My New Magic Prayer Rug
I just wanted to share some great news with all of you:
A couple of days ago1 I received a new prayer rug that comes from a very old church (60 years!) and possesses awesome powers.
The original “was blessed in Jerusalem, the Holy Land”. This special replica is ANOINTED and has a picture of Jesus (a.s.) on it with his eyes closed. If you continue to gaze at it, you’ll see his eyes opening and looking back into yours! How miraculous is that??! WOW! Click the pic below and try it for yourself! I’m sure this will convince all you skeptical non-believers out there—I mean how much more proof can you possibly need??
On the off chance that some of you STILL aren’t convinced, be aware that there were DOZENS of testimonials from REAL PEOPLE who have been saved, healed, found true love, and received HUGE sums of money just by praying on the rug (see testimonials below)! The church has tons more, but they obviously couldn’t fit them all into one envelope.
Testimonials
More Testimonials
I’m not allowed to keep this beautiful rug because part of its power is that it has to be mailed to another “dear friend” who needs a blessing. So while I’m sad to see it go, I’m very happy to know that by returning it right away to the church, they’ll be able to quickly send it to some other poor soul in need (this is what’s known as “prayer by letters” in case you were wondering). They even thoughtfully supply a list of prayer request items that I can check off, as well as a place for me to indicate my “seed gift to God’s work of $___”.
Wait. I wonder if it works for Muslims—do you think I should call the church and ask, or do you suppose it works for everyone? I bet if I send a seed gift it’ll work.
Now I know ya’ll are probably feeling envious right about now, but don’t despair! If you want one for yourself I’ll be glad to ask the church to send you one when I mail mine back, so just go ahead and leave your names in the comments. No pushing or shoving to be first on the list please—remember, this is a HOLY, ANOINTED, AWESOME rug, so it’s not as if its powers will be depleted as it travels around the globe answering prayers and doling out blessings (and cash).
1. This is actually the second time I’ve received this ridiculous thing—the first time was a couple of years back, but I didn’t have a snarky group of Lizards to share it with at the time.
