'Christian Patriot' Pastor Arrested for Wanking at Playground

‘Christian Patriot’ Pastor Arrested for Wanking at Playground

Yet another rabid gay-hater busted for a sex crime

WingnutsMarch 2011 • Views: 32,613

Rev. Grant Storms, a New Orleans gay-hating “Christian patriot,” was arrested on Friday for masturbating at a children’s playground.

Storms, 53, was taken into custody at Lafreniere Park after two women reported seeing him masturbating in the driver’s seat of his van, which was parked near the carousel and playground, a Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office report said.

The first woman told deputies she was taking her children to the playground and parked next to the van at about noon. As she was walking around her own vehicle, she noticed the van windows were down and the occupant was “looking at the playground area that contained children playing, with his zipper down…,” the report said. The woman noted that he was masturbating and quickly ushered her children out of her car.

She told a second woman, who walked to the van and also spotted the man masturbating, the report said. The second witness told deputies that the driver saw her and tried to conceal the zipper area of his pants with his hand. …

Storms told deputies he was having lunch at the park when he decided to urinate using a bottle instead of the restroom, the report said. …

A self-styled “Christian patriot,” Storms led a small West Bank congregation called The Reformer Church and for 10 years hosted “The Reformer Radio Show” on WSHO. Storms has railed against the Roman Catholic church, calling it “satanic” and “demonic.”

He is especially known for arming followers with bullhorns, Bibles and picket signs to protest Southern Decadence, the three-day gay festival held in the French Quarter during Labor Day weekend. Storms grabbed national attention in 2003 with his failed attempts to shut down what Southern Decadence organizer Chuck Robinson called a peaceful festival that celebrates gay and alternative lifestyles.

(h/t: Eric.)

UPDATE at 3/1/11 11:17:48 am

So much for the “urination” excuse. The one-handed reverend has publicly confessed: Rev. Storms Calls Himself Hypocrite After Arrest.

NEW ORLEANS — The conservative pastor known for his condemnation of the Southern Decadence Festival was tearful and apologetic Tuesday in discussing his recent arrest. …

Storms said in a news conference Tuesday that he was not watching the children, but he did have his hand in his pants. He apologized to those he has hurt, and he said he was sorry for targeting Decadence, an annual gay festival in the French Quarter.

Storms said he is seeking help for a problem with pornography, which he called a recent issue. He also said he is not living at home — he held the news conference from a motel — and he asked for the media to respect his privacy.

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128 comments

Kronocide Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:02:39am

He murders a small country with every wank.

New meaning to the term 'rubbing one out.'

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:02:42am

What part of God's Plan was this?

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:02:45am

Figures.

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:04:37am

If he didn't hate the Catholics so much, maybe he would have learned this simple truth...

Youtube Video

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:06:11am

re: #4 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

The inevitable clip.

Merryweather Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:06:53am

I don't want to hear "Teh Gheys Totally Want Your Kids In That Way" from these jerks ever again.

Obdicut Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:06:58am

I really don't get the Catholic hating. I have huge problems with the Catholic church, but this 'satanic' and 'demonic' stuff is just over the top in a weird way.

Is it just, like, competition?

lawhawk Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:07:13am

And his excuse at the time to the cops was that he was urinating into a bottle, not masturbating.

As if that excuses his behavior? What exactly was he doing there, and it's no wonder that those women though his behavior to be creepy and unseemly.

Varek Raith Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:07:29am

Sick bastard.

iossarian Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:08:45am

We need to prevent gay people from marrying, otherwise in a few years' time there will be a shortage of nutjob pastors who shout through bullhorns and wank off to kids playing on swings.

And no-one wants that!

Fart Knocker Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:10:23am

re: #8 lawhawk

And his excuse at the time to the cops was that he was urinating into a bottle, not masturbating.

As if that excuses his behavior? What exactly was he doing there, and it's no wonder that those women though his behavior to be creepy and unseemly.

A good rule of thumb is to keep your privates private when in public.//

kirkspencer Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:11:13am

re: #8 lawhawk

And his excuse at the time to the cops was that he was urinating into a bottle, not masturbating.

As if that excuses his behavior? What exactly was he doing there, and it's no wonder that those women though his behavior to be creepy and unseemly.

Because he didn't want to get out of the vehicle and use the park restroom. (no, not sarcasm, really.)

mikefromArlington Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:12:14am

Gross.

OT but HBGary's CEO resigned.

Anonymous 1
HBGary 0

[Link: blogs.forbes.com...]

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:12:31am

re: #12 kirkspencer

Because he didn't want to get out of the vehicle and use the park restroom. (no, not sarcasm, really.)

He couldn't use the bathroom. He wouldn't fit. Wide stance and all.

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:13:42am

re: #13 mikefromArlington

Gross.

OT but HBGary's CEO resigned.

Anonymous 1
HBGary 0

[Link: blogs.forbes.com...]

I'm surprised it happens so late. Exposure of this scum was one of the better things the Anon did.

nines09 Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:14:02am

"I was......PEEING! Yeah. Yeah,...Kids? KIDS?.....Uhh....I didn't see no kids. Yeah. mmm...That's the story!"
/

Sol Berdinowitz Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:14:24am

Look, it hetero patriot Christian pastors are this much of a threat to our children, just think of the potential danger posed by gay commie perverts.

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:15:19am

.re: #7 Obdicut

I really don't get the Catholic hating. I have huge problems with the Catholic church, but this 'satanic' and 'demonic' stuff is just over the top in a weird way.

Is it just, like, competition?

ITS THE ESCORT SERVICE OF BABYLONIAN LINEAGE!

Talking Point Detective Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:15:28am

I have to say, this would be very shocking if it weren't so completely fucking predictable.

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:17:24am

Someone get this man a Rent Boy to help this man so he won't have to pee in bottle in a parking lot.

Obdicut Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:17:51am

re: #18 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

Any religion that spends its time denouncing other religions, rather than attempting to set a good example and make its argument on its own, is highly suspect to me.

Vicious Michigan Union Thug Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:18:40am

re: #18 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

.

ITS THE PLUS-SIZE ESCORT SERVICE OF BABYLONIAN LINEAGE!

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:19:54am

You know, looking at the park layout, it seem pretty likely they had some sort of restroom available. I wonder why he just didn't use one of those.
/

S'latch Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:20:16am

They're always driving vans.

steve_davis Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:21:15am

re: #8 lawhawk

And his excuse at the time to the cops was that he was urinating into a bottle, not masturbating.

As if that excuses his behavior? What exactly was he doing there, and it's no wonder that those women though his behavior to be creepy and unseemly.

Since when does one have to stop the car in order to urinate in a bottle? And yes, I'll be the first to admit that I've had to do that once when I got caught in construction traffic and thought my bladder was going to explode. It isn't exactly hard to be inconspicuous about it, though.

Lidane Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:21:58am

re: #2 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

What part of God's Plan was this?

The part where God hoists this self-righteous, sanctimonious prick up by his own petard.

Surabaya Stew Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:23:12am

I couldn't let this story pass without commenting on the "need" of male drivers to urniate while in a car. Even if that was the case, he should still be punished; an experience I shared almost 20 yers ago will illustrate this:

Back when my neighborhood was still mixed income and parking was easy, my brother and I were spending a lazy Sunday Afternoon looking out of our 4th floor factory windows at the world passing below, when an enpty taxi pulled up in front of our building and parked. Our curiouioty turned to horror when the driver placed a coffee cup between his legs, open his fly, and proceeded to "fill up" the coffee up with his liquid waste before dumbing it ouside on our curb.

It was when he went for a refill that we got angry.

"Stew!" Go and get some ice cubes!" my brother yelled. I ran and got 2 full trays, which we proceed to crack open and then bombard the errant cabbie with frozen projectiles.

Result: he spilled a nearly-full cup of urine all over his pants and the drivers seat! (Shocked the hell out of him too.) As he drove away, wet and cursing, my Brother were cracking up, confident that he got what he deserved.

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:25:36am

re: #22 Alouette

I had to explain to my wife why I was laughing at the truck ahead of us at a light yesterday. It had the vanity plate "BBW LVR", mudflaps with large girl silhouettes with "Big girls do it better" underneath and a huge decal on the rear window reading "BIGDOG 69"

Kid A Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:30:18am

My first LGF hat tip! Thanks, Charles!!!
-Eric (ericphototx on twitter)

mr.fusion Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:36:18am

re: #19 Talking Point Detective

I have to say, this would be very shocking if it weren't so completely fucking predictable.

Yea.....I think at this point it's safe to say that anyone who believes you can "pray the gay away" is probably repressing certain urges

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:36:45am

I think it is time to note that the people who scream the loudest about other's sexuality are frequently the real sickos.

Right, this guy is masturbating, in public, while looking at children!

Short of actually grabbing one of the kids, it doesn't get much worse than that.

Every time I hear someone get all riled up about anything sexual that consenting adults do- and not in a I'm a little uncomfortable by that sort of way - but full blown freakout - I have the biggest sense that they are simply hiding and projecting.

That sense gets borne out again and again.

Of course pedophilia is another issue entirely. The thing to worry about there is the way that repressive religions seem to be natural hiding places for pedophiles where they get easy access to kids and power over them. Perhaps some of the more uptight folks out there should consider that more openness and sanity about human sexuality will leave less dark shadows for pedophiles to lurk in.

And to all wingnuts, the next time you get all riled up about "teh gay" or whatever, how about you look into your own desires and stop judging others for having the courage to be what you can't.

Big Steve Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:36:48am

A very popular track coach in our local district pulled behind a convenience store to change into his shorts before going to a track meet. (He was coming from off-site meetings and didn't have time to change at school.) Two teenage girls, who had to walk a distance our of their way to peer into his car, claimed that he exposed himself to them. He was arrested. I was on the school board at the time and I was outvoted 6 to 1 to fire him. I argued that he should be allowed to have his trial first but lost the vote so he was fired. Six months later his case came to trial. The jury was out twelve minutes.....which was new county record.....and came back and acquitted him. The two girls were very non-credible in their testimony and had several priors involving auto theft. He was out $75,000 in legal expenses to which we had several fund raisers to help him defray the costs. I was castigated in the local press for having led fund raisers for him while still on the school board.....a decision I do not regret one bit. After he was acquitted he had to sue us to get his job back. It cost the school district $25,000 in legal costs, and a year's back pay.

I only say this as a warning to not to be too quick to judge here. We have a fine and fair legal system. Let it do its job.

makeitstop Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:38:31am

re: #7 Obdicut

I really don't get the Catholic hating. I have huge problems with the Catholic church, but this 'satanic' and 'demonic' stuff is just over the top in a weird way.

Is it just, like, competition?

I come from a Catholic family, but one of my older sisters ended up joining a pretty hard-core church out in the Lancaster, PA area.

At the funeral of another family member, my ex-Catholic sister went up to my oldest sister (still a practicing Catholic) and told her in no uncertain terms in front of everyone that she was going to hell.

I don't get the hate for the Catholic church (although they do have their problems) - but I'm even more mystified by their apparent need to openly condemn those who don't belong to their congregation, even if it's a family member.

HappyWarrior Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:38:48am

It's almost becoming a cliche. Rabidly anti gays being exposed as gay themselves or in this case a sick fuck. And what kind of dumbass he is? Sick fucker.

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:40:01am

re: #8 lawhawk

And his excuse at the time to the cops was that he was urinating into a bottle, not masturbating.

As if that excuses his behavior? What exactly was he doing there, and it's no wonder that those women though his behavior to be creepy and unseemly.

Who the fuck carries a bottle to pee into! Seriously! That is the lamest thing I have ever heard. Find a private little bush just like every other man would.

Big Steve Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:43:34am

re: #35 LudwigVanQuixote

Find a private little bush just like every other man would.

which is illegal by the way....whereas peeing in a bottle in one's car is, while gross, technically legal.

lawhawk Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:43:46am

re: #35 LudwigVanQuixote

Umm... what goes in has to come out.... guy could have been drinking from bottled water or soda and used the empty bottle? Not exactly unheard of - but definitely not an excuse for the alleged sordid behavior.

b_sharp Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:44:58am

re: #35 LudwigVanQuixote

Who the fuck carries a bottle to pee into! Seriously! That is the lamest thing I have ever heard. Find a private little bush just like every other man would.

Pretty tough to do when the bushes are under 6' of snow.

I do something unusual and probably unique when I have to go while on the road, I pull into a gas station, ask for the key and use their bathroom.

wrenchwench Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:46:30am

re: #32 Big Steve

I only say this as a warning to not to be too quick to judge here. We have a fine and fair legal system. Let it do its job.

Nobody here is sentencing the guy or firing him. We are commenting on his hypocrisy, based on the reports of two adult witnesses. I don't think that qualifies as "too quick".

iossarian Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:46:50am

re: #38 b_sharp

Pretty tough to do when the bushes are under 6' of snow.

I do something unusual and probably unique when I have to go while on the road, I pull into a gas station, ask for the key and use their bathroom.

I make use of another little-known trick, taught to me by my mother: I go to the bathroom before I set off on a trip.

Charles Johnson Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:48:04am

I don't believe the urination excuse. Both witnesses said they saw him masturbating, and it's pretty difficult to confuse urinating into a bottle with wanking while looking at a playground.

Interesting Times Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:48:53am

re: #35 LudwigVanQuixote

Who the fuck carries a bottle to pee into!

I take you haven't had the misfortune of going out for a walk and finding trucker bombs littering the roadside...

Batman Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:50:12am

At least he was playing with himself and not the kids. There's that. He didn't go the "full catholic."

avanti Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:51:36am

re: #41 Charles

I don't believe the urination excuse. Both witnesses said they saw him masturbating, and it's pretty difficult to confuse urinating into a bottle with wanking while looking at a playground.

If he has a bottle of urine to show the cops, he's off the hook on the masturbation charge, otherwise, he's in more trouble.

CuriousLurker Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:52:04am

I can't stay, but I wanted to add my $0.02 on this nonetheless.

I have to say that I find the claim that he was urinating into a bottle somewhat dubious as a man's hand motions when doing so are umm... quite a bit different from those of one who is masturbating (I actually saw a guy masturbate in public on a crowded subway right next to me—it took me a few seconds to realize what the odd "jerky" motions in my peripheral vision were *gag*).

I also find it difficult to believe that not only one, but two grown women who have presumably seen men do both would mistake one for the other. Just sayin'.

Anyway, I guess the courts will decide.

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:52:21am

re: #43 nonsense

At least he was playing with himself and not the kids. There's that. He didn't go the "full catholic."

I'm torn. To upding or to downding? /

HappyWarrior Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:52:47am

Why would you pee in a bottle in a park filled with kids? It doesn't add up. Plus the witnesses and all that.

CuriousLurker Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:52:48am

re: #46 Sergey Romanov

I'm torn. To upding or to downding? /

Not.

Big Steve Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:53:13am

BTW if you google earth LaFreniere Park (Metarie, LA) there are a number of suspiciously restroomie type buildings around.

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:53:38am

re: #42 publicityStunted

I take you haven't had the misfortune of going out for a walk and finding trucker bombs littering the roadside...

Wow... learn something sordid and new everyday.... some more of my innocence was just melted away...

BongCrodny Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:54:32am

"Grant Storms" would be a good name for a porno actor.

Not that I would personally know of such things, but...

Oh, hell.

Simply Sarah Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:55:01am

re: #41 Charles

I don't believe the urination excuse. Both witnesses said they saw him masturbating, and it's pretty difficult to confuse urinating into a bottle with wanking while looking at a playground.

To be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure how true that is. Like, personally, if I saw a dude in a car with his penis whipped out, I don't think I'd be looking long enough to really have a good idea of whatever he may be doing with it. Without more information on this, I'm not sure I'm ready to come to any ultimate conclusions on this sort of thing beyond that, at the very least, this guy made a stupid choice in in actions, whatever they may be.

As for why to adult women would say he was masturbating, well, if I saw a guy with his dick out in a car around a bunch of kids, that would likely be my assumption, too. Once you reach that point, it's easy to 'picture' what you think you were seeing. I mean, this guy is an ass either way, so I'll wait (or not) to see what comes, uh, out of this.

Achilles Tang Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:55:13am

The biggest bank in the country has been offline all day. Last time was only 6 weeks ago.

Grrrr.

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:55:45am

re: #37 lawhawk

Umm... what goes in has to come out... guy could have been drinking from bottled water or soda and used the empty bottle? Not exactly unheard of - but definitely not an excuse for the alleged sordid behavior.

HE is at a park. Parks have bushes and trees. And while we are at it rest facilities.

I really don't buy it.

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:55:55am

BTW, this isn't some small neighborhood park.

A Welcome Tranquil Respite in the Heart of Jefferson Parish

What was once one of the last pieces of large undeveloped acreage in East Jefferson, Lafreniere Park has blossomed into a lush, thriving natural green space. With careful planning and vigilant nurturing for over three decades, the park now sports open green spaces, multiple use lawns, fountains, family picnic areas, hills, landscaped gardens, boating, fishing, tot-lots, paths, trails, man-made ecological marsh environment, a championship Frisbee golf course, carousel, soccer and softball fields and a conference center. Growth of the park is expected to continue with the planning of a labyrinth, mini-train, restaurant and additional area shelters.

Young and old, athletic and those just looking for a relaxing time out from their hectic daily routines, all have come to enjoy what the park has to offer. The sporting fields are used for practices, games and tournaments and the 2-mile jogging trail is popular for cardio vascular exercise, physical fitness and general recreation.

All that but no public restroom apparently.

Vicious Michigan Union Thug Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:55:57am

re: #49 Big Steve

BTW if you google earth LaFreniere Park (Metarie, LA) there are a number of suspiciously restroomie type buildings around.

He didn't want to go into a public restroom. Brown, black and ghey people use those toilets!

Decatur Deb Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:56:06am

re: #35 LudwigVanQuixote

Who the fuck carries a bottle to pee into! Seriously! That is the lamest thing I have ever heard. Find a private little bush just like every other man would.

AFN television headlined one of its segments on the German Fasching celebrations as: "Bad Day to Be a Bush in Bavaria".

CuriousLurker Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:57:15am

re: #43 nonsense

That's pretty shitty. There are a lot of good people who are Catholics, reine being among them (and my own mother as well). There's no need to insult the good along with the bad by lumping them in with pedophiles.

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:57:30am

re: #52 Simply Sarah

To be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure how true that is. Like, personally, if I saw a dude in a car with his penis whipped out, I don't think I'd be looking long enough to really have a good idea of whatever he may be doing with it. Without more information on this, I'm not sure I'm ready to come to any ultimate conclusions on this sort of thing beyond that, at the very least, this guy made a stupid choice in in actions, whatever they may be.

As for why to adult women would say he was masturbating, well, if I saw a guy with his dick out in a car around a bunch of kids, that would likely be my assumption, too. Once you reach that point, it's easy to 'picture' what you think you were seeing. I mean, this guy is an ass either way, so I'll wait (or not) to see what comes, uh, out of this.

You know this is a very good comment. It is possible that he was just the world's biggest dumbass and for whatever reason decided to pee into a bottle - at which point the existence of a pee filled bottle would go a long way to convincing me of that.

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:58:03am

re: #50 LudwigVanQuixote

Wow... learn something sordid and new everyday... some more of my innocence was just melted away...

I could tell you the joys of performing a police call thru a barracks common area after a long weekend.

b_sharp Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:58:19am

Drill a hole in the vehicle's floorboards, stick one end of a hose out the hole, the other end up the pant leg, into the shorts and onto the old pecker and whiz while you travel.

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:58:58am

re: #52 Simply Sarah

Very reasonable comment until more data comes in. But in any case I won't shed any tears for this particular guy.

darthstar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:59:03am

Idle hands are the tools of the devil.

Kragar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:59:14am

re: #61 b_sharp

Drill a hole in the vehicle's floorboards, stick one end of a hose out the hole, the other end up the pant leg, into the shorts and onto the old pecker and whiz while you travel.

Why would you need to use a hose?

Interesting Times Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:59:19am

re: #50 LudwigVanQuixote

Wow... learn something sordid and new everyday... some more of my innocence was just melted away...

Well fancy this - if you read the full article I posted, guess what else you'll find?

Leigh Strope, a spokeswoman for the Teamsters union, concurs that a major factor is that "many drivers only get paid when the wheels are rolling."
But she also insists that union drivers aren't the ones stooping to urine jugs. "You won't find Teamsters urinating in jugs and littering the nation's highways," she says. "Our drivers are guaranteed rest and dinner breaks because it's in their union contract."

So there. Unions protect their employees and the general public from bio-waste!

Achilles Tang Tue, Mar 1, 2011 10:59:53am

re: #59 LudwigVanQuixote

You know this is a very good comment. It is possible that he was just the world's biggest dumbass and for whatever reason decided to pee into a bottle - at which point the existence of a pee filled bottle would go a long way to convincing me of that.

Well, Ghandi used to drink a cup of it every day. He could say he already drank it.

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:00:03am

re: #65 publicityStunted

Well fancy this - if you read the full article I posted, guess what else you'll find?

So there. Unions protect their employees and the general public from bio-waste!

That is excellent!

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:00:22am

re: #60 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

I could tell you the joys of performing a police call thru a barracks common area after a long weekend.

I am afraid to ask!

What, me worry? Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:00:45am

re: #41 Charles

re: #59 LudwigVanQuixote

He was caught with his pants down, quite literally and had to make up a excuse to try to save himself.

No man sits in a van, staring at children with his pants unzippered for any other purpose than sexual fantasy. Period. End of story.

You gotta go, you hold it until you find a restroom, unless MAYBE you're driving on a highway miles and miles from any rest stop and then people pull off the road.

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:00:55am

re: #48 CuriousLurker

Not.

OK, in the end it is bigoted, though the intent possibly was not such. Downdinged.

darthstar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:01:31am

re: #59 LudwigVanQuixote

You know this is a very good comment. It is possible that he was just the world's biggest dumbass and for whatever reason decided to pee into a bottle - at which point the existence of a pee filled bottle would go a long way to convincing me of that.

Well, it's difficult enough to pee in a bottle standing up...Imagine trying to do it sitting in a van with a full erection! The poor guy had to do something. ///

Charles Johnson Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:02:05am

re: #52 Simply Sarah

When two witnesses say the same thing, though, it's much less likely to be a mistake.

Flounder Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:02:29am

Apparently no one has seen the movie Dumb and Dumber?!

b_sharp Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:02:46am

Here's a picture of the bottle he had his dick inserted into.

HappyWarrior Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:02:47am

re: #65 publicityStunted

Well fancy this - if you read the full article I posted, guess what else you'll find?

So there. Unions protect their employees and the general public from bio-waste!

Careful there, if anti union people find out that the union is opposed to jug pissing, they just may start a campaign making pissing in jugs mandatory :D.

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:03:28am

OK, this is gag-inducing, but what if they were all telling the truth?

///

b_sharp Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:03:37am

re: #64 Kragar (Proud to be Kafir)

Why would you need to use a hose?

Otherwise the hole would have to be 4" in diameter.

HappyWarrior Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:03:49am

re: #73 Shropshire_Slasher

Apparently no one has seen the movie Dumb and Dumber?!

/

"You guys drinking on Grandpa's old cough medicine."
"No, sir"
"Well what's that"
"Oh that's nothing sir"

Kronocide Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:04:16am

re: #43 nonsense

Let's go slippery slope on this....

Simply Sarah Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:04:18am

re: #59 LudwigVanQuixote

You know this is a very good comment. It is possible that he was just the world's biggest dumbass and for whatever reason decided to pee into a bottle - at which point the existence of a pee filled bottle would go a long way to convincing me of that.

re: #62 Sergey Romanov

Very reasonable comment until more data comes in. But in any case I won't shed any tears for this particular guy.

Oh, for sure. He has whatever is coming to him.

As for a bottle of pee, depending on the time between when the women saw him and he was confronted by the deputies, the existence (or lack thereof) of such an item may or may not mean much. If it was long enough, he could have either tossed/dumped it (Not entirely unreasonable, unless you're into needing that sort of thing) or, uh, created one after the fact...

I'm thinking that I'd probably be a real pain in the ass if I ended up on a jury.

Lord Baron Viscount Duke Earl Count Planckton Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:04:47am

re: #72 Charles

When two witnesses say the same thing, though, it's much less likely to be a mistake.

Really comes down to the details of what the witnesses reported. If in court they will say that they saw the characteristic movements etc. - that will probably be the truth.

Decatur Deb Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:05:24am

re: #72 Charles

When two witnesses say the same thing, though, it's much less likely to be a mistake.

Rev Perp has copped to it:

[Link: www.wdsu.com...]

CuriousLurker Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:05:26am

re: #70 Sergey Romanov

OK, in the end it is bigoted, though the intent possibly was not such. Downdinged.

Yeah, I know sometimes people don't really mean it that way, but when you're repeatedly on the receiving end of those kinds of casual comments that lump everyone together, it begins to make you feel pretty twitchy.

Kronocide Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:05:47am

If the bottle fits, you must acquit.

CuriousLurker Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:06:03am

Gotta go. BBL

darthstar Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:06:28am

re: #82 Decatur Deb

Rev Perp has copped to it:

[Link: www.wdsu.com...]

Reverend Grant Storms? You know something's wrong when your pastor has a porn name.

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:06:52am

re: #72 Charles

When two witnesses say the same thing, though, it's much less likely to be a mistake.

Actually to be fair to her, let's say woman one sees him peeing into the bottle, doesn't loo long and assumes he is wanking. She tells her friend in an upset voice what she thinks she saw. The friend then looks expecting to see wanking and the dude still has his pecker out...

The other woman would not look for long and possibly conclude she saw what she expected to see.

That said,

It takes some time for that to happen, and peeing doesn't.

So unless the guy has a prostrate problem, and, a pee filled bottle to explain the witnesses, I don't think it is likely he was innocent.

albusteve Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:07:04am

why was the good rev parked at that specific location to begin with?

b_sharp Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:07:07am

re: #85 CuriousLurker

Gotta go. BBL

Don't forget to flush, and take 30seconds to wash your hands.

Flounder Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:07:57am

The tub 'o astroglide sitting on the passenger seat probably didn't help...

wrenchwench Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:09:34am

re: #82 Decatur Deb

Rev Perp has copped to it:

[Link: www.wdsu.com...]

Ha. He calls himself a hypocrite. I didn't need to do it for him.

Still somewhat in denial, it looks like:

Storms said in a news conference Tuesday that he was not watching the children, but he did have his hand in his pants.

Flounder Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:09:50am

Oh yeah, my mother-in-law witnessed a pervy wanker when she was jogging (so I am an expert) and the police officer mentioned that these pervs WANT to be seen.

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:10:12am

re: #88 albusteve

why was the good rev parked at that specific location to begin with?

A very valid point.

Why indeed does a man who needs to pee so badly that he will use a bottle, pull inot a parking lot at a play ground to pee into said bottle when there must have been some more private place to pull over? Or a rest room... Or a bush...

wrenchwench Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:11:04am

re: #92 Shropshire_Slasher

Oh yeah, my mother-in-law witnessed a pervy wanker when she was jogging (so I am an expert) and the police officer mentioned that these pervs WANT to be seen.

I think anyone who has seen such a thing will be less likely to doubt the women. You can count me among them.

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:11:40am

re: #82 Decatur Deb

Rev Perp has copped to it:

[Link: www.wdsu.com...]

Ahhh there we have it.

iossarian Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:11:55am

re: #91 wrenchwench

Ha. He calls himself a hypocrite. I didn't need to do it for him.

Still somewhat in denial, it looks like:

Sounds like a sad person.

Hopefully some good eventually comes of all this.

Simply Sarah Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:12:13am

re: #72 Charles

When two witnesses say the same thing, though, it's much less likely to be a mistake.

Granted. Make no mistake, I'm not trying to deny that it's rather possible that they are correct. That said, since it sounds like the first woman told the second "Hey, there's a dude masturbating in that van over there!", I cannot really treat both witnesses as independent, as the thoughts of the first would very likely prejudice the second and could influence what she thought she saw.

I'm someone that tends to be overly cautious on things, since I've found myself burned on making quick assumptions more times than I'd like to think. Of course, this can also lead me to paralyzing indecision, so I have that strike against me. In this case, though, I'm assuming the police/courts can work this out. If that confirms what the witnesses think they say, then I'm all for figuratively hanging the guy (Beyond, you know, doing it because he's a bigot).

recusancy Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:12:41am

Good video on the union protests in Wisconsin and Ohio:

Youtube Video

Mad Prophet Ludwig Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:12:55am

re: #94 wrenchwench

I think anyone who has seen such a thing will be less likely to doubt the women. You can count me among them.

I hear you... I am also sorry you saw such a thing...

ick.

100

HappyWarrior Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:13:12am

I'm honestly surprised he admits he's a hypocrite. He's still a jackass though of course.

101

wrenchwench Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:13:50am

re: #96 iossarian

Sounds like a sad person.

Hopefully some good eventually comes of all this.

Certainly he's sad about being caught, and having his career flash before his eyes. These occurrences are rarely a one time deal.

102

Kronocide Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:14:11am

There's no shame in going Hand Solo.

Unless you're in a van... at a park with kids.... after preaching against sexuality....

103

Simply Sarah Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:14:28am

re: #82 Decatur Deb

Rev Perp has copped to it:

[Link: www.wdsu.com...]

Well, there we go then. I should have checked before posting my last comment. That said, I don't feel my comment was, in the general sense of waiting for things to play out, wrong. *shrugs*

104

Charles Johnson Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:15:02am

re: #97 Simply Sarah

Welp, he's admitted it now, so the point is moot.

[Link: www.wdsu.com...]

105

Decatur Deb Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:15:22am

re: #96 iossarian

Sounds like a sad person.

Hopefully some good eventually comes of all this.

Best outcome would be some kind of effective therapy, but that would be sorta Secular Humanist and all.

106

wrenchwench Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:16:46am

re: #99 LudwigVanQuixote

I hear you... I am also sorry you saw such a thing...

ick.

I'm afraid it's more common than you'd think. Once was in my hometown when I was a teenager, once was in Paris as a young adult. The first one freaked me out ( I was on a bicycle and pedaled really fast up a hill) the second time I kind of laughed at the thought of trying to report something I didn't know how to say in French. I didn't report the first one either.

107

Simply Sarah Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:19:11am

re: #94 wrenchwench

I think anyone who has seen such a thing will be less likely to doubt the women. You can count me among them.

I will admit to, thankfully, never having had that experience myself, so I will defer on this to your unsought expertise.

108

reine.de.tout Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:22:58am

re: #58 CuriousLurker

That's pretty shitty. There are a lot of good people who are Catholics, reine being among them (and my own mother as well). There's no need to insult the good along with the bad by lumping them in with pedophiles.

109

What, me worry? Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:24:23am

I've had the "good fortune" of witnessing men publicly masturbating on 3 separate occasions. This is not something you mistaken AT ALL. An adult woman knows exactly what that looks like, even if you don't see his penis.

First time was when I walked into the beach restroom I ran to tell the lifeguard, but he ran away.

Second time I was in the parking garage stairwell with my g/f. We turned the corner and there he was. We ran screaming and then he ran off.

Third time, on my motorcycle. You can see quite a bit on a motorcycle going by cars. (And I have to tell you that I was surprised at how many people get stoned while driving. I always could smell dope.) Anyway, this guy had "It Out" and was going at it. Then he started following me, which freaked the hellouta me, but I finally lost him.

110

ihateronpaul Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:35:20am

lol 20 bucks alex jones says the pastor was framed
and now the waiting game....infowars F5 edition
hahahaha

111

SanFranciscoZionist Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:42:19am

In a recent San Francisco case, a man was cleared of charges of masturbating in front of a young girl. The jury, after deliberation, accepted his statement that he was not masturbating, but trying to retrieve his heroin, which had fallen down his pants.

Seriously.

112

abolitionist Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:49:09am

re: #72 Charles

When two witnesses say the same thing, though, it's much less likely to be a mistake.

I was present at the births of both my daughters. A few years later, my wife, on returning early from an errand, discovered me pleasuring myself, and she was horrified. I learned why later. She thought it meant that I was gay. Fortunately for me, two of her female friends dispelled that mistaken notion.

I'm not as thoroughly convinced as you apparently are that the guy was wanking. Probably he was, but based on my own experiences, I *know* that women can be mistaken about such matters,

113

SanFranciscoZionist Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:51:32am

re: #74 b_sharp

Here's a picture of the bottle he had his dick inserted into.

A friend of a friend tells of the night he found a man at an SCA campsite who was in trouble--having decided to use a Mickey's bottle for masturbatory purposes.

He was stuck.

114

SanFranciscoZionist Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:53:39am

re: #94 wrenchwench

I think anyone who has seen such a thing will be less likely to doubt the women. You can count me among them.

I still hold a grudge against the last guy I saw masturbating on the street. He sort of popped out of a porta-potty, and I thought the door had swung open on him unexpectedly, and was actually feeling bad for him until I noted that his hand was still moving...

115

Simply Sarah Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:56:02am

re: #114 SanFranciscoZionist

I still hold a grudge against the last guy I saw masturbating on the street. He sort of popped out of a porta-potty, and I thought the door had swung open on him unexpectedly, and was actually feeling bad for him until I noted that his hand was still moving...

Am I, like, the only woman that has never seen a guy jerking it public? I mean, I'm quite happy to be in that club, but I'm surprised how lonely it appears to be.

116

SanFranciscoZionist Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:59:03am

re: #115 Simply Sarah

Am I, like, the only woman that has never seen a guy jerking it public? I mean, I'm quite happy to be in that club, but I'm surprised how lonely it appears to be.

Dunno. I've seen it a few times. Do you take public transit? That ups your chances quite a bit. ;)

What I'm interested in is that no one has reported seeing a woman masturbating in public. We're the discreet gender.

117

abolitionist Tue, Mar 1, 2011 12:04:52pm

re: #116 SanFranciscoZionist

Dunno. I've seen it a few times. Do you take public transit? That ups your chances quite a bit. ;)

What I'm interested in is that no one has reported seeing a woman masturbating in public. We're the discreet gender.

A girl in my hs spanish class used to kick off her shoes, adopt a Lotus-like position in her chair (heal to crotch), and rock back and forth. Does that count?

118

b_sharp Tue, Mar 1, 2011 12:05:14pm

re: #116 SanFranciscoZionist

Dunno. I've seen it a few times. Do you take public transit? That ups your chances quite a bit. ;)

What I'm interested in is that no one has reported seeing a woman masturbating in public. We're the discreet gender.

You women can walk around with benoit balls.

119

William of Orange Tue, Mar 1, 2011 12:06:40pm

I can live happily with pronography, but that does not make me go wank in public.

Did I say that out loud?

120

Simply Sarah Tue, Mar 1, 2011 12:09:16pm

re: #116 SanFranciscoZionist

Dunno. I've seen it a few times. Do you take public transit? That ups your chances quite a bit. ;)

What I'm interested in is that no one has reported seeing a woman masturbating in public. We're the discreet gender.

That might be it, since I mostly have to drive wherever I go and therefore rarely have a chance to look around in a manner and place where I'd be likely to notice it.

What's funny is that, really, there's no reason a guy couldn't be discreet about it, too. Then again, I suppose we wouldn't see or hear about those guys...

121

SanFranciscoZionist Tue, Mar 1, 2011 12:15:17pm

re: #117 abolitionist

A girl in my hs spanish class used to kick off her shoes, adopt a Lotus-like position in her chair (heal to crotch), and rock back and forth. Does that count?

Oy gevalt. Yeah, I'd say.

122

Fozzie Bear Tue, Mar 1, 2011 1:02:19pm

I've watched my fair share of porn, and your share, and his share.... I have never once felt the need to whack off in a public parking area immediately adjacent to a playground, and I have never felt strange perversions overtake me because I watched a video of people screwing.

This asshole admits that he did what he did, but of course, it isn't his fault. He has a "porn problem". Bullshit. He has a pedophilia problem, and it's got precisely nothing to do with porn.

123

martinsmithy Tue, Mar 1, 2011 1:12:12pm

He's probably already mapping out the "Jimmy Swaggart path to redemption" response to his failings.

124

What, me worry? Tue, Mar 1, 2011 2:34:27pm

re: #112 abolitionist

re: #117 abolitionist

First of all, the fact that your wife thought you were gay, which is probably the most insane thing I've ever heard (gay for masturbating? Was the woman a nun before you married her?) doesn't mean you weren't masturbating. She still thought you were masturbating and not, let's say "retrieving your heroine."

Next if this woman was pleasuring herself with benua balls, she still didn't have her organs hanging out or was physically touching herself, so while it's still inappropriate, a child or someone who didn't know better would have no clue what she was doing.

The fact remains that this is exclusively something men do and do in front of children. I'm getting the magical balance fairy and "it ain't so bad" vibe from you and it's creeping me out.

125

What, me worry? Tue, Mar 1, 2011 2:36:45pm

The fact remains that this is exclusively something men do and do in front of children. I'm getting the magical balance fairy and "it ain't so bad" vibe from you and it's creeping me out.

In case this isn't clear, everyone masturbates (well most healthy people anyway). The "exclusive" part is the public bit either in front of children, in the car, in the stairwell, on the subway, yada yada.

126

WINDUPBIRD DISEASE [S.K.U.M.M.] Tue, Mar 1, 2011 3:33:37pm

re: #7 Obdicut

I really don't get the Catholic hating. I have huge problems with the Catholic church, but this 'satanic' and 'demonic' stuff is just over the top in a weird way.

Is it just, like, competition?

Tribalism

127

JRCMYP Tue, Mar 1, 2011 6:03:32pm

I am so, so, so tired of these disgusting, self-hating hypocrites.

128

Marek Bage Tue, Mar 1, 2011 11:51:29pm

Now, I wonder, was he looking at the littles girls or boys whilst rubbing one off?

Cheers

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