Racism, homophobia, and how I lost my dad last week

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Racism, homophobia, and how I lost my dad last week

It is stunning/depressing to read articles like this in 2012

lockjawcanbefun

Culture • 12/03/12 11:32:03 am • Views: 758

freethoughtblogs.com

I’m sorry to be doing this over the phone, your father has forbidden me from seeing you in person. I’m sorry, he just cannot support your lifestyle anymore, he will not be speaking to you again, he asked me to tell you.

That was my stepmother, the day after Thanksgiving, the day after she discovered I was dating someone. Someone who was not white. Someone who was black.

8 comments

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Sionainn Mon, Dec 3, 2012 11:50:48am

That's so sad. I wouldn't stand by my husband if he was just plain wrong and treated our daughters that way.

Holidays are Family Fun Time Mon, Dec 3, 2012 12:31:30pm

I totally don't get it.

I could have pointed out all the things that I haven’t done to be a disappointment to him. I mean, yes, I’m a liberal who supports equality, but I just keep making a list in my head of all these other things I could have done that would have been upsetting to him*:

I have never been a drug addict
I have never been a drunk or alcoholic
I have never killed anyone
I have never been arrested
I have never been a sex worker
I have never gone through a rebellious phase
I have never gotten pregnant out of wedlock
I have never failed school
I am, in general, pretty much the opposite of a fuck up, and I sit here and wonder… would my father like me better if I’d gotten drunk and run someone over and been sent to jail and dropped out of school… and I think the answer is yes and I don’t know what to do about it.

HappyWarrior Mon, Dec 3, 2012 1:37:01pm

It really is disheartening to read about this sort of thing this day and age but it unfortunately isn't really surprising. Old bigotry doesn't die. It just bleeds slowly like a bloody nose.

calochortus Mon, Dec 3, 2012 2:03:45pm

What a great way to reduce everyone's happiness. The question is why you'd want to do that. Is there too much joy in the world currently? Is love getting in the way of progress? Is there a need to just make the days drag a bit more for those you care about?
Sheesh.

Decatur Deb Mon, Dec 3, 2012 2:04:42pm

Racism isn't the only atavistic idea in play there. I was never 'owned', and never 'owned' my children.

(My Irish Catholic cousin and her Jewish fiancee were both disowned by parts of both their families when they married. It didn't persist past the birth of their first child, though some careful naming strategies were in play.)

TedStriker Mon, Dec 3, 2012 4:54:37pm

When anyone in your family, especially parents, resorts to emotional blackmail tactics like disowning and shunning, you have to wonder how much did they really love you to begin with.

Flavia Mon, Dec 3, 2012 5:27:39pm

re: #6 TedStriker

When anyone in your family, especially parents, resorts to emotional blackmail tactics like disowning and shunning, you have to wonder how much did they really love you to begin with.

Speaking as someone who has seen "disowning", sometimes the actions of a child - such as marrying outside the faith - can be seen as a slap in the face by/to the parents, who react in the only way they can think of at the time. The parents feel disrespected and even attacked, and might just be wondering how much their children loved them to begin with...

(FTR: not saying that I agree with the tactic, just saying that it's not necessarily always one-sided)

lostlakehiker Mon, Dec 3, 2012 9:53:52pm

The good news is in the stats she included. Near-universal approval of dating across "race lines". Rising and substantial rates of marrying across said lines. These trends bode well. It is unfortunate for her that her father has issues, but her life as a whole is looking good. She has purpose, she has a good man by her side. The glass is nearly full.

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