This guy is for real, no seriously, he may sound like a parody that would have been featured on the Colbert Report, back in the day, before Colbert left Comedy Central and become host of the Tonight Show, but unfortunately, this guy is not a joke. The “Vigilant Christian” Mario is not a Poe, he is actually this loony. Recently he created a ridiculous youtube video that was thoroughly mocked over at Wonkette. In the video, he manages to tie Beyonce, ColdPlay, the Super Bowl, Hippies, the Illuminati, Satanism and Mickey Mouse, into one gloriously insane conspiracy theory.

Youtube Video

Where do I even begin with this? First off the peace symbol is not satanic. It was originally created by the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament in the UK. It is not a broken cross like the “Vigilant Christian” and some other fundamentalists think that it is for some bizarre reason. Also hippies are satanic and anti Christian? I guess he’d have a lot of trouble explaining the existence of this gal. Not to mention the fact that a movement focusing on “making love not war” and “communal living” hardly sounds like something the prince of darkness would endorse, even assuming he were real. Than again I’m not a religious right wingnut, or someone who thinks that the Bible is a reliable source for history, wisdom or “prophecy.”

Now as for the Super Bowl “Luciferian ritual” there’s no good reason to think that it was meant as anything but entertainment, and its unlikely that Bruno Mars or Beyonce in anyway represented the dark / light duality that he thinks it was supposed to. Bruno Mars could have just chosen to dress in white because he thought he looked good in white, and Beyonce could have just chosen to dress in black because she thought it looked good. Besides, doesn’t his fundamentalist Christian worldview include such a duality? God is supposed to be pure good, while Satan is supposed to be pure evil. I don’t think the common man thinks of Lucifer as having anything to do with “light” even if he has been referred to as the “light bearer” and doubt that Bruno Mars or Beyonce has either. Both of which the “Vigilant Christian” Mario attacks for their “sins” as Wonkette pointed out,

Mario also attacks Bruno Mars for being a chauvinist who mistreats women, but makes sure to put that uppity Jezebel-possessed Beyoncé in her place for trying to be like a man when she should be home squatting out spawn. This somehow means that Mario is not a chauvinist because…?

How is Beyonce’s sex life any of your business “Vigilant Christian” Mario? Even if it was, how would you know how many other people she has slept with?

Beyond that, why would the “New World Order” Illuminati advertise its evil intentions to the public via something like the Georgia Guide Stones or those Denver airport murals? The idea that all these pop stars are part of an evil shadowy organization, is just silly, especially one that would be stupid enough to let us know what their plans were. You ever heard the term “loose lips sink ships?” You think if the Illuminati or the Free Masons were such devious organizations, they wouldn’t realize how that would be drastically increasing the chances that their master plan would be stopped in its tracks, before it even got started?

When the US government, or any other government wants to keep something a secret, it doesn’t let the people who it thinks need to know, blabber off about it, or leave clues lying around. Governments literally kill people to keep their secrets secret. The more people that find out about something that is supposed to remain top secret, the more likely one of them will intentionally or unintentionally tip off the enemy. That is seen as very important, especially in a time of war, and for good reason. If the “Satanic Illuminati” were real, and it was as powerful and clever, not to mention as successful as Mario thinks it is, the people in charge of the nefarious organization would have to understand that as well. Off course, thankfully there’s absolutely no good reason to think the “Satanic Illuminati” are real to begin with.

As for the New World Airport Commission. Hey Mario, have you ever thought for one moment about the other meaning of the term, “The New World?” North and South America are often referred to as “The New World,” where Europe, Asia and Africa are referred to as “The Old World.” You know the story about Columbus “discovering The New World,” even through people were actually here first. You know the native Americans who that “good Christian” Christopher Columbus, abused in just about the worst way possible?

Last but not least, Mickey Mouse as a wizard in Fantasia doesn’t strike me as a promotion of Satanism. After all, you said so yourself, Satan was supposed to be the bad guy, so how exactly is that helping Satan? Why wouldn’t they portray Satan as the good guy if that’s what they wanted to do? Plus its doubtful that, that cartoon ever made anyone think that there’s such a thing as light magic and dark magic and that light magic is good, because its unlikely to have ever convinced anyone that there’s such a thing as magic in the first place. You might as well have said that all the cartoons that feature Mickey Mouse are bad because kids might get the impression that rodents can talk. Thinking that people will turn to witchcraft or Satanism because of Disney’s Fantasia is just as ridiculous as thinking that kids would turn to Witchcraft or Satanism because of Harry Potter.

Back in 2000, people weren’t as familiar with The Onion. This led to mass confusion over an article that some insist is accurate to this day. The “Harry Potter is Satanic” fear, if not started by The Onion, was hugely fanned by it. The original article, with the paper’s classic blend of completely over the top satire, talked about how the books were introducing kids to Satan.

The article claimed to quote children who had been introduced to magic through the books:

“Harry Potter books showed me that magic is real, something I can learn and use right now, and that the Bible is nothing but boring lies.”

“Hermione is my favorite, because she’s smart and has a kitty,” said 6-year-old Jessica Lehman of Easley, SC. “Jesus died because He was weak and stupid.”

It also quoted “High Priest Egan of the First Church of Satan in Salem, MA”:

“Harry is an absolute godsend to our cause. An organization like ours thrives on new blood—no pun intended—and we’ve had more applicants than we can handle lately. And, of course, practically all of them are virgins, which is gravy.”

These fake quotes were themselves quoted for YEARS in chain emails and on sites like WorldNetDaily as proof that 20 million children were worshiping the devil thanks to indoctrination by some entertaining young adult literature. The claim became so widespread that finally J.K. Rowling herself was forced to weigh in on how absurd it was.

J.R.R. Tolkien included Wizards in both “the Hobbit” and his “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, and most of them were on the side of good in his stories. Was he also encouraging people to abandon God, even through he was a God fearing Christian like you, and he meant his epic fantasies to be Christian parables?

There you have it folks, The “Vigilant Christian” Mario is here to protect us from the “evil” that is common sense, logic and the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Just another example of what you might believe if you continuously fail to use your critical thinking skills.