Consent, Innit. —Only Yes means Yes and why
We Often Don’t Get to Practise
Being asked to do things you don’t really want to do are also part of many people’s growing up. Being told to kiss your nan, or holding someone’s hand rather than being asked for instance. Being told to do stuff in school and not questioning why or you’ll get in trouble. Also being told that young people can’t have sexual feelings without it being caused by seeing porn or a playboy pencil tin. So often we really only get to practice asking or saying no when many people start to explore having sex for the first time. It’s hard to get into the habit of saying ‘yes I’m into that’ or ‘no I’m not into that’ - especially when we haven’t been taught very well about what ‘that’ is.
And Our Sex Ed May Have Been Crap
A lot of people’s sex ed has been pretty crap. They might have been taught that no means no and yes means yes. They might know about the law. But what does consent look, sound and feel like?
People are often not taught how to talk about sex or their bodies (or don’t get enough practice in using the words with people or understand what the words actually mean).
Also they are often only taught about things which relate to penis in vagina sex. Not everyone wants to have sex with a penis or vagina, either because they don’t have one between them or because that kind of sex doesn’t do it for them. It can feel like that is the only ‘real sex’ or ‘normal sex’ which can add pressure to people who may not want that kind of sex.
More: Consent, Innit.