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Definitely the Dumbest Right Wing Rant of the Week: Todd Starnes on “Hispanic Cheese”

Fox News star lapses into paranoid fugue state while shopping
Wingnuts • Views: 14,551

Fox News loon Todd Starnes is one of those right wingers so deranged that all you can do is laugh when he pens one of these incredibly stupid “opinion” pieces: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to a Ham Sandwich.

Starnes is so consumed by his paranoid persecution fantasies, he can’t even go to the grocery store without encountering imaginary repression. I almost feel sorry for the guy; it must be miserable to be this obsessed.

I was about check out when I suddenly remembered that I needed some cheese.

So I made a beeline for the dairy aisle and that’s when I made a startling discovery. I brought my three-wheeled shopping cart to a screeching halt. I came face to face with a massive sign bearing giant letters.

It read: “HISPANIC CHEESE.”

I stared at the display for quite some time. I found myself drifting into an imaginary conversation with a store clerk…

“Do you need some help, sir?”

“Yes. Could you tell me where you keep the Caucasian cheese?”

“I’m sorry, sir but we don’t carry Caucasian cheese - although, we do have a rather nice selection of white cheddars.”

I was tempted to purchase some “Hispanic” cheese, but I feared retribution at the checkout counter. What if the clerk confronted me about trying to purchase a cheese that was contrary to my ethnicity?

Definitely the dumbest thing you’ll read this week.

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