forgetting to put the wheels down during a training exercise in California.

What's that sound? The sound of your career ending.

393 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:59:31pm

re: #384 Cartman Hey my friend! Please check your e-mail when you get a chance!

394 OldLineTexan  Thu, May 1, 2008 8:59:49pm

re: #391 hermeneutics

Probably closer to incomprehensible than good, but I am glad he got it OK. I hope it serves the purpose.

395 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:00:38pm

re: #387 hermeneutics

Hi Wolfie! How art thou? It is good to see your nic.
(Don't know anything about Norris, cathaters or fish. Sorry.)

Everything's fine here in the hollows of VA! How's Arizona?
(Neither do I, but you'll have to cruise back through the thread sometime to catch all the Chuck Norris jokes. They were hilarious!)

396 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:00:42pm

re: #389 MandyManners

He'll be in the running for the Darwin Award one day.

Haven't we had enough of Darwin for one day?
:o)

397 jaunte  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:00:50pm

re: #390 Bob in Breckenridge

What's up with his 2 names?

"Abu Mazen" is called a kunya in arabic, it's an honorific nickname that means "Father of Mazen." Mazen was his oldest son.

398 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:00:54pm

re: #393 realwest

Checked, and replied to, my friend!

399 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:01:16pm

re: #392 rawmuse

What's that sound? The sound of your career ending.

Can you imagine that poor guy's future job interviews?

"So tell us why you are looking for a new job.?"

400 hermeneutics  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:01:41pm

re: #395 wolfie

I'd rather be in the hollows of Virginia than the valleys of Arizona right now. The temps are climbing. I'll have to leave soon.

401 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:02:15pm

re: #389 MandyManners

He'll be in the running for the Darwin Award one day.

I remember a few years ago there was a guy in the south who went to a Winn-Dixie grocery store and used an obviously fake Bill Clinton $300 "Bill" to purchase $19 worth of food, etc, and the cashier actually gave him $291 back.

402 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:02:41pm

re: #390 Bob in Breckenridge

What's up with his 2 names?

I'm not really sure. I just harken back to when Charles used to do the bit with him with the 'shopped smoke between his fingers.

403 hermeneutics  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:03:07pm

re: #401 Bob in Breckenridge

New math?

404 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:04:17pm

re: #401 Bob in Breckenridge

I remember a few years ago there was a guy in the south who went to a Winn-Dixie grocery store and used an obviously fake Bill Clinton $300 "Bill" to purchase $19 worth of food, etc, and the cashier actually gave him $291 back.

PIMF- $281...

405 NY Nana  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:04:26pm

re: #385 Killgore Trout

I'm moving to an area that has Halibut. I have no idea hot to catch them (yet).

Catch them just for the hell i but.

406 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:04:29pm

C-RAM. 4500 RPM of "oh yeah, well fuck you too".

407 wee fury  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:04:52pm

re: #376 hayseed

a real oh shit moment..............

A Royal Air Force top gun crash-landed a new $136.3 million Typhoon fighter — apparently after forgetting to put the wheels down during a training exercise in California.

Per the article: "Everything points to the pilot forgetting to lower the wheels, which does happen from time to time," an RAF insider said.

Umm . . . really.

408 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:05:07pm

re: #403 hermeneutics

New math?

ROFLMAO! Just got back from the local watering hole.

409 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:05:20pm

re: #376 hayseed Hey there my friend!
I don't understand something. According to Wiki, the F-15 C/D fighter - which is a better fighter than the Typhoon, costs a little less than $30 million per copy and the Typhoon costs more than FOUR times as much.
No wonder GB can't afford to have very many fighters! LOL!

410 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:06:00pm

When Darwinian Natural Selection Goes Bad.

411 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:06:05pm

re: #400 hermeneutics

Can't stand the heat....or some other reason?
As for us,...........
last night our low hit 34...w/ a touch of frost in the higher hills.
May 1.
Algore can stuff it.

412 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:06:42pm

re: #409 realwest

Hey there my friend!
I don't understand something. According to Wiki, the F-15 C/D fighter - which is a better fighter than the Typhoon, costs a little less than $30 million per copy and the Typhoon costs more than FOUR times as much.
No wonder GB can't afford to have very many fighters! LOL!

The Typhoon has a plush leather seat, burled teak dashboard, and a GPS system with an English accent. It's British, you see.

413 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:07:34pm

This one - Abu Mazen says...

414 song_and_dance_man[deleted]  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:07:42pm
415 Timbre  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:07:53pm

re: #376 hayseed

"The state-of-the-art jet was badly damaged as it skidded along a runway on its belly at 130 mph."

If it was really state-of-the-art, the wheels would have automatically descended when the jet reached a certain (low) speed at a certain (low) altitude.

/back-seat piloting from someone who knows nothing of piloting!

416 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:08:12pm

re: #411 wolfie

Can't stand the heat....or some other reason?
As for us,...........
last night our low hit 34...w/ a touch of frost in the higher hills.
May 1.
Algore can stuff it.

14 degrees and snowing as I type...GLOBAL WARMING!

417 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:08:46pm

re: #396 solomonpanting

Haven't we had enough of Darwin for one day?
:o)

I giggled right after I hit post.

418 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:09:08pm

re: #412 Last Mohican Ah, so the electrical systems suck too, then!

419 hermeneutics  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:09:21pm

re: #411 wolfie
As soon as the temps rise a bit, you'll be able to plunge your hands into real dirt and plant some vegetables and annuals around your house.

I miss good soil.

420 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:09:28pm

re: #401 Bob in Breckenridge

I remember a few years ago there was a guy in the south who went to a Winn-Dixie grocery store and used an obviously fake Bill Clinton $300 "Bill" to purchase $19 worth of food, etc, and the cashier actually gave him $291 back.

You could scrape the stupid off of the both of them.

421 rawmuse  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:10:03pm

re: #420 MandyManners

You could scrape the stupid off of the both of them.

And it is contagious!

422 Last Mohican  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:11:13pm

re: #418 realwest

Ah, so the electrical systems suck too, then!

Yeah, in fact, maybe that was the problem in this case. The automatic landing gear lowerer circuit was broken.

423 Yankee Division Son  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:12:00pm

Yee haw!

424 Racer X  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:12:05pm

re: #420 MandyManners

You could scrape the stupid off of the both of them.

LOL!

If only. LOL!

425 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:12:12pm

re: #420 MandyManners

You could scrape the stupid off of the both of them.

The cashier did get fired. Not sure if they ever caught the perp...By perp I mean the guy who gave her the bill, not Clinton.

426 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:12:53pm

re: #420 MandyManners
Hi Mandy! Well I don't know about the first dude - at least he got $291+ in real money! The clerk, OTOH, well.................. maybe he can apply for a job flying RAF Typhoons!

427 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:13:44pm

re: #305 nyc redneck

michelle o. can bench press barrack

re: #408 Bob in Breckenridge

ROFLMAO! Just got back from the local watering hole.

Perhaps BiB saw the Obamas? That would make one a bar belle and the other a dumbbell.

428 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:14:37pm

Chuck Norris was so evolved, he caused Darwin to rethink his position.

429 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:15:38pm

re: #427 solomonpanting

There was a black guy there, but it was Steve, not Obama nor Michelle "My Bell" Obama.

430 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:15:39pm

re: #422 Last Mohican
LOL! I wonder if it's possible that that's what happened?! I mean I know the landing gear is lowered hydraulically, but that first requires a control from the pilot to be sent electronically to the landing gear set-up.
Well anyway, I hear that they shine up real well with Turtle Wax!

431 beachkatie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:16:02pm

re: #383 realwest

Hey good evening y'all - what have I missed (besides some jokes about Chuck Norris, I mean)?


I just got up to check on you real west! Are you o.k.? I have been praying for you!And you are up late tonight!.....Mother instincts!

432 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:16:14pm

re: #429 Bob in Breckenridge

PIMF- "My Belle"

433 mikeymom  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:16:20pm

weird story on denver news tonight-7 exchange students from afghanistan from all over the u.s. were on a field trip to wash dc this past weekend- they all went missing--are believed to be in canada to avoid going home--no i cant provide links--check denver news 9

434 So?  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:16:23pm

re: #8 Dianna

How come we all immediately assumed it was a urethral catheter? I did, and was wondering why this was something that would be in the news, until I read the article.

That's cause he continually pisses all of us off!

435 Sharmuta  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:19:14pm
Abbas Gets a Catheter

I thought having a heart was a prerequisite to this procedure. I'm surprised to learn he has one.

436 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:19:18pm

re: #433 mikeymom

weird story on denver news tonight-7 exchange students from afghanistan from all over the u.s. were on a field trip to wash dc this past weekend- they all went missing--are believed to be in canada to avoid going home--no i cant provide links--check denver news 9

It's very easy in Canada to claim you'll be persecuted if you return home, they're almost guaranteed asylum, even if you have no papers to enter

437 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:20:14pm

re: #436 Bob in Breckenridge

It's very easy in Canada to claim you'll be persecuted if you return home, they're almost guaranteed asylum, even if you have no papers to enter

and welfare...

438 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:20:19pm

re: #431 beachkatie I'm ok, thanks! And c'mon, you didn't get up to check on me - you've never left! LOL! I swear you say good night more often than I do! I hope you're well "mom" and yes, I'm going to bed soon so I can get my beauty full nights sleep!

439 hayseed  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:20:39pm

re: #409 realwest

ya got me on that one

440 mikeymom  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:21:13pm

re: #437 Bob in Breckenridge

one was from columbine high school--

441 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:21:18pm

re: #419 hermeneutics

As soon as the temps rise a bit, you'll be able to plunge your hands into real dirt and plant some vegetables and annuals around your house.

I miss good soil.

Ah yes. We live on a defunct dairy farm, and after 150 years of (ahem!) bovine contributions to the soil, the earth is quite fertile.
If only we didn't have herds of deer running through here, not to mention rabbits and groundhogs!

442 solomonpanting  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:23:28pm

re: #433 mikeymom

Here's a link.

443 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:24:40pm

re: #436 Bob in Breckenridge

It's very easy in Canada to claim you'll be persecuted if you return home, they're almost guaranteed asylum, even if you have no papers to enter

Well, I'm glad to know we aren't the stupidest country on the block re immigration and welfare. It's not much of a consolation, but I'll take it tonight!

444 mikeymom  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:24:58pm

re: #442 solomonpanting

thanks for that

445 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:25:03pm

re: #441 wolfie

Ah yes. We live on a defunct dairy farm, and after 150 years of (ahem!) bovine contributions to the soil, the earth is quite fertile.
If only we didn't have herds of deer running through here, not to mention rabbits and groundhogs!

If you think of a garden as Deer and Rabbit bait, the problem solves itself. The deer and rabbits may run off with a radish or two, but you could have a freezer full of Venison and rabbit.

Not sure what you could do with the ground hogs.

446 hermeneutics  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:25:57pm

re: #427 solomonpanting

Obama places low on the Belle curve?

447 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:26:41pm

re: #439 hayseed LOL - see #412 - Last Mohican could be right!

448 hermeneutics  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:26:47pm

re: #445 Syrah

Syrah -- is your avatar a sailboat?

449 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:26:57pm

re: #442 solomonpanting

Here's a link.

Gonzo Gallegos, deputy spokesman for the U.S. Department of State told 9NEWS the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has been notified and the missing students have been entered in the Student Exchange Visitor Information System (SEVIS) that will alert authorities if a person who violated visa requirements in the U.S. tried to come back he or she would be subject to deportation.

Gonzo Gallegos?

450 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:27:05pm

re: #448 hermeneutics

Syrah -- is your avatar a sailboat?

Yes.

451 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:27:52pm

re: #438 realwest

(Just have to say hello before you go to bed.)
Hello!
Hang in there.

452 hayseed  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:27:54pm

re: #447 realwest

yeh....but they still leak oil

453 hayseed  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:28:27pm

re: #445 Syrah

groundhog recipe

454 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:28:42pm

re: #444 mikeymom
Hey mikeymom - how are you doing this fine evening?!

455 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:29:11pm

re: #449 Bob in Breckenridge

Gonzo Gallegos, deputy spokesman for the U.S. Department of State told 9NEWS the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has been notified and the missing students have been entered in the Student Exchange Visitor Information System (SEVIS) that will alert authorities if a person who violated visa requirements in the U.S. tried to come back he or she would be subject to deportation.

Gonzo Gallegos?

Love-child of Hunter S. Thompson?

456 mikeymom  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:29:24pm

re: #453 hayseed

that is not right

457 Cartman  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:29:55pm

Well, time to go and pretend I'm sleeping. Weet dreams, Lizards.

458 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:30:35pm

re: #453 hayseed

groundhog recipe

Waco Groundhog in Sour Cream

459 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:30:45pm

re: #449 Bob in Breckenridge Yep, and I hear that Gonzo Gallegos was personally trained by Chuck Norris, so don't y'all go making fun of him!

460 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:31:00pm

re: #445 Syrah

If you think of a garden as Deer and Rabbit bait, the problem solves itself. The deer and rabbits may run off with a radish or two, but you could have a freezer full of Venison and rabbit.

Not sure what you could do with the ground hogs.

Whoa! I looooove the way you think!
We also have gangs 20+ strong of wild turkey. But they only come around to taunt us when hunting season is over.

461 mikeymom  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:31:12pm

re: #454 realwest

better now that i've spoken to you! about that e-mail--dont know- we have virus protection- no compaints from other reciprients-(?)

462 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:31:51pm

re: #451 wolfie Hello back! And I'm hanging in there.
BTW - was the DC Madam's "suicide" discussed on this thread at all?!

463 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:32:12pm

re: #449 Bob in Breckenridge

Gonzo Gallegos?
I think I met him on spring break in Puerto Rico many years ago.

464 LeePro  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:32:38pm

re: #368 Racer X

I have discovered that whiskey and lemonade are tasty together.

Very old remedy "fer what ails ye."
Heat it up — it's called a Hot Toddy!

465 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:32:58pm

re: #453 hayseed

groundhog recipe

Okay this is like that old joke-

What's the difference between zoos in the north and zoos in the south?

In the south after the animal's name is a recipe.

466 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:33:01pm

re: #457 Cartman Weet dreams my friend!

467 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:33:58pm

re: #453 hayseed

groundhog recipe

Dang me! Sounds downright tasty!

468 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:34:09pm

re: #453 hayseed

groundhog recipe

Hmmm. . .

My dietary restrictions would force me to pass on the Waco Groundhog in Sour Cream recipe. The Oriental Groundhog looks Ok. I might be inclined to use more Garlic then the recipe calls for, but I tend to do that with most everything anyway.

469 least  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:34:36pm

re: #449 Bob in Breckenridge

Gonzo Gallegos?
Yes, he's assistant to State Department spokesman Fozzie "Bear" Flanigan.

470 mikeymom  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:34:44pm

re: #465 Bob in Breckenridge

the weirdest thing-to me- i've ever eaten was caribou--delicious!

471 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:35:11pm

re: #462 realwest

Hello back! And I'm hanging in there.
BTW - was the DC Madam's "suicide" discussed on this thread at all?!

No. She turned up dead?! What?

472 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:35:15pm

re: #461 mikeymom Well it cerainly coulda been an error on my virus protection - but your whole from, to and subject were in RED and the warning followed!
At least it was entertaining and gave me my cardio workout for the day! LOL!

473 Killian Bundy  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:35:21pm

Well, it ended today put you can still watch Carrier online. Two big thumbs up.

/ten hours of nitty gritty aboard the Nimitz for a full deployment cycle, right down to Captain's mast and the "crossing the line" festivities

474 mikeymom  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:36:49pm

re: #472 realwest

tole you i was dangerous! btw it was about the WWII memorial in dc

475 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:37:21pm

re: #460 wolfie

Whoa! I looooove the way you think!
We also have gangs 20+ strong of wild turkey. But they only come around to taunt us when hunting season is over.

Bird Seed.

If it works for finch and starling, it will work for turkey.

476 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:37:23pm

re: #455 MandyManners

Love-child of Hunter S. Thompson?

and who?

477 hayseed  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:37:35pm

re: #462 realwest

Hello back! And I'm hanging in there.
BTW - was the DC Madam's "suicide" discussed on this thread at all?!

i read where larry flint said it was not suicide

478 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:37:46pm

re: #471 wolfie Are you kidding? You didn't hear?
The DC Madam committed suicide - she hanged herself in her mothers barn. Suicide notes scattered all around her. Sheriff says nothing unusual and nothing to investigate.

479 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:39:10pm

re: #471 wolfie

No. She turned up dead?! What?

Another Fort Marcy Park Suicide?

480 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:39:19pm

re: #465 Bob in Breckenridge

Faulkner once defined a possum as "a luxurious decoration draped on southern roads."
There are still folks around here that go road "bagging" in the fall. When the night air is cool and the roads are warm, furry critters go out on the road and sleep there. You can bag 'em pretty easily, if you know how.

481 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:39:44pm

re: #473 Killian Bundy
Huh, that's the carrier that Irish Rose's son shipped out on. Wonder if she watched it and saw him?!

482 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:40:09pm

re: #470 mikeymom

the weirdest thing-to me- i've ever eaten was caribou--delicious!

I had broiled brown bear shot right here. YUCK!

/Did NOT taste like chicken.

483 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:41:35pm

re: #475 Syrah

Bird Seed.

If it works for finch and starling, it will work for turkey.

Illegal to bait them here. Pity. I'll bet bird seed would work well.

484 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:42:06pm

re: #479 Syrah Um, well you can look at my #478 and decide for yourself.
But I know which way I'd wager that one.

485 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:42:10pm

re: #480 wolfie

Faulkner once defined a possum as "a luxurious decoration draped on southern roads."
There are still folks around here that go road "bagging" in the fall. When the night air is cool and the roads are warm, furry critters go out on the road and sleep there. You can bag 'em pretty easily, if you know how.

Thanks, but I'll stick to Safeway and/or City Market.

/Call me weird.

486 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:42:55pm

re: #478 realwest

Are you kidding? You didn't hear?
The DC Madam committed suicide - she hanged herself in her mothers barn. Suicide notes scattered all around her. Sheriff says nothing unusual and nothing to investigate.

No. I didn't know! I'll have to check it out.
Nothing to investigate?! Turn the page?
Oh?

487 Kosh's Shadow  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:43:40pm

re: #469 least

Gonzo Gallegos?
Yes, he's assistant to State Department spokesman Fozzie "Bear" Flanigan.

I believe their manager, though, is Kermit, who serves as liaison with the French (frogs).

488 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:43:58pm

re: #476 Bob in Breckenridge

and who?

Charo?

489 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:44:39pm

re: #477 hayseed Did he say why or was he just speculating that when she voluntarily turned over the names, addresses and phone numbers of her "Johns" that she held a few back for protection and then wound up being protected FROM some of the non-disclosed Johns?

490 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:44:56pm

re: #478 realwest

Are you kidding? You didn't hear?
The DC Madam committed suicide - she hanged herself in her mothers barn. Suicide notes scattered all around her. Sheriff says nothing unusual and nothing to investigate.

Suicide NOTES? Huh? She wasn't sure?

491 Syrah  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:45:27pm

re: #483 wolfie

Illegal to bait them here. Pity. I'll bet bird seed would work well.

"But Warden, I wasn't leaving that bird seed out for Turkeys. I was leaving it out for the Finchs and Starlings."

"why no sir, I have no idea how all of that out of season game ended in my Freezers. You know, I heard this story about elves and a cobbler when I was a young'in. You don't think I could be having a problem with elves do you?"

492 Bob in Breckenridge  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:46:03pm

re: #488 MandyManners

Charo?

Si, Charo!

493 realwest  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:46:17pm

re: #489 realwest PIMF - being protected FROM ever disclosing those non-disclosed Johns

494 MandyManners  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:46:41pm

NEW YORK — After three decades of keeping mum, Barbara Walters now says she had a past affair with married U.S. Senator Edward Brooke, whom she remembers as "exciting" and "brilliant."

Appearing on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" scheduled to air Tuesday, Walters shares details of her relationship with Brooke that lasted several years in the 1970s, according to a transcript of the show provided to The Associated Press.

A moderate Republican from Massachusetts who took office in 1967, Brooke was the first African-American to be popularly elected to the Senate. Both he and Walters knew that public knowledge of their affair could have ruined his career as well as hers, Walters says.

At the time, the twice-divorced Walters was a rising star in TV news and co-host of NBC's "Today" show, but would soon jump to ABC News, where she has enjoyed unrivaled success. Her affair with Brooke, which never before came to light, had ended before he lost his bid for a third term in 1978.

SNIP

495 markie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:46:55pm

Drat. I was hoping Abbas was getting a Foley.

496 wolfie  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:48:34pm

re: #491 Syrah

ROFL ! :D

(....and lead us not into temptation...!)

497 Killgore Trout  Thu, May 1, 2008 9:50:05pm