Forget What You’ve Heard: Here’s the Real Way to Find That Perfect Husband in College
No, but seriously. Have you seen this cray-cray editorial—“How to find that perfect husband in college”—from the University of Georgia student newspaper? It’s been floating around feminist blog circles for a few weeks, completely confounding anyone who thought they had a grasp on comedy, satire, youth culture, and sexism (like 14 people have e-mailed it to me with the subject line “in your wheelhouse,” because apparently my wheelhouse is mindboggling shit written by dummies). Basically, nobody knows what to do. With sentences like, “Every true woman knows how vital it is to find the right brilliant babe to father their children and replenish their bank accounts,” it seems hardly possible that author Amber Estes could be serious. (Also, her picture looks like a human Onion article.) That said, people believe all kinds of stupid garbage when they’re in college, and sexism is hella not dead. If this piece is satire, then sorry Jonathan Swift I’mma let you finish but Amber Estes is like the greatest satirist of all time. If it’s sincere, then all optimistic progressives should weep, because DOOM. DOOM. DOOM. Drums in the deep, y’all!!!
*And neither, apparently, does the newspaper she’s printed in, which has recently added an “Online Poll” next to the article asking, “Is Amber Estes column titled ‘How to find that perfect husband in college’ a satire? Yes/No/I don’t know.” OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. IT IS YOUR NEWSPAPER. YOU TELL ME. That’s like if I showed up in your house at 3 am with a knife and was all, “Online poll, motherfucker! Am I about to murder you right now? Yes/No/I don’t know.” ANSWER THE QUESTION.