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1 lostlakehiker  Aug 30, 2014 2:59:24pm

What about other sorts of shame?

But shame is a part of the way humanity is. Along with force of law, it’s how groups of people regulate themselves. It isn’t going to go away, and “shameless” is with some reason a term of opprobrium.

Some things sexual, such as, oh, say, rape, really are shameful and those who commit rape should be ashamed and should be made to feel ashamed. Laws should assert that it is wrong. Popular media should assert that is wrong. Rapists should be derided, mocked, and scorned, as a class.

2 andres  Aug 30, 2014 9:31:58pm

re: #1 lostlakehiker

I didn’t get that impression from the presentation. You’re absolutely right about shame being a part of humanity. Shame helps keep persons from committing horrendous acts.

Where shame is dangerous is in the explicit area she laid out: acts between consenting adults. Someone who asks to be spanked is an act between consenting adults. A rape is not an act between consenting adults.

3 A Mom Anon  Aug 31, 2014 2:36:01am

re: #1 lostlakehiker

There’s a HUGE difference in shaming regarding things people do to hurt each other and shaming people for not being “normal”. From sexual orientation, various disabilities, mental illnesses, autism spectrum disorders, even looking or dressing differently, there should be NO shame involved in any of those things but it happens all the time. Meanwhile, in far too many cases being an asshole or violent is rewarded rather than shamed. I think that’s what the speaker was getting at.

I have a child, now a young adult, on the autism spectrum. He’s been shamed and even assaulted for just being who he is. He’s one of the kindest and nicest guys I’ve ever known, and his peers have made him feel ashamed of himself, not because he did a freaking thing wrong to them, but because not a one of them cared enough to find out who he is and how great of a friend he would be to them. That kind of shame has no place in our society, NONE.


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