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Letter to a Future Republican Strategist Regarding White People

My wife and I are not sensitive to your messaging, nor did we vote for the candidates you proposed for us this past Tuesday.
Opinion • Views: 29,750

This is an entertaining read for those of us who already feel the same way, and probably pearls before swine to those who really need to absorb this information. I assume most of you will be highly entertained.

Letter to a Future Republican Strategist Regarding White People

To whom it may concern regarding the United States federal elections of 2014, 2016 and beyond:

Allow me to introduce myself to you, the existing (or aspiring!) strategist for the Republican Party. My name is Eric Arnold Garland and I am a White Man. Boy, am I ever - you need sunglasses just to look at my photo!

If I read the news correctly, I fit a profile that is of extreme importance to the GOP, as I embody the archetype that fits your narrative of Real Americans. Just how much should my profile interest you? Are you sitting down?

•My family lineage goes back to the MAYFLOWER, BOAT ONE!!! (Garland family of New England-> John Adams -> Howard Alden -> Plymouth colony ->KINGS OF MUTHAF***IN’ ENGLAND)

•I am a heterosexual, married to the super Caucasian mother of my two beautiful children who are, inexplicably, EVEN WHITER THAN I AM.

[further impressive credentials are listed, then he gives the shocking news that he didn’t vote for Mitt Romney…]

May I explain why not, purely for your education, such that you might be interested in winning an election on the national level at some point in the future? It bears pointing out that I should be your Low Hanging Fruit, the easy vote to get as opposed to, say, African-Americans, Latinos, or Asians – and you’re not even speaking well to me. The reasons why ought to concern you deeply.

[…]

Here are the areas of concern he shares:

Science

Climate

Healthcare

War

Deficits and debt

Gay marriage

Then he needs to add one more.

Uh oh, wait, I can already hear you through the web browser, dismissing all of my above points because THAT GUY WAS NEVER GONNA BE A REPUBLICAN ANYHOW, CUZ HE’S A LIBRUL WHO HATES AMERICA AND…

All right, let’s do one last point:

Meanness-

Go read the whole thing. Apparently the throngs attracted to this piece of brilliance have crashed his server before, so if you can’t get in, try again later.

I found another essay on his site that demonstrates his grasp of the subject. From diversity to inclusion: the model of a great conference. But if his server crashes, you won’t be able to get to that one either.

Sunday Night Jam: Illya Kuryaki and the Valderramas - “Ula Ula”

Retro psychedelic Argentine jazz rap
Music • Views: 26,793

Time to wake up this joint with a little bit of “Ula Ula” by Argentina’s Illya Kuryaki and the Valderramas.

Likely House Judiciary Chairman Is an Anti-Immigration Extremist and Birther

“Anchor babies” kook will head the panel that oversees immigration
Politics • Views: 28,148

After losing the presidential election, with 70% of the Latino vote going to Obama, Republicans are suddenly making noises about the need to be less anti-immigrant.

Or to be more precise, the need to appear to be less anti-immigrant.

Of course, if they’re serious about this, they should probably start by shunning people like Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.), instead of putting him in charge of the House Judiciary Committee with primary jurisdiction on immigration matters: Likely House Judiciary Panel Chairman Is Strong Opponent of DREAM Act.

Hard-line immigration reform lawmaker Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.) is expected to take the gavel of term-limited Judiciary Committee Chairman Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Texas). The panel has primary jurisdiction on immigration matters.

Goodlatte opposes efforts to create guest-worker programs, or grant amnesty to illegal aliens. He spoke out against the DREAM Act when the House voted on the measure in December of 2010, calling it “unfair” and “ripe for fraud.”

Goodlatte said that “the DREAM Act could mean mass amnesty for 2.1 million illegal immigrants…same thing occurred after the 1986 amnesty bill, the Immigration and Control Act, was enacted. Everyone said that was going to end illegal immigration. It opened the doors to more. This is going to do exactly the same thing.”

The Republican Party has been soul searching after Tuesday’s election, with 70 percent of the Latino vote going to President Obama. The DREAM Act is strongly supported by Obama and most congressional Democrats.

Boehner said as much at a press conference on Friday morning: “It’s clear that as a political party we’ve got some work to do…clearly conversations are underway and will continue.”

Given Goodlatte’s stances on immigration, it is difficult to envision how the Virginia Republican would compromise with Democrats.

This article at The Hill is actually soft-pedaling Goodlatte’s rabid right wing anti-immigrant extremism. He’s not simply opposed to the DREAM Act, he’s a full blown xenophobe.

Rep. Goodlatte is a supporter of the Minutemen, got a 100% rating from white nationalist anti-immigrant group FAIR, wants to pass a bill requiring hospitals to report undocumented immigrants, wants to declare English the official language of the US, and wants to end the birthright citizenship guaranteed by the 14th Amendment to the US Constitution.

More info on this kook.

Good luck with that Latino outreach, Republicans.

UPDATE at 11/11/12 12:23:34 pm

In addition to being a hard core anti-Latino xenophobe, Rep. Goodlatte is also a Birther.

^ back to top ^

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Beauty is a French phonetic corruption of a short, cloth neck ornament, currently in resurgence.