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20 comments
1 JustMark  Oct 19, 2014 5:32:27pm

Always loved Weezer.

2 Vicious Piebola  Oct 19, 2014 5:34:18pm

FUCK BANK OF AMERICA

I’m calling to report a bogus transaction on my Visa card and they put me on FUCKING HOLD.

3 Vicious Piebola  Oct 19, 2014 5:39:31pm

Still on hold

4 RealityBasedEbola  Oct 19, 2014 5:41:53pm

Your call IS important to them….

PLEASE remain on the line…

Your call WILL be answered in the order received….

/cue Kenny_G Tape

RBS

5 Decatur Deb  Oct 19, 2014 5:44:09pm

The season finale of Inspector Lewis is on in a few. Wine to pour.

6 Vicious Piebola  Oct 19, 2014 5:44:25pm

CALL CENTER HELL

*RING* *RING*

Hello, you have reached the Spirits Central Office voice-mail system. To
be connected to the Earth and Fire Division, please press one now,
followed by a sacrifice of an eligible virgin. For the Darkness Division,
press two. For Potables, press three. For the Vasty Deeps Division, press
four …

*BOOP*

You have reached the Vasty Deeps Department, Spirits Central. Your call
is very important to us. If you know your party’s four-digit extension,
you may enter it at any time. If you wish to speak Souls Accounting,
please press one now, followed by the ritual incantation. If you have a
question about prices or availability, please press two. If you have a
complaint, please press eleven. If you wish to speak to a Spirit, please
stay on the line.

*CLICK*

We’re sorry, all Spirits are busy assisting other customers. If you wish
to return to the main menu, please press one and burn a human heart. If
you wish to leave a message on the voice-mail system, please press two.
Otherwise, please stay on the line and the first available Spirit will
answer your call. Your call is very important to us!

We’re sorry, all Spirits are still busy. You may press one at any time,
followed by the desecration of a minor religious icon, to be returned to
the main menu. Otherwise, please stay on the line. Your call is very
important to us!

We’re sorry, all Spirits are still busy. Your call is number … FIVE
MILLION … THREE … HUNDRED AND …FORTY… THOUSAND … TWENTY …
FIVE. Please stay on the line while reciting “Leviticus” backward and your
call will be answered in the order it was received. Your call is very
important to us!

We’re sorry, all Spirits are still busy. If you wish to remain on the
line, please remove your pants and perform a fandango widdershins about
your telephone. Thank you. Your call is very important to us!

Thank you for holding. Your call is number … TWO. Your call will be
answered … NEXT. Please have your soul’s serial number and credit card
receipts handy. Thank you for holding. Your call is very important to
us!

*CLICK*
*CLICK*
*CLICK*

*CLICK*

You have reached the Vasty Deeps Department, Spirits Central. Your call
is very important to us. If you know your party’s four-digit extension,
you may enter it at any time. If you wish to speak Souls Accounting,
please press one now, followed by the ritual incantation. If you have a
question about prices or availability, please press two. If you have a
complaint, please press eleven. If you wish to speak to a Spirit, please
stay on the line.

7 Vicious Piebola  Oct 19, 2014 5:45:25pm

Still on hold.

8 Targetpractice  Oct 19, 2014 5:45:55pm

re: #4 RealityBasedEbola

Your call IS important to them….

PLEASE remain on the line…

Your call WILL be answered in the order received….

/cue Kenny_G Tape

RBS

“Your call will be recorded and may be used for training purposes.”

“Oh really? Okay, then record this: THIS IS FUCKED UP!!!!”

9 Vogon Poetry  Oct 19, 2014 5:48:49pm

re: #7 Vicious Piebola

I’m sorry that your call is on hold. Your business with us is extremely important. Due to the heavy volume of calls, our current wait time is 66:66:66.

Then again, if your call was a real emergency (to us), we’d have hired more people to take the calls, but since yours is only a minor inconvenience to your credit rating and will eventually enrich us, we just don’t see the point in parting with our profits unless the government, shareholders, or courts require it.

10 Vicious Piebola  Oct 19, 2014 5:51:04pm

Still on fucking hold

11 piratedan  Oct 19, 2014 5:53:48pm

Youtube Video

one of my own personal favorites… related….to what it’s like to be on the phone these days…

12 Vicious Piebola  Oct 19, 2014 5:59:30pm

FINALLY got the bogus transaction & the card cancelled

Only took 45 minutes

You’re WAY OVER YOUR SERVICE LEVEL BOFA

13 Vicious Piebola  Oct 19, 2014 6:00:02pm

Why yes I work at a call center calculating service levels.

14 Vicious Piebola  Oct 19, 2014 6:00:55pm

Tomorrow I’m going to run my own program to see how we compare to BOFA for hold times and response times.

15 Hercules Grytpype-Thynneghazi  Oct 19, 2014 6:01:06pm

re: #4 RealityBasedEbola

/cue Kenny_G Tape

Or Eine kleine Nachtmusik performed underwater.

17 RealityBasedEbola  Oct 19, 2014 6:03:28pm

re: #15 Hercules Grytpype-Thynneghazi

Or Eine kleine Nachtmusik performed underwater.

The Tennessee Dept. of Safety (Drivers Licenses) has hold music that I swear sounds like an old cassette tape, complete with heavy wow and flutter. (imagine 4th generation copy on Radio Shack bargain cassettes, having sat on the dashboard of the car on a hot day)

RBS

18 Backwoods_Sleuth  Oct 19, 2014 6:04:16pm

Just got off the phone with my ISP’s tech support and it is NOT MY MODEM!
The tech guy said “omg! You’ve had 400+ dropouts in the last 14 days.”

I said “tell me I didn’t know that!” (but I laughed and was very polite).

Anyway…a tech guy will show up tomorrow to check the actual physical phone lines between my house and the node.

Yay for me!

19 PhillyPretzel  Oct 19, 2014 6:33:41pm

re: #18 Backwoods_Sleuth

At least they did not give you the run around like Verizon did when I asked for some information to set up the modem I bought. After a 3 way conference call involving the manufacturer (Netgear), me and Verizon I got the info I needed and now I have a modem that really works.

20 FourEyeFreckleFace  Oct 19, 2014 10:49:42pm

They totally faked that moon video.


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