Pages

Jump to bottom

2 comments

1 J A P  May 29, 2014 9:35:57am

After I married I moved far away from where I had been living. Only one friend from the time before I was married came to visit me. A few days after his visit we spoke on the phone. He asked me if I’d ever seen the Movie Gas Light because my marriage reminded him of that movie. This was long before “gaslighting” became a common verb. At the time I hadn’t seen it, but then I rented it some time about a year or two after I left my husband. I was in shock because the similarities were uncanny, even to the point of asking if I felt “well enough” to go out. My ex-husband, I should mention, was never physically abusive and it took me a long time to figure out that there was a problem. I just knew that I had once been a very independent, confident person and had become, in the space of a couple of years, a very timid person and I couldn’t quite figure out why. It’s still hard to explain to people what happened during that time.

From the webpage:

You constantly second-guess yourself.
You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.
You often feel confused and even crazy.
You’re always apologizing to your partner.
You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
You have trouble making simple decisions.
You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
You feel hopeless and joyless.
You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner.

I’ve highlighted all the ones that apply to how I felt after I’d been married for a few years. Although the gaslighting behavior is very manipulative, at the same time I’m not entirely sure how aware he was himself of what he was doing wrong. I suspect the people who engage in gaslighting don’t see themselves as being emotionally abusive and only think that they’re trying to get their way, which makes the issue very difficult to address. Interestingly, my ex always refused couples counseling, which I suggested multiple times. He also didn’t want me to go for therapy alone.

2 otoc  May 29, 2014 3:15:15pm

So it has a name, thanks. I’m glad the National Domestic Violence Hotline used the term partner in their write up of the original piece where the author continually used the “him” in her description of examples. As much as I can acknowledge how men can be dicks, abuse is not just a problem with men.


This page has been archived.
Comments are closed.

Jump to top

Create a PageThis is the LGF Pages posting bookmarklet. To use it, drag this button to your browser's bookmark bar, and title it 'LGF Pages' (or whatever you like). Then browse to a site you want to post, select some text on the page to use for a quote, click the bookmarklet, and the Pages posting window will appear with the title, text, and any embedded video or audio files already filled in, ready to go.
Or... you can just click this button to open the Pages posting window right away.
Last updated: 2016-01-01 10:29 am PST
LGF User's Guide RSS Feeds Tweet

Help support Little Green Footballs!

Subscribe now for ad-free access!Register and sign in to a free LGF account before subscribing, and your ad-free access will be automatically enabled.

Donate with
PayPal
Square Cash Shop at amazon
as an LGF Associate!
Recent PagesClick to refresh
GINO VANELLI BROTHER to BROTHERRemember complex musical compositions? GINO VANELLI BROTHER TO BROTHER DARYL STUERMER MARK CRANEY Buy songs at ITUNES: music.apple.com
Thanos
5 days, 1 hour ago
Views: 261 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 1 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
#Thegreatpoolpondconversion - 190818a lot of work was done. it may not look like muchsince it was 'only' 95 degrees, we managed two solid hours today. first we built a short ramp so we could back up onto the deck. That cart full ...
DangerMan
5 days, 22 hours ago
Views: 316 • Comments: 3 • Rating: 5
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
John Coltrane - Blue World (Visualizer)Music video by John Coltrane performing Blue World (Visualizer). © 2019 UMG Recordings, Inc. vevo.ly
Thanos
1 week, 1 day ago
Views: 365 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 1 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
The Revivalists - Oh No (Made in Muscle Shoals) We snuck away to the legendary Fame Studios in Muscle Shoals to record this special live version of "Oh No".Stream the new version: found.ee Directed & Produced by Jay SansoneVideographer - Frank BernalVideographer - Dan Ladue Stream/Order Take Good ...
Thanos
1 week, 2 days ago
Views: 324 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 3 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
The Nude Party - Gringo Che (Live on the Current)The Nude Party perform 'Gringo Che' from their self-titled 2018 album live in The Current studio.
Thanos
1 week, 2 days ago
Views: 361 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 4 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Gary Clark Jr. - Pearl Cadillac - Live at Lollapalooza 2019, Saturday August 3, 2019
Thanos
1 week, 4 days ago
Views: 467 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 1 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
#Thegreatpoolpondconversion - 190811Yesterday we began some backfilling. Dumping sand between the sandbags we laid last week and the pool wall. Then raking flat, and tamping down. After that we build more sandbag wall, then more sand, etc., till we get to the ...
DangerMan
1 week, 5 days ago
Views: 399 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 3
Tweets: 0 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
The Black Keys - Go [‘Let’s Rock’ Tour Rehearsals] Watch the tour rehearsal video for “Go” now ⚡ Catch the band on the "Let's Rock" Tour this Autumn. Get tickets now at theblackkeys.com 2019 TOUR DATESSep 21 | Las Vegas, NVSep 23 | Denver, CO Sep 24 | ...
Thanos
1 week, 6 days ago
Views: 524 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 4 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
THE IMPOSTORS - Don’t Get Mad (1980) Here's a band I sometimes skipped meals to pay the cover for in the early '80's - The Impostors. Johnny Campbell, the drummer, would also sometimes work as Jo Allen and the Shapes drummer when Jo Allen (also a ...
Thanos
1 week, 6 days ago
Views: 411 • Comments: 0 • Rating: 0
Tweets: 5 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0
Elizabeth Warren Introduces Sweeping Gun Control Plan Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren introduced a sweeping gun control plan Saturday with the goal of reducing gun deaths by 80% through executive action and legislation. "You've got to start with a goal. I haven't heard anybody else talk about ...
Thanos
2 weeks ago
Views: 428 • Comments: 1 • Rating: 1
Tweets: 2 • Share to Facebook
Shares: 0
Comments: 0
: 0