Why Does the Tea Party Hate Manatees?

Florida Tea Party goes after the dreaded fiscally irresponsible manatee
Wingnuts • Views: 33,168

Teabaggers in Florida have a new target for their rage — a gentle aquatic mammal that’s not listed in the Bible.

This is not a joke.

A Citrus County tea party group has announced that it’s fighting new restrictions on boating and other human activities in Kings Bay that have been proposed by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.

We cannot elevate nature above people,” explained Edna Mattos, 63, leader of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots, in an interview. “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

Federal officials “want to restrict the entire bay,” she contended. “They don’t want people here.”

Last week, Mattos, who says she has 800 members signed up on her group’s website, and other tea party members picketed outside a public hearing on the new rules. Because they weren’t allowed to bring their signs inside, she said, “my anger took over” and she sent a sharply worded e-mail to thousands of tea party members across Florida, urging them to write to Congress to block the Fish and Wildlife Service. …

Mattos said she enjoys showing off the manatees to her grandchildren, but she had little use for the Save the Manatee Club, explaining, “If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we’d be living in Jurassic Park now.

That’s absurd, of course — everyone knows there are no dinosaurs in the Bible, and there were no enviro-Nazis 6,000 years ago, either.

But wait, we haven’t reached the end of the craziness yet; you see, this manatee thing is just a small part of a gigantic, sinister United Nations mind control scheme, exposed by Glenn Beck.

“We believe that (federal regulators’) aim is to control the fish and wildlife, in addition to the use of the land that surrounds this area, and the people that live here and visit. … As most of us know, this all ties in to the United Nations’ Agenda 21 and Sustainability.”

Agenda 21 is a program, adopted by the U.N. in 1992, to encourage countries around the world to promote only development that does not harm nature. Pundit Glenn Beck and other conservatives have attacked it as an attempt to impose world government’s rules on every aspect of American lives. The Citrus County tea party group’s website says Agenda 21 is “designed to make humans into livestock.”

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Last updated: 2021-06-05 2:51 pm PDT
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