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1 What, me worry?  Fri, Mar 25, 2011 1:22:18pm

I followed a few links from that page and got this post (article entry?) which is a great LOL!!

How you can be a secret admirer too!
by: Bruce Bourgoine
Fri Mar 25, 2011 at 09:46:31 AM EDT

Something offensive at the State House bothering you? Do you have a pet peeve about something in the government environment irritates you. Is the lack of action on a state government matter getting under your skin? Are you personally offended by the negative message you are subjected to in our state buildings?

Join other Mainers in the most effective way to get fast remedial action and relief. Pen an anonymous letter with your complaint and mail it directly to our Governor for fast action. No need to put forth your position or state your concern in the light of day, just sign it "A Secret Admirer" to appeal to the big man's ego and you'll get the attention you need.

And here is a format form followed by an actual to be sent sample below:

Dear (insert ego adjective here) Governor LePage;

I was sitting on a bench at the (insert your target here) and was subjected to (insert your complaint here). It was highly offensive to me (describe how you felt). It appeared to me that (insert some verbiage about North Korea, Venezuela, Saddam Hussein, labor unions, et cetera here - for additional suggestions listen to any 15 minutes of Glenn Beck - and do note, this part does not need to make sense).

I hope you will (propose your remedy and use all CAPS TO GET HIS ATTENTION AS TO HOW TICKED OFF YOU ARE).

(Add bootlicking praise here and then most importantly, sign off as follows)

A Secret Admirer

An Example Letter:

Dear Great Governor LePage;

I was sitting on a bench at the Statehouse on the second floor near the elevator the other day and shockingly saw what I thought was the Manager of Marden's pass by me and was subjected to having to remember a cheap sofa that broke on me day one when I bought it just a few short months ago. It was highly offensive to me and to be reminded of the complete failure of our capitalist system brought on by this forced consumption of shoddy goods. It appeared to me that this Manager was pawning cheap ChiComm goods off on unsuspecting patriots in a bid to as rapidly as possible up our trade deficit so that the Obama Kenyan-Qaddafi Oil UN cabal can take over Maine's energy independence.

I hope you will respond vigorously as you always do and TOSS THIS TRAITOR MARDEN'S GUY OUT ON HIS EAR FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF OUR KIDS' FUTURE FURNISHINGS AND ENERGY FOUNDATIONS.

Governor, thank you for blowing off the press and the public and keep up the good work you do; we needed a bull in the china shop.

-A Secret Admirer-

Be sure to not use a return address or any personal letterhead; it also has not been determined yet if scents are effective but experimentation with "buck lure" rather than floral perfumes may be the place to start.


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