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1 The Ghost of a Flea  Thu, Nov 14, 2013 5:16:40pm

I’m not going to link to the guys website because he doesn’t deserve the clicks, but I’d direct people to Jezebel’s and Wonkette’s summary of the contents and his dating philosophy…about which he has written books, and routinely tours as an expert.

It’s a bit beyond gender stereotyping; it’s Christian conservative complementarianism, where the woman has to recognize that she’s second place to her man. Being “dateable” for women means not asserting youself, not talking about yourself, and “maintaining mystery”—the latter apparently means that you’re only interesting as a puzzle to unlocked, not as a whole person, since the explicit statement is “why would he be interested in you after the mystery is gone?”

Actually, this shit requires quoteblocks, because damn:

The basic lesson for girls:

Accept your girly-ness. You’re a girl. Be proud of all that means. You are soft, you are gentle, you are a woman. Don’t try to be a guy. Guys like you because you are different from them. So let your girly-ness soar.

Be mysterious. Dateable girls know how to shut up. They don’t monopolize the conversation. They don’t tell everyone everything about themselves. They save some for later. They listen more than they gab.

Need him
. Dateable girls know that guys need to be needed. A Dateable girl isn’t Miss Independent. She knows we are made for community. Needing each other is part of faith. She allows him to be needed at times, knowing he was called to serve just as much as she was.

…and for boys:

Being a guy is good. Dateable guys know they aren’t as sensitive as girls and that’s okay. They know they are stronger, more dangerous, and more adventurous and that’s okay. Dateable guys are real men who aren’t afraid to be guys.

Men of God are wild, not domesticated. Dateable guys aren’t tamed. They don’t live by the rules of the opposite sex. They fight battles, conquer lands, and stand up for the oppressed.

Keep it covered up. Dateable guys know that porn is bad for the spirit and the mind. They keep women covered up.

But wait—there’s more! There’s a lot of rape culture, where girls are admonished to stay covered, because “if you look like a flesh buffet, expect to be treated as one.” Also, women are temptations and will try and sex you up, so boys have to learn self-control not to do something sexual or rapey. And of course, guys are suppose to defend women from stuff, like slutty clothing and personal decisions.

The coda to this is, this guy isn’t some isolated peckerwood talking nonsense. He’s part of a movement that wants to re-define gender relations while characterizing it as a return to piety and proper “natural” order. Christian patriachy, Quiverfull, the shit sold by Concerned Women for America…all follow the same thought process.

Addendum: for a more thorough and knowledgeable breakdown on what I’m talking about—including a look inside the work of this particular asshole—there’s a series of posts on Patheos : You Are Not Your Own: Rape, Sexual Assault, and Consent in Evangelical Christian Dating Books.

2 SidewaysQuark  Thu, Nov 14, 2013 5:39:47pm

I’m most offended that there’s still people who haven’t figured out “motivational speaker” = con artist.

3 Lidane  Thu, Nov 14, 2013 10:49:24pm

A female friend of mine who went to Richardson High School was deeply offended by this. She was ranting about it today on FB, especially because she’s got a daughter and hated to think of girls being taught that sexist, backwards crap.

Personally, I’m not surprised by it. They pull the same shit in “abstinence only” sex ed classes, except in those they add the chewing gum analogy. Religious whackjob creeps like this Lookadoo guy tell girls that their only worth is in their bodies and their purity. If a girl ever has sex before marriage, she immediately becomes a used piece of chewing gum that no good, decent man would ever want. It’s horrifying.

4 subterraneanhomesickalien  Fri, Nov 15, 2013 12:04:41pm

There is a special place in hell for men that have this much hate for women.

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