Christopher Hitchens on the inadvertent callousness of well-wishers when you're dying

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Christopher Hitchens on the inadvertent callousness of well-wishers when you’re dying

By First As Tragedy, Then As Farce

Religion • March 2011 • Views: 1,921

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6 comments

What, me worry? Fri, Mar 11, 2011 10:09:16pm

As a believer, I think he's pretty funny, accurate and makes an excellent point.

The sad truth is that we don't know how to act around the sick. It's not comfortable and makes folks say inappropriate things or get preachy. I think the best thing you can do for the ill or the grieving is to say "I'm sorry", "I love you", "Can I do something for you." Keep it simple and non-judgmental and it will be comforting.

I had a friend who passed at age 42. Towards the end, she was very weak. I went to visit her and she insisted on sitting on the edge of the bed, though she could hardly sit up. She sat leaning limply on me and in this unbearably sad moment, I felt I had to say something. So I started reminiscing about the things we did together. "Remember this and that?" "Remember him and her?" And then it became this wonderful time between us both.

A really good book on the subject is Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying. Pardon to Hitch, but it's the Bible on the subject from various perspectives.

Tigger2005 Sat, Mar 12, 2011 5:23:44am

After my mom died, a woman at the retirement apartments where her sister lived asked me "Was she a Christian?" I was a little taken aback but said yes. "Then you know she's in a better place," she finished.

And what if she'd been Jewish lady? Would you have said, "Oh, she's burning in Hell. I'm so sorry."???

Sionainn Sat, Mar 12, 2011 6:48:32am

"If it's in the name of God, it's got a social license. Well, fuck that, I say."

Quoted for truth.

What, me worry? Sat, Mar 12, 2011 8:57:51pm

re: #2 Tigger2005

After my mom died, a woman at the retirement apartments where her sister lived asked me "Was she a Christian?" I was a little taken aback but said yes. "Then you know she's in a better place," she finished.

And what if she'd been Jewish lady? Would you have said, "Oh, she's burning in Hell. I'm so sorry."???

OOooo "the better place". That one really puts my knickers in a twist. Not just for the religious insult, but I always thought the "better place" would be well and healthy and with me.

theheat Sun, Mar 13, 2011 6:17:27am

re: #4 marjoriemoon

It seems they have a huge problem reconciling suffering and facing mortality in the here and now. Fairy tales and platitudes gloss that over nicely. In the end, we're either worm food or organ donors, and the best we can hope for is that we are remembered fondly, and we had a lifetime of memories and a lot of love in our hearts for the people and things that mattered.

beartiger Mon, Mar 14, 2011 6:02:50am