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Wingnut Free Verse of the Day: “TOTAL FAKE”

Skeeter poetry slam
Wingnuts • Views: 30,165
DERP

Today’s wingnut free verse comes from the comment section for this post by the Internet’s Dumbest Man, Jim Hoft, the mighty Gateway Pundit: Gun Expert: “Obama Shoots a Gun Like He Throws a Baseball” …(President Panzy Pants) | the Gateway Pundit.

Quality wingnut-speak there: Obama shoots like a PANZY! Har de har har durr. Hoft quotes an anonymous source for this breaking news:

An anonymous gun expert, who did not wish to be identified, had this to say about Obama’s shooting style.

“Either the recoil kicked his ass or he doesn’t know to lean into the shot when shooting. He shoots a gun like he throws a baseball. That’s a ported shot gun. (holes - venting - at the end of the barrel. Less recoil.) You port really high power firearms to reduce the kick when fired. It helps with control and is less punishing. The smoke coming out of the top of the barrel lessens the muzzle jump and recoil. It means he’s a panzy. And it still threw him back. It also means he never shoots a gun.”

This is why Jim Hoft has such a reputation as a brilliant conservative essayist.

Meanwhile, at every single right wing blog, commenters are raving that the White House’s skeet-shooting photo is a PHOTOSHOP FAKE — they can tell by analyzing the pixels. And one of the best comments we’ve found in this vein comes from Hoft’s post, so maybe it wasn’t a complete waste after all.

Reformatted as free verse, we’ll title this one:

TOTAL FAKE

TOTAL FAKE..

Here’s why.
Cheek pressed against a fired
shot gun doesn’t fare well.

It’s an idiot who does this
or gets a hell
of a bruise.

Smoke is photo shopped.

If he just pulled the trigger
his cheek wouldn’t be fixed
on the butt
if the gun.

His shoulder would
be jammed backwards.

He’s aiming
ground level.

Unless he’s aiming
for the skeet “shooter” he’s
not aiming high enough

for skeet.

White House Releases Skeet Shooting Photo, WaPo Fact Checker Still Skeptical

And the right wing blogs are still ranting away about conspiracies
Wingnuts • Views: 31,050

Pro tip: if you want to be taken seriously as a fact checker, maybe you should avoid writing absolutely ridiculous articles like this one: The White House’s Curious Silence About Obama’s Claim of Skeet Shooting.

Yes, Washington Post fact checker Glenn Kessler actually seems to believe this is an important issue, or at least important enough to pander to the right wing crackpots who think the President lies about everything and anything.

Today the White House released a photo to prove that yes, President Obama really has done skeet shooting at Camp David, and how pathetic is it that this is even necessary at all?

Click to enlarge

Would you believe this still isn’t good enough for Glenn Kessler?

UPDATE, Feb. 2: The White House released this photograph of the president at the Camp David skeet range on Aug. 4, 2010. We are pleased the White House has become more forthcoming about this matter, though it does not quite answer the questions concerning the president’s ‘all the time’ language. What do readers think?

Good grief.

By the way, ace fact checker Glenn Kessler got the date of the photo wrong in his post. The caption at the White House Flickr page:

President Barack Obama shoots clay targets on the range at Camp David, Md., Saturday, Aug. 4, 2012.

Meanwhile, breitbart.com moron John Nolte is still ranting away about “Skeet-Gate.” Yes, really. They’ve made it into a -Gate.

MEDIA FOLLOWS OBAMA’S ORDERS TO MOCK SKEET-GATE SKEPTICS!!!

For example, Obama is attempting to grab more power for The State and criminals by way of gun control laws that infringe on our Second Amendment civil rights. In order to make his case, Obama is attempting to appear reasonable on the issue of guns, and one way he did this was to reassure Americans that he too is a sport shooter, and enjoys skeet shooting at Camp David.

Now, to those familiar with Obama’s record of opposing guns at every turn and lying about almost everything, that struck us as odd.

Today, however, the White House released a photo that purports to show Obama (love that tucked-in shirt) shooting skeet last August. Except… he’s shooting straight ahead, which means that there’s either a barn door somewhere in need of some patching, or Obama is such an awesome skeet shooter, he hits them as they come out of the firing device.

I keed, I keed. There are legitimate reasons that would explain the angle of his gun, but….

Because the photo is odd, some are asking perfectly legitimate questions.

But not the media.

Ladies and gentlemen, the conservative movement in all its sad, batshit insane glory.

Can we call them “Skeeters” now?

UPDATE at 2/2/13 11:58:48 am

After being most severely mocked throughout the Interwebs, Glenn Kessler has updated his post again. Apparently, he’s now satisfied that President Obama was not telling heinous lies.

UPDATE: As one might expect, there is a vast partisan divide on this, with some readers upset that we did not immediately change our ruling because the president released a photo, as we had requested in our original post. We try not to make snap judgements, but readers argued we had moved the goal posts. So we now have a photo, a news report quoting an anonymous that the president participated in a Marine guard competition and a news report quoting Obama that he has practiced with the Secret Service. The issue is settled, and we award the president a Geppetto Checkmark.

A “Gepetto Checkmark” for the president. I’m sure he’ll cherish it always.

^ back to top ^

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 Frank says:

The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the tree of knowledge. The subtext is, All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just kept your mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions. -- Playboy Interview, April 1993