Jump to bottom


1 Vicious Babushka  Thu, Aug 9, 2012 4:57:27pm

Already posted here.

This "delicious" letter is in no way an "Orthodox Jewish" perspective.

James M. Kauffman has said he did not compose this Internet essay, he does not know how his name was attached to it.

This essay has been floating around Teh Intertubez since like forever. I saw it on Usenet over 10 years ago.

Here is my response from an Orthodox Jewish perspective:

This "letter" which is a pretty good example of what is known as a "Straw Man Argument". This is when the person making the argument co-opts his opponent's position and then proceeds to argue against that position, even if his opponent does not hold that position.

Firstly, no one who believes in scripture, not Orthodox Jews and not evangelical Christians, performs any of the scriptural segments quoted here in the way they are described. The Straw Man is then, "Well, you're not doing it right!" Who decides what is "doing it right," people who have been following the Scriptures for thousands of years, or somebody who picks out random verses (the more horrible the better) and then decides that "doing it right" means actually performing what it says literally word for word.

The Christian rebuttal to this straw man "letter" might be, "Well, Jesus abolished those laws." I can't speak for how Christians should respond to this "letter" because I am not one but that seems to be what they would answer.

Jews have what is called Torah Shel Ba'al Peh, which means the Oral Law, and it's the "User's Manual" to the Hebrew scriptures. The tradition is that the Oral Law was given to Moses at the same time as the Torah and contains all the interpretations and the instructions of how to perform the commandments given in Scripture. The Oral Law has been written down in subsequent generations and is contained in the Midrash, the Mishnah, the Talmud and all the commentaries that have been written about it for the past 2,000 years.

Short explanation, we don't follow scripture literally word for word, never have. The death penalty can only be handed down by a Sanhedrin of 72 elders, under such extremely constrained circumstances such that it was virtually impossible to convict unless a person had committed a particularly brutal and egregious crime in public in front of witnesses. Even if someone committed the Aurora massacre, they could still not be convicted if they did not receive "hasra'ah" (warning) from at least two separate witnesses, kind of like a biblical "Miranda rights."

Anyway, the purpose of this "letter," whoever wrote it and signed another person's name, was only to ridicule and mock, not to ask any sincere questions about how these segments of scripture are supposed to be interpreted.

2 aagcobb  Thu, Aug 9, 2012 5:23:18pm

re: #1 Learned Mother of Zion

I'm pretty sure I saw Martin Sheen deliver those lines to a Dr. Laura like character on The West Wing.

3 Vicious Babushka  Thu, Aug 9, 2012 5:27:13pm

And now I will answer this letter in the same spirit in which it was written.

1. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
A. Because Canadians will kick your ass.

2. What do you think would be a fair price for her?
A. eBay or Craigslist?

3. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
A. They should.

4. Should I smite them?
A. No. The cops will smite you.

5. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
A. The police will not kill someone for you. The mob might, for a price.

6.Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?
A. This stupid Internet meme is one of them.

7. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
A. Jesus said, If thine right eye offend thee, pluck it out.

8. How should they die?
A. Old age.

9. may I still play football if I wear gloves?
A. Refer to the NFL handbook, this is not a biblical issue.

10. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
A. No.

4 sffilk  Fri, Aug 10, 2012 5:09:18am

Part of this showed up on an episode if "The West Wing" where the "Dr. Laura clone" did not stand up when the President entered the room. He took her apart.

5 SanFranciscoZionist  Fri, Aug 10, 2012 8:39:59am

re: #2 aagcobb

I'm pretty sure I saw Martin Sheen deliver those lines to a Dr. Laura like character on The West Wing.

Yes, he did. It was adapted from this piece. It was still off, for the reasons Alouette outlines above, but it was cool to see President Bartlet kick that woman's butt.

6 Destro  Fri, Aug 10, 2012 9:49:16am

re: #1 Learned Mother of Zion

Goes to show the best kind of religious people are the kind that ignore or find ways around acting on the decrees of their so called holy books.

This page has been archived.
Comments are closed.

Jump to top

Create a PageThis is the LGF Pages posting bookmarklet. To use it, drag this button to your browser's bookmark bar, and title it 'LGF Pages' (or whatever you like). Then browse to a site you want to post, select some text on the page to use for a quote, click the bookmarklet, and the Pages posting window will appear with the title, text, and any embedded video or audio files already filled in, ready to go.
Or... you can just click this button to open the Pages posting window right away.
Last updated: 2016-01-01 10:29 am PST
LGF User's Guide RSS Feeds Tweet

Help support Little Green Footballs!

Subscribe now for ad-free access!Register and sign in to a free LGF account before subscribing, and your ad-free access will be automatically enabled.

Donate with
Square Cash Shop at amazon
as an LGF Associate!
Recent PagesClick to refresh
#Thegreatpoolpondconversion - 210411The pumps are pumping along. Like they always should have.They go on when the sun comes out, they go off in the clouds and at night.We barely pay attention to their functioning and now can focus on the sight and ...
4 days, 14 hours ago
Views: 323 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 3
Tweets: 0 •
AFI - Dulcería (Official Music Video) "Dulcería" comes from AFI’s new album, Bodies, out June 11. Available for preorder everywhere now: ​ Directed by Adam Mason, produced by Elizabeth Mason LYRICSI saw sugar there, dancing in the sweet air. When my eyes began to ...
6 days, 5 hours ago
Views: 464 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 8 •
The Shaolin Afronauts - Winds Across Gayanamede (Live at Adelaide Festival Centre) Recorded 21 January 2012 at Adelaide Festival Centre, Adelaide, Australia. Winds Across Gayanamede is taken from the second album from The Shaolin Afronauts; Quest Under Capricorn. The album drops 16 July on vinyl, CD and digital download via Freestyle ...
6 days, 6 hours ago
Views: 408 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 4 •
#Thegreatpoolpondconversion - 210404Did you spend all week thinking about solar power and pumps? We didn't either.A week of flawless electrics and hydraulics.The first few days we went out to check on it like hourly.Now we don't even think about itThe proof of ...
1 week, 4 days ago
Views: 769 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 7
Tweets: 0 •
Springsteen - “Prove It All Night” Live at Cleveland Agora, 1978This is so perfect.
Secret ANTIFA Operative
2 weeks ago
Views: 910 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 3
Tweets: 3 •
Foster the People - Lamb’s Wool (Official Music Video) Official animated music video for Foster The People's single 'Lamb's Wool' off of their most recent EP 'In The Darkest Of Nights, Let The Birds Sing'. Listen to 'Lamb's Wool' here: Listen to 'Lamb's Wool (with Poolside)' here: ...
2 weeks ago
Views: 855 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 1
Tweets: 2 •
Talk Talk - It’s My Life (Live at Montreux 1986) Live at Montreux 1986 is a concert video release by the British synth pop band Talk Talk of a concert at 1986 Montreux Jazz Festival in Switzerland. The show was part of a tour that started in April 1986 ...
2 weeks ago
Views: 889 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 1
Tweets: 2 •
KALEO - Skinny [OFFICIAL LYRIC VIDEO] Music and Lyrics by JJ Julius SonNew song “Skinny" available now: kaleo.lnk.toFrom the upcoming album Surface Sounds out 4/23: What makes you feel good?What makes you angry inside? Why don’t you love me?You want to fuck me or ...
2 weeks, 2 days ago
Views: 942 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 3 •
Hania Rani - Live From Studio S2 Listen to 'Live from Studio S2': The full live set video was premiered on the evening before the annual Piano Day worldwide celebrations (March 29th). The motivation to make the recording of the live performances which became the ...
2 weeks, 2 days ago
Views: 978 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 2 •
Billy F Gibbons - West Coast Junkie “West Coast Junkie” the new music video by Billy F Gibbons from his forthcoming album ‘Hardware’, available on June 4th on Concord Records. Pre-order ‘Hardware’: found.eeGet signed and exclusive bundles: Directed by: Harry ReeseProduced by: Matt Sorum Listen ...
2 weeks, 4 days ago
Views: 2,648 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 2
Tweets: 4 •