Happy “DEPENDENCE Day” From The White House!

FAKE NEWS TIME Exclusive
Humor • Views: 30,137

FAKE NEWS TIME reports that the President has renamed July 4 as “DEPENDENCE DAY,” in celebration of the country’s complete dependence on him.

As a reminder of some real-news facts: in his Republican convention speech, Trump humbly stated that the oppressed are completely dependent on him, to be their protector; namely, he said:

“I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people that cannot defend themselves. Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.”

Since then, as the President, Trump had the chance to even the playing field. For example, here are some real-news facts:

• Trump has pushed health care legislation that would leave tens of millions of Americans uninsured, according to the Congressional Budget Office and “could effectively make coverage completely unaffordable to people with preexisting conditions” — while providing a tax break for health insurance companies that have executives with salaries exceeding $500,000. (Facing difficulties getting health care legislation through the Senate, Trump has advocated simply repealing Obamacare without replacing it.)

• An article (on cnn.com), entitled “Trump’s budget: Big gifts for the rich, big cuts for the poor,” summarized Trump’s proposed budget:

Mick Mulvaney, Trump’s budget director, spelled it out clearly for reporters on Monday [May 22, 2017]. The largest savings in the budget come from these items:
1. Cuts to Medicaid (Over $600 billion in the next decade)
2. Cuts to food stamps, known as SNAP ($193 billion over 10 years)
3. Cuts to student loans ($143 billion over 10 years)
4. Cuts to federal worker retirement programs ($63 billion over 10 years)
Mulvaney probably should have added a fifth bullet: Disability programs also get a massive haircut.
Advocates for the poor are stunned at the magnitude of the cuts.
It’s a “reverse Robin Hood agenda,” says the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities….
[T]he wealthy — including Trump himself — would likely pay a lot less in taxes.
“The majority of the benefits go to high-income people,” says Joe Rosenberg, a senior research associate at the Tax Policy Center, a nonpartisan think tank.
All the top tax rates on businesses and individuals go down. He also eliminates the Obamacare surcharge on wealthy investors. Trump is giving rich investors (who earn over $200,000 a year) a tax break while half of America has nothing invested in the stock market, mostly because they don’t have extra money to invest.

• After selecting a billionaire with no experience in public education (i.e., Betsy Devos) as Secretary of Education, Trump set forth a “budget [that] proposes about $4 billion in cuts to programs like literacy for students with disabilities and limited English proficiency, class-size reduction, and after-school and summer programs,” according to an article on salon.com.

…So, in sum, Trump has stood up to the powerful (including low-income persons unable to finance their own medical care and food, people with pre-existing medical conditions, the disabled, children in the public education system, and students receiving government aid) who had previously beat up on downtrodden wealthy individuals unable to defend themselves (including high-income investors and health care executives)….

While in the process of working on the system that he “alone” can fix, Trump has taken the time to re-brand the the Fourth Of July holiday. Addressing reporters, the President said:

“This wonderful holiday, the Fourth Of July, is about me. It’s about celebrating the country’s dependence on me personally and, you know, on the other Trumps. If they impose term limits on me — which, quite frankly, I don’t think they will — then you’re in good hands with the Trump brand, including Donald Jr., Eric, Ivanka, and, in all honesty, even Baron. Did I leave anyone out? Anyhow, they’ll be able to take over for me in 2024, if term limits end my reign.

“The holiday will still feature fireworks — or, as we will now call them, ‘You’re Fired Works,’ to celebrate my famous line on the Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice.

“This country is all about finding someone to lead us. Historically, the American people have always said, ‘Hey, we can’t really do this on our own, so where can we find a ruler to impose his will on us?’ And it’s been a long search, but after a couple of hundred years, they found Trump. And, believe me, it was a fortunate thing for the country. Because, without me, this country is nothing. Nothing.

“Dependence Day can be called ‘D Day’ for short, because that’s a great abbreviation that no one ever thought of before. And the ‘D’ has a second meaning — it’s someone special’s first name! Now, let’s celebrate!”

In commemorating the newly-named Dependence Day holiday, the White House announced that it will be releasing a book entitled Great Dictators In History. The book will feature the speeches of a famous historical dictator (hint, initials “A.H.”) that influenced Trump, as well as statements of Trump’s wide-ranging praise for dictators and authoritarians (including Mussolini, Gadhafi, Saddam Hussein, Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Rodrigo Duterte, and Recep Tayyip Erdoganhttps).

The newly-named Dependence Day holiday will also feature newly-titled songs. Trump considers himself a master of wordplay, as he ridiculed the TV show Face The Nation, by calling it “Deface the Nation.” Continuing with his wordplay, he has released variants on July Fourth classic songs:

• “This Land Is NOT Your Land” (formerly, “This Land Is Your Land”; now, “This Land Is NOT Your Land”): an ode to foreigners and aliens who can’t afford the Kushner family’s $500,000 “investor visa” that makes immigration available to wealthy Chinese real estate investors

• “AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL” (formerly, “AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL”; now, “ERIC THE BEAUTIFUL”): the ballad written by the President to assuage his son, Eric, who became jealous upon hearing Donald’s comments that he would be dating Ivanka if she weren’t his daughter

• “Fanfare For The Common Man” (formerly, “Fanfare For The Common Man”; now, “Fanfare For The Con Man”): a modern adaption of the Aaron Copeland classic

• “God [Has] Bless[ed] America” (formerly, “God Bless America”; now, “God Has Blessed America”): Trump claims divine right through his electoral college victory of 2016

The celebration will also include a couple of other songs, which the President has not altered:

• “Back In The USSR”: without explanation, the classic Beatles riff has been PUT-IN the celebration

“1812 Overture”: yearning for a time that was really was “great” — with war, slavery, and lots of other goodies

Also, the President explained that July Fourth is inseparable from American values, such as freedom of the press. At his (President-Elect) press conference (on January 11, 2017), he actually said, “I have long been a supporter of a free and independent press and I always will be”; so Trump apparently intended great support for CNN when he recently tweeted an edited pro wrestling video of himself personally physically beating someone whose head was a superimposed CNN logo. Seriously, the following tweet really was posted on Trump’s twitter account (on July 2); you can watch the video by clicking on the arrow in the middle of the picture:

Yes, the President Of The United States actually posted this video clip on his twitter account, along with the hashtags “#FraudNewsCNN #FNN”.

Happy “DEPENDENCE DAY”!

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15 comments

1
BigPapa  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:06:01pm

This post calls for an adult beverage.

2
gocart mozart  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:14:08pm

LOL

3
gocart mozart  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:14:49pm

LOL repost

4
William Lewis  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:31:40pm

Time now for my annual posting of this song… this year the X demo version.

“4th Of July” (Demo Version) - X

5
Stanley Sea  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:32:13pm

Great page Yourfired.

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Prep is done, menu:

Lobster rolls (east coast )
Kettle chips
Bacon wrapped hot dogs (Mexico )
Chicken skewers (middle east )
Corn salad
Mac salad
Baked beans
Watermelon
USA USA USA USA

I’m missing the mystery items people are bringing.

6
PhillyPretzel  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:34:57pm

re: #5 Stanley Sea

That sounds yummy. My dinner is going to be much simpler. Since it is so hot I am just having a sandwich and a soda.

7
stpaulbear  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:39:22pm

As long as we’re talking “Dependence Day” songs, this VB comment from the last thread should be reposted.

littlegreenfootballs.com

(this is the first time I’ve ever embedded a Trump tweet. I need to go wash my hands)

8
Stanley Sea  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:40:49pm

Plus I went to Albertsons yesterday, they were OUT of the Hebrew National 10 pack, so they gave me the 15.00 pack of 20 for 5.00. Score!!

9
stpaulbear  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:45:07pm

re: #5 Stanley Sea

I just had a late lunch of scrambled eggs with spinach, a little bit of chicken breast, and a little dollop of cream cheese. I need to start learning how to cook for diabetes.

10
austin_blue  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:47:13pm

re: #7 stpaulbear

As long as we’re talking “Dependence Day” songs, this VB comment from the last thread should be reposted.

littlegreenfootballs.com

[Embedded content]

(this is the first time I’ve ever embedded a Trump tweet. I need to go wash my hands)

Wow. I threw up a little bit…

11
PhillyPretzel  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:50:28pm

re: #9 stpaulbear

Most cooking magazines have special diabetic menus/recipes. Cooks Illustrated is one of my favorites. I am sure you can find some good recipes/books with amazon.

cooksillustrated.com

amazon.com

Here is the website for the american diabetes association by way of google:
google.com

12
gocart mozart  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:50:56pm

Ginger Baker talks about tea.

Masters of Reality - T.U.S.A.

13
Smith25's Liberal Thighs  Jul 4, 2017 • 1:51:59pm
14
Stanley Sea  Jul 4, 2017 • 2:15:31pm

re: #13 Smith25’s Liberal Thighs

My dog.

15
A Cranky One  Jul 4, 2017 • 2:31:38pm

Happy 4th of July lizards!

On a less happy note, I just got off the phone with my sister, who informed me that her daughter, who lives and teaches in Japan, turned down several lucrative job offers here in the states due to fears about how she and her fiance (a lovely woman from Ireland) would be treated. My sister had been hoping to have them back in country where she could visit more often. But between fears about increasing hostility against LGBTQ folks and bigotry against people whose skin isn’t lily white and have the “wrong” ancestry (my sister’s husband, a naturalized citizen who was brought to the US from Iran when he was a toddler, gets regular death threats and is now afraid to travel), she decided to stay in Japan for another two years.

What a shame. My niece is fluent is six languages (Farsi, Spanish, Japanese, Russian, Chinese and of course English, hence the lucrative job offers) and is a lovely person, compassionate and loving. She was looking forward to being close to family again, but is just too scared to come home because of her dad’s recent experiences.

What is happening to this country? Sigh.


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