Afficionados of Muslim extremist wackiness: you’re in for a treat. The spiritual head of Hizbullah was interviewed this past week by a reporter from the Lebanese Daily Star, and hooo doggies did he ever run off at the piehole. Definitely this week’s winner of the Islam Is A Religion Of Peace Sweepstakes. He hits all the big points. And folks, this is not just some mullah off the street. This guy is the freakin’ Ayatollah Sayyed Mohammed Hussein Fadlallah!

Suicide bombing.

“Killing oneself is like killing another human being; it requires permission,” Fadlallah explained, “One needs permission from Allah to kill himself or to kill others� during jihad (holy war or struggle for the sake of Islam), which is a defensive or preventive war according to Islam, it is accepted and allowed, as jihad is considered an exceptional case.” Therefore, Fadlallah insisted, there is a difference between calling such attacks on Israelis “suicide” rather than “self-sacrifice” operations.

Suicide bombing by women. (Building toward the first punchline…)

Moslem women, too, may take up the mantle of ‘martyrdom’, the Shiite leader explained. According to the article, Fadlallah “contradicted views widely held by Islamic scholars on the role of women in jihad, saying women are allowed to participate and carry out ‘self-sacrifice’ operations.” Heartening news for Moslem feminists: “Nothing in Islam prevents women from embracing struggle and fighting for the sake of Allah. Women initially are not required to fight, for this is men’s duty, but under certain circumstances it might be a women’s duty as well,” said the Lebanese Ayatollah.

Targeting children in ice cream parlors. (Wait for it…)

According to the Shiite cleric, the nature of the Israeli targets, such as the recent bombing of Jewish children at an ice cream shop, are not material to determining the legitimacy of the act. According to the Daily Star, “Fadlallah said that the Palestinian perpetrators of ‘martyrdom operations’ do not target civilians, but rather aim to defend their people by inflicting damage and losses on the Israeli side to maintain a kind of equilibrium with the high-tech arsenal used by the Israeli Army.”

And here it comes…

The Hizbullah spiritual leader then told his interviewer, “Europeans have a negative view of Islam; they are against whatever is Islamic because they associate it with terrorism, backwardness and violence.”

BAM! A rhetorical suicide attack by this noted Islamic scholar! Refute that if you can!

He goes on to blame the Western world for colonialism, reductive orientalism, …colonization, … zzZZzz… <sound of crickets> …

Whuh? Where was I? Oh yeah! Then, executing a near-perfect ideological left turn, he sucks up to the US and England just a teensy bit:

In contrast, Fadlallah surprisingly praised the United States for “the less-encumbered spread of Islam in the United States, where many Muslims have found an environment of relative tolerance.” The Shiite leader even “identifies gestures of religious tolerance by key Western leaders, such as US President George W. Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair, as positive developments,” according to the Lebanese newspaper.

Isn’t that nice. So the US is providing an “environment of tolerance” for batshit loonies like this, and he’s comfortable (and arrogant) enough about it to brag to the press. Feel safer now?

Time for a little sprinkle of Jewish conspiracy:

On the other hand, “the Jewish lobby, he said, had succeeded in presenting both Muslims and Arabs as anti-Semitic fanatics,” reports the Daily Star.

Western racism:

According to Fadlallah, “Western governments continue to exploit racist attitudes to further their political goals� [using] the anti-Arab and anti-Islamic drives to make political gains and pressure immigrant communities and force them to accept the policies of assimilation�”

Then suddenly BAM! another punchline:

In stark contrast to this reservoir of racism in the West stands the Arab world, Fadlallah said: ‘Islam has brought Arabs up in a tolerant way. It taught, instructed and ordered them to adopt a rather open, flexible and humane strategy for dealing with other people. This is pretty evident,’ he said.”

This is where I barked out a laugh and scared the cat.

Speaking of cats, and trees, and gosh, well, the whole environment!

In addition to such tolerance and respect for people and their lives, Fadlallah told the Daily Star, “�the same applies to nature and its resources. It is haram to cause any damage to nature.” In the Third World, he said, “it is very important to spread a culture of awareness and respect for nature among them.” Whereas Fadlallah has repeatedly praised, defended and justified suicide bombings against Israelis, he has, according to the Lebanese paper, “issued a number of influential fatwas on the environment, including a prohibition on littering and the burning of tires.” Therefore, the Hizbullah leader concludes, “The American attitude, which refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol, is an aggression against nature and mankind.”

Yes! Hizbollah supports the Kyoto Protocol!