Be nice to your monkey.

Change is good.

Don't argue with him, give him a typewriter. He'll earn big bucks as an MSM "reporter" and you can retire.

re: #2 DesertSage

Change is good.

Change your monkey!

I hope my monkey does not need a change.

beep beep
new thread up comment spy watchers

Never argue with your monkey.

Indeed- it's not the best way to get him off your back. Instead- offer a banana.

Be nice to Mick.

Monkeys are funny

good evening folks

Obamation is looking for a new church - "nothing controversial, maybe the Amish who don't have electricity and won't end up on YouTube."

poor baby. looking for that trophy church to pad his image.

re: #3 Panhandler

I thought that required ten thousand monkeys with ten thousand typewriters and one might type a work by Shakespeare... eventually.

Under the "Album Playing" in the sidebar, it says "Born With Monkey Asses". ROFLOL

Obama taken to task: Typical White Americans!

re: #9 MandyManners

I had no idea what was in the video. I'm sorry.

Better not argue with this monkey.

As a kid my mom wouldn't let me have a monkey.

nerd alert: [Link: goosh.org...]

Ever watch the referees during a hockey game?

Man these guys can skate.

re: #13 ExitRamp

I thought that required ten thousand monkeys with ten thousand typewriters and one might type a work by Shakespeare... eventually.

I said MSM "reporter", we're not talking vibrant living prose here.

re: #5 song_and_dance_man

Like in Soviet Russia.

And for those watching Iran carefully, more terror!

re: #1 MandyManners

Be nice to your monkey.

Mandy is right! Do not spank your monkey!

re: #24 Bob in Breckenridge

Mandy is right! Do not spank your monkey!

I'm having a hard time reading your post. Could you make your text bigger?

Nothing to be mentioned about monkeys and spanking.

re: #1 MandyManners

Be nice to your monkey.

How's the hamster?

/could have been worse, could have been a ferret

re: #24 Bob in Breckenridge

Mandy is right! Do not spank your monkey!

This thread maintained a high moral tone, it took till comment #24 to bring out the expected remark.

re: #25 Racer X

I'm having a hard time reading your post. Could you make your text bigger?

This ain't no boob thread, is it?

"Touch my monkey."

Dieter/Sprockets

re: #20 Cognito

We don't keep up with hockey, it's just not really big down here. But tonight my 4 year old wanted the TV on while he fell asleep (we're visiting grandparents, tv in the room we're sleeping in), so I asked him what he wanted to watch. I scrolled past at least three different sports, including baseball, he was not interested in the least.

Got to the hockey game and he yelled "STOP!", jumped up, grabbed a golf club (hey we're at granddad's!) and started SWINGING IT around here in the bedroom. Almost took the TV out. LOL He'd never ever seen a hockey game in his life- but went from 0-60 in 2 seconds flat when it came on. I do believe I've found a sport for him to try out. ;)

Monkey smell Monkey doo

#28

high moral tone .. ha !

we now return you to our continual 24 hour broadcast of monkey spanking.

Never argue with your monkey.

Damn right!

/they're vicious biters and the fling feces at the drop of a hat

re: #25 Racer X

I'm having a hard time reading your post. Could you make your text bigger?

LOL! I was about to ask if you were serious!

Well, this was met with resounding silence when I posted it last night, so I'm back for more ignorance (as in the state or condition of being ignored).

         Footprint photographed in Martian soil!

/go ahead, click it. You know you want to.

I love commentspy. If it was rss I'd put it on my firefox ticker and remove everything else.

Scott McClellan is a whore.
(And I used to kind of like him- he struck me as a sympathetic loser attempting to do a job that was a little bigger than him. And I even kind of felt bad about the lack of success he has undoubtedly had with women in his life.)

re: #30 song_and_dance_man

I Soviet Russia, monkey spanks you!

/Yakov(sp?)

Monkey abuse! The new Obama platform...

re: #36 Bob in Breckenridge

LOL!

Dinner! Eat all you want! Try and top this! Not limited!

re: #35 Killian Bundy
They will, however, keep you flea free!

re: #37 Opilio

Well, this was met with resounding silence when I posted it last night, so I'm back for more ignorance (as in the state or condition of being ignored).

         Footprint photographed in Martian soil!

/go ahead, click it. You know you want to.

Msn online explained it today. That is actually the print of the claw, when it took a soil sample.

re: #34 Buster Bunny

#28

high moral tone .. ha !

we now return you to our continual 24 hour broadcast of monkey spanking.

Sprang for the complete cable package I see. Is it really all that clearer in HiDef?

re: #32 gop_patriot

We don't keep up with hockey, it's just not really big down here. But tonight my 4 year old wanted the TV on while he fell asleep (we're visiting grandparents, tv in the room we're sleeping in), so I asked him what he wanted to watch. I scrolled past at least three different sports, including baseball, he was not interested in the least.

Got to the hockey game and he yelled "STOP!", jumped up, grabbed a golf club (hey we're at granddad's!) and started SWINGING IT around here in the bedroom. Almost took the TV out. LOL He'd never ever seen a hockey game in his life- but went from 0-60 in 2 seconds flat when it came on. I do believe I've found a sport for him to try out. ;)

It's not big where I am either -- I know nothing about hockey, really -- but I'm watching these referees whip around the ice, ducking and dodging, and it's a marvel.

Scott McClellan is an assmonkey

Oh ya
Open thread
oh yaaaaaa
open thread

Once when I was young I was opening a coconut by a monkey cage. My girl friend was leaning against the cage. Little bastard attacked her. Grabbing at her hair. I cut myself trying to kill little creep. Between the monkey screaming and GF screaming it was chaos.LOL.

re: #15 Carridine

carradine -

MIGHT you be saying that the blood of about 625,000, mostly white male folks constitutes "ATONEMENT," just wondering?

-S-

In Soviet Russia, you don't spank monkey, monkey spank you.

re: #45 Mars Needs Neocons

Msn online explained it today. That is actually the print of the claw, when it took a soil sample.

Yes, but how do you explain that Necco Wafer wrapper off to the left?

re: #32 gop_patriot

And get that boy some skates! (And boxing lessons.)

Hey y'all - what's all this monkey business about?

re: #48 cliffster
What did the monkey do to deserve that?

re: #54 Racer X

Yes, but how do you explain that Necco Wafer wrapper off to the left?

The monkey piloting phoenix has to eat too.

aside from that movie where Jim Carey tries to play god, where else in existence .. have you heard of an assmonkey? (excluding politics)

re: #12 frodolives

Obamation is looking for a new church - "nothing controversial, maybe the Amish who don't have electricity and won't end up on YouTube."

poor baby. looking for that trophy church to pad his image.

Given his current wife's likely negative effect on his positive poll numbers maybe Barry should find one that offers polygamy?

All of your monkey are belonging to us.

Very good article on Obama by Stanley Kurtz at NRO, definitely worth a look.
No Liberation

A lot of it is inspired by a glassy-eyed backgrounded at the Chicago Reader from 1995.
What Makes Obama Run?

And Bill Clinton has responded to the teapot tempest smear piece at lightweight Vanity Fair.
Bill Clinton Calls Vanity Fair Writer "Scumbag," "Sleazy"

It's my personal opinion that this was a Pelosi-inspired lovetap serving warning that the Obamite dem leadership won't put up with any DNC credentials fight nonsense when they expect to put the railroad job locomotive in the wheelhouse long before then.

If I was Hillary, I'd just ignore it. Her power base is as strong as Pelosi's, and she knows it.

re: #47 Cognito

It's not big where I am either -- I know nothing about hockey, really -- but I'm watching these referees whip around the ice, ducking and dodging, and it's a marvel.

Watching them skate backwards and avoid getting creamed by the players reminds me of what Ginger Rodgers said once: she could do everything that Fred Astaire did, only she did it backwards and in high heels. :)

/that may or may not be exactly what she said; if not, it's close.

re: #56 realwest

Hey y'all - what's all this monkey business about?

AH, er -- maybe you should ask your Mom to leave the room Real, the double entants are going to be flying on this one.

OOoh Tory MPP demands investigation into polygamy.

can any techie soul hep me? for the last few days, i've gotten 20-40 e-mails a day--mail delivery errors, etc--most seem to be from russian or chech sites--hubby says i've been "spoofed" and doesnt know what to do about it-(if i WAS spoofed, it should have at least been pleasurable!) run norton--nothing there-- HEP ME!

re: #13 ExitRamp

I thought that required ten thousand monkeys with ten thousand typewriters and one might type a work by Shakespeare... eventually.

That premise has been disproved by the folks over at AOL.
// {;-)™

re: #52 ccrnyc

In Soviet Russia, you don't spank monkey, monkey spank you.

That evokes a cataclysm of unwelcome and logistically improbable visuals.

/Closes eyes and shakes head vigorously

re: #45 Mars Needs Neocons

Msn online explained it today. That is actually the print of the claw, when it took a soil sample.

Awwwwwwww!

Now you ruined it.   :-(

On the plus side, you actually looked at it.   :-)

Still, it looks a lot like a footprint of something with 4 relatively square toes.

Everybody's got something to hide, except for me and my monkey.

/upgraded from mice, lol

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad predicted on Monday that Muslims would uproot "satanic powers" and repeated his controversial belief that Israel will soon disappear, the Mehr news agency reported.
"I must announce that the Zionist regime (Israel), with a 60-year record of genocide, plunder, invasion and betrayal is about to die and will soon be erased from the geographical scene," he said.
"Today, the time for the fall of the satanic power of the United States has come and the countdown to the annihilation of the emperor of power and wealth has started."

Dosen't the US have a missle with his name on it?

re: #52 ccrnyc

In Soviet Russia, you don't spank monkey, monkey spank you.

"cccp" - oops sorry - "ccrnyc" -

In OLD soviet Russia - Man Problem? - No Man-No Problem!

"Dzugashvilli" +/- 1934.

-S-

From [Link: www.urbandictionary.com:...]

Assmonkey

A close relative of an asshat, an assmonkey is best defined as 'any disagreeable idiot who has successfully combined being an asshole with the brainpower of a monkey fed LSD'.

Eytemology is unknown, but there are perhaps links to Wayne's World, and the line "Pshyeah, and monkeys might fly out my butt."

re: #35 Killian Bundy
Killian, I visited a friend in San Fran, and was introduced to his female chimp roommate, told not to act aggressively and we'd be fine friends...

A half-hour later, engrossed in our discussion, I walk toward the open window and, nearly there, Chimpette scampers past me and jumps to the window sill (leading to a 3-story drop)!

Reflexively, I reach to restrain her and she, reflexively, bites my obnoxious hand!

I gasped, then went limp and un-aggressive, dropping all muscle tension... and she opened her bite, let go of the web between thumb and forefinger...

Then, 3 minutes later, as I was far from the window and nursing my purple tooth-marks, she moseyed over, draped her arm around my neck, sat in my lap and murmured for my forgiveness! Woosh! :D

OMG I'm tired...i'm so tired i can barely use capital letters
GOOD GRAVY.

re: #72 solomonpanting

And how many times has that countdown been restarted?

re: #65 Panhandler Ah, my mom is never in the room when I'm on the computer -she still looks at it as an "alien being" and actually walks a wide way around it! LOL!

re: #27 Killian Bundy

How's the hamster?

/could have been worse, could have been a ferret

I'm gonna' hafta' feed him Valium. The Kid went ga-ga over Nibbles and wouldn't leave him alone for hours.

Our Yorkie was very curious at first but became incredibly despondent over the lack of attention paid to her. The cat is very interested. He even licked his chops. I suspect they're gonna' conspire to bring about Nibbles' untimely demise.

re: #72 solomonpanting

He will never even hear it coming.

re: #70 Opilio

Awwwwwwww!

Now you ruined it.   :-(

On the plus side, you actually looked at it.   :-)

Still, it looks a lot like a footprint of something with 4 relatively square toes.

I actually like the article on the mini planet (actually it's three times the size of earth, but it's the smallest extra solar planet we've discovered), but I can't find it now.

oooo Massive Attack. I used to love that Cd. I'm a big fan of Liz Frasier.

Wayne: "Shaaa.. and monkeys might fly out of my butt!" ...
Close but not quite assmonkey

re: #75 Carridine

Killian, I visited a friend in San Fran, and was introduced to his female chimp roommate, told not to act aggressively and we'd be fine friends...

A half-hour later, engrossed in our discussion, I walk toward the open window and, nearly there, Chimpette scampers past me and jumps to the window sill (leading to a 3-story drop)!

Reflexively, I reach to restrain her and she, reflexively, bites my obnoxious hand!

I gasped, then went limp and un-aggressive, dropping all muscle tension... and she opened her bite, let go of the web between thumb and forefinger...

Then, 3 minutes later, as I was far from the window and nursing my purple tooth-marks, she moseyed over, draped her arm around my neck, sat in my lap and murmured for my forgiveness! Woosh! :D

"And then, while she was sleeping, I shoved a mechanical pencil in her ear."

re: #81 song_and_dance_man

One of the best Beatle songs from the White Album

There are so many good ones on that album, how can one pick a favorite?

A monkey walks into a bar with a parrot on its shoulder and orders a beer.
the bartender says, "hey, thats pretty cool where did you get it"
the parrot responds, "Africa, there everywhere"

Code Monkey Dance Live

/Emily finally meets Jonathan Coulton

re: #72 solomonpanting

Dosen't the US have a missle with his name on it?

I'm quite sure there is a polonium milkshake with his name on it.

re: #79 MandyManners

I'm gonna' hafta' feed him Valium. The Kid went ga-ga over Nibbles and wouldn't leave him alone for hours.

Our Yorkie was very curious at first but became incredibly despondent over the lack of attention paid to her. The cat is very interested. He even licked his chops. I suspect they're gonna' conspire to bring about Nibbles' untimely demise.

Finally gave into kids yesterday and got a kitten. He's already observing the gerbils as if they are future snacks.

oops - Liz Fraser

re: #72 solomonpanting

Dosen't the US have a missle with his name on it?

I say a new Executive Order is needed.

President Gerald R. Ford's Executive Order 11905
(g) Prohibition of Assassination. No employee of the United States Government shall engage in, or conspire to engage in, political assassination.

re: #79 MandyManners

My hamster was named Nibbles, but I suppose it is likely that 85% of all hamsters are named Nibbles.

re: #60 song_and_dance_man

Miller light commercial w/Yakov.

re: #85 Cognito
ROFL! :D

/...that'll teach you! *grunt!*

re: #85 Cognito

Zing!

Since we're talking about Monkey Business, how's this grab y'all:

Time Warner Cable tries metering Internet use
NEW YORK - You're used to paying extra if you use up your cell phone minutes, but will you be willing to pay extra if your home computer goes over its Internet allowance?

Time Warner Cable Inc. customers - and, later, others - may have to, if the company's test of metered Internet access is successful.

On Thursday, new Time Warner Cable Internet subscribers in Beaumont, Texas, will have monthly allowances for the amount of data they upload and download. Those who go over will be charged $1 per gigabyte, a Time Warner Cable executive told the Associated Press.

Metered billing is an attempt to deal fairly with Internet usage, which is very uneven among Time Warner Cable's subscribers, said Kevin Leddy, Time Warner Cable's executive vice president of advanced technology.

Just 5 percent of the company's subscribers take up half of the capacity on local cable lines, Leddy said. Other cable Internet service providers report a similar distribution.

"We think it's the fairest way to finance the needed investment in the infrastructure," Leddy said.

Metered usage is common overseas, and other U.S. cable providers are looking at ways to rein in heavy users. Most have download caps, but some keep the caps secret so as not to alarm the majority of users, who come nowhere close to the limits. Time Warner Cable appears to be the first major ISP to charge for going over the limit: Other companies warn, then suspend, those who go over.
Time Warner Cable had said in January that it was planning to conduct the trial in Beaumont, but did not give any details. On Monday, Leddy said its tiers will range from $29.95 a month for relatively slow service at 768 kilobits per second and a 5-gigabyte monthly cap to $54.90 per month for fast downloads at 15 megabits per second and a 40-gigabyte cap. Those prices cover the Internet portion of subscription bundles that include video or phone services. Both downloads and uploads will count toward the monthly cap.
Those who mainly do Web surfing or e-mail have little reason to pay attention to the traffic caps: a gigabyte is about 3,000 Web pages, or 15,000 e-mails without attachments. But those who download movies or TV shows will want to pay attention. A standard-definition movie can take up 1.5 gigabytes, and a high-definition movie can be 6 to 8 gigabytes.
[Link: enews.earthlink.net...]
Wonder if we'll get a credit for all the damn "down time" we get using Time Warner?!

IMHO- this Beatles song is the GrandDaddy of punk rock.

Charles-OY forget about the clunky article I posted aabout the mutherclucking polygamists in Ontario.

THIS IS HILARIOUS. Iowahawk's latest.
EZRA has arrived....Steyn and Ezra versus Warman. OMG I'm dying.

re: #92 unrealizedviewpoint

I say a new Executive Order is needed.

President Gerald R. Ford's Executive Order 11905
(g) Prohibition of Assassination. No employee of the United States Government shall engage in, or conspire to engage in, political assassination.

Then let's call it a religious assassination.

Gonna head to the gym. Be back for the next "morning" thread...

Wings and Penguins going into double overtime!
...I'm sleepy, excited but sleepy.

re: #85 Cognito

"And then, while she was sleeping, I shoved a mechanical pencil in her ear."

That was funny.

re: #72 solomonpanting

"sol-pant"

"I'm-In-a-Mood-For-Jihad" - President of "So-Called Iran" - REALLY PERSIA, CHECK YOUR HISTORY!, doesn't really need a U.S. Missile with HIS name on it. History and Hashem will sort it ALL out.

-S-

re: #71 laZardo

Everybody's got something to hide, except for me and my monkey.

/upgraded from mice, lol

Lesson learned the hard way - DO NOT, when Olongopo, get a monkey drunk, sneak him back aboard ship and expect him to act in a rational way the next morning when he discovers he's 300 yards past the breakwater.

re: #104 song_and_dance_man

So true - Dear Prudence

I LOVE that song!

re: #82 Mars Needs Neocons

I actually like the article on the mini planet (actually it's three times the size of earth, but it's the smallest extra solar planet we've discovered), but I can't find it now.

This?
Mini-planet almost fits Earth’s profile

re: #108 justadot

This?
Mini-planet almost fits Earth’s profile

YEP

If Mr Beaumont got a raise he could afford to argue with Mrs. Beaumont.
/The People's Union of LGF Hempsters.

please--can someone respond to my plea for hepl above--#67? tyia--i'll pay ya-lol

My favorite song about monkeys

re: #111 song_and_dance_man

The only song I don't like on that album is Goodnight.

Martha, My Dear for me.

OT - Chester A. Arthur did not have a VP during his entire 3+ years of presidency.

/just learned that, thought you all should learn it too.
//assuming you didn't already know it

re: #99 WriterMom

Oh that's hilarious, thanks for posting! X)

re: #92 unrealizedviewpoint

"ur-vp" -

Like - "DOH!" Ford/King, Had NO CHOICE. He too might have been impeached as well had he NOT signed off on that Clap-Trap.

-S-

re: #112 mikeymom

please--can someone respond to my plea for hepl above--#67? tyia--i'll pay ya-lol

Wot kind of hepl do you need?

re: #117 song_and_dance_man

Oh, and Revolution #9

Indeed.

re: #56 realwest
re: #52 ccrnyc

Thats really funny! :)

Ok you asked for it

from the film Bruce Almighty ..

The Assmonkey

yes .. that one.

I once got body slammed by a monkey. Was on vacation in Aruba. Sitting by the pool,drinking a Heineken. Some lunatic had a teenage chimp. Little bugger took off on all fours screeching. Felt like a freight train hit me. Couldn't save the beer.

If I had a nickel for each time I had to tell my significant other that we were NOT getting a monkey, I could buy something.

Something expensive...

Like enough 93 octane to move a 67 El Dorado from New York to Frisco.

re: #112 mikeymom

please--can someone respond to my plea for hepl above--#67? tyia--i'll pay ya-lol

you said spoofed... heh heh.. heh..

change your email password. first of all..

re: #97 realwest

I saw that. My first reaction is to wonder just who the idiots are at TWC who believe that raising the cost of their product is the way attract new customers and retain the old ones. I also noticed the article I saw mentioned how dial-up used to charge by the hour. What was it that caused dial-up to take off? Unlimited access at one price presented to the public by AOL. Time Warner needs to get with the program.

Monkeys! *Includes cheesy, NSFW innuendo*

re: #124 song_and_dance_man

Yeah, that song is kinda cheesy.

But that's Paul for you- the King of Cheesy.