Debunking Vodka Tampons
Bartender, a Dirty Martini With a Tampon! by Danielle Crittenden, Managing Editor, Blogs, The Huffington Post Canada, gives a thorough account of experimenting with vodka-soaked tampons to see if one really can get drunk that way:
Super-plus tampon, no applicator
Notes: Poured it a double, on the assumption it could hold more than the others. Dropped it in the martini beaker like a bleached tea bag. It immediately tossed back one ounce… an ounce and a half maybe… swelling quickly with pride. Then it stopped. Wait, a super plus couldn’t handle a double?? I swished it around, trying to mop up some more, but it was finished.
I repaired to the bathroom and — without too much information here — managed to wad the thing up and push it in where it was supposed to go. (Did it help that I’ve had three kids? Possibly.) Girls, don’t do this in your best party dresses: I think I lost another half-ounce in the process as it splattered on to my clothes and the floor. No need to say “Bottoms up!”
Oh sweet mother of Jeez——
Absolut… firewater!!!!!!! Holy sheeeeeeeee…
It felt like someone had thrown a lit match in there. I began hopping around and breathing in the rapid, short puffs I’d learned in birth classes, so long ago, before I realized I didn’t need to breathe like that if I took the epidural.
In case you missed it, here’s Stephen Colbert’s coverage of the original “news story” that inspired this test: