The Iowahawk Council of Automotive Advisors

Humor • Views: 2,023

It’s obvious, really. The one man who can save America’s comatose auto industry courageously steps forward: iowahawk: The Iowahawk Council of Automotive Advisors.

When it comes to naming a savior for the American car biz, I think we can do better. And by “we,” I of course mean “me.” And so, today, I would like to nominate Yours Truly as Grand Exalted Poobah for National Automotive Strategy.

I know what you’re saying: “hey Dave, didn’t you recently crap out in your attempts at the White House and the Illinois Senate?” Okay, if you want to get technical about it, but now we’re finally talking about a government job I’m vaguely qualified for. And if I can lower my expectations, shouldn’t you? Just look at what I bring to the table:

  • I am not a law professor.
  • Unlike nearly every other moron giving advice to Detroit, I actually know how to build a car.

As such, I realize the industry is not suffering from a lack of law professors — it is suffering from a lack of� imagination. They gave us cup holders and electric seat warmers when we wanted angel fur and bubble tops. They pushed micro-clown cars and hybrids when the market was rife for chromed 8-deuce Chrysler Hemis. Well, Bucko, all that outmoded thinking is going to end during the reign of Czar Dave. Saving the American auto industry is going to be a big job, but I won’t be doing it alone. I have already appointed my own shadow Council of Automotive Advisors, a select group of successful auto manufacturers whose qualifications appear after the jump. Many are close personal friends of mine, and I can attest to their patriotism, integrity, ingenuity, and wonderful lack of law degrees.

There are pitchers too…

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Last updated: 2023-04-04 11:11 am PDT
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