Wingnut Free Verse of the Day: “TOTAL FAKE”

Skeeter poetry slam
Wingnuts • Views: 33,050
DERP

Today’s wingnut free verse comes from the comment section for this post by the Internet’s Dumbest Man, Jim Hoft, the mighty Gateway Pundit: Gun Expert: “Obama Shoots a Gun Like He Throws a Baseball” …(President Panzy Pants) | the Gateway Pundit.

Quality wingnut-speak there: Obama shoots like a PANZY! Har de har har durr. Hoft quotes an anonymous source for this breaking news:

An anonymous gun expert, who did not wish to be identified, had this to say about Obama’s shooting style.

“Either the recoil kicked his ass or he doesn’t know to lean into the shot when shooting. He shoots a gun like he throws a baseball. That’s a ported shot gun. (holes - venting - at the end of the barrel. Less recoil.) You port really high power firearms to reduce the kick when fired. It helps with control and is less punishing. The smoke coming out of the top of the barrel lessens the muzzle jump and recoil. It means he’s a panzy. And it still threw him back. It also means he never shoots a gun.”

This is why Jim Hoft has such a reputation as a brilliant conservative essayist.

Meanwhile, at every single right wing blog, commenters are raving that the White House’s skeet-shooting photo is a PHOTOSHOP FAKE — they can tell by analyzing the pixels. And one of the best comments we’ve found in this vein comes from Hoft’s post, so maybe it wasn’t a complete waste after all.

Reformatted as free verse, we’ll title this one:

TOTAL FAKE

TOTAL FAKE..

Here’s why.
Cheek pressed against a fired
shot gun doesn’t fare well.

It’s an idiot who does this
or gets a hell
of a bruise.

Smoke is photo shopped.

If he just pulled the trigger
his cheek wouldn’t be fixed
on the butt
if the gun.

His shoulder would
be jammed backwards.

He’s aiming
ground level.

Unless he’s aiming
for the skeet “shooter” he’s
not aiming high enough

for skeet.

Jump to top

Create a PageThis is the LGF Pages posting bookmarklet. To use it, drag this button to your browser's bookmark bar, and title it 'LGF Pages' (or whatever you like). Then browse to a site you want to post, select some text on the page to use for a quote, click the bookmarklet, and the Pages posting window will appear with the title, text, and any embedded video or audio files already filled in, ready to go.
Or... you can just click this button to open the Pages posting window right away.
Last updated: 2016-01-01 10:29 am PST
LGF User's Guide RSS Feeds Tweet

Help support Little Green Footballs!

Subscribe now for ad-free access!Register and sign in to a free LGF account before subscribing, and your ad-free access will be automatically enabled.

Recent PagesClick to refresh
Stranger Things 2017 : Set to Drop on Halloween 99 out of a hundred times, the missing kid is with a parent or relative. What about the other time? A love letter to the supernatural classics of the 80's, Stranger Things is the story of a young boy ...
Tarkloon
5 hours, 50 minutes ago
Views: 104 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Ash vs Evil Dead 2nd Season in 2017 Just days before the October 31 debut of the 10-episode series based on the Evil Dead movie franchise, the premium cabler today said the show will be back for another round. "One season isn't enough to satisfy the fans' ...
Tarkloon
5 hours, 52 minutes ago
Views: 93 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
LIGO Detects Gravitational Waves After a decades-long quest, The MIT-Caltech collaboration LIGO Laboratories has detected gravitational waves, opening a new era in our exploration of the universe. Read more: news.mit.edu Produced by MIT Video Productions and MIT News OfficeProducer/Editor: Bill Lattanzi Footage courtesy ...
Tarkloon
6 hours, 54 minutes ago
Views: 96 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 1 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
While We’re Watching the Scandals, Trump Is Dismantling the Federal Government. The rage felt by the president’s critics is real, and understandable, but it also plays into Trump’s broader agenda. His chief strategist Steve Bannon outlined that strategy this week at the Conservative Political Action Conference, describing it as nothing ...
Tarkloon
8 hours, 18 minutes ago
Views: 146 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Criticized by Peers, White House Counterterrorism Adviser Returns Fire "The statements made from the very beginning led me to believe that it was a prank call," Smith tells NPR. "Because he's calling me from a cellphone suggesting that he wants to talk about official business — specifically, elevating ...
Tarkloon
9 hours, 25 minutes ago
Views: 155 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 1
Tweets: 2 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Russian Defense Minister Says His Military Has Tested 162 Weapons in Syria Russian Defense Minister Sergei Shoigu made his way to the Duma, the lower house of parliament, on the eve of Defender of the Fatherland Day. The Feb. 23 national holiday was once known as Soviet Army and Navy Day, ...
Tarkloon
9 hours, 19 minutes ago
Views: 116 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Jordan Peele’s ‘Get Out’ Scares Way to No. 1 at Box Office During his Sundance post-screening Q&A, Peele added that Get Out “was a missing piece in the genre. One of my favorite movies is the Stepford Wives and the way it dealt with social issues in regards to gender. I ...
Tarkloon
17 hours, 39 minutes ago
Views: 142 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Democratic Victory in Delaware Special ElectionMore of this, please: In the most expensive special election in Delaware history ― a contest to decide which party controls the state Senate ― Democrat Stephanie Hansen was on track to annihilate her Republican rival on the back of ...
jhncsy
17 hours, 48 minutes ago
Views: 310 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 2
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Widow of Olathe Shooting Victim: ‘I Need an Answer’ on How U.S. Stops Hate Crimes Two days after her husband was shot to death in an Olathe bar, the widow of Srinivas Kuchibhotla on Friday publicly sought answers to what she perceived was a spread in American hate crimes. “I have a question in ...
Tarkloon
18 hours, 48 minutes ago
Views: 316 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 2 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Of Monsters & Women - Guernica As the magnifying glass is passed around, body parts take on exaggerated significance. The problem, most (women and men) around the table agree, lies somewhere between her heart and her ring finger. More: Of Monsters & Women – Guernica ...
Birth Control Works
19 hours, 59 minutes ago
Views: 251 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0