The State of the Union Address the GOP would have loved to hear…
My Fellow Americans and honored guests,
The United States right now stands at the brink of a major historical moment. It’s important that we remember where we come from and what all those white guys who founded this Nation apparently wanted for us.
To succeed we must not look to the future, but to the past. The Founders understood America. They knew how to make America work. We’ve gone too far astray from that and we’re paying the price.
To spend time and money on environmental science is a complete wasted effort. Everyone knows God is in control of everything so what point is there to being overly concerned with our planet? Yes, the Chinese have made significant advances in environmental science, but most of them aren’t Christians so their whole effort is doomed to failure.
I believe it’s important we stick to the same old tired energy policies that have worked so well for so many years. There’s still plenty of oil in the world, what’s wrong with fossil fuels? Besides, this planet has done just fine for it’s first 6000 years.
When it comes to corporations, It’s vital that we remove or seriously curtail any and all government regulation that prevents or hinders them from doing that which American companies are best at: Making money while repeatedly burying the lower class. The free market can and will handle itself, all we need to do it step out of the way and let them have it.
We let too many people into the country these days. It’s time to close the doors. If you’re not white or close to it, we don’t want you. If you’re Muslim, we REALLY don’t want you. If you look, act or even have a slightly Mexican sounding name, you better watch out, we’re going to kick you out of the country the first chance we get.
Abolishing the Border Patrol is a top priority for us. Why do we need them if we have plenty of armed lunatics only too anxious to shoot anyone who gets near our southern borders? All we need to do is put them on the government payroll: Problem solved.
Also, I propose to introduce two important pieces of legislation: One that will make abortion illegal forever and another which will ensure gays will never be allowed to serve in the military, let alone do anything else productive for our society.
In closing I just want to say that God created the world and America and this nation was of course founded on Christian ideals. With that in mind I am hereby establishing a committee to look into amending the First amendment of the constitution to allow the Government to declare America a Christian nation once and for all.
Thank you, God bless you and God Bless America