How I wish I could return to that idyllic golden age (last week) before I had ever heard of Duck Dynasty or its head cretin Phil Robertson. But alas, he’s not finished sharing his deep thoughts with the world yet, and now, predictably, he’s assuming the position of a persecuted martyr and doubling down on his gay-hating vitriol, because he knows the right wing just loves them a bigot who won’t back down — especially when he disguises the caveman hatred with some of that good ol’ time Bible-thumping! The ‘Duck Dynasty’ Double Down: ‘Sexual Immorality Is Number One on the List’ of Sins.

ROBERTSON: We murder each other and we steal from one another, sex and immorality goes ballistic. All the diseases that just so happen to follow sexual mischief… boy there are some microbes running around now. Sexual sins are numerous and many, I have a few myself. So what is your safest course of action? If you’re a man, find yourself a woman, marry them and keep your sex right there. You can have fun, but one thing is for sure, as long as you are both healthy in the first place, you are not going to catch some debilitating illness, there is safety there.

Commonsense says we are not going to procreate the human race unless we have a man and a woman. From the beginning Jesus said, “It is a man and a woman.” Adam was made and Eve was made for this reason. They left their fathers and mothers and be united to become one flesh, that’s what marriage is all about. But we looked at it and said it was an outdated stereotype. When you look back at the human race, the sins have always been the same: We get high, we get drunk, we get laid, we steal and kill. Has this changed at all from the time God burnt up whole cities because their every thought was evil?

Why is everybody picking on Phil when all he did was “quote from the scriptures?”

Refresh my memory, please; which apostle was it who said, “To me, a vagina would be more desirable than a man’s anus?”

Is that a quote from the Book of Cletus?

And lo, the Apostle Bucephalus encountered a homosexual redneck on the road to Damascus, who said unto him, “Unmount, good sire, for I have sinned, and now I hath a desire to make sex with thy donkey.”

And Bucephalus spake, “To me, a vagina would be more desirable than a man’s anus, my son.”