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Iowahawk: Apologetic Mumbai Killers

Humor | Tue, Dec 2, 2008 at 5:20:49 pm PST

A darkly humorous Iowahawk piece: Apologetic Mumbai Killers: ‘We Didn’t Get the Memo About Obama’.

MUMBAI - Ajmal Amir Kasab, the sole surviving member of the 10-man team of Pakistani gunmen that left hundreds dead or wounded after a bloody three day rampage in Mumbai, today blamed the mayhem on an “email mixup” that left him and his colleagues unaware that Barack Obama had won election as President of the United States.

“What? Oh bloody hell, now you tell me,” said Kasab, as he was led away in handcuffs by Indian security forces.

Kasab, 21, apologized to Indian President Pratibha Patil, explaining that no one in his group had known about the recent U.S. election results.

“Boy, talk about having egg on the face,” said a visibly embarrassed Kasab. “If we knew Bush was on his way out, obviously we would have called off the crazy random baby-shootings and martyrdom stuff, and signed on with the Peace Corps or Habitat for Humanity. At this point I guess all I can say is ‘my bad.’”

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Tags: Iowahawk, Barack Obama, Mumbai, Terrorism, Humor

96 comments

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DeathtotheSwiss Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:21:19pm

Well duh!

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:21:55pm

Too soon, too soon.

jcm Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:22:42pm

Rainbow ponies, bubble gum guns, and strawberry farts on Jan. 20th!

Ceemack Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:23:53pm

Read the whole thing. It's hilarious.

DisturbedEma Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:24:20pm

re: #3 jcm

Rainbow ponies, bubble gum guns, and strawberry farts on Jan. 20th!

You forgot all the snow flakes would be gummi bears and milk shakes. . .oh what a snow that would be

redc1c4 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:24:20pm

glad i put this in the links earlier this afternoon...... %-)

GMTA!

Racer X Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:24:26pm

Not ready to laugh about it.

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:24:46pm

Its all Bush's fault anyway.

redc1c4 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:25:02pm

re: #5 DisturbedEma

You forgot all the snow flakes would be gummi bears and milk shakes. . .oh what a snow that would be

and what a freakin mess when it melted.

/another reason to stay in LA, moonbats & all. %-)

Walter L. Newton Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:25:11pm

I like satire as much as the next guy, but this is a little too close to the event even for me. Sorry, not funny right now.

red satellite Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:25:31pm

At this point I guess all I can say is ~~‘my bad.’” Islamabad!~~

There, fixed it.

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:25:46pm

Okay, look, it's Iowahawk, so there's no denying - it's funny, it's well-written, and it works.

That said, it's just too soon.

Still, a great comedic riff on the MSM'er who expressed surprise about this sort of thing happening now that the Chosen One was elected.

red satellite Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:26:44pm

PIMF

At this point I guess all I can say is ~~‘my bad.~~’” Islamabad!

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:27:15pm

It doesn't matter. You will be forced to laugh with how the MSM portrays this event and everything for the next four years under B. Hussein Obama.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:27:51pm

"Comedy is tragedy, plus time."

-Carol Burnett

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:27:55pm

re: #14 NYCHardhat

It doesn't matter. You will be forced to laugh with how the MSM portrays this event and everything for the next four years under B. Hussein Obama.

And why are we laughing? Because crying won't do any good.

redc1c4 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:28:00pm

re: #14 NYCHardhat

It doesn't matter. You will be forced to laugh with how the MSM portrays this event and everything for the next four years under B. Hussein Obama.

mostly because insanity is not a valid option......

Alouette Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:28:12pm

re: #2 Guanxi88

Too soon, too soon.

I think we are ready for some Steve Erwin jokes.

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:28:40pm

re: #18 Alouette

I think we are ready for some Steve Erwin jokes.

That crocodile guy?

redc1c4 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:29:03pm

re: #18 Alouette

I think we are ready for some Steve Erwin jokes.

as long as they have a point......

jcm Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:29:26pm

re: #18 Alouette

I think we are ready for some Steve Erwin jokes.

You want to take a stab at one?

LoFlyer Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:29:38pm

I have seen better out of Iowahawk, but not every hit can be a home run. Thanks, I-hawk, and keep 'em coming!

redc1c4 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:29:50pm

re: #19 Guanxi88

That crocodile guy?

yeah... we could all use a ray of humor to take the barbs out of day to day life.

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:30:17pm

re: #23 redc1c4

yeah... we could all use a ray of humor to take the barbs out of day to day life.

Nice, but it stings nonetheless

taxfreekiller[deleted] Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:30:23pm

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:30:31pm

re: #23 redc1c4

yeah... we could all use a ray of humor to take the barbs out of day to day life.

That stings, Ray.

experiencedtraveller Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:30:41pm

And it's hard to find a decent wi-fi hot spot in Northwest Pakistan.

Ha!

redc1c4 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:30:47pm

re: #21 jcm

You want to take a stab at one?

i had one on the tip of my tongue, but it tailed right off......

right_in_canada Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:31:44pm

re: #19 Guanxi88

That crocodile guy?

That was 2 years ago. I guess Croc hunter/manta ray gaffes are no longer offlimits ?

jcm Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:31:58pm

re: #28 redc1c4

i had one on the tip of my tongue, but it tailed right off......

You'll get to the heart of it....

Walter L. Newton Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:32:01pm

Why don't we skip this thread?

El Supremo Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:32:16pm

This morning I read a comment a Kozkiddie wrote saying there is no difference between a car bomb in Bagdad that kills 50 or so and a bomb dropped from an F-15 on a group of "Freedom Fighters". He said they are both "Terrorist" acts. What fools these so called intellectuals are.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:32:43pm

re: #28 redc1c4

i had one on the tip of my tongue, but it tailed right off......

Didn't Gordon Sumner sing at his funeral?

Walter L. Newton Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:32:50pm

re: #32 El Supremo

This morning I read a comment a Kozkiddie wrote saying there is no difference between a car bomb in Bagdad that kills 50 or so and a bomb dropped from an F-15 on a group of "Freedom Fighters". He said they are both "Terrorist" acts. What fools these so called intellectuals are.

They must be right, Deepak Chopra agrees.

Spare O'Lake Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:32:53pm

Life is very short and there's no time.

right_in_canada Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:33:21pm

re: #33 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Didn't Gordon Sumner sing at his funeral?

Isn't that .. uh ...Sting ? :-)

Walter L. Newton Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:33:21pm

re: #33 Fat Bastard Vegetarian

Didn't Gordon Sumner sing at his funeral?

I thought it was Sting that sung?

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:33:29pm

While I think TFK is right that JFK jokes are out of bounds, I don't necessarily think that all deaths are automatically not funny.

Murder victims, folks who perish of horrible diseases, these people, you don't joke about.

People who die in bizarre accidents, well, it depends on the accident and the person.

jcm Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:34:33pm

re: #32 El Supremo

This morning I read a comment a Kozkiddie wrote saying there is no difference between a car bomb in Bagdad that kills 50 or so and a bomb dropped from an F-15 on a group of "Freedom Fighters". He said they are both "Terrorist" acts. What fools these so called intellectuals are.

Moral equivalence, or how to justify evil in three easy lessons.
A 2 DVD set for only $6.66.

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:35:02pm

re: #16 Guanxi88

And why are we laughing? Because crying won't do any good.

re: #17 redc1c4

mostly because insanity is not a valid option......

Yes and Yes.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:35:37pm

Would sunblock have helped Steve from harmful rays?

Spare O'Lake Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:35:47pm

re: #38 Guanxi88

While I think TFK is right that JFK jokes are out of bounds, I don't necessarily think that all deaths are automatically not funny.

Is Franco still dead?

Alouette Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:36:19pm

re: #19 Guanxi88

That crocodile guy?

Croc hunter thrown out of Satan's Halloween party because it's "too soon" and he wasn't wearing a costume.

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:36:21pm

re: #42 Spare O'Lake

Is Franco still dead?

Yeah, I think I saw something about that. Anchor looked like a young Chevy Chase.

Karridine Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:37:06pm

re: #34 Walter L. Newton

Well, a California Lizard and some friends are taking it to the California Electoral College delegates, serving Summons on them, re Obama's lack of proof of citizenship (see US Supreme Court Justice David Souter, A Certiorari, et al.) so the Last Laugh just MIGHT be on Tribe Obama...

Read the Comments, "Coming Storm"

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:37:13pm

Yeah. Moving along------------->

El Supremo Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:37:54pm

re: #39 jcm

LOL...Thats a good one.

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:38:46pm

Peewee Herman jokes are always welcome.

Walter L. Newton Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:38:57pm

re: #45 Karridine

Well, a California Lizard and some friends are taking it to the California Electoral College delegates, serving Summons on them, re Obama's lack of proof of citizenship (see US Supreme Court Justice David Souter, A Certiorari, et al.) so the Last Laugh just MIGHT be on Tribe Obama...

Read the Comments, "Coming Storm"

So what does your comment have to do with my comment?

2by2 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:39:13pm

A friend just set these sobering images from today's funeral in Jerusalem: http://www.hnn.co.il

Alouette Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:39:22pm

re: #48 NYCHardhat

Peewee Herman jokes are always welcome.

When did he die?

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:39:30pm

re: #48 NYCHardhat

Peewee Herman jokes are always welcome.

Ah, but that's too late, the exact opposite of the Bombay attacks problem. Comedic timing is key.

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:39:54pm

re: #51 Alouette

When did he die?

He didn't. I was just yanking your leg./

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:40:24pm

re: #53 NYCHardhat

He didn't. I was just yanking your leg./

Wasn't something like that what got the aforementioned Mr Herman into so much trouble?

2by2 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:40:56pm

re: #50 2by2

A friend just set these sobering images from today's funeral in Jerusalem: http://www.hnn.co.il

sent not set

Pickles Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:41:19pm

The humor is lost on me right now. The event is way to close in time. I don't find it funny, even darkly so.

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:41:20pm

re: #54 Guanxi88

Wasn't something like that what got the aforementioned Mr Herman into so much trouble?

He had his hands full. Yes.

Alouette Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:42:27pm

re: #50 2by2

A friend just set these sobering images from today's funeral in Jerusalem: http://www.hnn.co.il

Very large photo gallery here

Guanxi88 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:42:45pm

re: #57 NYCHardhat

He had his hands full. Yes.

Slippery situation, I heard; he kept grabbing, but it just kept slipping

kf Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:43:12pm

Maybe I'm alone but I haven't found Iowahawk humorous in at least a couple years

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:43:54pm

Mug Shot

Walter L. Newton Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:44:27pm

re: #61 NYCHardhat

Mug Shot

Of who?

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:44:41pm

re: #60 kf

You're not alone. That is why I am cracking my own Peewee Herman jokes.

The Other Les Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:44:49pm

re: #5 DisturbedEma

You forgot all the snow flakes would be gummi bears and milk shakes. . .oh what a snow that would be

Fortunately, it will be too cold for Die Grosse NULL and his followers to do a Mussolini style march on the capital.

NYCHardhat Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:45:08pm

re: #62 Walter L. Newton

Of who?

Pee Wee Herman. Aka Paul Reubens

2by2 Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:45:44pm

re: #58 Alouette

Very large photo gallery here

thanks Alouette

RedWhiteAndJew Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:49:46pm

32 El Supremo

This morning I read a comment a Kozkiddie wrote saying there is no difference between a car bomb in Bagdad that kills 50 or so and a bomb dropped from an F-15 on a group of "Freedom Fighters". He said they are both "Terrorist" acts. What fools these so called intellectuals are.

My operating definition of an intellectual:

intellectual: an individual who has been educated beyond his capacity to absorb knowledge

Walter L. Newton Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:51:40pm

re: #65 NYCHardhat

Pee Wee Herman. Aka Paul Reubens

Oh. Well, yea, sure, I was looking for his pic for my collection. NOT!

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:53:56pm

IM IN UR OCEANZ
KILLIN UR CELEBRITIEZ

Oh, that's just evil. I stop now. Don't want to damage my Karma.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:55:17pm

re: #68 Walter L. Newton

One of the funniest celebrity "i effed up" moments. Paul Reubens at the (I think) MTV Music Awards.

"Heard any good jokes lately?"

Mr Spiffy Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:55:51pm

re: #51 Alouette

When did he die?

Not him, his career.

snowcrash Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:56:39pm

Very intense (but the best) coverage of the attack was here at LGF. I still feel raw and can't joke about the horror. Sorry, thumbs down.

Spare O'Lake Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:57:08pm

How can people be so thoughtless?

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 5:58:01pm

Most people I've told, did not realize that that was Paul Reubens in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

Crusty Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:00:35pm

I understand the people who don't want to read this now because it's too soon after this very obscene crime. The thing about Iowahawk though is that if you don't feel like laughing you still get this odd sense of Burge's powerful, underlying rage driving the humor and the very good point he's making with it. He is the master of what he does.

Fat Bastard Vegetarian Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:01:20pm

re: #75 Crusty

helluva point.

Ringo the Gringo Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:04:30pm

Read this earlier today and couldn't laugh.

clgood Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:18:23pm

Charles:

There may be good reason to stop calling it Mumbai and call it Bombay.

Mich-again Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:35:46pm

Pokkyston. Get used to hearing that.

ozarkmatt Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:37:27pm

I don't think it's to soon for this, not at all.

I don't think this has been mentioned in this thread, but as I read this, the first thing I thought of it was a parody of Moore's famous rant after 9/11. Remember the one complaining Bin Laden chose the wrong states for his attacks since those states did not vote for Bush?

Moore wrote that RIGHT after the attacks. And he was serious.

Now I may be reaching, but looking at it in that light, I think this parody makes perfect sense.

Iowahawk - you are brilliant.

toaster_empire Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:48:19pm

Rage fueled gallows humor in essay form. Bravo, good sir. Bravo.

notutopia Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:50:24pm

Iowahawk...
I love your dark Gallows humour.
Hits the Jihad asshats right in the solar plexis.
May he die gagging from the memo being shoved down his throat!

Ojoe Tue, Dec 2, 2008 6:54:54pm

“If we knew Bush was on his way out, obviously we would have called off the crazy random baby-shootings and martyrdom stuff, and signed on with the Peace Corps or Habitat for Humanity. At this point I guess all I can say is ‘my bad.’”

People where I live actually believe things like this.

DistantThunder Tue, Dec 2, 2008 7:18:26pm

"Jeez, I'm... I don't know, I just never got any kind of memo," said Kasab. "The ironic thing is that just the other day, when we were ritually shaving our testicles for final martyrdom, a bunch of us were talking about how great and symbolic it would be if the American infidels would only elect an handsome, articulate young African-American infidel. That way we could just lay down the suicide belts and scimitars and suitcase nukes and finally get involved in the positive aspects of community activism, like raising awareness for breast cancer research.

Iowahawk deserves a special commendation for keeping our morale up at this oh, so scary time.

GrammatonCleric Tue, Dec 2, 2008 7:40:47pm

Video : CCTV shows start of Mumbai massacre

[Link: www.timesonline.co.uk...]

Jimmah Tue, Dec 2, 2008 8:33:37pm

I can see the political point he is making, but to me, it comes across like he's leaping on the opportunity to make that point with a little too much glee. Maybe in this case it really is too soon.

Crusty Tue, Dec 2, 2008 8:49:33pm

"Don't you see that if I didn't laugh I would have to weep?"
-Abraham Lincoln

(someone had just criticized him for telling jokes so soon after his friend Ann Rutledge's death)

Caboose Wed, Dec 3, 2008 8:38:10am

Name two guys who were shot in the back of the head while at the theatre.

Abraham Lincoln and the guy sitting in front of PeeWee.

iowahawk Wed, Dec 3, 2008 8:47:39am

I apologize if this came out too soon or caused any offense, but the intended target of the piece was a clueless American media (see Alex Witt of CNN), who have expressed dumbfounded incredulity that Islamic terrorism actually continues after the election of Obama -- as if nutjobs who rage about caliphates and Andalusia and the medieval Crusades somehow give a damn about the American election cycle. The point I was trying to make is that we can't pretend this evil away.

I'm sorry if the humor obscure the point but it was written in anger, not glee. For what it's worth, in my day job I work closely with dozens of Indians -- immigrants and foreign nationals, most from Mumbai. One of of my wedding groomsmen was a Hindu Mumbaiker, a dear graduate school friend who now teaches at the University of Mumbai. I shared the distress all of them experienced during the attacks.

Colonel1961 Wed, Dec 3, 2008 11:39:48am

Iowahawk, you have a day job?

ceemack Wed, Dec 3, 2008 11:47:31am

Iowahawk, I don't think you should feel bad in any way about that post. I disagree with the "too soon" comments--I don't believe it's "too soon" to point out, as you did, that the world didn't fundamentally change the way too many Obama supports thought it would as soon as The One was elected.

And that point of view deserves to be ridiculed in a satirical manner, early and often.

Your next post should be about Joe Biden asserting that he thought Obama's foreign-policy "test" wouldn't come until he'd at least had time to move into the White House.

ghost707 Wed, Dec 3, 2008 1:32:20pm

re: #75 Crusty

I understand the people who don't want to read this now because it's too soon after this very obscene crime. The thing about Iowahawk though is that if you don't feel like laughing you still get this odd sense of Burge's powerful, underlying rage driving the humor and the very good point he's making with it. He is the master of what he does.

Exactly.

notutopia Wed, Dec 3, 2008 2:37:35pm

re: #82 notutopia
Some people learn from experience, some stubbornly resist the evidence of their own eyes.

MSNBC anchor Alex Witt has somehow managed to remain frighteningly naive about the nature of terrorism.

ALEX WITT: You know, it’s interesting because there are many who had such an optimistic and hopeful opinion of things, and you certainly can’t expect things to change [snaps fingers] on a dime overnight, but there are many who suggested that with the outgoing Bush administration and the incoming Obama administration there would be something of a lull in terrorism attacks.
There had been such a global outpouring of affection, respect, hope, with the new administration coming in, that precisely these kinds of attacks, it was thought — at least hoped — would be dampered down. But in this case it looks like Barack Obama is getting a preview of things to come.

UGH!
*SPIT*

countrygurl Wed, Dec 3, 2008 4:09:28pm

Iowahawk - I think you are a genius. I always read your comments when I come across them, and your posts. I don't think your observations were made "too soon" or that they were in bad taste. I think killing innocent civilians is in very bad taste (to say the least) and sane people have a duty to try to figure out how to make sense of horrible senseless acts. Essays like yours do help us to come to grips with the situation, to understand what actually happened. Keep up the excellent work.

countrygurl Wed, Dec 3, 2008 4:13:46pm

Isn't it amazing that the MSM can't see that "terrorism" didn't begin with Bush. What in the world will they tell us when realize terrorism won't end with Obama? Oh wait...I know. It's Bush's fault. I forgot.

Victory Gin For All Wed, Dec 3, 2008 4:17:55pm

I've noticed that whenever I have too much Victory Gin, I tend to get kicked out of blogs and forums. However, Kentucky bourbon really mellows me.

I love you guys.