Nation Admits It Could Probably Be Talked Into Another War
While they acknowledged that getting behind such a plan might take a little convincing, the American populace admitted this week that they could, in all likelihood, be talked into another war.
Citizens across the nation told reporters that, at present, they do not want the country to be involved in a foreign conflict, but given the right combination of reassuring political rhetoric and reasonably conclusive evidence, they could definitely see themselves getting on board with the idea and supporting a large-scale military engagement sometime in the near future.
“Another war definitely isn’t my first choice, but if the president made a nationally televised address in which he looked directly into the camera and said that swift action against a brutal foreign regime must be taken, then sure, I might go for that,” said Minneapolis resident Elizabeth Compton, who noted that if the nation’s top leaders stated it would be a limited operation and would be led by a coalition of some sort, then she would be willing to hear them out at the very least. “In fact, as long as the president referred to it as a noble cause and mentioned something about protecting American interests or preserving the principles of democracy around the world, I think I could certainly come around to it.”
“And assuming he used a firm tone of voice and had an assured look on his face while talking about the U.S.’s moral obligation to oppressed peoples, then, yeah,” she continued, “I’d say that would probably seal the deal.”
Although they agreed it would likely take several days in which they heard various permutations of the sentiment that we have to take the fighting to them before they can take it home to us, the nation’s 317 million citizens said they could definitely picture themselves eventually warming up to a plan that would deploy thousands of servicemen and servicewomen overseas and earmark billions of dollars for a mission with no defined timetable.
Read more at the Onion