This past week, I attended a meeting of my local Tea Party chapter. My account is sparse on details, mainly because I don’t want to compromise my identity (okay, so I’m being dramatic, but you get the idea). Suffice it to say that I was not there for enjoyment, but rather for something I’m working on.

First of all, I’d like to note that the people running the thing were very polite. Granted, I’m white, rural, and speak with a slightly hickish twang, so I don’t exactly fit the stereotype that a lot of Tea Partiers have for liberals, but I was sitting in a corner of the room with the small group of local Democrats who showed up, so my political leanings were no secret. Still, the event’s organizers took time to greet me, ask me some questions, and at least feign interest in my replies. I was actually impressed with the level of professionalism.

My pleasant surprise didn’t last long. The opening prayer quickly morphed into a rambling rant against secularization, big government, and the “chaos” in our nation’s cities, “especially New York.” What could that have possibly been a reference to? Your guess is as good as mine.

The event I attended was a debate between candidates for county commissioner. Of the four candidates running, only three showed up- two Republicans and one Democrat. I wondered why the other Democratic candidate on the ballot decided the sit this one out; I didn’t wonder long. The debate began with each candidate giving a ten-minute opening statement. Although the order of the candidates’ statements was supposedly random, it seemed pretty convenient that the Democrat went first and the two Republicans read prepared speeches making outrageous accusations against him.

What were these accusations, you ask? Well, one Republican candidate spent his entire speech scaremongering about the county debt and whining that the two incumbent Democrats thought they had the election “wrapped up,” and the other tried to dismiss our county’s rather impressive eleven-year streak of balanced budgets as “accounting tricks.” He then went on to call his Democratic opponent (who is an incumbent) “totally unqualified,” boasted about “taking out” the “establishment candidate” in the GOP primary, and predicted that they would “get a couple more” in the general election. The crowd ate it up.

After this opening round, it veered even further into batshit insanity when the crowd got to ask questions. What would you, as county commissioner, do to ensure that parolees are drug tested at random? What’s that you say, county commissioners have no control over state-mandated drug testing? Good luck trying to explain that to the crowd, as the Democratic incumbent tried to do. Eventually, a lawyer in the audience was asked and did clarify that no, there is literally nothing any of the candidates can do about this issue. This didn’t deter the idiocy though, as another questioner wanted to know how the candidates would cut, say, 40% of the county budget if necessary. I’m pretty sure the incumbent came close to face-palming when he heard the question, and he was met with blank stares and a few scattered jeers when he tried to explain that the county was already experiencing harsh cost-cutting measures, and that cutting 5% of the budget would be nearly impossible. His Republican challengers smelled blood. Republican1 blustered more about the debt, while his more caustic counterpart jumped on the “waste” and blamed the “laziness” of current county employees.

Finally, it was time for closing statements. Republican1 closed with dire warnings about (surprise!) the county debt, and Republican2 (the crowd favorite) ranted about “career politicians,” an interesting assertion from a guy who hasn’t held a non-government job in his life. When the flustered Democrat finally got a chance to defend himself, the crowd murmured impatiently as he literally ran out of time deflecting the previously mentioned absurd accusations.

All in all, I can’t say I was surprised. I knew there would be a heavy bias toward the Republican candidates, and I knew the audience would be hostile toward Democrats. I underestimated the sheer silliness of both the audience and the candidates though, which is saying something, ‘cause I’ve always found the Tea Party pretty damn silly. The scary part: this particular chapter plans on hosting a senatorial debate next year. Let that sink in.