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Pat Robertson is a one-man right wing religious rebranding effort, and today on the 700 Club he helpfully explained to those deluded souls who say Jesus would have been charitable toward gays that no, he wouldn’t have, because the gays were all stoned to death in Jesus’ time.

So there wouldn’t have been any gay people for Jesus to be nice to, see. It just wouldn’t have even been an issue.

“I think you got to remember from the Bible, if you look carefully at the Bible what would have happened in Jesus’ time if two men decided they wanted to cohabit together, they would have been stoned to death,” Robertson said. “So Jesus would not have baked them a wedding cake nor would he have made them a bed to sleep in because they wouldn’t have been there. But we don’t have that in this country here so that’s the way it is.”

There’s such a sense of longing in that last sentence.

And of course, it all comes down to His Nibs. The Horned One. The Lord of Light. Lucifer. Beelzebub and the gays — they’re like this.

“What is it about gays? What is it about abortion? Have you ever thought why they’re on the forefront right now? Both of them deny the reproduction of human species,” Robertson said, adding that homosexuality is “a meaningless exercise because it doesn’t go anywhere.”

“The Devil is trying to say, ‘I’m going to destroy your progeny any way I can. If you will kill your babies, that’s fine, I’m with you; if you will deny the chance of having babies, that’s fine too; but I want to destroy your opportunities to reproduce,’” he said. “It’s a very serious thing and we’re not talking about it, and we need to as a society, we have to realize where the attack is coming because it is definitely an attack.”