Iowahawk: The ‘Q’ is for ‘Quality’

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The dreaded Iowahawk has uncovered Al Qaeda’s new plan for world domination—which includes a branding makeover and new corporate logo: The ‘Q’ is for ‘Quality’.

A Message from the Director

Ayman al Zawahiri
Director of Change Management
Al Qaeda Industries Worldwide, Inc.

Hello, valued Al Qaeda associate! Welcome to the inaugural issue of Vistas, the new electronic newsletter designed to keep you informed on all the fast-paced comings and goings within our Total Quality Jihad family.

In a dynamic marketplace characterized by rapid change and unexpected missiles, even the most disciplined adaptive organizations can find it challenging to keep the lines of communication open. Without understanding the strategic “big picture,” associates will sometimes be confused by misleading rumors they read on unreliable infidel blogs and websites like “F*cked Insurgency” and “Jihad Deadpool.” With Vistas, you will learn the real story — of how we are attacking the competitive casualty gap with a paradigm-changing tactical adaptive strategy focused on paradise value optimization. Yes, there will be some changes, but our core leadership mission remains the same one established by Chairman Emeritus Osama Bin Laden when he founded Al Qaeda in his family goat shed nearly 15 years ago: to create a robust, cave-centric, best-of-breed strategic organization for global caliphate management solution services. If we all pull together as accountable subteams, we are on-track to rebuild momentum after the Q4 Infidel elections!

INTRODUCING QAEDANT

As a commitment to our spirit of goal-oriented adaptive martyrdom innovation, I am proud to announce the launch of Qaedant, our new corporate branding identity.

Developed in conjunction with our strategic branding agency FDB&D-Medina, this handsome new organizational logo will help us maintain consumer mindshare and let the world know that we continue on the cutting edge of advanced Jihad technology. Show your team pride buy buying official Qaedant logo merchandise from the attached electronic catalog — including mugs, keffiyas and semtex belts!

Read the whole thing…

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Last updated: 2021-06-05 2:51 pm PDT
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