A Prayer to God on Election Day
I would like to take this moment to ask you all (again) to join me in a prayer:
Please fuck the republicans. No seriously, fuck them hard, sideways and in unnatural manners that cause them, even a year from now, to wince and waddle every time they turn on Fox news. For verily I say, they are the most slappable of douches. Really, please God, give their prayers as much notice as they would give a poor person’s prayers.
They are backwards and rape your creation. Even with hurricanes and derechos and droughts they blather about more drilling. Any suffering caused is secondary to their pockets. Support them as much as they would support FEMA. Deny their pleas as much as they deny climate.
Hell, as you know, they have a lot of issues with rape (and not acting like ignorant pigs over it) as it is. After all, women and the poor and the brown aren’t really people to them. Show them the same compassion they showed when they wanted raped women to pay for their own rape kits.
They hate America and think nothing of crippling her for their own gain. They are sleazy con men and hypocrites who bang on your Book while being the most smug and heartless of dicks. Give them the same love they give.
They are so dumb they think people once rode dinosaurs (when they aren’t denying that dinosaurs are real). Dear Lord, please don’t let my nation be governed by the mentally handicapped.
They will cause war and poverty and famine and collapse, all so that their scions can have yet more money and they scoff at the idea of doing their share. They put their grubby boots on the necks of those who actually work and create things. They lie easily and often.
They are cowards. They think nothing of other people dying for their country, and they refuse to help veterans. War is a cash cow for them. Dear Lord, support them as much as they supported the Veterans Jobs bill.
Everything they touch turns soulless. Please God, let not this nation waste into plastic. Of course, they are happy to take money themselves from the government. Romney never mentions how it was federal money that bailed out the Olympics. But I digress, God.
Please just fuck them. Use your smiting powers and do it hard.
Can I get an Amen?