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20 comments

1 Ace-o-aces  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 7:42:44am

Oh, this has been going on for a while. Conservapedia (owned by Andrew Schlafly, Phyllis Schlafly’s idiot son) is just a sad, sad joke. The “Conservative Bile Project” (which even World Net Daily thought was stupid) is just one of several delusional initiatives Schlafly has started. You should check out his views on math.

2 Skip Intro  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 7:49:06am

Rewriting the bible is as old as the bible itself. It’s funny how many times the “inerrant word of God” has been changed over the centuries.

Now we’ve got some teabaggin’ Christians loving themselves some Leviticus, except the parts that apply to them.

3 Rocky-in-Connecticut  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 8:39:22am

they’re just aggravated that according to the new Testament, Jesus himself spends ZERO time talking about homosexuals but LOTS of time taking about how the rich are NOT getting into Heaven.

And then there is Acts Chap V where some apostles have evidently set themselves up a little Communist death cult, but that’s a whole other can of Conservative worms.

4 CriticalDragon1177  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 9:09:15am

Vicious Babushka,

I heard about this. I wonder what changes they’re planning to make. Are they going to edit so that Jesus made them pay for the the water he turned into the wine, and loaves of bread that he multiplied?

5 mechanic  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 9:10:28am

But they’ll keep the part where the sun orbits the earth.

6 Kafitrar  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 9:16:34am

It’s been going on for almost 5 years. One of the funny things is that only one person on the project knows Greek and Hebrew. She disappeared less than a year in. rationalwiki.org

7 calochortus  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 9:25:28am

re: #6 Kafitrar

Yeah, I thought the whole project kind of stalled without her. But then, oddly, I don’t really keep up with all the goings on over there.

8 Skip Intro  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 9:29:42am

re: #6 Kafitrar

It’s been going on for almost 5 years. One of the funny things is that only one person on the project knows Greek and Hebrew. She disappeared less than a year in. rationalwiki.org

So examples of the new, improved Schlafly Bible.

Specific examples

Replacing rich with miserly.

Presumably this is because rich people and their apologists are uncomfortable with being told that being rich is a bad thing.

Replacing kill with murder.

This is a common dispute with the commandment “thou shall not kill.” Biblical Hebrew has several words that could be used for “kill,” and the word used in the commandment is never used when referring to killing in war. Therefore translating the commandment as “thou shall not murder” is arguably closer to the original intent; but Schlafly’s reason is probably to justify capital punishment, torture, and war mongering. But not abortion for some reason.

Replace liberal with generous.

Due to Andy’s hatred of “evil libruls”, even using the word in a non political way, such as “give your cake a liberal sprinkling of icing sugar” is wrong.

Replace grace with boundless generosity.

The official reason given is that “Grace” is a girl’s name,[4] presumably leaving “faith”, “hope”, and “charity” yet to be reworded. In addition, If “liberal” can be replaced with “generous”, would the word “grace”, by syllogism, mean “boundless liberality” back then?

Replace Pharisees with elites.

Covering up the rather embarrassing error of the original Evangelists, who confused the less rigid Perushim (“Pharisees”) with the stricter Seduqim (“Sadducees”) - possibly because Pharisees rivalled early Christians for mass support. As a bonus, it throws in a boilerplate modern conservative term of abuse against contemporary opponents, transforming a politico-religious dispute in 1st century Palestine into Jesus castigating those snooty latte-sippers. After all Conservative elites can’t possibly be bad can they?

9 HappyWarrior  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 9:46:18am

what makes this especially humorous since conservative Christians like Andy and his nutter Mom constantly accuse liberal Christians of pick and choosing from the Bible and yet here Andy is literally trying to re-write the Bible to make it more “conservative.” Sorry Andy, not everything can be your bizarre marriage of social reactionarism combined with Ayn Rand’s take on the economy.

10 People For The Ethical Treatment Of Sarah Palin  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 10:33:02am

Oh dear lord, there a LOL CAT BIBLE! Hahaha.

11 Pie-onist Overlord  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 10:51:45am

re: #8 Skip Intro

Covering up the rather embarrassing error of the original Evangelists, who confused the less rigid Perushim (“Pharisees”) with the stricter Seduqim (“Sadducees”) - possibly because Pharisees rivalled early Christians for mass support. As a bonus, it throws in a boilerplate modern conservative term of abuse against contemporary opponents, transforming a politico-religious dispute in 1st century Palestine into Jesus castigating those snooty latte-sippers. After all Conservative elites can’t possibly be bad can they?

Historically, the Pharisees were followers of the rabbinical scholars who represented a variety of opinions (they were the ones whose discussions are encoded in the Talmud). The Sadducees were the elite and priestly class, who cooperated with the Romans. Josephus Flavius strongly identified as a Sadducee.

The Pharisees could also be rebels (Rabbi Akiva famously participated in an uprising against the Romans).

12 BusyMonster  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 10:56:04am

re: #1 Ace-o-aces

Oh, this has been going on for a while. Conservapedia (owned by Andrew Schlafly, Phyllis Schlafly’s idiot son) is just a sad, sad joke. The “Conservative Bile Project” (which even World Net Daily thought was stupid) is just one of several delusional initiatives Schlafly has started. You should check out his views on math.

When I write the history of the conservative movement, and the unbelievable damage it has done to this world, I’m going to title it:

When Mental Midgets Roamed The Earth

13 nines09  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 10:56:30am

Apparently everything is up for revising. History. Bible. Constitution. Fairness. Morality. Equality. Freedom. Liberty. Justice. Rights.
Tell me again how it’s not a sickness. These are the people who in past lives stood on corners and screamed at cars. Scared children. Kicked dogs. Hated life. Now they are a political party with supporters and money.

14 aagcobb  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 11:26:03am

re: #6 Kafitrar

It’s been going on for almost 5 years. One of the funny things is that only one person on the project knows Greek and Hebrew. She disappeared less than a year in. rationalwiki.org

You don’t need to know any steekin furrin language; you just need to know in your heart what the Bible is supposed to say. For example, in John 8:11, you just know the correct translation is, “Jesus said unto her, ‘I condemn thee, harlot, die!’”///

15 freetoken  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 11:39:43am

This is the know-nothing gang in their most know-nothingness.

16 lockjawcanbefun  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 1:56:09pm

This sounds incredibly easy. Just rip out every passage aside from Leviticus.
This shouldn’t have taken anything close to 5 years.

17 BongCrodny  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 2:59:50pm

“In the beginning God created the heavens and he earth, and He did it without a government handout.”

18 docproto48  Mon, Dec 23, 2013 4:39:14pm

I don’t want to hear any more complaints about the Jefferson Bible now or the Burton bible or the Smith bible or…

19 Tigger2  Tue, Dec 24, 2013 2:19:14am

I wonder how God and Jesus are going to feel about this, Being used by the rightwing for their own purposes.

20 Kafitrar  Tue, Dec 24, 2013 9:29:45am

As usual, they went into it with their end goal in mind. Accuracy and faithfulness to the text are secondary to that.


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