Sundays With the Christianists: A Biology Textbook With Dinosaurs on Noah’s Ark
Greetings, heathen scum! Are you ready for more Bible Science? Get your rubber gloves on, because we’re continuing our dissection of a textbook from Bob Jones University Press, Biology For Christian Schools, by William S. Pinkston. Last week, we learned about the very scientific theory of the “canopy” of water that floated above the atmosphere, just waiting for God to drop it on the Earth so He could kill every living thing that wasn’t on Noah’s Ark. In this week’s installment, it’s time for the Flood itself, which totally happened and was real, as proven by scientific facts in the Book of Genesis
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See? Science!
Also, the idea that fossils and rock layers were formed over hundreds of millions of years is completely contradicted by a few examples of human artifacts found in rock formations that were supposedly ancient, like a 10-inch long gold chain found in a lump of coal, or a perfect sixpenny nail found in quartz. Of course, the textbook sort of leaves out the minor details that these artifacts do not actually exist today, and that the only evidence they ever did comes from 19th-century newspaper accounts. Even Creation Ministries International includes the gold chain story on its list of “arguments creationists should not use” — it’s right there with the canopy of water above the atmosphere. Besides, as any fool knows, these “out of place artifacts” are actually evidence of ancient astronauts.
The textbook has only a short section attempting to explain how the Ark itself was possible, because if you want the facts, they’re right there in the Bible. But because some crazy fringe groups like the National Center for Science Education keep claiming that the story is somehow impossible, Pinkston reassures students that the Ark was completely plausible.
There are too many ridiculous claims for proof of the scientific reality of the Biblical Great Flood to excerpt here. If you didn’t grow up in the sub-culture of a portion of the Christian faith that still fervently clings to these medieval beliefs then you should follow Wonkette’s series in order to find out the mythology that underpins the actions of a significant part of the US electorate.