2020 Summer Games: Lubbock’s Bid to Host
Much more at link, including details of our, uh, unique facilities.
Dear Official Hosting City Bid Committee,
Please consider this the formal request for consideration for Lubbock, Texas, to host the Summer Olympics in July of 2020. Those of us on the proposal team have full confidence that our hometown offers a unique experience that none of those other loser cities can offer. We’ve spent months researching and validating our data so prepare to be blown away by our offer. When you are finished with this proposal, we’re certain that you’ll call all the other mayors and laugh in their faces. Our people, our facilities, our determination, and our spirit make Lubbock the only logical choice. You’re welcome.2020 Proposal Reason 1: Our People
West Texans and Lubbockites (past and present) are a unique people. We have a passion for life that’s unmatched. We get up every morning and attack the day. Bring on your dust storms and your dustnados and your haboobs and your rain and your bad news and whatever you’ve got because we don’t care. We’ll scrape the dust and bad news out of our breakfast and think about ways to be more awesome than we were the day before. It’s because of this passion that your visit to Lubbock will be unforgettable. Plus, we’ll take you to all the best strip clubs. None of those shady ones like you’ll find in other cities. Only the best.
Our people are also extremely passionate about the Olympics. Simply put, we love ‘em. Nothing gets a Lubbockite going like a good ol’ Olympic game. We conducted extensive polling and found that Lubbock really likes the Olympics. You can find results in the chart below:
Disclaimer: Citizens were not allowed to include Tech football, beer, or hot chicks in the list of things they liked.
As you can see, Lubbock LOVES the Olympics. West Texans chose the Olympics over babies and children and nice things by almost 5 to 1. Are you kidding me? We love some Olympics! We will amaze you with our love for Olympics when you’re here.
2020 Proposal Reason 2: Our Facilities
If we were forced to list our biggest advantage, it would definitely be one thing and one thing only: Space and Facilities.
We have miles and miles of open space and tons of facilities. That’s the one thing that separates us from terrible cities like New York. We can build whatever we need to build in no time, and for much cheaper. And we also don’t have rats in our subway, or a subway. We’ll convert Loop 289 into the marathon/cycling route easy. There’s also a pretty flat spot between Quaker and Slide where we can set up for the 100m, or 200m, or even hurdles, whatever. Whatever you need, we can set it up.