Enjoy Your Beard Now, Hipsters. Paul Ryan Has Grown One, So It’s Definitely No Longer Cool
This is a message for hipster dudes, geek chic dudes, and urban dads who might be a little soft in the middle but still know they got it because they bought that Father John Misty record this year: Enjoy your beard while you can. Enjoy the ladies who love rubbing their faces on it. Savor those artisanal beard grooming products you’ll get for Christmas this year. Take the time to stroke it lovingly, basking in that feeling of being a mountain man as you peruse the organic kale selection at your local farmer’s market. Because, by this time next year, it might all be over for you.
That is because Paul Ryan, the speaker of the House of Representatives, has grown a beard. This might seem a small, insignificant development to you. But the sad fact is that once a trend goes Republican, its days are quickly numbered. Within a very short amount of time, that trend will be associated with the deeply unhip and eschewed by anyone who wants sex with the lights on in their future.