Onion Video: Republicans Reach Out to Women With New ‘No Punch Pretty Lady’ Bill
Their own version of the Violence Against Women Act
Humor • • Views: 24,443
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Charles Johnson Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:17:50pm |
“Pass law, women give big smiles at us again, big votes.”
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Eclectic Cyborg Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:20:20pm |
I wonder how many conservatives will think this is real.
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PhillyPretzel Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:21:33pm |
re: #3 Eclectic Cyborg (formerly dragonfire1981)
Too many.
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Decatur Deb Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:23:09pm |
re: #3 Eclectic Cyborg (formerly dragonfire1981)
I wonder how many conservatives will think this is real.
>0.
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Charles Johnson Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:23:13pm |
USE OF SHELTERS - If see woman cry on street, first ask why she not home with family. Say, ‘Did bad man do hurt sex with you?’ If her head says yes, tell her there new house for pretty lady with nice cooking sink kitchen and friendly warden man with big wallet and no fists for hands.
(1) This man no punch pretty lady unless in problems like in Subsection (B) or if she bare her teeths at his eyes. If putting fist to woman face, man be sad, many scary things happen to him, like in Subsection (G).
| 7 |
EPR-radar Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:24:46pm |
re: #6 Charles Johnson
Conservative model legislation can be written by Onion staffers. Explains much.
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Stoatly Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:42:16pm |
This piece from the Slacktivist Blog makes me think of the Breitbrats doubling-down on “Friends of Hamas”:
Now Jackie is at a moral crossroads. She has to make a choice. The actual facts do not appear to be in dispute, but she is invested in this story…
…Forced to choose by the Snopes page confronting her on Dan’s phone, she will either have to disavow or double-down.When it comes to it, this kind of moral crossroads is rarely experienced as a difficult dilemma. A choice must be made, but that choice will almost always by based on the kind of person making it — based on the character and habits and practice that have shaped that person up until this moment of choosing. A good Jackie will take one path, a bad Jackie will take the other.
| 9 |
FemNaziBitch Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:44:58pm |
I don’t think even some of the GOP will understand broken Chinese English version of the bill.
| 10 |
engineer cat Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:52:06pm |
A good Jackie will take one path, a bad Jackie
somebody called ‘bad jackie’ sounds like more fun on a date
| 11 |
FemNaziBitch Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:53:06pm |
re: #10 engineer cat
A good Jackie will take one path, a bad Jackie
somebody called ‘bad jackie’ sounds like more fun on a date
bad Jackie eats oreos.
| 12 |
Stoatly Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:54:33pm |
| 13 |
Vicious Babushka Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:56:05pm |
“Did science on not fat ladies.”
Did they loose weight first?
| 14 |
PhillyPretzel Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:58:28pm |
re: #13 Vicious Babushka
They are afraid to say skinny. They have heard that women punch those who say they are not skinny.
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FemNaziBitch Thu, Feb 21, 2013 3:59:37pm |
Women give us big smiles. Big smiles mean sex, maybe.
| 17 |
Charles Johnson Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:00:34pm |
Following #Breitbart.com’s ‘Friends of Hamas’ fail, they’ve now turned the site into a non-stop deluge of anti-Hagel articles.— Charles Johnson (@Green_Footballs) February 21, 2013
It really is comical. There must be more than a dozen new anti-Hagel rants.
| 20 |
engineer cat Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:02:47pm |
re: #11 FemNaziBitch
bad Jackie eats oreos.
bad jackie gets free drinks by flirting with the maitre d’ while winking at you over his shoulder
| 22 |
FemNaziBitch Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:03:44pm |
re: #20 engineer cat
bad jackie gets free drinks by flirting with the maitre d’ while winking at you over his shoulder
So, bad Jackie is a gay man?
| 23 |
b_sharp Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:03:52pm |
BTW, the word is lose, not loose.
If I set my cat loose I will lose my cat.
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dragonath Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:05:33pm |
It really is amazing how Hagel has become such a pincushion for attacks on the administration. Really, it’s hurting them more than it’s hurting Obama.
| 26 |
engineer cat Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:05:34pm |
re: #22 FemNaziBitch
So, bad Jackie is a gay man?
maybe on somebody else’s date, but in my fantasy bad jackie looks like kim kardashian and is winking at me over the maitre d’s shoulder
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Vicious Babushka Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:05:43pm |
DERP. Because the Blue side will have Professionals to kick your dumb ass.
RT @pmgeezer When the next Civil War occurs the #blue side will have already disarmed itself. #MolonLabe #NRA #TGDN#nuts #TGDNTexas— ObozoLies (@ObozoLies) February 21, 2013
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engineer cat Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:06:46pm |
| 30 |
Vicious Babushka Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:06:58pm |
re: #23 b_sharp
BTW, the word is lose, not loose.
If I set my cat loose I will lose my cat.
I’m quoting a former Lizard (no longer with us) who used that phrase, while claiming to be so much smarter and better educated than everyone else.
| 31 |
Decatur Deb Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:08:30pm |
re: #27 Vicious Babushka
DERP. Because the Blue side will have Professionals to kick your dumb ass.
And a surprising number of advanced amateurs deep behind your lines.
| 32 |
Kragar (Antichrist ) Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:11:30pm |
re: #27 Vicious Babushka
DERP. Because the Blue side will have Professionals to kick your dumb ass.
Luckily, we will have plenty of confirmation about where they are exactly thanks to all the stupid petitions and clubs they’ve signed up for.
| 33 |
b_sharp Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:12:00pm |
re: #30 Vicious Babushka
I’m quoting a former Lizard (no longer with us) who used that phrase, while claiming to be so much smarter and better educated than everyone else.
I have seen several people use it lately.
And I’m a pedantic asshole.
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stabby Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:20:34pm |
Now Jacki has choice make. Depends, is Jackie good person? Good Jackie take one path, bad Jackie take other!
Can anyone tell this illiterate tripe from the onion?
| 35 |
Lidane Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:21:31pm |
re: #27 Vicious Babushka
That Molon Labe shit is ridiculous. You’re living in America, you dumb fucking hick, not Thermopylae.
OTOH, the outcome would probably be the same if these idiot rednecks tried to take on the government.
| 36 |
NJDhockeyfan Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:23:12pm |
BREAKING: FBI, SBI detonate 2nd package at storage facility
WILMINGTON, NC (WWAY) — FBI and SBI agents have detonated a second suspicious package found at a storage facility on Carolina Beach Road. Earlier today another package exploded as a bomb robot shot at it as agents tried to figure out what was in it.
The FBI and the SBI are conducting an investigation at North State Storage on Carolina Beach Road south of Monkey Junction. Law enforcement has ordered a mandatory evacuation for businesses around North State Storage on the east side of Carolina Beach Road as they continue to investigate.
…Brewer says agents are still dealing with one more suspicious package they found in the storage unit. They do not know what is in the package, but they are X-raying it to decide if they’ll need to detonate it. The bomb squad did the same thing to the most recently detonated package. They buried it before exploding it.
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FemNaziBitch Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:41:52pm |
please share and share alike
| 38 |
Vicious Babushka Thu, Feb 21, 2013 4:47:28pm |
re: #35 Lidane
That Molon Labe shit is ridiculous. You’re living in America, you dumb fucking hick, not Thermopylae.
OTOH, the outcome would probably be the same if these idiot rednecks tried to take on the government.
Funny how they all remember 1776, conveniently forget 1861 and how that turned out.
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Shvaughn Thu, Feb 21, 2013 5:22:39pm |
re: #38 Vicious Babushka
Funny how they all remember 1776, conveniently forget 1861 and how that turned out.
They remember the Civil War, they just want a do-over of it.
| 40 |
ProBosniaLiberal Thu, Feb 21, 2013 5:30:11pm |
re: #27 Vicious Babushka
Not only that, but us on the Left in the US haven’t alienated the rest of the world, and aren’t threatening everyone either. We could call any nation we want.
Though I would suggest Norway. For their size, they are over-armed, and they might want to release some of that pent up anger on a bunch of corpulent hicks.
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chadu Thu, Feb 21, 2013 6:55:39pm |
re: #35 Lidane
That Molon Labe shit is ridiculous. You’re living in America, you dumb fucking hick, not Thermopylae.
Well, all their knowledge of Spartan culture comes from 300, and not, like y’know, actual history…
| 42 |
chadu Thu, Feb 21, 2013 6:56:29pm |
| 43 |
Mentis Fugit Thu, Feb 21, 2013 7:47:12pm |
re: #20 engineer cat
bad jackie gets free drinks by flirting with the maitre d’ while winking at you over his shoulder
Bad Jackie’s setting up a threesome with the maitre d’.
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steve_davis Fri, Feb 22, 2013 9:56:52am |
re: #35 Lidane
That Molon Labe shit is ridiculous. You’re living in America, you dumb fucking hick, not Thermopylae.
OTOH, the outcome would probably be the same if these idiot rednecks tried to take on the government.
Thank you. I just had a gun control student in class end a paper with MOLON LABE! Now I at least know what the context was. I said nothing moral/religious. Apparently I should have realized that gun control qualifies on both scores to the right wing.
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