Iowahawk has been exploring the trash bins behind the New York Times building again, and this time he came up with the first draft of a new piece about the State of the Union address by a well-known star columnist: MoDo Phones It In.

WASHINGTON — Gag me with a Spoon! The Fresh Prince of Smirkville smirked with such gnarly break-dancing enthisiasm, that one is hard pressed to find the appropriate 1987 pop culture reference. Who’s the guy’s political consultant — Adrian Zmed? He was so in-your-face, smirking his trademark smirk, it was disturbing to think of that trademark in-your-facial smirkery in charge of military Top Guns like Tom “Maverick” Cruise. It’s a good thing he stopped drinking and started talking about God. Frankie says Relax Don’t Do It.