TwitterFacebook

Letter to a Future Republican Strategist Regarding White People

My wife and I are not sensitive to your messaging, nor did we vote for the candidates you proposed for us this past Tuesday.
Opinion • Views: 29,206

This is an entertaining read for those of us who already feel the same way, and probably pearls before swine to those who really need to absorb this information. I assume most of you will be highly entertained.

Letter to a Future Republican Strategist Regarding White People

To whom it may concern regarding the United States federal elections of 2014, 2016 and beyond:

Allow me to introduce myself to you, the existing (or aspiring!) strategist for the Republican Party. My name is Eric Arnold Garland and I am a White Man. Boy, am I ever - you need sunglasses just to look at my photo!

If I read the news correctly, I fit a profile that is of extreme importance to the GOP, as I embody the archetype that fits your narrative of Real Americans. Just how much should my profile interest you? Are you sitting down?

•My family lineage goes back to the MAYFLOWER, BOAT ONE!!! (Garland family of New England-> John Adams -> Howard Alden -> Plymouth colony ->KINGS OF MUTHAF***IN’ ENGLAND)

•I am a heterosexual, married to the super Caucasian mother of my two beautiful children who are, inexplicably, EVEN WHITER THAN I AM.

[further impressive credentials are listed, then he gives the shocking news that he didn’t vote for Mitt Romney…]

May I explain why not, purely for your education, such that you might be interested in winning an election on the national level at some point in the future? It bears pointing out that I should be your Low Hanging Fruit, the easy vote to get as opposed to, say, African-Americans, Latinos, or Asians – and you’re not even speaking well to me. The reasons why ought to concern you deeply.

[…]

Here are the areas of concern he shares:

Science

Climate

Healthcare

War

Deficits and debt

Gay marriage

Then he needs to add one more.

Uh oh, wait, I can already hear you through the web browser, dismissing all of my above points because THAT GUY WAS NEVER GONNA BE A REPUBLICAN ANYHOW, CUZ HE’S A LIBRUL WHO HATES AMERICA AND…

All right, let’s do one last point:

Meanness-

Go read the whole thing. Apparently the throngs attracted to this piece of brilliance have crashed his server before, so if you can’t get in, try again later.

I found another essay on his site that demonstrates his grasp of the subject. From diversity to inclusion: the model of a great conference. But if his server crashes, you won’t be able to get to that one either.

^ back to top ^

TwitterFacebook

Turn off all ads for a full year by subscribing!
For about 33 cents a day (per month) or 22 cents a day (per year), our subscription option turns off all advertisements at LGF!
Read more...

► LGF Headlines

  • Loading...

► Tweeted Articles

  • Loading...

► Tweeted Pages

  • Loading...

► Top 10 Comments

  • Loading...

► Bottom Comments

  • Loading...

► Recent Comments

  • Loading...

► Tools/Info

► Tag Cloud

► Contact

You must have Javascript enabled to use the contact form.
Your email:

Subject:

Message:


Messages may be published unless you request otherwise.
Tech Note:
Using the Contact Form
LGF Pages

This button leads to the main index of LGF Pages, our user-submitted articles. You can post your own LGF Pages simply by registering a free account with us.

Create a Page

This is the LGF Pages posting bookmarklet. To use it, drag this button to your browser's bookmark bar, and title it 'LGF Pages' (or whatever you like). Then browse to a site you want to post, select some text on the page to use for a quote, click the bookmarklet, and the Pages posting window will appear with the title, text, and any embedded video or audio files already filled in, ready to go.

Or... you can just click this button to open the Pages posting window right away.

Last updated: 2014-03-07 2:19 pm PST

LGF User's Guide
Recent Pages
Pie-onist Overlord
Sweet Cakes by Melissa’s Owners Say Fine for Rejecting Lesbian Couple Will Leave Them Bankrupt
More: Sweet Cakes by Melissa's Owners Say Fine for Rejecting Lesbian Couple Will Leave Them Bankrupt The owners of an Oregon bakery that made national headlines last year after turning away a pair of lesbian brides-to-be are now facing ...

37 minutes ago
Views: 64 • Comments: 5
Tweets: 4 • Rating: 1
Lumberhead
Politico: Is Obama’s Assassination the Only Thing That Can Save the Secret Service?
The piece, titled "Something is Rotten in the Secret Service," was published Tuesday. Author and former Washington Post reporter Ronald Kessler speculated that with the detail charged with protecting the president is such a state of disarray, "Five terrorists ...

1 hour, 27 minutes ago
Views: 63 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 0
Randall Gross
The Flash - City of Heroes Clip 1
The future of meta humans begins. Don't miss The Flash series premiere Tuesday, October 7 at 8/7c! SUBSCRIBE to The CW youtube.com ABOUT THE FLASHAfter a particle accelerator causes a freak storm, CSI Investigator Barry Allen is struck by ...

2 hours, 14 minutes ago
Views: 61 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 0
FemNaziBitch
Race and the Modern GOP - Doug McAdam and Karina Kloos - POLITICO Magazine
In the past few years, we've celebrated the 50th anniversaries of many seminal events and landmark achievements of the civil rights movement, from the nonviolent direct action campaign waged in Birmingham, Alabama, to the March on Washington and Freedom ...

9 hours ago
Views: 138 • Comments: 2
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 1
I Stand With Big Sodomy!
School spending by affluent is widening wealth gap
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Education is supposed to help bridge the gap between the wealthiest people and everyone else. Ask the experts, and they'll count the ways Preschool can lift children from poverty. Top high schools prepare students for college. ...

1 day, 3 hours ago
Views: 114 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 2
Skip Intro
Supreme Court Grants Ohio’s Request to Shorten Early-Voting Period - LA Times
The Supreme Court ordered a halt Monday to early voting in Ohio that was scheduled to begin this week, clearing the way for the state to close polls on the Sunday before election day, when African American turnout has ...

1 day, 5 hours ago
Views: 181 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 13 • Rating: 2
HamSandwich
Activist who urged killing Israelis nominated for top EU award
Alaa Abdel Fattah, 32, an Egyptian blogger and political activist, has been arrested numerous times by Egyptian authorities since the eruption of a popular revolution in the country in early 2011. Abdel Fattah, who boasts 626,000 followers on Twitter ...

2 days, 18 hours ago
Views: 269 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 1
Rightwingconspirator
Visiting Mt Wilson And It’s Dramatic Weather
All taken just yesterday. Canon 7D and a Tamron lens. The clouds ripping through were just amazing. And some stunning Fall color in unexpected places

2 days, 21 hours ago
Views: 259 • Comments: 5
Tweets: 2 • Rating: 6
Souliren
Dropkick Murphys - Celtic punk from the USA?
I never heard of these guys until a half hour ago. Apparently they are famous. A Celtic punk band from Massachusetts? There is art here. The Rose Tattoo I'm shipping up to Boston.

4 days, 21 hours ago
Views: 500 • Comments: 17
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 6
CriticalDragon1177
Secular Talk - Limbaugh’s Sidekick: Segregation Was The ‘Good Ole’ Days’ (Video)
KYle Kulinski, exposes the stupidity of "Snerdley,"

1 week ago
Views: 851 • Comments: 12
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 3
 Frank says:

"Conducting" is when you draw "designs" in the nowhere -- with your stick, or with your hands -- which are interpreted as "instructional messages" by guys wearing bow ties who wish they were fishing.