Open for business.

Savings lost to Madoff, elderly forced back to work

BOSTON (Reuters) - After losing his entire life's savings to disgraced fund manager Bernard Madoff, 90-year-old Ian Thiermann abandoned retirement and now works the aisles of a grocery store to make ends meet.

[Link: uk.reuters.com...]

Why isn't Madoff in jail?

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

Associated Press CEO demands more open access to US military operations- calls Armed Forces 'Bush's Propaganda Machine'.

/these fucking quislings are falling all over themselves to pat themselves on the back while sales and circulation plummet.

re: #2 MJ

Savings lost to Madoff, elderly forced back to work

[Link: uk.reuters.com...]

Why isn't Madoff in jail?

Why isn't congress in jail?
*same scam*

Friday night at last

re: #4 Fenway_Nation

Associated Press CEO demands more open access to US military operations- calls Armed Forces 'Bush's Propaganda Machine'.

/these fucking quislings are falling all over themselves to pat themselves on the back while sales and circulation plummet.

Sure, just they'd just publish the plans for Operation Overload on June 1st.

re: #2 MJ

Savings lost to Madoff, elderly forced back to work

[Link: uk.reuters.com...]

Why isn't Madoff in jail?

Our congresscritters probably wanna fine-tune his ponzi scheme so they can use it on the taxpayers...

"Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side). "Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy.

Good evening, all. I'm here after a long day's work!

Somebody robbed the Glendale train, and Madoff with the gold.

re: #8 Fenway_Nation

Our congresscritters probably wanna fine-tune his ponzi scheme so they can use it on the taxpayers...

Who'd learn from who?
Madoff $50 Billion
Social Security $650 Billion.

re: #10 gmsc

Good evening, all. I'm here after a long day's work!

HAH! Still at work...
*groan*
Another 30 minutes.

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles Went Ballistic cartoon
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi systems
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Rollerskate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-in theaters
24. Studebakers
25. Washtub wringers

Cartoon: seniors talking about abs If you remembered!
0 - 5 = You're still young
6 - 10 = You are getting older
11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

re: #13 jcm

HAH! Still at work...
*groan*
Another 30 minutes.

We'll help you pass the time as best we can.

re: #12 jcm

Some people have been getting wise to Social Security. The fact that Madoff was running a ponzi scheme took a number of people by surprise (not the least of wich was the SEC).

Altho' with the benefit of hindsight, apparently everyone BUT the SEC was suspicious.

re: #2 MJ

Madoff also wiped out the Elie Wiesel foundation. A real mensch ole' Bernie. ..."We are writing to inform you that the Elie Wiesel Foundation for Humanity had $15.2 million under management with Bernard Madoff Investment Securities. This represented substantially all of the Foundation's assets." [Link: www.eliewieselfoundation.org...]

Navy hopes high tide will help free grounded warship

One of the biggest and most technologically advanced warships based at Pearl Harbor remained aground today in 17 to 22 feet of water a half-mile off Honolulu International Airport's Reef Runway.

No one was injured in the incident, which was reported around 9 last night, the Navy said.

Navy tugs tried early in the morning to nudge the 9,600-ton and 567-foot guided missile cruiser USS Port Royal off the sandy bottom, but were unsuccessful, officials said.

Crew members on the Clean Islands, an oil recovery vessel that was positioned behind the Port Royal as a precaution, said the water was so shallow they could see the bottom.

The Navy said divers from Mobile Diving and Salvage Unit One from Pearl Harbor and the salvage ship USS Salvor would try to tow the warship.

Officials said the guided missile cruiser left port yesterday for several days of sea trials after leaving drydock about a month ago for routine maintenance. Shore-based Navy officials were being transferred to Hickam harbor by small boat when the grounding occurred, the Navy said.

Navy officials said a high tide that could float the cruiser off the bottom is expected at 2:45 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Whoops!

/sucks to be Captain John Carroll right about now

re: #5 jcm

Why isn't congress in jail?
*same scam*

Immunity.

re: #14 Dustyvet

I scored 19.
And I'm 53 today.

re: #15 gmsc

We'll help you pass the time as best we can.

Re-test a new product that had some bad code used to test it.
Gotta' ship samples out first thing Monday to customers.
3 minutes for each test, nothing to do during that 3 minutes except hang out here.

re: #20 Attaboid

I scored 19.
And I'm 53 today.

well done...:)

re: #14 Dustyvet

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles Went Ballistic cartoon
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi systems
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Rollerskate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-in theaters
24. Studebakers
25. Washtub wringers

Cartoon: seniors talking about abs If you remembered!
0 - 5 = You're still young
6 - 10 = You are getting older
11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

Over 16..less than 25.

re: #19 Unakite

Immunity.

Yeah, I know. Doesn't make it any less crooked.

Report: Shalit deal may be reached by Tuesday

Turkish news channel CNN Turk reported on Friday that a deal to secure the release of abducted Israel Defense Forces soldier Gilad Shalit may be reached by Tuesday.

The TV channel said that Turkish officials were currently holding talks on the issue with Hamas officials in Damascus, the base of the Islamist militant group's political leadership.

Reuters Friday quoted a Palestinian official as saying that Turkey and Qatar have taken a lead role in the negotiations over Shalit in recent months.

The CNN Turk report came after Defense Minister Ehud Barak on Friday said that Israel's leadership was making "supreme" efforts to bring Shalit back home.

"Supreme efforts are being made in order to hurry the moment when Gilad Shalit will come home," Barak told Channel 1. "We know that he is well, alive, breathing and okay, but we need to bring him here from there."

/if true, this would obviously be extremely good news!

Lenny was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him, 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds. AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE!

The next morning Lenny got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Lenny has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

re: #4 Fenway_Nation

Associated Press CEO demands more open access to US military operations- calls Armed Forces 'Bush's Propaganda Machine'.

/these fucking quislings are falling all over themselves to pat themselves on the back while sales and circulation plummet.

"So now is the time to re-negotiate the rules of engagement between the military and the media," he said. "Now is the time to insist that the First Amendment does apply to the battlefield."

Not when human lives are at stake, you fucking twit.

re: #14 Dustyvet

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?

Here's a few things to think about for anyone on this board over 30:

Do you remember watching the news about the Berlin Wall coming down?

Do you remember hearing about Universal Studios Theme Park opening in Orlando?

Do you remember when the Motion Picture Artists' Association first introduced the NC-17 rating to replace X?

Do you remember Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem, and the horrible job she did?

Do you remember hearing about the launch of the Hubble Telescope?

If you remember any or all of those things, consider this:

When all of these things happened, none of this year's college freshmen had been born yet!

(Courtesy 2012 Beloit College Mindset List)

re: #14 Dustyvet
Your just trying to make me feel ancient aren't you and I'm not that old.

re: #1 sngnsgt

Open for business.

Do I have to check my stimulus package at the door?

re: #7 jcm

Sure, just they'd just publish the plans for Operation Overload on June 1st.

Journalists back then would not have. There's a vastly different breed reporting nowadays.

re: #27 MandyManners

"So now is the time to re-negotiate the rules of engagement between the military and the media," he said. "Now is the time to insist that the First Amendment does apply to the battlefield."

Not when human lives are at stake, you fucking twit.

Someone should ask that fucking twit how the 1st Amend guarantees access to information.

I wonder if the fucking twit has even read the 1st Amend.

re: #2 MJ

Savings lost to Madoff, elderly forced back to work

[Link: uk.reuters.com...]

Why isn't Madoff in jail?

He's not been convicted yet.

re: #25 Killian Bundy

Do you really think he's still alive KB? I doubt it.

re: #2 MJ

Why isn't Madoff in jail?

The inmates are afraid of losing all their cigarettes.

Guy checks into a motel. Says to the clerk "is the porn channel in my room disabled?' Clerk says "you freak, we only have regular porn!"

re: #29 Rustler

Your just trying to make me feel ancient aren't you and I'm not that old.

Nah, because in dog years I'm dead...:)

weet dreams all!

re: #32 jcm

Someone should ask that fucking twit how the 1st Amend guarantees access to information.

I wonder if the fucking twit has even read the 1st Amend.

I shudder at the thought of a government doing business in closed rooms.

re: #20 Attaboid

I scored 19.
And I'm 53 today.

Happy Birthday!

I scored 13, and I'm 41.

re: #37 Dustyvet 29 years old and I got 17 of 25 lol.

re: #38 ggt

weet dreams all!

Good night, ggt!

re: #28 gmsc

Here's a few things to think about for anyone on this board over 30:

Do you remember watching the news about the Berlin Wall coming down?

Do you remember hearing about Universal Studios Theme Park opening in Orlando?

Do you remember when the Motion Picture Artists' Association first introduced the NC-17 rating to replace X?

Do you remember Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem, and the horrible job she did?

Do you remember hearing about the launch of the Hubble Telescope?

If you remember any or all of those things, consider this:

When all of these things happened, none of this year's college freshmen had been born yet!

(Courtesy 2012 Beloit College Mindset List)

I remember all of those things except the Roseanne Barr thing. My psychiatrist keeps saying something about a memory block.

re: #14 Dustyvet

19 here, just turned 56. Yikes!

Is there anything nastier than Blackjack Gum tho?

re: #41 Rustler

29 years old and I got 17 of 25 lol.

I'm 61 and I taking the 5th...:)

re: #45 Rustler

Is there anything nastier than Blackjack Gum tho?

No.

BBL

re: #45 Rustler

Is there anything nastier than Blackjack Gum tho?

WAB's fashion sense?

re: #44 BakaRanger

19 here, just turned 56. Yikes!

OK, since it's late and we're fessin' up, I'm 49 (there, I said it).

re: #40 gmsc

Thank you.

Hey, how you 'doin? What a crowd tonight! Hey, I just thought I'd drop in
like a stray mortal shell from Gaza -- boy are my black market arms tired!

No respect, I don't get no respect, I tell-ya ...

* How many politicians does it take to build a fire?

It depends on how you stack them.

* How do you get a politician to take a principled stand?

Cement.

*Why did the fat-cat politician cross the road?

They couldn't outrun the steam roller.

* What did the politician get on their I.Q. test?

Drool.

* What does a politician have that a criminal doesn't?

A resume.

* What does a criminal have that a politician doesn't?

A last request.

* What do you call a politician in a straight jacket?

A good start.

* How many politicians does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Just The One -- to spend three trillion dollars and hope it changes itself.

*What's the difference between massive inflation and crushing deflation?

Charlie Rangel and Barney Frank on a see-saw.

(Reminder: Please tip your gender-neutral wait-person!)

re: #45 Rustler
Is there anything nastier than Blackjack Gum tho?

Getting your fingers caught in the Washtub wringers.

re: #20 Attaboid

I scored 19.
And I'm 53 today.

Happy Birthday!

re: #51 Attaboid

Thank you.

You're welcome.

re: #43 Unakite

I remember all of those things except the Roseanne Barr thing. My psychiatrist keeps saying something about a memory block.

Interestingly, since this is not a woman who normally hides her more obnoxious thoughts and deeds, Roseanne insists that she told them that she couldn't sing, she knew it was going to be awful, and she didn't do it on purpose.

But that doesn't mend any eardrums.

re: #49 MandyManners Ok that might be it.

re: #45 Rustler

Is there anything nastier than Blackjack Gum tho?

Madeline Albright in a leather thong bikini

re: #39 MandyManners

I shudder at the thought of a government doing business in closed rooms.

When the founders wrote the 1st Amend the public debate was carried out in and by partisan press. Papers where openly partisan, up until WWI most towns had a Republican paper and a Democrat paper.

The founders made their arguments for and against things in these papers. The founders never imagined the sycophant media of today.

You are correct about government operating behind closed doors. I was addressing this twits wanting access to military operations, note he doesn't say a word about wanting access to democrat party caucus meetings.

re: #52 blackpajamas

Try the veal, I'll be here all week.

re: #53 BakaRanger

Well there is a reason it was called a laundry Mangle.

re: #52 blackpajamas

* How many politicians does it take . . .

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead politician in the road?

There are skid marks before the skunk!

re: #34 MrPaulRevere

Do you really think he's still alive KB? I doubt it.

The Israeli government seems to think so.

Barak told Channel 1. "We know that he is well, alive, breathing and okay, but we need to bring him here from there."

/good enough for me

re: #58 Kragar (proud to be kafir)

Madeline Albright in a leather thong bikini

That's just nasty.

re: #58 Kragar (proud to be kafir)
Eww im going to go put out my eyes now. I should have said worse tasting. As Barney Fwanks in a thong is far worse sensory torture than blackjack as well.

re: #14 Dustyvet

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles Went Ballistic cartoon
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi systems
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Rollerskate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-in theaters
24. Studebakers
25. Washtub wringers

Cartoon: seniors talking about abs If you remembered!
0 - 5 = You're still young
6 - 10 = You are getting older
11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

Remember 'em? Heck, I still own some of 'em. Metal ice tray with levers in fridge, check. 45s and 78s in record rack, check. Studebakers in driveway, check.

“Everyone’s going to have to give a little and understand this is a process,”
-- Harry Reid

Yeah, stick that under your pillow and see what the excuse fairy leaves you, ya dirty bum.

The citizens of Nevada are going to tolerate you like an inflamed wall of prostate tissue.

re: #30 blackpajamas

Do I have to check my stimulus package at the door?

Nah, I know it's only full of empty promises.

re: #56 SanFranciscoZionist

Interestingly, since this is not a woman who normally hides her more obnoxious thoughts and deeds, Roseanne insists that she told them that she couldn't sing, she knew it was going to be awful, and she didn't do it on purpose.

But that doesn't mend any eardrums.

It's amazing. I wonder who actually thought that was a good idea.

re: #64 tommygum

That's just nasty.

Could be worse.

She could have a gallon bottle of baby oil and Helen Thomas on speed dial

Octuplets’ mom pretty sure she’ll be able to pay for kids — after she’s out of school

She's in school?

re: #58 Kragar (proud to be kafir)

Madeline Albright in a leather thong bikini

Oooohhh!

re: #59 jcm

When the founders wrote the 1st Amend the public debate was carried out in and by partisan press. Papers where openly partisan, up until WWI most towns had a Republican paper and a Democrat paper.

The founders made their arguments for and against things in these papers. The founders never imagined the sycophant media of today.

You are correct about government operating behind closed doors. I was addressing this twits wanting access to military operations, note he doesn't say a word about wanting access to democrat party caucus meetings.

The DNC is a private club. War is public business. However, today's reporters' lips would sink 1,000 ships.

re: #67 blackpajamas

“Everyone’s going to have to give a little and understand this is a process,”
-- Harry Reid

Yeah, stick that under your pillow and see what the excuse fairy leaves you, ya dirty bum.

The citizens of Nevada are going to tolerate you like an inflamed wall of prostate tissue.

That's offensive to inflamed walls of prostate tissues everywhere...

re: #65 Rustler

Eww im going to go put out my eyes now. I should have said worse tasting. As Barney Fwanks in a thong is far worse sensory torture than blackjack as well.

Barney in ass-less chaps.

re: #62 gmsc

And acceleration tracks before the Politician.

re: #25 Killian Bundy

Report: Shalit deal may be reached by Tuesday

/if true, this would obviously be extremely good news!

Please don't misconstrue what I'm going to say...I'm an Israeli citizen and, like everyone else, would simply be overjoyed if Gilad Shalit returned safe and healthy.

I'm just hoping this deal can be put on hold until Wednesday...

re: #71 Dustyvet

Octuplets’ mom pretty sure she’ll be able to pay for kids — after she’s out of school

She's in school?

The poor grandmother told the press that her daughter has always loved children, but she wishes she would have just been a kindergarten teacher instead.

re: #71 Dustyvet

Octuplets’ mom pretty sure she’ll be able to pay for kids — after she’s out of school

She's in school?

Who's gonna' watch all14 while she's in class?

re: #62 gmsc

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu..
Tourist: $5
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Politician?
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

re: #75 tommygum

Barney in ass-less chaps.

Excuse me while i make a phone call, ordering a tanker truck of brain Bleach...

re: #62 gmsc

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead politician in the road?

There are skid marks before the skunk!

True, true, alternately:

Michael Moore won't try to mount the skunk.

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

re: #75 tommygum

Barney in ass-less chaps.

That's just sick.

Antidote.

re: #20 Attaboid

I scored 19.
And I'm 53 today.

While we still have a few minutes on the West Coast where it's still February 6th, here's some trivia for you.

You share a February 6th birthday with this famous person!

re: #83 Attaboid

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

Yup, and wax lips...:{

re: #75 tommygum

Barney in ass-less chaps.

Alright, this has passed the level of sick humor! I'm trying to finish my last late-night drink.

re: #67 blackpajamas

“Everyone’s going to have to give a little and understand this is a process,”
-- Harry Reid

Yeah, stick that under your pillow and see what the excuse fairy leaves you, ya dirty bum.

The citizens of Nevada are going to tolerate you like an inflamed wall of prostate tissue.

I'm certainly casting my vote against him in 2010, when he's up for re-election.

re: #73 MandyManners

The DNC is a private club. War is public business. However, today's reporters' lips would sink 1,000 ships.

DNC yes, the caucus no.

War is public business. Not future operational plans.

re: #63 Killian Bundy

Fair enough and thanks for the reply. I'm very cynical when it comes to our friends in headscarves.

re: #83 Attaboid

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

How Rosie O'Donnell gets her Brazilian.

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

Does anyone remember Hot Cinnamon Toothpicks?

re: #79 MandyManners

Who's gonna' watch all14 while she's in class?

Waddaya mean? They are the class.

re: #85 gmsc

While we still have a few minutes on the West Coast where it's still February 6th, here's some trivia for you.

You share a February 6th birthday with this famous person!

You dirty rotten no good skunk you...

Ronald Wilson Reagan (February 6, 1911 – June 5, 2004)

re: #92 BakaRanger

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

Does anyone remember Hot Cinnamon Toothpicks?

I DO! Those were awesome!

Squirt Gum anyone? The gum with the gel center?

re: #71 Dustyvet
She will be able to pay for the kids once she works out the 3 million or so deal she has in the works for her story. No clue WTF anyone would want with the story of a woman who just keeps having babies cause she doesn't want to be alone like she was as an only child. I would however really like to find out who the Doctor was that implanted 6 embryoes to yield 8 babies. Also wtf was he thinking implanting embryoes into an unemployed unmarried mother of 6 recieving welfare.

re: #92 BakaRanger

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

Does anyone remember Hot Cinnamon Toothpicks?

We used to buy oil of cinnamon at the Drug Store and make our own.

re: #85 gmsc

Not my favorite song /artist. ;)

Anyway it's Feb 7 here. I'll google those birthdates.

re: #80 jcm

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu..
Tourist: $5
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Politician?
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

Did you hear the one about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?

I remember "smoking" candy cigarettes when I was about ten. You could blow flour out the end like a puff of smoke.

re: #92 BakaRanger

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

Does anyone remember Hot Cinnamon Toothpicks?

I DO! Those were awesome!

Squirt Gum anyone? The gum with the gel center?

That gum was great! Beats the crap out of Gummy Bears.

re: #94 jcm

You dirty rotten no good skunk you...

Ronald Wilson Reagan (February 6, 1911 – June 5, 2004)

Well, that famous person does have a Feb. 6th birthday! You can even check the birthday wishes in the comments.

re: #90 MrPaulRevere

Fair enough and thanks for the reply. I'm very cynical when it comes to our friends in headscarves.

You don't trust Orthodox housewives? What did they ever do to you?

/

re: #89 jcm

DNC yes, the caucus no.

War is public business. Not future operational plans.

Why any reporter would think she/he is entitled to them is beyond me.

re: #95 Kragar (proud to be kafir)

I DO! Those were awesome!

Squirt Gum anyone? The gum with the gel center?

Fizzies!

re: #92 BakaRanger
I used to make my own.

re: #93 Unakite

Waddaya mean? They are the class.

How many do you need for a baseball team?

re: #92 BakaRanger

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

Does anyone remember Hot Cinnamon Toothpicks?

Those are still around. My TA last year gave some to my students, they loved 'em.

re: #104 MandyManners

Why any reporter would think she/he is entitled to them is beyond me.

Hate of the military.

re: #105 jcm

Fizzies!

Chunky when it was like a 2 inch square block of chocolate

re: #98 Attaboid

Not my favorite song /artist. ;)

Anyway it's Feb 7 here. I'll google those birthdates.

Save yourself some time. Just go to Wikipedia, and type in whatever date you want to know about.

All on one page, you've got famous births, deaths and events!

re: #84 Racer X

That's just sick.

Antidote.

Thank you!

Well Lizards and Lizzies, ya'all have fun now. I gotsta get to bed b/c I have a long day of property rights defending tomorrow followed by a circa-1792 dance tomorrow evening (www.peers.org/Pimpernel.html). (Lemme tell you, there's something awfully erotic about having hot, passionate sex with a woman when you're both dressed uppercrust fashionable. I find that few women look better naked than finely dressed, and I daresay that goes the other way for the fairer gender.)

re: #96 Rustler

She will be able to pay for the kids once she works out the 3 million or so deal she has in the works for her story. No clue WTF anyone would want with the story of a woman who just keeps having babies cause she doesn't want to be alone like she was as an only child. I would however really like to find out who the Doctor was that implanted 6 embryoes to yield 8 babies. Also wtf was he thinking implanting embryoes into an unemployed unmarried mother of 6 recieving welfare.

I wonder if he's Muslim, too.

re: #100 Racer X

YES!

re: #95 Kragar (proud to be kafir)

I DO! Those were awesome!

Squirt Gum anyone? The gum with the gel center?

I loved that stuff. And the striped chewing gum with the zebra on the label.

re: #104 MandyManners

Over-inflated sense of self-importance, I guess.

re: #77 traderjoe9

I'm just hoping this deal can be put on hold until Wednesday...

You know, the timing did seem like a coincidence, but I didn't think of that.

/Hamas fears Likud so much that they'd try and influence the election by releasing Shalit, hmmm, interesting concept

One more cranial constipation to work out, then I've gotta hit the showers:

Simultaneous Porkgasm

“‘this is not a stimulus bill, this is a spending bill,’ What do you think a stimulus is? That’s the whole point. No, seriously, that’s the point. Now I got carried away…” --- The One

“We are passing a bold and responsible plan that will help our economy get back on its feet, put people to work and put more money in their pockets,”
-- Majority Loser Harry Reid (D)

Yup, back on the feet, with money in the pocket, like an over-subscribed hooker!

The foolish are like ripples on water, For whatsoever they do is quickly effaced; But the righteous are like carvings upon stone, For their smallest act is durable.
-- Horace

(g'nite!)

re: #109 jcm

Hate of the military.

I wonder if CBBHO is gonna' gut the $4,000,000,000.00 propganda budget.

Hola, honcos! Hope all of you are doing well tonight.

re: #111 gmsc

Great tip. Thanks.

It may soon be time for Conservatives to misbehave, if/when this dreadful "Stimulus" passes ...

A 21st century Boston Tea Party may soon be called for (Democrats are currently doing their level best to create a majority non-taxpaying dependency/entitlement class) ...

Theme song for the tax revolt at the "Link": Get ready to RUMBLE

re: #92 BakaRanger

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

Does anyone remember Hot Cinnamon Toothpicks?

Those are still around. My TA last year gave some to my students, they loved 'em.

I would love to know where you can still get them. I would go through a pack a day at grade school. Good times!

re: #120 MandyManners Nah it'll be redirected into his nice honorable Civilian defense force.

re: #113 SFGoth

Well Lizards and Lizzies, ya'all have fun now. I gotsta get to bed b/c I have a long day of property rights defending tomorrow followed by a circa-1792 dance tomorrow evening (www.peers.org/Pimpernel.html). (Lemme tell you, there's something awfully erotic about having hot, passionate sex with a woman when you're both dressed uppercrust fashionable. I find that few women look better naked than finely dressed, and I daresay that goes the other way for the fairer gender.)

They seek him here, they seek him there...

re: #116 SanFranciscoZionist

I loved that stuff. And the striped chewing gum with the zebra on the label.

Never cared for those.

re: #117 Fenway_Nation

Over-inflated sense of self-importance, I guess.

Warped egos for sure.

re: #118 Killian Bundy

You know, the timing did seem like a coincidence, but I didn't think of that.

/Hamas fears Likud so much that they'd try and influence the election by releasing Shalit, hmmm, interesting concept

I didn't really consider the Hamas aspect of this deal, to be honest. I just know that Livni and Kadima want to win the election next week, and they're prepared to open all crossings and release a thousand prisoners to get Shalit. And if this occurs...I think that Kadima just might overtake Likud.

re: #126 MandyManners

They seek him here, they seek him there...

I do believe that line was the inspiration for Judas Priest's song "Hell Bent for Leather":
Seek him here, seek him on the highway
Never knowing when he'll appear...

re: #107 MandyManners

How many do you need for a baseball team?

You only need nine, plus a couple of relief pitchers. She has more than enough.

re: #124 BakaRanger
Think can still buy the cinnamon toothpicks at walmart. I much perfered buying a box of normal toothpicks and making my own with cinnamon oil bought at the drug store down the street. 1 1.5 oz bottle I think it was I used to buy at once would knock out about 250-500 toothpicks super cinnamonny.

Bazooka bubblegum!

re: #116 SanFranciscoZionist
Zebra gum was way to sweet.

re: #125 Rustler

Nah it'll be redirected into his nice honorable Civilian defense force.

That, I think, will not go through.

re: #98 Attaboid

Not my favorite song /artist. ;)

Anyway it's Feb 7 here. I'll google those birthdates.

Here's a few of my favorite Feb. 7th birthdays:

Cerina Vincent turns 30 today. She's best known as "Areola", the naked exchange student in "Not Another Teen Movie".

Chris Rock is 44. (44? Good lord! How about just being 22 twice?)

Emo Philips is 53.

Miguel Ferrer is 54.

Oh, and somebody needs to punk Ashton Kutcher today, on his 31st birthday.

Okay Lizard test the last unit. Wrapping up a 16 hour day.
Heading home and some sleep.

Take care Honcos!

re: #132 Rustler

Thanks for the heads-up. I hope that they are as good as I remember them.

re: #135 MandyManners

That, I think, will not go through.

Moon bats with guns and night sticks...shudder!

re: #122 Attaboid

Great tip. Thanks.

It's the least I can do after the Feb. 6th birthday to which I linked.
;)

re: #134 Rustler

Zebra gum was way to sweet.

Really? I hardly remember the taste, just the stripes, and that powdery texture when you unwrapped the pieces. My grandma would buy it for me when I was very small.

James Whitmore passed away.

re: #83 Attaboid

What is #10 Butch wax?

I'm proud to admit I got a 25! And, as my gradnma used to say, I'm as old as my little finger. So far I've got everyone beat.

Way back in time all the guys wore butch hair cuts. You might call them crew cuts today. Butch wax was a jell that you put on the front hair to keep it standing straight up.

re: #125 Rustler

Nah it'll be redirected into his nice honorable Civilian defense force.

Who needs a seperate budget for a propaganda mouthpiece when the 0bama Admin has the MSM at their beck and call!? Think of the money that can be saved...

re: #141 SanFranciscoZionist That powder was High fructose Corn syrup.

Greanpeace

Out.

re: #142 tommygum

James Whitmore passed away.

I saw that. Bless his heart he was a WWII Marine.

re: #136 gmsc

Oh, and somebody needs to punk Ashton Kutcher today, on his 31st birthday.

I pledge...

/cue sappy, drippy music...

re: #146 Racer X

Barney Frank?

re: #145 Rustler

That powder was High fructose Corn syrup.

;) Wheee!

(But the ads say it's made from corn, and is fine in moderation!)

re: #146 Racer X

LOL!

re: #136 gmsc
One of my Fave Family guy episodes had Ashton Kutcher. Peter made a new reality tv show called tomahawked and whacks ashton with one.

California Medical Board probes octuplet birth

[Link: news.yahoo.com...]

re: #147 Pvt Bin Jammin

I saw that. Bless his heart he was a WWII Marine.

Didn't know that. Semper fi, Mr. Whitmore.

re: #150 SanFranciscoZionist
Yeah Zebra was made initially to help try and counter diabetes by using an alternate sweetener if I remember right.

re: #153 Dustyvet
Good maybe the Doc will lose his license to practice medicine in the US or Cali at least.

re: #156 Rustler

Good maybe the Doc will lose his license to practice medicine in the US or Cali at least.

At the very least.

The squirrels have quit romping on the roof so I tihnk it's time to get back to bed. Good nght, Lizards.

On Feb. 7th, . . .

. . . 1964, 3,000 people crowded JFK airport to see the Beatles as they landed for their first US tour.

. . . 1990, The Central Committee of the Soviet Communist Party agrees to give up its monopoly on power, and the collapse of the Soviet Union begins.

. . . 1962, The United States bans all Cuban imports and exports.

. . . 1795, the 11th Amendment to the US Constitution was ratified (This Amendment deals with each State's sovereign immunity from being sued in federal court by someone of another state or country.)

re: #129 traderjoe9

Howdy TJ, how ya been?

With all of the "stimlus" talk recently, just thin yesterday Feb. 6th would have been Ronald Regans 98th Birthday if he were alive today.

re: #150 SanFranciscoZionist

;) Wheee!

(But the ads say it's made from corn, and is fine in moderation!)

...and nutrionally the same as sugar.

re: #154 tommygum

They played it up on the local news. At least once in awhile the msm does something right.

OK, I gotta get up and teach small children in the morning. Should get sleep.

Buenas noches, honcos.

re: #158 MandyManners

The squirrels have quit romping on the roof so I tihnk it's time to get back to bed. Good nght, Lizards.

Commando Squirrels...:)

re: #160 ornery elephant

Howdy TJ, how ya been?

I've been doing well. One more week until winter break...just...surviving until then.

How about you?

re: #158 MandyManners

Night, Mandy. I get those wild squirrels too but most of the time it's in the morning for me.

It's almost springtime, must be mating season. LOL

re: #166 traderjoe9

I've been doing well. One more week until winter break...just...surviving until then.

How about you?

Doing real good here...actually saw some signs that the 11 months of winter may be ending ! hahaha

re: #168 ornery elephant

Doing real good here...actually saw some signs that the 11 months of winter may be ending ! hahaha

lol!

Well...I've got to get up and do absolutely nothing tomorrow. Better get some sleep.

Good night!

re: #165 Dustyvet

Commando Squirrels...:)

They aren't wearing their squirrel undies?

Oh, and if you don't think squirrels need undies, I bet these squirrels wished they had some when this was happening! (Moral: The most dangerous place to be in the the entire world is between a mother and her child!)

Ok now Casey Anthony and her attorney both need to be strung up from the nearest rafters. They are auctioning Photos of Caylee to pay for legal defense.

re: #14 Dustyvet

all 25

Here's one for you.

A self-important college freshman attending a recent basketball game
took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one', the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. 'The young people of today grew up
with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon. Our space probes have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars, cell phones , computers with light-speed processing...and more.'

After a brief silence, the senior citizen responded as follows:

'You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young... so we invented them.

Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?'

The applause was amazing!

re: #140 gmsc

Emo Phillips. UGH.

That squeaky voice. Double UGH.

re: #172 Bobibutu

Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?

h0pe! change!

re: #143 Cheechako

OK. I do remeber that! Didn't know the name.

Great Comment on our “Unregulated Free Market”

Michael Smith comments over at EconTalk on a comment by one Mark K (via Cafe Hayek)

The notion that we have an “unregulated free market” is false.

If we had an unregulated free market, the organizations and individuals that made stupid investment decisions — those “jokers on Wall Street” — would now be bankrupt, to be replaced by more competent organizations and managers. Instead, under the current system, they are “bailed out” — at your expense — and allowed to continue operating.

If we had an unregulated free market, the investment rating agencies that rated securities containing subprime loans as “AAA” would be disgraced, bankrupt and out of business — no one on earth would deal with them any longer — they wouldn’t be able to pay people to use their services. Instead, under our current system, not only are all those rating services still in business, the S.E.C. requires that all issuers of investments use those rating agencies.

If we had an unregulated free market, no one would be forcing bankers to make riskier loans than they wish to, as is currently done by legislation such as the Community Reinvestment Act and threats of lawsuits from organizations like ACORN and from the Federal Government‘s Justice Department (Clinton‘s DOJ filed 13 major lawsuits against banks for failure to lend to “minorities“).

If we had an unregulated free market, there would be no central banking entity in charge of a fiat money supply with the ability to:

a) Make vast amounts of credit available at below-market interest rates.

b) Follow such a persistent policy of inflation as to convince virtually everyone in the country that purchasing a house is “a good investment”.

c) Eliminate ( or at least significantly reduce) risk aversion by guaranteeing bankers that they (the Fed) will always be there as “lender of last resort”.

d) Condone and make possible a preposterously over-leveraged fractional reserve banking system under which banks currently hold total reserves of only about 4% and are thus extremely vulnerable to any sort of a run or loss of confidence in the bank.

If we had an unregulated free market there would be no quasi-government entities like Fannie and Freddie and the FHA to insure that trillions of dollars of that cheap credit made possible by the Fed was directed into the residential housing market, producing an unsustainable boom in housing construction, which, when it ends, leads inevitably into an economic bust.

If we had an unregulated free market, the Federal Government would not now be contemplating looting the American taxpayers of another trillion dollars or so to pay off various special interests that helped the latest collection of looters get into power.

We don’t have an unregulated free market. We have a “mixed economy”, with a few elements of capitalism struggling under the weight of literally thousands of pages of rules and regulations and dozens of government agencies interfering in virtually every aspect of our economic lives.

And under this set-up, it is you, the “little guy”, the individual who doesn’t have a powerful lobby in Washington to get the rules bent in your favor — you, who cannot command an audience with Congress to beg for your personal bailout — you, who can do nothing as government uses your funds to save the incompetent and the dishonest from the consequences of their own actions — it is you who gets screwed.

We don’t have an unregulated free market; we have an out-of-control government intent on looting us blind.

re: #171 Rustler
Here is linky to the story.

re: #172 Bobibutu

Bravo!

re: #175 Fenway_Nation

h0pe! change!

Ha!

re: #165 Dustyvet

Commando Squirrels...:)

Image: commanderfluffynutkins3wl.jpg

Image: squirrel-commando.jpg

Image: sniper-squirrel-30002.jpg

re: #181 Dustyvet

[Link: img206.imageshack.us...]

[Link: secret.extrarisk.com...]

[Link: chasingsquirrelswithrusty.files.wordpress.com...]

Real Commando Squirrel in action!

re: #11 Emperor Norton

Somebody robbed the Glendale train, and Madoff with the gold.

i regret that i only have one upding for a NRPS pun...

maybe Henry will give you another

Can't sleep. You guys are talking about commando squirrels?

re: #126 MandyManners

They seek him here, they seek him there...

he's dedicated follower of fashion.

either that, or Jack the idiot dunce. %-)

/white smoke

i could use some smoke before bed

re: #186 chouch Green smoke at ya.

re: #96 Rustler

She will be able to pay for the kids once she works out the 3 million or so deal she has in the works for her story. No clue WTF anyone would want with the story of a woman who just keeps having babies cause she doesn't want to be alone like she was as an only child. I would however really like to find out who the Doctor was that implanted 6 embryoes to yield 8 babies. Also wtf was he thinking implanting embryoes into an unemployed unmarried mother of 6 recieving welfare.

Maybe he's the one who should be paying child support.

re: #186 chouch

i could use some smoke before bed

will 2 WP's wrapped to the front of a Claymore do for ya?

at least until we can get the fire mission transmitted, that is.

/white smoke

Ping!

Mel Lono, you have message traffic.

re: #189 redc1c4
Haha red he's already green lit.

re: #191 Rustler

Haha red he's already green lit.

Damn my Huey won't start...

re: #192 Dustyvet
Try getting a Helo from the last couple decades :P

good night lads

re: #191 Rustler

Haha red he's already green lit.

that's why i just went for effect... %-)

re: #194 winston06
Night Winston.

re: #194 winston06

good night lads

forgotten, but not gone, i see.

re: #193 Rustler

Try getting a Helo from the last couple decades :P

Two guys are bungee jumping one day. The first guy says to the second, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two of them pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps to test the equipment. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back and he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine. Hey, what the heck is a 'pinata'?"

There are 20 things that you should never say to a cop:

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Hey! Aren't you the guy from the village people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 MPH to keep up with me! Good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. No donut for you!

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Hey! Didn't I see you on 'Cops'?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they cannot get a job at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary, dammit!

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around. That's how far behind them I am!

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of heroin, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?

An elderly retired gentleman had had severe hearing problems for some time.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before.

One month later, the elderly man went back again to the doctor. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."

LAPD

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

re: #92 BakaRanger

What is #10 Butch wax?

Does anyone remember those orange edible wax whistles?

Does anyone remember Hot Cinnamon Toothpicks?

Both. There used to be this beer like pop we would shake and make it explode.

What do you call a blond skeleton in the closet?

The 1978 Hide and Go Seeker contest winner.

Is Casey Anthony Smarter than she looks on the news? Thats just an odd set of circumstances. The 2 homes whose yards border the place Caylee's body was found are owned by a Gonzalez family and their neighbors Zenaida Almodovar. Then there was her insistance Caylee was close to home the location was only about 1/2 mile from the Anthony home.

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now, please sit back and relax... Oh my god!"

The passengers sat in silence, waiting for terrible news.

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight- attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Good Morning Lizards!
Funny jokes!

One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby."

The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."

She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."

"You're right sir, I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."

re: #209 HoosierHoops

Good Morning Lizards!
Funny jokes!

Hey 2H.

A tough U.S. Marine sergeant got word that the father of one of his men had passed away. At roll call he snapped, "Hey, Smith, your father died!" The Marine fainted on the spot.

A week later the sister of another Marine died, and the sergeant once again called his men together. "Jones," he yelled out, "your sister died last night!" The Marine burst into tears.

Finally, word got back to the general about the sergeant's insensitivity, and he was called on the carpet and told to be less direct and gruff when one of his men suffered a tragedy.

A week later the sergeant was notified that Private Miller had just lost his mother.

Remembering what the general had said, he lined up his troop and ordered "Everyone whose mother is alive, please take one step forward - not so fast, Miller!"

re: #210 Erik The Red

One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby."

The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."

She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."

"You're right sir, I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."

*snort*

re: #211 Erik The Red

Hey 2H.

Hey Eric..How are you? I'm reviewing last night's Basketball games on TIVO.

re: #203 Dustyvet

bite me.

the LAPD polices more with less than any other major city PD, AFAIK.

i have many bones to pick, but with what they have, they get'r done.

/REAL thin blue line

There is No Santa
OPINION EDITORIAL by Walter E. Williams

You should definitely read the whole thing, but here, in my opinion, is the money quote:

Imagine you see a person at work taking buckets of water from the deep end of a swimming pool and dumping them into the shallow end in an attempt to make it deeper. You would deem him stupid. That scenario is equivalent to what Congress and the new president proposes for the economy.

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.

"Ribbit. 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.

He says to the frog, "Wow, that's amazing! You must be a lucky frog, eh?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit. Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit. 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "Okay frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6."

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but considering the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back

across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room

in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.

You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."

The man is stunned, but he does, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous young woman.

"And that, I swear, is how that woman ended up in my room."

re: #215 redc1c4

bite me.

the LAPD polices more with less than any other major city PD, AFAIK.

i have many bones to pick, but with what they have, they get'r done.

/REAL thin blue line

It's a joke, live with it lad...

re: #218 Dustyvet

It's a joke, live with it lad...

If you can't make fun of the LAPD..who can you make fun of?

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. This tall, tanned and built guy with jet black eyes starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves. As this man approaches, the woman begins to get excited. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this."

re: #219 HoosierHoops

If you can't make fun of the LAPD..who can you make fun of?

I can name more than 536 people off the top of my head . . .

re: #219 HoosierHoops
Not the president thats for sure.

re: #219 HoosierHoops

If you can't make fun of the LAPD..who can you make fun of?

It's a great department, it's had it's problems. The joke is more of a tribute then an insult.

Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

re: #222 Rustler

Not the president thats for sure.

oh...wait a wee bit...:)

re: #224 Erik The Red
The man was never seen from again.

Education is going to be 'fair' in the UK. I live here and thinking about having children soon. Dunno if I like this all that much.

I am sure on your side Obama will deliver the final crushing blow to the schooling system as well.

re: #219 HoosierHoops

If you can't make fun of the LAPD..who can you make fun of?

how about the NYPD?

somewhere near 4 times the cops, and as much or more crime...

y'all wanna mock someone, try the CHP.

Can't
Handle
Policew*rk

Funniest thing about Obama Administration is during Bush Dissent was patriotic, During Obama's Reign Dissent is almost treason.

re: #223 Dustyvet

It's a great department, it's had it's problems. The joke is more of a tribute then an insult.

and yet, when i call them like they tell me i'm supposed to, they want we mo go out and clear the situation before they dispatch a car...

An engineer dies and goes to heaven. However, when St. Peter meets him at the gate he says, "Wait a second! You're in the wrong place! Beat it!"

So, the engineers goes down to Hell, and gets settled in. He soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there, and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, and even air conditioning! The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away!"

Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!"

"Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!"

re: #229 Rustler

Funniest thing about Obama Administration is during Bush Dissent was patriotic, During Obama's Reign Dissent is almost treason.

Dissent is especially patriotic when it's clear the president isn't.
-redc1c4

opensource: just give me credit

re: #229 Rustler

Funniest thing about Obama Administration is during Bush Dissent was patriotic, During Obama's Reign Dissent is almost treason.

re: #230 redc1c4

and yet, when i call them like they tell me i'm supposed to, they want we mo go out and clear the situation before they dispatch a car...

Let's just drop it and move on.

re: #228 redc1c4

how about the NYPD?

somewhere near 4 times the cops, and as much or more crime...

y'all wanna mock someone, try the CHP.

Can't
Handle
Policew*rk

Hey you..hope today finds you well. I grew up in NorCal.. I've spent my entire life making fun of SoCal.. and they make jokes about us hicks.
It's nothing personal and all done in fun..Nobody mocked policemen..
It was just a joke friend.

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the store picking out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not stopped by this and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store doing some shopping. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer said, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh I'm sorry. How did he die?"

"I think it was the spin cycle."

re: #234 HoosierHoops

Hey you..hope today finds you well. I grew up in NorCal.. I've spent my entire life making fun of SoCal.. and they make jokes about us hicks.
It's nothing personal and all done in fun..Nobody mocked policemen..
It was just a joke friend.

That anything like Minnesota-Iowa jokes...:)

for the impatient or chronologically challenged, here's some fruitcup:--->

tell HRH, and i'll see y'all on the flip flop.

hasta' yall... !

l8r.

re: #237 redc1c4

for the impatient or chronologically challenged, here's some fruitcup:--->

tell HRH, and i'll see y'all on the flip flop.

hasta' yall... !

l8r.

Whatever.

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, & comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"

The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."

Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"

Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"

The husband was pretty irritated by now, & yells back, "Sure, once a day! But ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

re: #237 redc1c4

What's biting your ass tonight red?

re: #239 Erik The Red

How dare you make fun of cows!

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.

re: #241 HoosierHoops

How dare you make fun of cows!

I going to tip cows...here's $5.00 for Bossy, Hilda, Goldie...

re: #240 Erik The Red

What's biting your ass tonight red?

nada...text is a difficult medium to express intent with.

re: #233 Dustyvet

Let's just drop it and move on.

i was referring to issues i've had with LAPD where they've told me to find out if they needed to really come out and see if there was an issue...

kinda defeats the porpoise of calling them in my book.

/no slag at you.

In the middle of the night, a man and his wife hear noises coming from their backyard. Peeking through the blinds, they see a burglar in the process of taking off the lock from their backyard shed.

They naturally call 911 and explain they're being robbed right now! The 911 operator asks if anyone has been hurt or injured. The husband replies that no one has been hurt, but to please send someone as soon as possible so that the burglar can be caught in the act and arrested.

The operator states that they don't have any cars available to take the car, but they'll send someone over as soon as they possibly can.

Disparaged, the husband hangs up.

Almost immediately, he gets an idea. He waits 1 more minute, then calls 911 again.

He says to the operator, "Hello? I'm the party who just called about the robbery in my backyard. You don't have to worry about sending the police over anymore. I shot the robber." The husband then hangs up.

In less than 90 seconds, 2 police cars pull up, and the husband and wife point to the backyard. As the cops get back there, they see the uninjured robber coming out of the shed with his arms full of stolen goods.

The policeman angrily looks at the husband and says, "I thought you said you shot the robber!"

The husband matter-of-factly replies, "I thought you said you didn't have anybody available."

Mugshot Fail

re: #234 HoosierHoops

Hey you..hope today finds you well. I grew up in NorCal.. I've spent my entire life making fun of SoCal.. and they make jokes about us hicks.
It's nothing personal and all done in fun..Nobody mocked policemen..
It was just a joke friend.

no heartburn here, didn't mean to cause any elsewhere...

even in Hickville. %-)

/white smoke

re: #247 Dustyvet

Mugshot Fail

[Video]

Somebody get a head count on the Hamsters...