Where’s Edward Snowden’s Asylum? All the Countries!

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The overblown rhetoric reaches new heights of absurdity: Edward Snowden Full Statement: ‘It Was the Right Thing to Do and I Have No Regrets’.

The theme of the statement is: everyone else is breaking the law, not me.

This statement, by the way, comes at the same time that Russian whistleblower Sergei Magnitsky, who died in prison after being tortured and deprived of medical care, was posthumously convicted by a Russian court.

I announce today my formal acceptance of all offers of support or asylum I have been extended and all others that may be offered in the future. With, for example, the grant of asylum provided by Venezuela’s President Maduro, my asylee status is now formal, and no state has a basis by which to limit or interfere with my right to enjoy that asylum. As we have seen, however, some governments in Western European and North American states have demonstrated a willingness to act outside the law, and this behavior persists today. This unlawful threat makes it impossible for me to travel to Latin America and enjoy the asylum granted there in accordance with our shared rights.

This willingness by powerful states to act extra-legally represents a threat to all of us, and must not be allowed to succeed. Accordingly, I ask for your assistance in requesting guarantees of safe passage from the relevant nations in securing my travel to Latin America, as well as requesting asylum in Russia until such time as these states accede to law and my legal travel is permitted. I will be submitting my request to Russia today, and hope it will be accepted favorably.

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46 comments
1 Ian G.  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:15:29pm
everyone else is breaking the law, not me

Wow, that’s Gohmert-ian in its crybaby stupidity.

2 efuseakay  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:15:35pm

Can you say “douchebag”?

3 Joanne  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:15:54pm

You want to talk about a fucking punk, look no further than Edward Snowden.

4 Varek Raith  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:16:00pm

re: #2 efuseakay

Can you say “douchebag”?

Illegal in the Texas legislature.

5 Kragar  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:16:20pm

Alexander Litvinenko could not be reached for comments.

6 Varek Raith  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:16:55pm

Dear Ed,
If the Russians offer you tea, politely decline.

7 BigPapa  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:17:32pm

re: #2 efuseakay

Can you say “douchebag”?

доуче a bug

8 Kragar  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:18:04pm

Snowden thinks of asylum the way the Senate thinks of filibusters.

“If I says its happening, I don’t really need to do it.”

9 Bulworth  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:20:18pm
As we have seen, however, some governments in Western European and North American states have demonstrated a willingness to act outside the law, and this behavior persists today. This unlawful threat makes it impossible for me to travel to Latin America and enjoy the asylum granted there in accordance with our shared rights.

North American states…

Interesting way of putting it.

10 Bulworth  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:21:42pm
This willingness by powerful states to act extra-legally represents a threat to all of us, and must not be allowed to succeed.

Extra-legally!!!!

Powerful states!!!!!

11 Varek Raith  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:22:22pm

re: #9 Bulworth

North American states…

Interesting way of putting it.

First wikileaks with a teleprompter dis and now Snowden with NAU crap.

12 BigPapa  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:22:36pm

re: #9 Bulworth

North American states…

Interesting way of putting it.

Not all 3 of them, only some of them.

13 Internet Tough Guy  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:23:35pm

re: #9 Bulworth

Wouldn’t the obvious solution be to go to South America using another route?

Is the world not round?

14 lawhawk  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:23:38pm

re: #5 Kragar

#PussyRiot could not be reached for comment.

They’re still in prison for engaging in free speech, not even dealing in state secrets, but Snowden-groupies think that he’s going to end up in Gitmo if the US gets their hands on him.

Sorry, but that’s not how it’d work. Most likely, he’d be taken to DC and put into federal detention there while awaiting trial. If convicted, he’d likely be sentenced to Supermax in Colorado or Fort Leavenworth, depending on the charges and sentencing.

16 lawhawk  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:27:32pm

re: #15 Charles Johnson

You know, guns don’t kill people, but women with periods do.

17 Varek Raith  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:28:17pm

re: #16 lawhawk

You know, guns don’t kill people, but women with periods do.

That’s actually tr…
*Static*

18 wrenchwench  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:28:21pm

re: #15 Charles Johnson

Tampons Confiscated, Guns Still Allowed at Texas Capitol Ahead of Abortion Vote

Confiscating tampons? Definitely needs a thread string.

19 Kragar  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:28:40pm

re: #16 lawhawk

You know, guns don’t kill people, but women with periods do.

I’ve got to stick with the Brick gag.

“The bears are attracted to the menstruation.”

20 Backwoods_Sleuth  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:29:12pm

re: #2 efuseakay

Can you say “douchebag”?

Texas Senate is confiscating them as we speak…

21 Bulworth  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:29:36pm

re: #20 Backwoods_Sleuth

Freedom. Liberty. Don’t Tread On Me.

22 Backwoods_Sleuth  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:29:37pm
23 GeneJockey  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:29:46pm

So, if I read Snowden’s statement correctly, he thinks that being granted asylum by a country he isn’t in yet works like some sort of ‘get out of jail free’ card to protect him enroute, even passing through/over countries that have extradition treaties with America.

Seriously?

24 Kragar  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:29:50pm

re: #20 Backwoods_Sleuth

Texas Senate is confiscating them as we speak…

THEY’RE ARRESTING REPUBLICANS NOW?!?!

25 Bulworth  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:30:19pm

re: #24 Kragar

No, sorry, but an easy mistake to make.

26 lawhawk  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:30:43pm

re: #2 efuseakay

Can you say “douchebag”?

We could, but the Texas DPS is confiscating them…

27 Bulworth  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:30:50pm

re: #22 Backwoods_Sleuth

Nice job, teagbagGOP. Please proceed.

28 lawhawk  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:32:08pm

Meanwhile, from the Halls of Congress:

29 Bulworth  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:33:13pm

So today, in response to the awful explosion in West, Texas of a poorly regulated fertilizer plant, the state of Texas is….confiscating tampons.

30 philosophus invidius  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:33:42pm

For a supporter of Ron Paul, Snowden sure has a high esteem for international laws that limit US sovereignty.

31 GeneJockey  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:33:44pm

re: #28 lawhawk

I’d love to see that calculated as a percentage of the population.

32 Varek Raith  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:33:53pm

re: #29 Bulworth

So today, in response to the awful explosion in West, Texas of a poorly regulated fertilizer plant, the state of Texas is….confiscating tampons.

Bolded and italicized for WTFness.

33 BigPapa  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:34:07pm

When tampons are outlawed, only outlaws will have tampons.

34 Lidane  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:34:40pm

re: #26 lawhawk

We could, but the Texas DPS is confiscating them…

My state Senator, y’all:

35 BigPapa  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:34:56pm

Ya know, if a rumour went around that guns were going to be thrown on the house floor, they’d get more guns.

36 wrenchwench  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:35:13pm

re: #21 Bulworth

Freedom. Liberty. Don’t Tread Bleed On Me.

37 efuseakay  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:35:56pm

re: #4 Varek Raith

Illegal in the Texas legislature.

No. That would be the phrase “I choose to…”.

38 Varek Raith  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:35:58pm

The Onion weeps.

39 lawhawk  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:36:26pm

re: #29 Bulworth

So today, in response to the awful explosion in West, Texas of a poorly regulated fertilizer plant, the state of Texas is….confiscating tampons.

No, that would be an actual response (positive or negative is still a response). Texas has taken NO action on dealing with public safety at manufacturing and industrial facilities like the one that blew up in West, Texas.

They simply can’t be bothered to come up with basic regulations to require periodic inspections and to make sure that they’ve got operating sprinklers and safety systems in place that could reduce the chances that a facility blows up and takes part of a village, town, or city in the process.

40 Lidane  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:37:29pm

re: #38 Varek Raith

The Onion weeps.

Seriously. The Texas Legislature just outdid them today.

41 piratedan  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:38:46pm

might as well use the old Fauxworthy trope….

If you believe that Government is too big and yet still needs to be small enough to fit inside a woman’s vagina…. you might be a teabagger

If you believe that violating the espionage act makes you a hero…. then you might be a teabagger

If you believe that the best way to fund the government is to give tax breaks to rich people….. then you might be a teabagger

If you believe that nazi symbolism is the same thing as socialism…. then you might be a teabagger

If you believe that anyone that disagrees with you politically is a traitor…. you might be a teabagger

If you spent your 10th grade civics class behind the gym smoking cigarettes….. you might be a teabagger

If you elect a convicted felon to a government office…. you might be a teabagger

well let you guys add more as needed

42 darthstar  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:39:53pm

He does understand that asylum status only applies within an embassy or the borders of said country, right? You can’t just asylee yourself from one country to the next, like a traveling correspondent.

43 GeneJockey  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:41:15pm

re: #42 darthstar

He does understand that asylum status only applies within an embassy or the borders of said country, right? You can’t just asylee yourself from one country to the next, like a traveling correspondent.

Is there anything in his actions, past or present, that would lead you to believe he’s an intelligent person with a grasp of how the world functions?

44 darthstar  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:43:21pm

re: #43 GeneJockey

Is there anything in his actions, past or present, that would lead you to believe he’s an intelligent person with a grasp of how the world functions?

No, and his fanboi Greenwald isn’t much better…bragging about how he carries copies of all the classified docs with him everywhere he goes. Greenwald just went from journalist to co-conspirator.

45 krypto  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 1:59:53pm

Poor Whitey Bulger, who even now is being deprived of his “basic human right to seek asylum” — by not being allowed to join Edward Snowden in the transit zone of the Moscow airport.

46 Ming  Fri, Jul 12, 2013 9:02:41pm

Assuming that Putin appreciates USA-Russia cooperation on threats like Chechnya, I’d be surprised if he’d undermine that, all for Snowden.


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