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10 comments

1 shutdown  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 12:40:26pm

I should think that one of the primary qualifications for having been married in the first place was the signal absence of physical abuse.

And today’s asshat award goes to —- Don Pridemore!

2 Slumbering Behemoth Stinks  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 4:16:15pm

My grandma was born in 1925, raised in a deeply religious, Christian family.

She was raised to believe that the bible is the literal word of god. She was also raised raised to believe that a man should never hit a woman in anger, and that if a man hit her, just once, that she should leave him, even if it was her husband. Because if you let him hit you once, he will hit you again.

She tells a story about an argument she had with my grandpa early on in their marriage, and how he advanced on her in a way that looked as though he was going to strike her. She told him “Just once, grandpa. You lay a hand on me just once and I will leave you”. He didn’t then, and he never made a similar move again for the rest of their marriage.

Now, my grandma is very prim and proper. I’ve never heard her swear in my life. But I imagine if this Don Pridemore idiot had said these sorts of things to her face, she’d tell him to fuck right off.

3 calochortus  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 5:58:43pm

re: #2 Slumbering Behemoth Stinks

A wise woman, your grandma.

This isn’t really about abuse per se, it is about ownership of women and upholding the strictly hierarchical view of the world. Authority flows from God to the king, down through the nobility to the commoners and then the slaves. Within the family the senior male rules over women and children. It’s neat, it’s tidy, and it’s just a tad outdated.

4 HappyWarrior  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 6:34:15pm

This can’t be real? Oh wait it’s the modern Republican Party, it’s very real.

5 Mostly sane, most of the time.  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 6:48:53pm

Things a woman could love about an abusive husband:

1. That he’s mortal, and won’t be able to find the shelter.

2. I forget the rest.

6 Joanne  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 7:52:08pm

I’ll remember Madea’s Family Reunion with a pot of hot gitts and a cast iron frying pan. A man would hit me once…and he damn well better incapacitate me. I’m not a violent person but no man would hurt me and walk away unscathed.

My friend’s dad was a fire fighter in a very rough part of Chicago, my home town. There was this woman whom they knew who was always getting beaten by her husband. They’d go there (paramedics) and patch her up and, of course, she’d never press charges. One day they’re called there a d there is blood everywhere. They fully expected to find her dead, for the amount of blood on everything. They couldn’t find her, but the guy was on the floor in pretty bad shape. As a neighbor they knew walked by, they asked if he knew anything. He told them the woman hit the guy with a “smove.” Not knowing what a smove was, they persisted questioning and the guy said, “Yeah, you know, s smove, the thing you smove your clothes with.”. Apparently, she got sick of being beaten and took an iron and fucked him up. Btw, this is 100% true.

7 Slumbering Behemoth Stinks  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 9:08:51pm

re: #3 calochortus

A wise woman, your grandma.

Oh, I love her dearly, but if I had to be honest I would say she’s not very wise at all. It’s just that something like this is a “no-brainer”. And as unwise as she may be, she gets this issue perfectly right.

8 Slumbering Behemoth Stinks  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 9:31:18pm

re: #6 JustJay

Back when I was quite a bit younger and more insensitive and harsh with my words, I was hanging out with a buddy of mine at someone elses apartment when the subject of battered wives came up.

Within earshot of the woman of the house I rather callously said “I feel sorry for a women who gets beat. The first time. Every time after the first beating, it’s her fault for staying with the asshole that beats her”.

My buddy shot me a hard look, and deservedly so, because I was being rather callous when I look back on my comments. The subject was dropped and we moved on to other conversation topics.

When we left the apartment, my buddy said to me “What you said was fucked up. Her husband beats her, ya know”. I said “No, whats fucked up is that her husband beats her.”

Still, I felt like a total shit-heel for making that comment in front of her. I nearly couldn’t look her in the eye after that.

A few weeks later, she left that abusive piece of shit, and took their six year old daughter with her.

9 Joanne  Wed, Mar 28, 2012 10:56:43pm

re: #8 Slumbering Behemoth Stinks

Back when I was quite a bit younger and more insensitive and harsh with my words, I was hanging out with a buddy of mine at someone elses apartment when the subject of battered wives came up.

Within earshot of the woman of the house I rather callously said “I feel sorry for a women who gets beat. The first time. Every time after the first beating, it’s her fault for staying with the asshole that beats her”.

My buddy shot me a hard look, and deservedly so, because I was being rather callous when I look back on my comments. The subject was dropped and we moved on to other conversation topics.

When we left the apartment, my buddy said to me “What you said was fucked up. Her husband beats her, ya know”. I said “No, whats fucked up is that her husband beats her.”

Still, I felt like a total shit-heel for making that comment in front of her. I nearly couldn’t look her in the eye after that.

A few weeks later, she left that abusive piece of shit, and took their six year old daughter with her.

I wouldn’t feel guilty at all. Perhaps you empowered her at stating it’s not normal and her staying was a choice, and she then made her choice. Fwiw, I’ve said those same things to women I know who stayed in those situation. To their faces.

Women who stay are damaged. Sometimes that’s what it takes. Other times I just walk away praying they’ll survive.

10 Shiplord Kirel  Thu, Mar 29, 2012 10:05:29am

“I’ll love seeing him thrown out on his ass after I file charges.”

“I’ll love to think about what a wonderful time he will have in prison.”

“I’ll love to spit on his grave when he dies and goes to hell.”


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