Rick Santorum, who is a colossal dick — and have I mentioned recently what a colossal dick Rick Santorum is? — gave a speech the other day in Detroit in praise of income inequality, which you and I may see as a threat to the political commonwealth and to the institutions of the representative democracy through which that commonwealth works, but which Santorum sees as the very essence of the American dream.

“There is income inequality in America. There always has been and hopefully, and I do say that, there always will be,” Santorum said during a speech to the Detroit Economic Club. “Why? Because people rise to different levels of success based on what they contribute to society and to the marketplace, and that’s as it should be,” he added. “We should celebrate like we do in the small towns all across America. You celebrate success. Why? Because in their greatness and innovation, yes - they created wealth, but they created wealth for everybody else. And that’s a good thing, not something to be condemned in America,” he said.

Yes, income inequality has been a boon to “small towns all across America,” especially to the entrepreneurial folk there who run their own meth labs. But let’s also talk about how “people rise to different levels of success based on what they contribute to society and to the marketplace.” Here are Rick Santorum’s jobs since he left the Senate.

1) Think-tank layabout.

2) Fox News contributor.

3) Corporate consultant.

4) Republican presidential candidate.

5) Colossal Dick For Hire…at 40Gs a pop.

If people really rose to their level of success based on what they contributed to society, Rick Santorum would be asking me for a quarter from atop a steam grate outside the public library.

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