Family Research Council Vice President: Forget the Sword, Jesus Will Return With an AR-15

Fanatically religious gun nuts. What could go wrong?
Wingnuts • Views: 17,545

Retired Lt. Gen. William “Jerry” Boykin is now the executive vice president of the far right Family Research Council, and he gave a humdinger of a speech recently in Dallas for an audience of Republican lawmakers, telling them that Jesus is coming back, and this time he’ll be packing serious heat.

“[Jesus is] coming back as a warrior, carrying a sword,” Boykin said. “And I believe now, I’ve checked this out — I believe that sword he’ll be carryin’ when he comes back is an AR-15.”

Many in the audience laughed and some applauded, according to audio of the speech released Tuesday.

“Now I want you to think about this: Where did the 2nd Amendment come from? Where did the 2nd Amendment come from? I ask my students this; I ask men’s groups. I ask, ‘Where did the 2nd Amendment come from?’”

Boykin, in a somewhat comic voice, replied: ” ‘From the Founding Fathers! It’s in the Constitution!’

“Well, yeah, I know that. But where did the whole concept come from? It came from Jesus.”

An influential figure in the Republican Party, folks.

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136 comments
1 Iwouldprefernotto  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:03:45pm

Will he also be riding a dinosaur?

2 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:04:55pm

One would think the son of God would be tossing around lightning bolts or smiting with heavenly fire or something like that.

3 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:05:37pm

Jesus is such a loving, caring soul that he will return to Earth armed to the teeth, looking to gun down sinners.

////

4 wrenchwench  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:07:21pm

A more likely scenario is Jesus returning only to be executed again, up against a wall facing several AR-15s.

5 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:08:05pm

“You better be nice to me or my savior will come back and fuck your shit up.”

6 b.d.  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:10:57pm

Blessed be the Colt makers

7 The Ghost of a Flea  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:11:16pm

…I would have thought a Tavor or a Galil.

8 Bulworth  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:11:46pm

Where did the 2nd Amendment come from? I ask my students this; I ask men’s groups. I ask, ‘Where did the 2nd Amendment come from?’”

This guy has “students”. Consider the horror of that statement.

9 Lidane  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:11:55pm

I can’t even begin to process how idiotic Boykin sounds here. WTF.

10 The Ghost of a Flea  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:12:25pm

…I guess ‘Murican White Jesus will also drink Coors, dip, and have a Confederate Flag Bandanna.

11 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:12:27pm

re: #7 The Ghost of a Flea

…I would have thought a Tavor or a Galil.

Made in Nazareth Ilit.

12 ausador  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:12:44pm

GOP Jesus?

Protestant Jesus?

13 Dr Lizardo  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:13:13pm

Boykin’s a f***ing loon. He should be in a mental hospital, not on the speaking circuit.

14 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:13:21pm
“And I believe now, I’ve checked this out — I believe that sword he’ll be carryin’ when he comes back is an AR-15.

“I’ve checked this out”? Where the fuck did he check this out?

15 Dr Lizardo  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:14:17pm

re: #14 Dr. Matt

In the theological encyclopedia located up his ass.

16 Charles Johnson  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:14:37pm

Notice that I found a picture of Jesus with an AR-15. It’s vital to be accurate about gun nomenclature.

/yes, it’s sarcasm

17 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:14:39pm

What the frell? Seriously? Jesus, who would not have a problem beating swords to plowshares (from Isiah I know), would definitely have a problem with the inviolable right to bear arms coming from the death of the guy who died for your sins.

These people know the bible about as well as the constitution, and it shows.

18 Lidane  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:14:47pm

re: #12 ausador

GOP Jesus?

Protestant Jesus?

Conservapedia Edition.

19 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:14:57pm

re: #14 Dr. Matt

“I’ve checked this out”? Where the fuck did he check this out?


Shooter’s Bible

amazon.com

20 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:15:15pm

re: #10 The Ghost of a Flea

…I guess ‘Murican White Jesus will also drink Coors, dip, and have a Confederate Flag Bandanna.

Pretty good for a Middle Eastern rabbi/carpenter to come back as a white Caucasian hillbilly.

21 dog philosopher  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:15:17pm

it seems that he derives this opinion from the following text, found in luke 22:

But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.”

34 Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.”

35 Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?”

“Nothing,” they answered.

36 He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. 37 It is written: ‘And he was numbered with the transgressors’; and I tell you that this must be fulfilled in me. Yes, what is written about me is reaching its fulfillment.”

38 The disciples said, “See, Lord, here are two swords.”

“That’s enough!” he replied.

his comment was that is not a metaphor”

22 klys  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:15:17pm

re: #16 Charles Johnson

Notice that I found a picture of Jesus with an AR-15. It’s vital to be accurate about gun nomenclature.

/yes, it’s sarcasm

DF would totally correct you otherwise.

23 wrenchwench  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:16:30pm

re: #16 Charles Johnson

Notice that I found a picture of Jesus with an AR-15. It’s vital to be accurate about gun nomenclature.

/yes, it’s sarcasm

Damn, fell off the wagon again…

24 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:18:56pm

Seriously, why would Jesus sling an AR-15? He’s JEWISH! He’ll obviously be carrying an Uzi and a Galil.

25 wrenchwench  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:20:12pm

I thought it was ‘The fire next time’, not ‘He’ll fire next time’. Easy mistake, I guess.

26 ausador  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:20:17pm

The sword the bible says Jesus would come back with is quite a bit scarier than any piddling ass AR-15 anyway. It says the sword will issue from his mouth and cut down the armies before him, it describes valleys clogged in meters deep blood from the slain!

I’d like to see any AR-15 measure up to that level of homicidal capacity, Jesus don’t need no stinkin’ rifle…

27 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:20:29pm

re: #16 Charles Johnson

Notice that I found a picture of Jesus with an AR-15. It’s vital to be accurate about gun nomenclature.

/yes, it’s sarcasm

But his 1st SGT would have his ass for grabbing the metal barrel with his sweaty, stigmatized meathook.

28 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:20:30pm

My Jesus carries knives. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don’t make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely he is to use them. Shit ‘em right up. Makes it look like he’s serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.

29 aagcobb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:20:55pm

re: #12 ausador

GOP Jesus?

Protestant Jesus?

They got one detail wrong; he’d be wearing the Stars and Bars instead of Old Glory.

30 thedopefishlives  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:21:05pm

Afternoon Lizardim.

31 Dr Lizardo  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:21:27pm

re: #26 ausador

The sword the bible says Jesus would come back with is quite a bit scarier than any piddling ass AR-15 anyway. It says the sword will issue from his mouth and cut down the armies before him, it describes valleys clogged in meters deep blood from the slain!

I’d like to see any AR-15 measure up to that level of homicidal capacity, Jesus don’t need no stinkin’ rifle…

Hell, that beats Tsar Bomba!

32 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:21:41pm

re: #28 Kragar

My Jesus carries knives. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don’t make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely he is to use them. Shit ‘em right up. Makes it look like he’s serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.

And it’s nearly impossible to accidentally kill yourself while cleaning your knife or showing it off to your friends.

33 thedopefishlives  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:22:02pm

Ah, I see Republican Jesus has graced us with His appearance. Because Jesus is white and he buys American.

34 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:22:24pm

re: #28 Kragar

My Jesus carries knives. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don’t make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely he is to use them. Shit ‘em right up. Makes it look like he’s serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.

Kragar, is there something we should know about you?

//

35 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:23:52pm

re: #24 Dr. Matt

Desert Eagle in one hand, the Galil in the other.

36 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:24:47pm

re: #32 Dr. Matt

And it’s nearly impossible to accidentally kill yourself while cleaning your knife or showing it off to your friends.

Sadly, wrong.

forums.officer.com

37 The Ghost of a Flea  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:25:13pm

re: #20 Targetpractice

Pretty good for a Middle Eastern rabbi/carpenter to come back as a white Caucasian hillbilly.

There’s a long tradition of people depicting Jesus as of the same appearance as themselves.

…what we’re dealing with is the *other* long tradition, of Jesus being Appeal To Authority vermouth bottle touched to the rim of the vodka martini of The Ugly Bigoted Shit We’re Going To Do Anyway.

38 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:25:16pm

I like to picture Jesus going around saying “I’M CRUSHING YOUR HEAD!” and it really working.

39 blueraven  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:25:56pm
I know, everybody says that was a metaphor. IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR! He was saying in building my kingdom, you’re going to have to fight at times. You won’t build my kingdom with a sword, but you’re going to have to defend yourself. And that was the beginning of the Second Amendment, that’s where the whole thing came from. I can’t prove that historically and David [Barton] will counsel me when this is over, but I know that’s where it came from.

And the sword today is an AR-15, so if you don’t have one, go get one. You’re supposed to have one. It’s biblical.

- See more at: rightwingwatch.org

40 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:25:57pm

re: #36 Decatur Deb

Sadly, wrong.

forums.officer.com

He did say “nearly”, acts of total stupidity not withstanding.

41 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:26:35pm

re: #36 Decatur Deb

Sadly, wrong.

forums.officer.com

I did say “nearly”……

:)

42 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:28:45pm
43 Norbrook  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:29:05pm

“And I believe now, I’ve checked this out — I believe that sword he’ll be carryin’ when he comes back is an AR-15.”

And the first thing he’ll do with it is stand Jerry Boykin and his compatriots up against a wall and use it. All that stuff about judging the sinners, you know.

44 BusyMonster  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:29:49pm

re: #14 Dr. Matt

“I’ve checked this out”? Where the fuck did he check this out?

The reason people like this have to have an exclusive audience is precisely because smart people like you and me will ask him this very sarcastic question. And it makes his entire narrative sound like he’s a giant bullshitter, which of course is what this guy is. Nothing more than a fucking bullshit artist with a gigantic mouth (and apparently NOTHING inside his gaping skull).

45 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:31:10pm

That “teacher” needs to be kept far, far away from students.

46 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:31:12pm

re: #41 Dr. Matt

I did say “nearly”……

:)

darwinawards.com

And don’t make me dig out the ones from the Army…

47 The Ghost of a Flea  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:31:30pm

Maybe it’s an AR-15 that will fire swords, that will split into smaller swords, and then explode.

48 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:32:51pm

re: #47 The Ghost of a Flea

Maybe it’s an AR-15 that will fire swords, that will split into smaller swords, and then explode.

Nah, it’ll be Jesus with a flaming gunblade and anime hear.

49 TedStriker  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:33:13pm

re: #28 Kragar

My Jesus carries knives. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don’t make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely he is to use them. Shit ‘em right up. Makes it look like he’s serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.

“That’s not a knife…”
[draws huge Bowie knife]
“THAT’S a knife!”

50 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:33:27pm

You know, Boykin could be confusing Jesus with Hey, Zeus (Samuel L. Jackson, who knows a thing or two about firearms)!

51 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:34:00pm

re: #46 Decatur Deb

darwinawards.com

And don’t make me dig out the ones from the Army…

I said nothing about using knives for costume accessories! ha!

52 b.d.  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:35:27pm

The 2nd Amendment was given to us by a guy whose claim to fame of toughness was flipping over a table that one time?

53 wrenchwench  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:36:08pm

re: #52 b.d.

The 2nd Amendment was given to us by a guy whose claim to fame of toughness was flipping over a table that one time?

Didn’t He also raise His voice?

54 dog philosopher  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:36:33pm

re: #39 blueraven

I know, everybody says that was a metaphor. IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR! He was saying in building my kingdom, you’re going to have to fight at times.

so how about all that charity stuff? the line about if someone asks you for your shirt, give him your coat as well? the ‘what you do to the least of these, you do to me” story?

does the IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR thing apply there as well?

55 William Barnett-Lewis  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:37:03pm

re: #4 wrenchwench

A more likely scenario is Jesus returning only to be executed again, up against a wall facing several AR-15s.

Teahadi firing squad killing him along with the other “leftists, socialists & commies”. Dostoevsky had the right idea in his parable of The Grand Inquisitor, just the wrong century …

56 William Barnett-Lewis  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:37:29pm

re: #7 The Ghost of a Flea

…I would have thought a Tavor or a Galil.

Nah, those are made by the damned ones. /// fucking “perfected” crap…

57 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:37:54pm

re: #51 Dr. Matt

I said nothing about using knives for costume accessories! ha!


According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest that Berrena was wearing.

58 nines09  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:38:21pm

re: #42 Kragar

[Embedded content]

And the test was titled “How fucking nuts am I”. The correct answer was “totally in-fucking-sane.” You got a B for “lots”. Background checks? He’s flipped his wig.

59 dog philosopher  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:38:51pm

what we really need is a Pick-And-Choose-What-Parts-Of-the-Bible-You-Like bible, with clear indications of which parts MUST BE TAKEN LITERALLY and which parts are just kinda ‘well he didn’t really mean that’

60 BusyMonster  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:39:05pm

I was just watching Keanu’s Day The Earth Stood Still over lunch with my wife, and I commented how Klaatu’s character in the original film probably was meant as a Jesus-like figure, and the terrified and incoherent response to him was exactly what we could expect if such a thing were realistic. He would be intercepted by some drooling thug, waterboarded, and likely never get anywhere near our “leaders.”

The hilarious part about the gun-replacing-an-obviously-missing-penis crowd like Jerry Boykin is that I am pretty sure the guy he’s talking about has no actual use for a gun. Such a fucked-up, stupid culture. I guess this will be the end-stage of Christianity, though. Centuries of serenely marching towards grace have devolved to schmaltzy Robert Kinkade-ish cartoons, naked greed and orgiastic self-gratification (see also Bishop Bling in the news recently) and jackasses like Jerry Boykin.

The new right-wingers almost seem like a studio that’s bought the rights to the Jesus Christ saga and have recast a bunch of soulless c-list actors in the parts and are heavily rewriting all the best parts in order to shoehorn in formulaic action sequences. They’re such — cheap, tacky, schmaltzy people. I think it is a bit sad that as this organized religion begins its final exit from our world (I really do think most of them are just about a generation from total extinction) it has become a pathetic caricature of itself.

61 William Barnett-Lewis  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:39:52pm

re: #35 lawhawk

Desert Eagle in one hand, the Galil in the other.

Nah, Jericho. Those are real issue weapons in Israel. The DE is just sold to stupid Americans.

62 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:41:34pm

re: #61 William Barnett-Lewis

Nah, Jericho. Those are real issue weapons in Israel. The DE is just sold to stupid Americans.

Desert Eagles are as kosher as Christmas.

63 nines09  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:41:49pm

The Bible can be used as a weapon. Just open it up to the page you want, fold it, and beat someone to death with it. What if JC came back, was a dark Hebrew, and started kicking all these dipsticks in the nuts? Christ with a automatic weapon. They must stain themselves daily.

64 William Barnett-Lewis  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:42:13pm

re: #46 Decatur Deb

darwinawards.com

And don’t make me dig out the ones from the Army…

How about the dudes out on ftx decide to go rabbit hunting by taking the blank adaptors off their M16’s and using blanks to propel a cleaning rod section? I don’t think I need to say how _that_ turned out. Not even any alcohol involved either … :(

65 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:42:14pm

re: #61 William Barnett-Lewis

Nah, Jericho. Those are real issue weapons in Israel. The DE is just sold to stupid Americans.

The DE was designed by stupid Americans. The Israelis are the ones who got the damned things to work well enough for mass production.

66 EPR-radar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:44:19pm

Why would an almighty deity need a human constructed weapon at all? If Jesus as depicted in Revelations really does return, he can cause his foes to messily explode with a thought.

As ever, the explanation is projection. Boykin sees himself as Jesus returned, and it is Boykin that will need the AR-15 to make his foes messily explode.

67 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:44:44pm

re: #61 William Barnett-Lewis

Nah, Jericho. Those are real issue weapons in Israel. The DE is just sold to stupid Americans.

And used as movie props:

68 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:45:37pm

re: #66 EPR-radar

Excellent point. Why does a god need a starship? Or, in this case, firearms?

69 William Barnett-Lewis  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:46:15pm

re: #65 Targetpractice

The DE was >designed by stupid Americans. The Israelis are the ones who got the damned things to work well enough for mass production.

Good point.

Still, I’d rather a Jericho (even one with the dumb Baby Eagle II engraving) over it any day.

70 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:46:26pm

re: #67 Dr. Matt

And used as movie props:

[Embedded image]

“We sold very few until Terminator. Now we sell a lot, but very little ammo.”

71 ausador  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:47:37pm

re: #67 Dr. Matt

And used as movie props:

[Embedded image]

Usually held sideways to look more “authentically gangsterish”…

72 Pie-onist Overlord  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:48:58pm

Why would Jesus need a crappy AR-15, (which according to the wingnuts is just a puny li’l ole hunting rifle with bling) he would at least have a Phaser.

73 ausador  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:48:59pm

re: #70 Decatur Deb

“We sold very few until Terminator. Now we sell a lot, but very little ammo.”

Have you ever fired one of those things? I have and three rounds was my limit, my hand stung for days afterwards.

74 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:49:09pm

Speaking of stupid Americans with DEs

Youtube Video

75 Dr Lizardo  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:49:18pm

re: #42 Kragar

[Embedded content]

My God. It’s full of stupid.

76 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:50:59pm

re: #73 ausador

Have you ever fired one of those things? I have and three rounds was my limit, my hand stung for days afterwards.

Yup. We had a office outing to the factory range. Having someone fire it before firing the 9mm is a good way to sell Jerichos.

77 EPR-radar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:51:00pm

The raving lunatic of the OP was United States Deputy Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence under President George W. Bush from 2002 to 2007.

78 Ian G.  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:51:01pm

Replace “Jesus” with “The Madhi” and “AR-15” with “AK-47” and it sounds like the kind of imbecilic thing we’d hear from Ahmadinejad.

But it’s OK, because Christianity is true and Islam is false, or something.

79 William Barnett-Lewis  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:51:59pm

re: #70 Decatur Deb

“We sold very few until Terminator. Now we sell a lot, but very little ammo.”

I was at a gun store with my son the other day. While I was looking at a full size Baby Eagle 9mm that I’d like to get eventually, he noticed a gold plated Desert Eagle in the case and recoiled in horrified amusement. Apparently they sell about 1 a year at that location for $4,995…

80 Ian G.  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:52:12pm

re: #77 EPR-radar

The raving lunatic of the OP was United States Deputy Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence under President George W. Bush from 2002 to 2007.

All the more reason to support Mikey Weinstein. Let’s keep our military a secular organization dedicated to the defense of secular republic, mmmkay?

81 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:52:52pm

re: #72 Pie-onist Overlord

Hah! He’d have a sonic screwdriver. It solves pretty much any kind of issue.

82 Dr Lizardo  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:53:59pm

re: #42 Kragar

This is better. Now available for all Lizards.

83 TedStriker  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:54:06pm

re: #79 William Barnett-Lewis

I was at a gun store with my son the other day. While I was looking at a full size Baby Eagle 9mm that I’d like to get eventually, he noticed a >gold plated Desert Eagle in the case and recoiled in horrified amusement. Apparently they sell about 1 a year at that location for $4,995…

Penis extension/substitute for those with more money than sense.

84 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:54:40pm

re: #81 lawhawk

Hah! He’d have a sonic screwdriver. It solves pretty much any kind of issue.

“Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?”

85 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:55:05pm

People that buy a gold plated Desert Eagle are of the same breed that buy a 2000 lb, 450 HP V-8 Boss Hoss motorcycle

86 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:55:35pm

re: #83 TedStriker

Penis extension/substitute for those with more money than sense.

It’s the sort of thing you put on your mantle to impress people you invite over. “Yeah, I blew $5K on a showpiece!”

87 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:55:56pm

88 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:57:45pm

re: #14 Dr. Matt

“I’ve checked this out”? Where the fuck did he check this out?

Hey, kids, let’s sing the argumentem ex culo song!

89 Charles Johnson  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 12:59:16pm
90 Dr Lizardo  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:00:07pm

In the latest political development in Ukraine, a bill to impeach Yanukovych has been filed in the Rada.

en.apa.az

91 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:00:38pm

re: #26 ausador

The sword the bible says Jesus would come back with is quite a bit scarier than any piddling ass AR-15 anyway. It says the sword will issue from his mouth and cut down the armies before him, it describes valleys clogged in meters deep blood from the slain!

I’d like to see any AR-15 measure up to that level of homicidal capacity, Jesus don’t need no stinkin’ rifle…

Roll for initiative: Jebus has a breath weapon!

Claw-claw-bite, fwoosh!

92 Dr. Matt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:01:03pm

re: #89 Charles Johnson

As soon as Sarah Palin defends Nugent’s “free speech”, the kiddies at Breitbart will be there in lockstep.

93 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:01:26pm

re: #28 Kragar

My Jesus carries knives. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don’t make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely he is to use them. Shit ‘em right up. Makes it look like he’s serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.

Logan/Wolverine is Lord.

94 Mattand  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:04:14pm

re: #93 chadu

Logan/Wolverine is Lord.

I need to Photoshop some claws on a Jesus pic and caption it with “I’m very good at what I do. But what I do isn’t very nice.”

95 Mattand  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:05:36pm

re: #91 chadu

>Roll for initiative: Jebus has a breath weapon!

Claw-claw-bite, fwoosh!

He can be defeated with a +5 Cloak of FABULOUS!!!

96 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:06:46pm

re: #95 Mattand

Who do you think you are? Johnny Weir? /

97 ausador  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:07:02pm

re: #95 Mattand

He can be defeated with a +5 Cloak of FABULOUS!!!

Or Iron Chariots…really, God/Jesus is helpless against them, look it up…

98 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:08:01pm

The more I watch the Guardians of the Galaxy trailer, the more it grows on me.

99 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:09:02pm

re: #39 blueraven

I know, everybody says that was a metaphor. IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR! He was saying in building my kingdom, you’re going to have to fight at times. You won’t build my kingdom with a sword, but you’re going to have to defend yourself.
See more at: rightwingwatch.org

Lemme look at that again…re: #21 dog philosopher…

(paraphrasing)
35 Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?”

“Nothing,” they answered.

35 Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?” “Nothing,” they answered.

36 He said to them, “But now if you have [STUFF], take it, and also [MOAR STUFF]; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.

38 The disciples said, “See, Lord, here are two swords.” “That’s enough!” he replied.

Reads to me like:
* I sent you out without stuff before, but you were okay.
* But now you want to go out not only with the stuff you didn’t take before, but even more stuff, like a sword.
* (Hey, J-Man, we got two swords right here!)
* Be quiet, you idiots! You’re missing the point!

100 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:09:07pm

re: #98 Targetpractice

What a bunch of … A holes….

101 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:09:54pm

re: #98 Targetpractice

The more I watch the Guardians of the Galaxy trailer, the more it grows on me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how this device worked.”

102 ObserverArt  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:09:55pm

Jesus will reappear in Orlando Florida at Disney World stand atop the big globe at Epcot and declare in a deep Arnold Schwarzenegger voice…

I’m back…and I will…
Stand. My. Ground.

103 William Barnett-Lewis  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:10:04pm

re: #91 chadu

>Roll for initiative: Jebus has a breath weapon!

Claw-claw-bite, fwoosh!

Oh. My. Little. Stars. And. Comets. I am laughing so hard at that image. All I need is for it to be drawn up by the Knights of the Dinner Table…

104 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:11:38pm

re: #100 lawhawk

What a bunch of … A holes….

My kids were like “is that…?”

“Yup, it sure is.”

“It can’t be.”

“I’M HOOKED ON A FEELING!”

*kids facepalm

I might have played that song a few too many times for them over the years.

105 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:11:52pm

re: #53 wrenchwench

Didn’t He also raise His voice?

I remember something about a scourge of cords, too.

106 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:13:19pm

re: #93 chadu

Ohhhhh… Shiny. /

107 NJDhockeyfan  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:13:27pm
108 Killgore Trout  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:13:34pm

Annonymous lawyer to Russian Press: West controlling Ukranian opposition: ‘hackers were simply telling the truth’ - expert

The “expert ” is Jay Leiderman who is part of Barrett Brown’s legal team

109 ausador  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:14:13pm

re: #98 Targetpractice

The more I watch the Guardians of the Galaxy trailer, the more it grows on me.

Looks like another CGI extravaganza with no meaningful plot to me, just going by the trailer as you said. Then again trailers don’t always tell the tale do they?

I’ll probably just pirate a copy if I am interested enough before deciding whether or not to plunk down the money to see it on the big screen.

110 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:14:23pm

Youtube Video

111 lawhawk  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:14:53pm

re: #104 Kragar

Either that, or you’ve had your kids watching Reservoir Dogs religiously.

112 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:15:55pm

re: #111 lawhawk

Either that, or you’ve had your kids watching Reservoir Dogs religiously.

Actually we got it from MST3k “The Mole People”

113 Political Atheist  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:15:58pm

Let’s see if we can square AR-15 Jesus with the real lesson offered in the New Testament

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

Nope. Can’t have it both ways.

114 Charles Johnson  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:16:18pm
115 Killgore Trout  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:16:45pm
West is controlling Ukranian opposition leader Vitaly Klitschko, reported hackers from activist group Anonymous Ukraine. They said that they found the evidence in an e-mail account of the adviser to the President of Lithuania.

The Anonymous Ukraine claimed that Western countries are controlling the Ukranian opposition through intermediary of Lithuanian government, according to 15min.lt.

“We’ve hacked e-mail account of Laurynas Jonavicius - the adviser to the President of Lithuania. We’ve downloaded all the e-mails that were sent to him and discovered letters from Vitaly Klitschko.

The content of these letters shows how Western countries finance and control Vitaly Klitschko through intermediary of Lithuanian government.”

Here is the full statement by the Anonymous Ukraine:

It’s entirely possible the hackers got these emails on their own although I wouldn’t be surprised if they had some help from the Kremlin.

116 Targetpractice  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:16:47pm

re: #108 Killgore Trout

Annonymous lawyer to Russian Press: West controlling Ukranian opposition: ‘hackers were simply telling the truth’ - expert

The “expert ” is Jay Leiderman who is part of Barrett Brown’s legal team

Russia trying to make up for lost time by fabricating a case for what is likely to be an intervention in the near future. As Euromaidan has made clear that nothing short of Yanuk’s removal from power will be acceptable, look for more talk about “insurrection” and “terrorists.”

117 b.d.  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:19:17pm

re: #114 Charles Johnson

[Embedded content]

Pet deer?

118 William Barnett-Lewis  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:19:46pm

re: #98 Targetpractice

The more I watch the Guardians of the Galaxy trailer, the more it grows on me.

Ok. I finally watched it. Looks silly enough to be fun. Might have to take me and the boy to it when it comes out.

119 aagcobb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:20:20pm

re: #116 Targetpractice

Russia trying to make up for lost time by fabricating a case for what is likely to be an intervention in the near future. As Euromaidan has made clear that nothing short of Yanuk’s removal from power will be acceptable, look for more talk about “insurrection” and “terrorists.”

Then we will see how prophetic Tom Clancy was.

120 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:20:41pm

re: #75 Dr Lizardo

Added the caption for you!

121 Killgore Trout  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:21:02pm

re: #116 Targetpractice

Russia trying to make up for lost time by fabricating a case for what is likely to be an intervention in the near future. As Euromaidan has made clear that nothing short of Yanuk’s removal from power will be acceptable, look for more talk about “insurrection” and “terrorists.”

I expect this from the Russians but Anon’s work on behalf of the Russians is getting harder to deny. I wonder how deep the connection goes.

122 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:22:04pm

re: #82 Dr Lizardo

This is better. Now available for all Lizards.[Embedded image]

Scooped! And better done, too!

Curses!

/

123 aagcobb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:24:23pm

re: #1 Iwouldprefernotto

Will he also be riding a dinosaur?

124 Flounder  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:26:05pm

re: #87 chadu

Beware the wienie eyed cat!!!

125 Political Atheist  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:26:29pm

Best (Bible) lesson for thinking about fools like Jerry Boykin

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.

126 Brother Holy Cruise Missile of Mild Acceptance  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:26:43pm

re: #1 Iwouldprefernotto

Nah, remember, according to the nuts Dinosaurs were vegetarian so they are not nearly manly enough.

127 chadu  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:27:26pm

re: #101 Kragar

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how this device worked.”

Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga

128 Flounder  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:27:51pm

re: #123 aagcobb

Who knew Jesus needed eyeliner for those pretty blue eyes!

129 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:28:43pm

re: #120 chadu

Added the caption for you!

[Embedded image]

130 Kragar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:33:51pm
131 wrenchwench  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:40:11pm

re: #108 Killgore Trout

Annonymous lawyer to Russian Press: West controlling Ukranian opposition: ‘hackers were simply telling the truth’ - expert

The “expert ” is Jay Leiderman who is part of Barrett Brown’s legal team

Turns out Voice of Russia is the same thing as Russia Today (from Wikipedia):

Merger with RIA Novosti/Russia Today

On 9 December 2013, Voice of Russia was merged with RIA Novosti to form the Rossiya Segodnya (Russia Today) international news agency.[6] On 31 December 2013, the editor-in-chief of the RT international news channel, Margarita Simonyan, was given the additional appointment of editor-in-chief of Rossiya Segodnya, thus putting RT, Rossiya Segodnya and Voice of Russia under common editorial control.[7]

132 Decatur Deb  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:42:45pm

re: #131 wrenchwench

Turns out Voice of Russia is the same thing as Russia Today (from Wikipedia):

Newscorpski.

133 Odie Hugh Manatee  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 1:57:05pm

… and then Jesus returns:

Jesus: “Believers, put down your weapons and prepare to enter the Kingdom of my Father!”

Believers: “He’s after our guns boys, kill him!!”

That’s the way I envision His return.

134 EPR-radar  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 2:04:40pm

re: #133 Odie Hugh Manatee

… and then Jesus returns:

Jesus: “Believers, put down your weapons and prepare to enter the Kingdom of my Father!”

Believers: “He’s after our guns boys, kill him!!”

That’s the way I envision His return.

My favorite version of this is noting that the second coming of Jesus in the US would likely end with him being executed in TX for a crime he didn’t commit.

135 Odie Hugh Manatee  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 2:25:51pm

re: #134 EPR-radar

My favorite version of this is noting that the second coming of Jesus in the US would likely end with him being executed in TX for a crime he didn’t commit.

I would say that your version of his return is just as likely as mine. Sadly, maybe even more likely.

If he were to set foot in just about anywhere in the south I could not see it ending well.

136 Tigger2  Fri, Feb 21, 2014 3:34:21pm

They better be careful of what they wish for AR Jesus just may turn around and use it on the people that have bastardised his religious teachings.


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